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{{Rainbowsmall|[http://www.cracked.com/article_17445_the-6-best-2012-apocalypse-theories-are-all-bullshit.html  IT WON'T HAPPEN, GET OVER IT CULTFAGS!!!!!!]}}
{{spoilers|It didn't happen}}
[[Image:2012mehope.jpg|thumb|Right|Artist's impression of New York City on December 20, 2012.]]
:''This article is about the supposed date of the end of the world. For other uses, see [[2012 (disambiguation)]].
[[Image:Dragomikeearth.jpg|thumb|Right|300px|Artist's impression of our planet on December 21, 2012.]]
[[image:.Mayan2012Trolling.gif|right]]
2012 is a shitty amateur movie created by a black person with a stolen camcorder, and his butt buddy, [[Computer Science III|this guy]], also a nigger, who stole a copy of 3ds max from a torrent site. The general idea of this piece of shit is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily [[California|Hollywood]] region) [[goatse]]'s itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a [[bible]], but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that niggers wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for [[Slavery|some reason]], but niggers' deaths are only worth a good laugh). So really, we all should be looking forward to 2012, especially December 21st, since 15th century [[Mexicans]], being as lazy as they are now, suddenly decided to bring [[Holocaust|lulz]] on 12/21/12, instead of continuing to work on their [[Africa|stone-age]] calendars.
'''December 21, 2012''' is a theory-turned-movie about the end of the world. The general idea is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily the [[California|Hollywood]] region) [[goatse]]'s itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a [[bible]], but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that [[niggers]] wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers <s>die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for [[Slavery|some reason]], but niggers' deaths are only worth a [[Lulz|good laugh]].)</s> raped every last white woman so the Negro race could survive longer.
   
   
Ideas relating to the 21st of December 2012 have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart for [[Last Thursday|decades]] now. It seems that the current ideas relating to the Mayan/old Mexican Calendar system, known as the [[Long Cat|Long Count]], began becoming popular with the emergence of [[LSD|Eastern Philosophy and Thought]] in [[Babylon|Western Culture]] in the 1960's. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks the days in a very similar way to our current calendar system. This calendar system comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a [[Magnets|mystery]]. Ignoring the fact the the Mayans were a [[Mexicans|lazy people]] and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern [[nerd|anthropologists]] can do is to theorize what this all means. [[Some argue|Some say]] it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Bawww throughout the smelly bean filled land. Humans have a tendency to believe [[4chan|strange things]], and as history has shown us are willing to embrace seemingly [[Jesus|crazy ideas]]. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz." Unless 12-21-2012 is only the first day of the beginning of the end (which may take several decades). Regardless, there will be a spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin will be sacrificed, if one even exists in Mexico. (I doubt it, since all beaners rape anything with a hole no matter what their age is.) Oh, and some [[Goatse|Gay]] [[Eurofag]] is making a movie about the end of the world, cleverly named 2012. The trailers tell everyone who watches to [[Google]] search 2012 to "learn the truth" which will result in more [[Retard|idiots]] and [[13 year old boys]] to get caught up in the hype and believe in all this bullshit.
Ideas relating to the end of the world have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart since the beginning of the millennium. This one traces back to the Mayan [[Africa|stone-age]] Calendar system. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks time in a large scale. This calendar comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a [[Magnets|mystery]]. Ignoring the fact the Mayans were a [[Mexicans|lazy people]] and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern [[nerd|anthropologists]] can do is to theorize what this all means. [[Some argue|Some say]] it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Baw throughout the smelly bean filled land.


==2012: We are all going to die?==
Humans have a tendency to believe [[4chan|strange things]], and as history has shown us, humanity is also willing to embrace [[Jesus|crazy ideas]]. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz", all with spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin to sacrifice (if one even exists in Mexico).
 
[[Image:Yoga-cat.jpg|thumb|The real leader of the cosmic revolution.]]
 
Some people would say that 2012 is Y2K with Mexicans. Others say it's a [[Freemason|Masonic]] [[Conspiracy]] created by [[L. Ron Hubbard]] and a horde of evil robots to make us not give a shit and buy more [[Jenkem|McDonald's]] and Playstations before WE ALL DIE IN A HORRIBLE [[Bioshock|RAPTURE]]!!!
 
