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Kyle Perkins
Pedophile, wife-beater, woman abuser.
Avoid at all costs if you have a vagina.
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Your personality type is: PLER
Kyle Gene Perkins a.k.a: Kyle the Pedophile, HitlerWasASaint (ED user, lol baleeted) TheLegendaryKylePerkins, Zimmerman Martin, Fail Kyle etc. is a demonstrable and certified pedophile creepo, woman leecher, wife-abuser, absent dad, tranny-lover, closeted-homo, small time delinquent and overall little shit with erectile dysfunction, a tendency towards obesity and a record of stalking teens to obtain nudes (and then blackmailing them) longer than his USI.
Hiding his true colors behind the guise of lulz and trolling, Kyle used ED for his own personal vendettas and to quell his hatred of women, even succeeding for a couple of weeks at taking advantage of EDiots (being 90% rabid semi-autists who would chop their own leg if they smelled enough blood coming out of it) and as one can expect, soon thereafter a crack team of certified e-detectives started to dig into the life history of our little Kyle.
Early years
His beginnings are already shrouded in ambiguity and fail.
His mom, bored of the trailer park and craving native cock, divorced his step-father to go to the Reserve to worship the Totem pole. After a while, fed up with the non-stop rapes, the stallions' smell and wanting back civilization's luxuries like a shower or the wheel, she crawled back home, little turd of unknown father and all, to check if her former husband could handle the cuck. He did, and then both re-married.
So the two main masculine influences in Kyle's life are an abbo and a piss mop. That explains a lot.
Sexuality
First and foremost, it's important to understand that Kyle Perkins is not a heterosexual male. Nope. In fact he's a few steps to the left of flaming homosexual in that he fancies underage Filipino ladyboys and crossdressing grandpas. Kyle hides this from his internet friends because it would impede his ability to manipulate the women he loathes, though he has no problem sharing this with a mother who's disowned him and a step-father who likely has similar tastes.
Wife Beater
IN THE RED CORNER: Standing at 6' 3'', weighing in at 260 lbs, hailing from the island of contempt, KYLE GENE PERKINS!
IN THE BLUE CORNER: Standing just over 5 feet tall, weighing in at less than half of her husband, hailing from numerous battered wife Facebook groups, ANGELA PERKINS!
Kyle's wife left him because he wouldn't stop beating the shit out of her, probably because she didn't have a penis. Had she done the right thing and had a strap-on dildo permanently attached to her hip, Kyle would be spending his evenings licking his own fecal matter off of a 12'' black dildo instead of trolling Facebook for nudes of 14 year old rednecks.
Responsible dad
It just so happens, in a shocking turn of events, that Kyle could get over his erection problems long enough to inject his poisonous seed and spawn not only once, but twice. Luckily enough his defective genes don't seem to have grafted, and his two daughters look healthy and happy...probably because he abandoned them years ago.
Notice in the side bar how our always elegant Kyle chose to commemorate the birth of his second daughter by totally ignoring the event and posting a celebration of his barbecue skills instead.
Pedophilia
Here are a few examples of Kyle and his interaction with minors:
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A co-worker -
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One is left to ask, "Well he's clearly a faggot, why is he so interested in nudes of young girls?" That's a very good question, and the answer is that he obtains them for the sole purpose of using them against these kids in the future. See, Kyle is not interested in fap fodder, if he were looking to blow a load he'd stick a few beads up his cornhole and download some Trap-kun. Instead, he collects the nudes so that he can boast about them with other beta males, and in the same move add additional girth to his non-existent e-peen by becoming the admin of various teenage oriented anime roleplaying groups. By infiltrating these groups, he is ensured to obtain more pedo nudes from 13 year olds, starting the cycle again. He will use these nudes against his victims and post them publicly. Who cares about a Class F Felony when you have internet fame, amirite?
His Job
Did you know that Kyle is filthy fucking rich? By his own accord, he makes $180,000 a year working for Vivint in Tampa, Florida, selling solar panels and home security systems. Of course, anyone who's ever worked in the home security industry knows this is utter bullshit and he'd be lucky to be pulling 40k.
