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Anderson Lee Aldrich
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
 "Hecking cute and valid non-binary." | |
|---|---|
| Anderson Lee Aldrich | |
| Born | May 26, 2000 (24 years old) |
| Nationality | Americunt 
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| Occupation | Lolicon, gay bar shooter |
| Highscore | 5 killed, 19 injured |
| Top 50? | Fuck no |
| Style | FPS, single player |
| An Hero? | No |
| Motive(s) | Online bullying |
Anderson Lee Aldrich (Deadname: Nicholas Franklin Brink) is a 24-year-old l33t hax0r, pedophile and fag killer from Texas that graduated from CSIII at the top of his class and weighs well over 9000 kilograms. Spending all day lurking in the depths of the internet on child porn sites and gaming forums, if you tried to glance in his direction, he'd immediately attempt to overpower you with his fat and tell you all about his success on the internet. When he wasn't busy hunting for kids to lure into his sexual fantasies, you could find him indulging in worthless Chinese cartoons. Like all intellectual individuals, he's tried to take a trip to the holy land so that he can legally molest children. His attempt at gathering funds, led by his grandmother, inevitably failed because who wants to send an antisocial loser to best country where he'll just eat, sleep, and try to pick up women?
Due to being molested by both his mother and father, he lived with his grandmother Pamela Pullen—who somehow manages to always have enough money to put towards food in order to keep this balloon from deflating. This all changed when Last Thursday he changed his name due to "online bullying" and then shot up a gay bar in Colorado. It wasn't our fault, we swear!
All in the Family
Nick was born in May 26, 2000 to Aaron Brink and Laura Voepel. By all accounts, Nick's home life was shitty, but the lore of his parents could rival the lore of Chris-chan. Meet them below:
Aaron Brink
Aaron Brink (born November 12, 1974), is the 50-year-old father of Nicholas Brink, a bastard child of his. A former MMA fighter, he also had a brief porn career under the stage name Dick Delaware. He only had two films in his porn career: his porn debut Cum Drippers 4, and an XXX Spider-Man parody. He also made appearances on Intervention and Divorce Court. Aaron left and became a meth head shortly after Nick was born, so he didn't stick around to see what he would become.
Upon learning of his son's shooting incident, he was worried his son was frequenting gay bars, but was "relieved" when he found out he was just a non-binary. Seemingly unphased by his son being a mass shooter, Aaron told the news he was a proud conservative, which raises questions such as "why are you so proud of your porn career then?".
Laura Voepel
Laura Voepel was the woman tasked with raising Brink. And by all accounts, she failed miserably at doing so. She had a sordid past of her own, being arrested multiple times for crimes such as arson, public intoxication, and speeding. She had multiple warrants for her arrest out of Texas and California for failing to appear for these crimes. She spent most of her time going on Facebook and complaining about her son, and trying to get him mental help.
Notably, Laura is the daughter of a Republican politician by the name of Randy Voepel (thus making Nick Brink his grandson). Randy had once called January 6th the second coming of Lexington & Concord.
YouTube
When Nick was 12 years old, like all prepubescent boys, Brink made horrible videos and uploaded them to YouTube in a desperate claim to fame. Unfortunately, he deleted most of his videos sometime after this article was first created; and due to Aldrich's fruit-shooting, his channel was banhammered by YouTube. However, we managed to archive the only video on his channel that wasn't deleted:
Name change and bomb threat
With his parents being complete shitbags, it's no wonder that in 2016, Nicholas Brink changed his name to Anderson Lee Aldrich as a response to this very article being written. Nick also tried to ensure his father's degenerate past wouldn't come to affect him; not that it mattered since Aldrich fucked his life up all on his own.
Aldrich's life was pretty uneventful from 2016-2021, mostly consisting of hopping around California and Colorado (presumably so his mom wouldn't get v&). That all changed on June 18th, 2021. After living on the run with his mom, his grandparents made a proposition: move to Florida with them. He promptly denied, and did what any rational person would do: threaten to blow up his mom with a bomb. Obviously, this didn't go very well for them, so SWAT was called, with Anderson eventually surrendering after a standoff.
Now, knowing this, how did Aldrich get the guns he used in the shooting? Well, all the charges were dropped by the DA, so he wasn't a felon. Yes, you heard that correctly, he was charged with 5 felonies, and they were all dropped. Whoops.
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Kill the Faggot: 2022 Edition
In November 2022, Aldrich, clad in body armor, entered a Colorado gay nightclub to spread God's message. As it is ineffective to wait around for AIDS or monkeypox to do it for him, he opened fire; killing three subhuman faggots, two other people and injuring 19 others. Similarly to the gays in the bar, Aldrich was stunning and brave in his decision to NOT kill himself; although maybe he was just worried the body fat would mean he could tank a few headshots. As he was getting ready to begin double-tapping his victims to ensure a higher score, he was rushed by an old war veteran and a drag queen and ended up pinned to the ground, beaten and stomped on with tranny high heels. The unusual duo were able to keep him subdued until police arrived with the partyvan, although much of the heroic deed should be attributed to Aldrich's own 300-pound carcass weighing him down.
After the shooting, plenty of talentless 'journalists' started attributing motivations to Aldrich's killing. Ignoring his obvious brain damage and hatred/jealousy of faggots, they instead blamed "internet bullying" and a vague "harassment website" (this very site) as being the cause. Prepare for the moment your favorite wiki gets DDoSed to hell by trannies, just like the Kiwi Farms.
Words of wisdom
Aldrich is nothing but a fountain of wisdom. When this page was first created, he thought he could gaslight people into believing they had the wrong info, and threatened to sue, dox, DDOS and hack the website; these hand-picked quotes prove those threats were very effective, clearly someone as intelligent and cunning as Aldrich, is capable of almost anything he sets his mind to. By the end, Aldrich just resorted to threats and insults, so maybe he decided to spare us from his brutal technological power.
—Nick Brink the lawyer, discussing animated kiddie porn | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Known aliases
Here's a list of his known aliases from before the shooting. Most of these are from when this page was first created back in 2015:
- Aync
- Joclings
- Noclings
- Modnick
- TheAzzbackward
- howtoodothings
Graded score
| Kill count: | 5/20 19 injured |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 4/20 20.8% kill-to-injury ratio |
| Style: | 10/20 Did some damage but got rekt by a tranny and an old man |
| Butthurt: | 15/20 Targeted fags for extra butthurt |
| Bonus: | 10/20 Created more lulz for his dead article |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Gallery
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That's a face only a mother could love. Too bad she's gone now. -
Too much swag. -
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$240 out of $5000 raised from this failure of a fundraiser. His family and friends love him. -
His amazing skills. -
WTF HAX.
See also
- Encyclopedia Dramatica - The REAL perpetrator of the massacre!!
- Fat
- Lolicon
- Omar Mateen - What could have been if he wasn't a fatass
- Pedophile
- Trolling Induced Transgender Syndrome
- William Atchison - Another ED-related shooting
External links
EDF thread
nick brink
(archive)
Archive from 2012 - reveals that Nick deleted most of his videos
- His website where he posted videos shortly before the shooting
- A bootleg version of 4chan that he was running
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| Article of the Now November 24 & 25, 2022 | ||
| Preceded by AI artwork |
Anderson Lee Aldrich | Succeeded by Alex Jones |