It seems to be to an excuse used by [[losers]] to not take any responsibility for their [[porn|actions]], the 2012 theory seems to have allowed many intelligent genius' to write books on it and earn [[hookers and blow]] by selling them to [[You|well informed members of the body politic]], and new age [[hippy]] bozos.
 
Valiant [[Nigras|people]] like [[David Icke]] have tried to use the forthcoming date as a means to open cosmic consciousness (while actually looking like a [[paranoid]] freak) but many believe that it is just an excuse to offload a million awful [[Jersey Shore|reality TV]] shows on us. What most of the fanboy crowd for the 2012 apocalypse fail to realize is that the entire notion of that year heralding a [[Falcon Punch|cataclysmic event]] was first popularized by Terence McKenna, who was also notable for constantly smoking [[drug|DMT]] and [[crazy|hearing the voice]] of some sort of cosmic consciousness named Logos. This sort of [[shit]] you cannot make up.
 
===[[Srsly]] are we all going to die?===
Events like the forthcoming [[Final solution|apocalypse]] of human civilization have been [[Citation needed|challenged]] by top [[basement dwellers|historians]] who believe otherwise. When the [[Mexican|Mayan]] calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, it will restart back to the original date, and the next day will [[prolly]] be a normal one without any sign of [[The Rapture]]. The [[truth|reason being]] is because true to modern [[Mexicans]], Mayans [[lol wut|were too damn lazy to finish making all the dates for the calendar.]]
 
But who knows, because the imminent threat of apocalyptic cataclysm [[Heaven's Gate|like this]] [[Large Hadron Collider|has never happened before.]] [[Y2K|Ever.]]
 
 
'''So what do we do?'''
 
*[[Die]]
*Move to the [[moon]]
*Convert to Raelianism
*[[Buy a dog]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*Cry
*[[Party Hard]]
*[[Balloon Boy|Build a bunker under your house after trolling the world with a hoax involving your six-year-old kid]]
*Move to Utah
*Ask that one girl out on a date. Get rejected just in time to die
*Apply two heaping spoonfuls crushed Phenobarbitol to one cup applesauce with a large side of vodka, eat with family and friends
*Troll the /b/ and fap one last time, then die
 
 
 
==Who is Responsible?==


==What will kill us?==
===The Mayans===
===The Mayans===
 
[[image:OhShitMayans.jpg|180px|right]]
[[Image:OhShitMayans.jpg|left|thumb|The Mayans want you dead.]]
In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when the New Year was and what days you got off work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/[[2012]], because they already knew the [[Spanish]] would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for [[Jews]] getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to [[English]] means [[Wales|"great sheep fucking cycle"]].
[[Image:.Mayan2012Trolling.gif||thumb|...or are they just trolls?]]
 
In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when New Years was and what days you got off of work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/[[2012]], because they already knew the [[Spanish]] would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for jews getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to [[English]] means [[Wales|"great sheep fucking cycle"]].


Contrary to what various new-age "[[Al Gore|experts]]" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.
Contrary to what various new-age "[[Al Gore|experts]]" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.


There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans besides:
There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans and their calendars besides:


* Building a border fence.
* Building a border fence.
Line 56: Line 21:
* Bringing guns to a spear fight.
* Bringing guns to a spear fight.


===Aliens from the Planet Nibiru===
===A Solar Storm===
[[File:Forecast_of_Doom.jpg|right|thumb|Metheorology [[lie|is science too]]]]
The little-known group called [[nerd|NASA]] seem to think that a massive [http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/10mar_stormwarning.htm Solar Storm] is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.


[[Image:Nibiru.jpg|thumb|Oh, it's really [[awesome]].]]
===Polar Reversal===
Apocalypse mongers [http://www.survive2012.com Survive2012] seem to have all the answers. Whether they're crazy cultists or just suckers for [[the Rapture|end time]] theories, they are pretty certain that...


According to Truthism.com and Gorilla199, Planet X was first observed by cavemen using the reflections on a lot of puddles stacked on top of each other. It is believed to be a [[black]] [[dwarf]] planet on a crash course with Earth's orbit.
{{quote|...2012 the next polar reversal will take place on Earth. This means that the North Pole will be changed into the South Pole. Scientifically this can only be explained by the fact that the Earth will start rotating in the opposite direction, together with a huge disaster of unknown proportions.}}


When Planet X (Nibiru) hits Earth, the [[race]] of ancient Sumerian [[aliens]] who live on it will invade, using our bodies as nourishment for unknown purposes.
Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.