Very lucky, since he's now unemployed and much like most of his life is leeching off of some poor dumb cow while he faps to shemale asian vomit porn, roleplays online, abandons her for days to go on egotrips to get drunk at the expense of some emotionally damaged teen until getting kicked out, and then boast on FB about how much of a winner he totally is. Classy as always, Kyle.
Kyle's Top 5 Excuses
A statistical analysis of his post shows these are the five excuses most used by him:
- I was drunk
- She's lying and a crazy bitch
- That's photoshopped
- I have my money blocked
- It wasn't me
The Saga of Kyle, Julianne and Encyclopedia Dramatica
As his expectations grew along with his belly, Kyle laid his beady eyes upon higher grounds.
Looking for someone bigger to milk, he started to invest effort in befriending Julianne Irace, the creator/admin of several failbook groups about video games with a couple thousand followers- all of which gave Kyle a long-awaited boner at the thought of frolicking as free as a pretty butterfly in such a virgin playground of unaware teens.
Both started an e-relationship, Julianne helping him to promote his own groups and giving him admin powers on some of her own until Kyle's problems of self-esteem showed again, making him commit the fatal mistake of testing his powers of manipulation to the point where he found himself with a paid plane ticket to Honolulu to fuck a hawt woman in his trembling hands.
Of course, panic ensued. After all, Julianne is neither a pinoy nor has a dick...so he began to make hilarious demands (like paid expenses there, or a free open ticket back) until he could refuse the trip without looking too homo. And so Julianne broke their lame e-relationship.
Kyle, given how he is instead of taking the rejection with grace and poise, obviously went bananas at his own self-inflicted humiliation and blamed her instead.
In a big dick move, he admittedly changed the passwords of three of her sites and practically stole them... threatening her with leaking her nudes and sexy vids and started a PR campaign accusing Julianne of stalking him (projection), being a tranny (he wished, more projection), and a pedophile (lol, Cinema Royale here already)
Now, it's still being debated on whether he'd planned on using ED as his personal tool of revenge from the start, or if he just jumped at the occasion when it appeared. Probably the latter... he can't even keep a job, after all.
Thing is: He is, admittedly, an old time ED lurker and presumably knows that PARs almost never work.
He was the one who introduced Julianne to ED at the end of their e-retardation.
And he was, by 4/9/13, fully aware of the thread about Julianne at the ED forums, and all the fuss there triggered basically because a newfag female ED failbook admin had one of those ultra-bitchy territorial responses against a perceived threat that all cunts have embedded in their genes.
Then, like the almost devious rat he is, he posted a seemingly unrelated public warning (???) about a woman stalking him, who just happened to be Julianne Irace, what a coincidence! (See sidebar)
As expected, the over-excited EDiots bit the bait en masse and proceeded to contact Kyle, cheering in an embarrassing exhibition of naiveté over his gift from the heavens.
Kyle offered to write an article about Julianne at the first opportunity (although later he denied that, see screencaps) and in a display of commendable swiftness, it was up by the next day in its entirety.
As documented, Kyle was who leaked Julianne's nudes on the first instance as revenge porn, as he boasted he would do, and in fact already did in other places months before their arrival at ED/EDF. He was also the one who denied doing so and shooped incredibly stupid "proof" of Julianne herself uploading her nudes to /b/ from her phone.
And the one who manipulated the noobiest EDiots into more sperg with kindergarten techniques, amusingly enough.
Afterwards, we now have our charming friend Kyle boasting about his L33T trolling skills and how ED is his personal whore, as well as threatening others with doing the same to them.
Nope, Kyle. Bad doggie! Sit!!
First reaction to this article
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See Also
External Links
Social Media
kyle.a.perkins.7- Alternative Facebook
- His brother is a cosplaying furfaggot
- Current financial provider
kyleperkins3357
kyleperkins33572able
Arrest record
Faggotry
Resumes; If you are a potential employer of Mr. Perkins, please disregard this and only look at the content above
Mail and dating
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Kyle Perkins is part of a series on Visit the Faggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article May 9st & 10nd, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Baltimore |
Kyle Perkins | Succeeded by TheRalphRetort |