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Latest revision as of 03:39, 10 February 2012
The tale of Cutout Dissection.com is not a tale of a website, but rather a person. That's right, worse than any Johnny Cash song or pronunciation fuckup. There is now a person legally named after a website. Not just any website, but a website owned by PETA. Peta will never realize that having an army of crazy-ass, menstruating Nazi hoes is not particularly good for your image. Nevertheless, Cutout Dissection.com walks the streets, pouring animal blood on anybody with a fur coat or leather jacket or mean demeanor, leaving, instead of an angry mob, a wake of those who simply feel pity toward this crazy bitch.
The Depressing Life of a Stupid Bitch
Cutout Dissection.com (yes, the .com is actually part of her name), formerly known as Jennifer Thornberg, spent her childhood watching way too many Disney movies and now thinks that all animals have secret societies where everyone speaks English, eats cotton candy, and knows the solution to all the world's problems. Sadly, when Dissection.com learned at 38 that this simply is not the truth, she went into a fit of denial and joined Peta. Under the influence of mind-controlling waves of radiation, she was commanded by Peta's leaders to sacrifice the only name she ever had for their own misguided cause. Cutout was a member of the street team for Peta for years, meaning she probably picketed the homes of anybody who happened to enjoy the taste of meat (which, incidentally, bears striking resemblances to WBC.)
One day, Cutout went into class learning that she had to dissect a chicken. She baww'd at the teacher, but fortunately he wasn't afraid of this screaming little cunt and offered her a simple challenge: become a vegetarian for two weeks leading up to the project and he would let her off the hook. However, Cutout happens to be far too incompetent to handle something so morally simple, so she decided to instead bitch at the school board for forcing her to go through the icky process of learning and decreed that a human life is worth three-fifths of an animal life.
This crackpot has been a member of PETA for so long that she actually believes that simply changing her name will attract attention toward her cause instead of making her seem even more batshit crazy and, as always, driving people away from PETA's inherent craziness.
Purpose
Cutout believes that 6 million animals are killed every year due to science. She has, undoubtedly, been smoking the reefer, as animals are generally dead before dissection, and, if not, sacrifice their meaningless lives so that people can learn. However, Dissection.com DOES provide a very simple solution: provide high-performance computers to every school in the country that are capable of running complex 3D interactions and rendering even more complex models of fully realistic dead animals for students to try and figure out how the fuck they are going to cut up this thing without crashing the school's network of computers and destroying the world in a fiery ball of nothingness.
Fun Facts
- Dissection is required to become a veterinarian. This means that Cutout is, in turn, killing more animals than she is saving.
- The minimum requirement for running complex 3D shit is 512 MB RAM and a computer made in this millennium. The average school relies on Windows 95.
- Animals are, without exception, stupid, retarded and ultimately worthless.
- Animals only have crappy teeth, claws, horns and other such bullshit whereas humans have batons, knuckle dusters, knifes, pepper spray, tasers, guns and bombs. Thus they will always fail in a fight with us and will remain our bitch.
Sample Quotes
—Cutout | ||
—Cutout, bold-faced liar. | ||
—What an asspie. | ||
—Nick | ||
—ahs | ||
—Chad | ||
—That's all it boils down to, really. | ||
See Also
External Links