'''But why doesn't NASA admit it exists?'''
===[[Obama]]===
As we all know 2012 was the presidential re-election year, we also know our current half-nigger president only won the electoral vote because lazy [[niggers|apes]] want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of [[hell]] followed up by the re-election of [[Obama]]. After that [[Raptor Jesus]] will [[Rage|RAGE]] and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.


Simple.
It is somewhat apt that [[America]]'s last president should be black - as though [[Africa]] being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the [[rednecks]] were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.


*There is a global conspiracy of international governments hiding the facts from us. NASA is involved in the cover-up, and are actually controlled by aliens.
===[[TL;DR]]===
*To avoid mass panic.
Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.
*Pursue their own, greedy agendas.
*NASA hates people from [[England]] and thinks it's funny to let them set up an Olympic game then all die.
 
[http://www.youtube.com/v/1fMeFGYXPVQ There has also recently been a classified NASA leak showing planet Nibiru.]
 
===Others Responsible for 2012===
*[[Jews]], as is with every disaster man-made and natural.
*[[Palin/Beck|Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck]]
*[[Reptoids]]
*[[Scientologists]]
*[[Large Hadron Collider]]
*[[Al Gore]]
*[[Justin Bieber]]
*[[Tacgnol]]
*'''[[You]]'''
 
==Death of the [[Internets]]==
 
[[Image:Lulwutwikifail.jpg|thumb|Christmas might have to be postponed...]]


==Internet reaction==
A bunch of [[Anti-Lulz|unlulzy]], [[noob|internet-ignorant]] [[fags]] from [[IRL]] have decided that [[the internet]] would be better as a [[corporate]] profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. [[Comcast]] therefore decided to put an [[Conspiracy|evil plan]] into action to end the internet and [[delete fucking everything]] by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most [[money|IRL money]] and [[internet money]]. Fortunately, some [[hipster]] [[eurofags]] caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about [[World War III|the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state]], so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their [http://ipower.ning.com/netneutrality website].
A bunch of [[Anti-Lulz|unlulzy]], [[noob|internet-ignorant]] [[fags]] from [[IRL]] have decided that [[the internet]] would be better as a [[corporate]] profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. [[Comcast]] therefore decided to put an [[Conspiracy|evil plan]] into action to end the internet and [[delete fucking everything]] by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most [[money|IRL money]] and [[internet money]]. Fortunately, some [[hipster]] [[eurofags]] caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about [[World War III|the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state]], so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their [http://ipower.ning.com/netneutrality website].


===December212012.com===
===Survival 2012 Forum===
 
<center><gallery>
Image:2012-grab1.jpg|[http://www.december212012.com/phpBB2/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=1794&sid=683858d03737f1b7df25c694fd976bdd Linux Guy] breaks peoples brains on december212012.com.
Image:2012-grab2.jpg|[[tl;dr]]
</gallery></center>
 
==Survival 2012 Forum==
This is a [[magick|magical]] place for [[Harry Potter|wizards]] and [[lesbians|faeries]] to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many [[Lulz]] can be found through [[unwarranted self importance|important]] discussions on topics such as [http://2012forum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=914 "Are We A Cult?"]
This is a [[magick|magical]] place for [[Harry Potter|wizards]] and [[lesbians|faeries]] to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many [[Lulz]] can be found through [[unwarranted self importance|important]] discussions on topics such as [http://2012forum.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=914 "Are We A Cult?"]


<center>{{morphquote|2012quote2|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold;
<center>{{morphquote|2012quote2|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|My friend at work that I talk about 2012 with a lot "jokingly" accuses me of being part of a cult...he says that if nothing happens in 2012 that I'm going to put on purple robes and "drink special kool-aid" to bring on the end of the world. I just laugh and tell him I'd be fine if nothing happened, but maybe a tad bit disappointed.|SgtStedanko. <strike>Yeah, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon....?</strike> Yes, newfag, it will be fucking [[epic]] and badass.
|My friend at work that I talk about 2012 with a lot "jokingly" accuses me of being part of a cult...he says that if nothing happens in 2012 that I'm going to put on purple robes and "drink special kool-aid" to bring on the end of the world. I just laugh and tell him I'd be fine if nothing happened, but maybe a tad bit disappointed.|SgtStedanko. Yeah, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon


|My secretary at work, (who is also a good friend), always comes into my office and says,
|My secretary at work, (who is also a good friend), always comes into my office and says,
Line 109: Line 53:
.....[sad, whining]....But...but...I like saving the world.|Deja Q needs to listen to their secretary for once.
.....[sad, whining]....But...but...I like saving the world.|Deja Q needs to listen to their secretary for once.


