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Anderson Lee Aldrich
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
—Nick Brink the lawyer discussing animated kiddie porn. | ||
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|---|---|
| Anderson Lee Aldrich | |
| Nationality | Americunt 
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| Occupation | Lolicon, gay bar shooter |
| Highscore | 5 killed, 19 injured |
| Top 50? | Fuck no |
| An Hero? | No |
| Motive(s) | Online bullying |
Anderson Lee Aldrich (Deadname: Nicholas Franklin Brink) is a 24-year-old l33t hax0r, pedophile and fag killer from Texas that graduated from CSIII at the top of his class and weighs well over 9000 kilograms. Spending all day lurking in the depths of the internet on child porn sites and gaming forums, if you so much as glanced in his direction, he'd immediately attempt to overpower you with his fat and tell you all about his success on the internet. When he wasn't hunting for kids to lure into his sexual fantasies, you could find him indulging in worthless Chinese cartoons. Like all intellectual individuals, he's tried to take a trip to the holy land so that he can legally molest children. His attempt at gathering funds, led by his grandmother, inevitably failed because who wants to send an antisocial loser to best country where he'll just eat, sleep, and try to pick up women?
Due to being molested by his both his mother and father, he lived with his grandmother Pamela Pullen -- who somehow manages to always have enough money to put towards food in order to keep this balloon from deflating. This all changed when last thursday he changed his name due to "online bullying" and then shot up a gay bar in Colorado. It wasn't our fault, we swear!
Life before Anderson
Nick was born on May 26, 2000 to parents Aaron Brink and Laura Voepel. By all accounts, Nick's home life was shitty, but the lore of his parents could rival the lore of Chris-chan. Meet them below:
Aaron Brink
Aaron Brink (born November 12, 1974), is the 49-year-old father of Nicholas Brink, a bastard child of his. A former MMA fighter, he also had a brief porn career under the stage name Dick Delaware. Aaron had also made appearances on Intervention and Divorce Court. Aaron left shortly after Nick was born, so he didn't stick around to see what Nick would become.
Aaron only had two films in his porn career: A XXX Spider Man parody, and his porn debut, the aptly-named "Cum Drippers 4"
Laura Voepel
Laura Voepel was the woman tasked with raising Nicholas. And by all accounts, she failed miserably at doing so. She had a sordid past of her own, being arrested multiple times for crimes such as arson, public intoxication, and speeding. She had multiple warrants for her arrest out of Texas and California for failing to appear for these crimes. She spent most of her time going on Facebook and complaining about her son, and trying to get him mental help.
Notable, Laura is the daughter of a Republican politician by the name of Randy Voepel (thus making Nick Randy's grandson). Randy had once called January 6th the second coming of Lexington & Concord.
YouTube
Before trying his best at removing some faggots, like all prepubescent boys, Nick Brink made horrible videos and uploaded them to YouTube in a desperate claim to fame. Sadly, due to Aldrich's recent fruit-shooting, his channel has been deleted.
Life as Anderson
So, with how shitty his parents were, it's no wonder that in 2016, Nicholas Brink changed his name to Anderson Lee Aldrich, as a response to this very article being written.
Anderson's life was pretty uneventful from 2016-2021, mostly consisting of hopping around California and Colorado (presumably so his mom wouldn't get v&). That all changed on June 18th, 2021. After living on the run with his mom, his grandparents made a proposition: move to Florida with them. He promptly denied, and did what any rational person would do: threaten to blow up his mom with a bomb. Obviously, this didn't go very well for them, so SWAT was called, with Anderson eventually surrendering after a standoff.
Now, knowing this, how did Anderson get the guns he used in the shooting? Well, all the charges were dropped by the DA, so he wasn't a felon. Yes, you heard that correctly, he was charged with 5 felonies, and they were all dropped. Whoops.
Kill the Faggot: 2022 Edition
In November 2022, Aldrich, clad in body armor entered a Colorado LGBT Nightclub to do some of God's work. As it is ineffective to wait around for AIDS or monkeypox to do it for him, he opened fire killing three subhuman faggots, two other people and injured 19 others. Similarly to the gays in the bar, Aldrich was stunning and brave in his decision to NOT kill himself, although maybe he was just worried the body fat would mean he could tank a few headshots. As he was getting ready to begin double-tapping his victims to ensure a higher score, he was rushed by an old war veteran and a drag queen and ended up pinned to the ground, beaten and stomped on with tranny high heels. The unusual duo were able to keep him subdued until police arrived with the partyvan, although much of the heroic deed should be attributed to Andy's own 300-pound carcass weighing him down.
| Kill count: | 5/20 |
|---|---|
| Accuracy: | 4/20 19 injured. |
| Style: | 10/20 Did some damage but got rekt by a tranny and an old man. |
| Butthurt: | 15/20 Targeted fags for extra butthurt. |
| Bonus: | 10/20 Created more lulz for his dead article. |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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Aliases
- Aync
- Joclings
- Noclings
- Modnick
- TheAzzbackward
- howtoodothings
Words of wisdom
Nick Brink is nothing but a fountain of wisdom.
—Sec swatting you | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Gallery
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That's a face only a mother could love. Too bad she's gone now. -
Too much swag. -
$240 out of $5000 raised from this failure of a fundraiser. His family and friends love him. -
His amazing skills. -
WTF HAX.
See also
External links
EDF thread
nick brink
(archive)
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| Article of the Now November 24 & 25, 2022 | ||
| Preceded by AI artwork |
Anderson Lee Aldrich | Succeeded by Alex Jones |