|My bf don't really believe but don't denie it completely. He see signs for me...and laugh! The other day he said, I got something freitning to tell you... and he write a number on a paper: 2120 (our door number)....He says, you don't see?!??! Mix the number and you got 2012, THIS IS A SIGN.. and laugh again!|Jok. has apparently no concept of things being mere coincidences.
|My bf don't really believe but don't deny it completely. He see signs for me...and laugh! The other day he said, I got something frightening to tell you... and he write a number on a paper: 2120 (our door number)....He says, you don't see?!??! Mix the number and you got 2012, THIS IS A SIGN.. and laugh again!|Jok. has apparently no concept of things being mere coincidences.


|My mother is [[Fail|skizophrenic]] ([[How Do I Shot Web?|how do you spell that?]]) And I try to stay open minded on the fact that I could become too. So I tell myself that if I think I'm crazy thinking about all that, this means that I'm not skizophrenic. In her mind, everybody but her was wrong. So saying that it's everybody else who is wrong would only prove me that I'm crazy.
|My mother is [[Fail|skizophrenic]] ([[How Do I Shot Web?|how do you spell that?]]) And I try to stay open minded on the fact that I could become too. So I tell myself that if I think I'm crazy thinking about all that, this means that I'm not skizophrenic. In her mind, everybody but her was wrong. So saying that it's everybody else who is wrong would only prove me that I'm crazy.
Line 115: Line 59:
A sure thing is that I must not tell her about this story of 2012...this could cause her pill to become useless!!|Jok, having no idea how [[Psychology|Psychology]] works.}}</center>
A sure thing is that I must not tell her about this story of 2012...this could cause her pill to become useless!!|Jok, having no idea how [[Psychology|Psychology]] works.}}</center>


===2012, The End Of The World, And Your CREDIT===
===Gallery===
Thankfully, it's not all bad news. Despite the forthcoming [[Rapture]] you can take advantage of a loophole that the banks haven't thought of yet.
<center><gallery perrow="5">
 
File:Grumpy Cat - the world is ending next month - about time.JPG
{{squote|So how can you live your dreams before the end?
File:Memes - Grumpy Cat - The End Is Near.jpg
 
File:If the world ends, you don't pay.jpeg
The amount of available credit you have is commonly referred to as “potential debt” and is considered to be a bad thing. However with the impending extermination of mankind it now becomes “potential wealth” and is your key to living your dreams before everything explodes.
File:Morpheus 2012.png|We'd say "No shit, Sherlock"
 
File:Taco Bell's hiring.jpg
The first step is to take all of those credit cards you have hidden away out again and start spending. Also stop tossing all those credit card offers in the trash and take them up on their generosity regardless of interest rates. Every new card is more potential wealth.
File:Cthulhu 2012.jpg
 
Image:Lulwutwikifail.jpg|Christmas might have to be postponed...
The next step is to reduce the amount you are paying back to the minimum payments. This alone can put hundreds of dollars back in your pocket. But don’t get overzealous and stop paying altogether. If you do not make at least the minimum payments you are in violation of your credit agreements and your creditors can cut you off. You don’t want that yet.
Image:2012-grab1.jpg|[http://www.december212012.com/phpBB2/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=1794&sid=683858d03737f1b7df25c694fd976bdd Linux Guy] breaks peoples brains on december212012.com.
 
Image:2012-grab2.jpg
Finally take advantage of those courtesy checks that are attached to your monthly statements as well as cash advances. Not only are they great for situations that you cannot use credit cards you can use them to pay one card with another keeping even more cash in your pocket.
Image:Celebrity_believers.gif|[[Scientology|If Tom believes, then it must be true.]]
 
</gallery></center>
The important thing is to pace yourself, if you do too much at once you will raise red flags and again your creditors will cut you off. Eventually however even your minimum payments are going to become burdensome. At this point you can simply stop paying, very soon after your creditors will cut you off but if you were a savvy credit user you should have been able to take advantage of around 80% of your credit. For the average American this can be upwards of $40,000.|[http://www.december212012.com/articles/news/12.htm december212012.com article telling you to spend up big RIGHT NOW!]}}
 
==2+0+1+2=3?==
 
[[Image:Vijaykumar.jpg|thumb|Vijay Kumar - totally not [[batshit crazy]].]]
 
For those of you too retarded to know, 2+0+1+2=5. Not 3.
 
However [http://www.godrealized.com/2012.html Godrealized] really does make us realize that the world really [[lie|will]] end on 21st December 2012, thus proving even simple mathematics is completely wrong.
 
<center>{{morphquote|2012quote1|background-color: lightgray;|font-weight: bold;
|Yes! 2012...shall be the year of reckoning. 2012 shall be remembered in history of mankind forever. Why?
 
From the position of planetary movements and astrological calculations...the significance of number three for present civilization is immense. The 12th year of 21st century totals number three.
 
Talking of 2012 means...we have already stepped into the 21st century which numerically totals three. The 12th year also totals to three. A significant upheaval on the whole shall be the order of the day.|Vijay Kumar - The Man Who Realized God.
 
|The sacrifice by the eminent would be by will. To cleanse the society of its ills in 2012...many would come forward and sacrifice self on the altar of God. Unless that happens...the upheaval in the society is not possible. The blood of the innocent would be spilled. There is no other remedy.
 
Every individual who is found guilty by the society would be done away outright. The legal laws, judiciary, administration and the political setup would not provide a much needed respite to them. 2012 is the year of Florence Nightingale. The dawn of the New Era (the golden period) could not occur without innocents laying their lives for the sake of their country.|Hmmm, bloodlust, murder, abolition of sins and sinners. Sounds cheerful. And of course it will all be in 2012.}}</center>
 
=="Science"==
The little known group called [[nerd|NASA]] seem to think that a massive [http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/10mar_stormwarning.htm Solar Storm] is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.
 
Apocalypse mongers [http://www.survive2012.com Survive2012] seem to have all the answers. I'm not sure if they are [[cult|Jehovah's Witnesses]] or are just suckers for [[the Rapture|end time]] theories but they are pretty certain that...
 
{{quote|...2012 the next polar reversal will take place on Earth. This means that the North Pole will be changed into the South Pole. Scientifically this can only be explained by the fact that the Earth will start rotating in the opposite direction, together with a huge disaster of unknown proportions.}}
 
Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.
 
==Proof Once and For All that We're Gonna Die==


===Videos===
<center>{{fv|2012vids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
<center>{{fv|2012vids|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
|<youtube>j4Cgy8tzw48</youtube>
|<youtube>nZMwKPmsbWE</youtube>
|<youtube>nZMwKPmsbWE</youtube>
|<youtube>vj0ANgSEANQ</youtube>
}}</center>
}}</center>


==A Brief List of those who are Royally Screwed==
== Debunking 2012 ==
If you're sick to fuck of all these Rapturetards running around talking mad amounts of shite about Jebus coming back to Judge us all, or some shit like that, show them this video. It might give the mouth breathers a lesson or two in actual science. Failing that, just throw rocks at them. They'll go along with it without complaint because they'll think they're being martyred for their extra Specialness.


===[[London]]===
Events of this forthcoming [[Final solution|apocalypse]] have been [[Citation needed|challenged]] by top [[basement dwellers|historians]] who believe otherwise. When the [[Mexican|Mayan]] calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, all it will do is restart back to the original date (like new years), and the next day will [[prolly]] be a normal one without any sign of [[The Rapture]]. Not to mention the inconsistencies of Jesus Christ's birth, some of which state that we've already passed the year 2012 by decades.


[[image:luldon2012.jpeg|thumb|right]]
==See Also==
 
* [[Apocalypse]]
[[London Olympics|Judging by the logo they already know they're fucked.]]
* [[The Rapture]]
 
* [[Y2K]]
===America - Thanks to [[Obama]]===
As we all know 2012 is the presidential re-election year. As we also all know our current black person president only won the electoral vote because lazy [[niggers|apes]] want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of [[hell]] followed up by the re-election of [[Obama]]. After that [[Raptor Jesus]] will [[Rage|RAGE]] and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.
 
It is somewhat apt that [[America]]'s last president should be black - as though [[Africa]] being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the [[rednecks]] were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.
 
==[[TL;DR]]==
 
Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.


==External Links==
==External Links==
 
*[http://www.cracked.com/article_17445_the-6-best-2012-apocalypse-theories-are-all-bullshit.html Even Craked knows this is total shit]
[[Image:Celebrity_believers.gif|thumb|[[Scientology|If Tom believes, then it must be true.]]]]
 
[[Image:All-Seeing_Eye_Unfinished_Pyramid.jpg|thumb|[[Jews|Evil things are here.]]]]
 
*[http://www.msghelp.net/showthread.php?tid=74463 A group of intelligent and rational people BAWWWWWing over the fact that, due to the world ending, they may in fact miss the 2012 London Olympics.]
*[http://www.armageddononline.org/2012.php Typical anal retentive site with events for every date in 2012.]
*[http://www.armageddononline.org/2012.php Typical anal retentive site with events for every date in 2012.]
*[http://survive2012.com/bast_theory.php Better, more believable page,] mainly due to its use of [[Comic Sans]].
*[http://survive2012.com/bast_theory.php Better, more believable page,] mainly due to its use of [[Comic Sans]].
*[http://www.apologeticsindex.org/canada-03.html Doomsday Faggotry Movements Analysis from Canadian Intelligence Community ]
*[http://www.apologeticsindex.org/canada-03.html Doomsday Faggotry Movements Analysis from Canadian Intelligence Community ]
*[http://youtube.com/watch?v=fIEm8WM3r9E It's true because its on YouTube]
*[http://lol2012.com It's true because you're gay.]
*[http://lol2012.com It's true because you're gay.]
*{{lj|user=2_0_1_2}} The LJ community for 2012, populated by college dropouts on acid trips.
*{{lj|user=2_0_1_2}} The LJ community for 2012, populated by college dropouts on acid trips.
*[http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20101019/sc_livescience/endoftheearthpostponed D'oh! Looks like that Nazi faggot Roland Emmerich was wrong.]
==See Also==
*[[David Icke]]
*[[L. Ron Jeremy]]
*[[Swine Flu]]
*[[Truthism.com]]
*[[Rapture]]


{{cults}}
{{cults}}
{{dyingalone}}
{{dyingalone}}
<br>
{{Psychology}}
{{timeline|Featured article December 20 & 21, [[2012]]|[[Secks]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Lil B]]}}
{{timeline|Featured article December 21 & 22, [[2022]]|[[Rogue, Internet Man]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[Aediot]]}}


{{Psychology}}
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:2012]]
[[Category:2012]]

Latest revision as of 22:45, 18 December 2022

This article is about the supposed date of the end of the world. For other uses, see 2012 (disambiguation).

December 21, 2012 is a theory-turned-movie about the end of the world. The general idea is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily the Hollywood region) goatse's itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a bible, but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that niggers wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for some reason, but niggers' deaths are only worth a good laugh.) raped every last white woman so the Negro race could survive longer.

Ideas relating to the end of the world have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart since the beginning of the millennium. This one traces back to the Mayan stone-age Calendar system. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks time in a large scale. This calendar comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a mystery. Ignoring the fact the Mayans were a lazy people and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern anthropologists can do is to theorize what this all means. Some say it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Baw throughout the smelly bean filled land.

Humans have a tendency to believe strange things, and as history has shown us, humanity is also willing to embrace crazy ideas. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz", all with spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin to sacrifice (if one even exists in Mexico).

What will kill us?

The Mayans

In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when the New Year was and what days you got off work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/2012, because they already knew the Spanish would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for Jews getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to English means "great sheep fucking cycle".

Contrary to what various new-age "experts" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.

There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans and their calendars besides:

  • Building a border fence.
  • Being immune to small pox.
  • Bringing guns to a spear fight.

A Solar Storm

Metheorology is science too

The little-known group called NASA seem to think that a massive Solar Storm is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.

Polar Reversal

Apocalypse mongers Survive2012 seem to have all the answers. Whether they're crazy cultists or just suckers for end time theories, they are pretty certain that...

   
 
...2012 the next polar reversal will take place on Earth. This means that the North Pole will be changed into the South Pole. Scientifically this can only be explained by the fact that the Earth will start rotating in the opposite direction, together with a huge disaster of unknown proportions.
 

 
 

Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.

Obama

As we all know 2012 was the presidential re-election year, we also know our current half-nigger president only won the electoral vote because lazy apes want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of hell followed up by the re-election of Obama. After that Raptor Jesus will RAGE and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.

It is somewhat apt that America's last president should be black - as though Africa being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the rednecks were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.

TL;DR

Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.

Internet reaction

A bunch of unlulzy, internet-ignorant fags from IRL have decided that the internet would be better as a corporate profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. Comcast therefore decided to put an evil plan into action to end the internet and delete fucking everything by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most IRL money and internet money. Fortunately, some hipster eurofags caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state, so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their website.

Survival 2012 Forum

This is a magical place for wizards and faeries to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many Lulz can be found through important discussions on topics such as "Are We A Cult?"

   
 
My friend at work that I talk about 2012 with a lot "jokingly" accuses me of being part of a cult...he says that if nothing happens in 2012 that I'm going to put on purple robes and "drink special kool-aid" to bring on the end of the world. I just laugh and tell him I'd be fine if nothing happened, but maybe a tad bit disappointed.
 

 
 

—SgtStedanko. Yeah, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon

   
 
My secretary at work, (who is also a good friend), always comes into my office and says,

"Would you quit trying to save the world and get back to work!" .....[sad, whining]....But...but...I like saving the world.
 


 
 

—Deja Q needs to listen to their secretary for once.

   
 
My bf don't really believe but don't deny it completely. He see signs for me...and laugh! The other day he said, I got something frightening to tell you... and he write a number on a paper: 2120 (our door number)....He says, you don't see?!??! Mix the number and you got 2012, THIS IS A SIGN.. and laugh again!
 

 
 

—Jok. has apparently no concept of things being mere coincidences.

   
 
My mother is skizophrenic (how do you spell that?) And I try to stay open minded on the fact that I could become too. So I tell myself that if I think I'm crazy thinking about all that, this means that I'm not skizophrenic. In her mind, everybody but her was wrong. So saying that it's everybody else who is wrong would only prove me that I'm crazy.

A sure thing is that I must not tell her about this story of 2012...this could cause her pill to become useless!!
 


 
 

—Jok, having no idea how Psychology works.

Gallery

Videos

Debunking 2012

If you're sick to fuck of all these Rapturetards running around talking mad amounts of shite about Jebus coming back to Judge us all, or some shit like that, show them this video. It might give the mouth breathers a lesson or two in actual science. Failing that, just throw rocks at them. They'll go along with it without complaint because they'll think they're being martyred for their extra Specialness.

Events of this forthcoming apocalypse have been challenged by top historians who believe otherwise. When the Mayan calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, all it will do is restart back to the original date (like new years), and the next day will prolly be a normal one without any sign of The Rapture. Not to mention the inconsistencies of Jesus Christ's birth, some of which state that we've already passed the year 2012 by decades.

See Also

External Links

[Close them downOpen the records]
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Cults
UFO Cults: ScientologyGalactic Federation of LightHeaven's GateRaeliansNibiru
New-age Faggotry:

WiccaThe DolmenMooniesPaganismBlack AlchemyFagnosticismPrem RawatVoluntary Human Extinction MovementThothRon PaulRed Ice Creations

Raep cults: Al QaedaManiacs Murder CultManson FamilyMasonsSatanism
Jesus Cults: Aum ShinrikyoBranch DavidiansChick TractsEx-GayMormonismPeople's TempleWestboro Baptist Church
Wannabe Cults: SephyismSonic CulTVampiresGothsFurriesMulderiteWooksBroniesLibertariansFeminism
Stupid Cults: ScientologyAtheismSocial JusticeBreatharianMichelle Belanger/House KheperuSonic PassionHighgate Vampire, theThe Tenacious Unicorn Ranch
Troll Cults: AnonymousCult of the Dead CowRaptor JesusJohn SolomonChurch of the SubGeniusDiscordianism
Web 2.0 Cults: Atheist Scum UnitedKiwi FarmsKony 2012Rational Response SquadRationalWikiWikipediaWP:DAILYMAILYoung Tubers United
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron AlexisAaron BushnellAaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAngry GrandpaAnna Nicole SmithAnthony WarnerAsa CoonBrian AdamsBrandon CrispByuuCharmaine DragunCho Seung-HuiChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineDragoneerEazy-EEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyGeorge SodiniGizgizGleb KorablevHappyCabbieHarambeH.P. LovecraftHeath LedgerJake DavisonJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonKate SpadeKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloLoki BlackfangLowtaxMia JaninMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceNathan GaleNikita LytkinOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRina PalenkovaRipperRobin WilliamsRonnie McNuttRudolph ZurickRyan PalmeterShawn WoolleyShayShuaibySol PaisStephen PaddockSteve StephensThomas Matthew CrooksTony48219TooDamnFilthyTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganWilliam AtchisonXXXTentacionZhao Zewei

Those Dying Alone

03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmy SchumerAndrew AllansonAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrian Richard ZaigerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCatboyKamiCheeyevChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonCyraxxDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDarksydePhilDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDillon CosseyDiogo MendesDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDodgerofZionDogpatch PressDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868Dorian_GayDoug WalkerDrakonDrossRotzankDoomentioDustinEDP445Emer PrevostEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogErtasVideosFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGather Against FateGeorge LopezGeosheaGhostGirlvinylGlobelampGoddessMilleniaGraykatGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles CheongIchverboticze⁴rImma-The-DeerInkBunnyIsabella Loretta JankeJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJINXDROWNEDJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonmonJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKat DenningsKendall JennerKeegan SalisburyKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKeffalsKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLogo KidsLordelthibarLow Tier GodLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackManchildrenMar9122MarblesMarioMario456MariotehplumberMarjan SiklicmasteroogwgayMatthew DavisMatthew NicholsonMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMichael BattonMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMike SandyMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMumkey JonesMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250NawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriObjectfagsOFWGKTAOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawPacificoceanasiaPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter BrightPeter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPeluchin EntertainmentPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperRichard ReidRicki RavenRMG ProductionsRobert StaintonRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Ryan RouthSad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSarah ButtsSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonic SaviorSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSpax3StormySuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!WoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmXenuriaYandereDevYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

Their Methods

9gagAdventure TimeAn HeroAIDSAnimuAlt-rightArt SchoolA-Log's Fanfictionask.fmAsperger's SyndromeAssigned MaleBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBattle For Dream IslandBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBonziWORLDBitViewBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedChildren's CartoonsClown WorldComputer Science IIICosplayCumOnPrintedPics.ComCupheadDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDating SimsDeviantARTDiscordDrugsEdginessFamily GuyFanFictionFeminismFedoraFidget spinnerThe Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurAffinityFurry ArtFun Shitposting WikiGarry's ModGenshin ImpactGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGothsGravity FallsGreen DayGreeny PhatomGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffHigh ScoreIncelcoreIndie musicInfantilismInsane Clown PosseIntrovertInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLeague of LegendsLegoLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMass ShootingsMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMGTOWMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismNu metalOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/Rick and MortyRobloxRule 34RuneScapeSchool ShootingsSecond LifeSelf-VictimizationShy Boys IRLSilk Screen Goku ShirtSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSource FilmmakerSouth ParkSparkalloonSpeakoniaStar vs. the Forces of EvilSteven UniverseTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe Anytown ShowThe EntersphereThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTomb RaiderToolTransformersTulpasTumblrTV Tropestwenty one pilotsUnchartedUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUndertaleUnikittyUTTPVidLiiVirginityVirtual YoutubersVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWeezerWikimaniaWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYIIK: A Post-Modern RPGYouTube

[Give $500 PlzOpen Up to Us]
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Psychology
Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaCognitive dissonanceDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLiberalismLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyPyromaniaRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTerminological percipience disorderTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamsDSMElan SchoolEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyMary BellPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

Featured article December 20 & 21, 2012
Preceded by
Secks
December 21, 2012 Succeeded by
Lil B
Featured article December 21 & 22, 2022
Preceded by
Rogue, Internet Man
December 21, 2012 Succeeded by
Aediot