Steve Irwin
Steve Irwin, troll IRL, AKA Crocodile Dundee, AKA Cock Hunter, AKA Stringray Hunted, lived in the wild for most of his life training bears for circuses. He died while swimming off northern Australia. Everyone gave a shit because everyone watched his awesome TV show, due to it being moar entertaining than most of the shit not on the internet.
Irwin had attained great fame from making a profession out of being a hero around dangerous animals, especially crocodiles. Australia has most of the world's nastiest creatures; if it stings, claws, injects venom or bites your fucking head off, Irwin has wrestled it. He was exceedingly rich, due to the fact that almost anyone would watch him fight with a four-meter long crocodile just in case the croc won. Last thursday, Steve created a scandal when he held his baby son while feeding the crocodiles, although childfree thought it was pretty leet, many concerned mothers got butthurt. The crocodiles were not harmed. An expected result of his "untimely" death is that now he is worshiped vehemently in every single high school brothel around the world.
Eventually, The animals got sick of that aussie and his faggotry and decided to permaban him IRL. A brave stingray impaled Steve right through the heart.
It doesn't matter anyway though, because Steve Irwin was bound to die in the upcoming sequel to World War 2, entitled "WW3:Rise of the Internets."
Steve Irwin's death was posted by Speedycat in ED IRC minutes after it was reported by the Aussie media. His death was spread like a crackwhore's legs all over the internet. Since then, millions of crocodiles have been baaaaawing at not being able to star in any more TV shows with Steve. Many people believed that it was a internet hoax at first before checking CNN and/or Encyclopedia Dramatica.
After the sting-ray was arrested reporters asked: "What was your motive?", and the ray simply responded, "I did it for teh lulz." After which he was executed for his faggotry.
Now we all have to watch is that Jeff Corwin faggot now. Bear Grylls is fine, too.
He might not have died if he didn't pull the damn thing out of his chest. Dieing after literally being poked with the stick has to be the most ironic death since Jesus Christ died of carpentry. Excuse that faggot. Sting-rays have poison in their barbs, since the poison was administered directly into his heart, he was fucked completely and utterly.
This can be said with certainty. Steve Irwin died as he lived: with animals in his heart.
The Previously Unreleased Testimony of The Stingray
Shortly after his arrest and detainment, the stingray was interviewed and had these insights.
(Here's an except from the full 45 minute interview by Dateline)
Peter Jennings: Now, you killed Steve Irwin for what you claim to be, "the lulz"
Stingray: Yeah, that's pretty much it. I mean, really, he was a pretty great guy. But, you know how it goes. Here you are, with your stinger right next to a guy's heart, you know. Things start going though your head. You're thinking, should I do it? Is it worth it? Then you remember, "Oh yeah, the lulz."
Peter Jennings: So I see. Now there has also been an image... don't mind the pun... "floating" around of you killing Steve whilst giving him oral pleasure. Would you like to address this?
Stingray: Now see, this is where the media tends to embellish things. Now I won't deny that that was my stinger cutting through his sweet, sweet delicious human heart, but that was not me giving him oral pleasures. By that point, my stinger had long since been in his heart, and thus, he was dead for quite awhile. So you see, while I may have been tonguefucking him, there was never any pleasure for him. Nothing wrong with necrophilia.
Peter Jennings: No sir. No sir...
Steve Irwin's Relationship
Steve Irwin was reported giving a Boston steamer to an alligator while holding his baby upside down over a lion. It is also rumored he has a relationship with Mr. Buckner.
Original Irwin Song
In West Australia, born and raised. In the ocean, that's where I spent most of my days. Chillin out, maxin; relaxin all cool, stroking some stingrays inside the pool. When a couple of crocs who were up to no good, started making trouble in Australia Zoo. I got one little sting, and Terri got scared; "you're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air"... I whistled for a boat and when it came near, the licence plate said fresh and had dice in the mirror. If anything, I'd say that this boat was rare, but I said man forget it, yo captain to Bel Air. I pulled up to the docks about seven or eight and I yelled to the captain yo holmes smell ya later. Looked at the sting ray he had beaten me there. I sit on my grave as the crocodile hunter Rest in peace, old friend.
Offical Irwin Fan Song
Now this is the story all about how My life got flipped, turned upside down And Id like to take a minute just sit right there Ill tell you how I became the croc hunter of a country called Australia In the suburbs of Melbourne born and raised In the zoo is where I spent most of my days Taking out, handling, cleaning animal poo And all handling dangerous wildlife too When a couple of crocs who were up in no good Started making trouble in my neighbourhood I got in one little fight and my wife got scared And said youre moving with your crew and documentary to Port Douglas! I whistled for a boat and when it came near the Licensplate said STINGRAY and had a barb in the mirror If anything I could say that this boat was rare But I thought "naw forget it, crikeys to Port Douglas!" I pulled up to the reef about seven or eight And I yelled to the stingry "Crikeys! Smell you later!" He looked at me square and shot the barb through my chest And now I'm dead in the ocean next to the Stingrays nest!
PLEASE NOTE: This article is generally considered to be too soon. On the other hand, LOL.
Fans of Steve Irwin Have THIS to Say About This Article
From here after a right pwning. Crikey!
Only read these comments for the lulz:
- "YOU THINK STEVE IRWIN HAD A HARD TIME PULLING A BARB OUT OF HIS CHEST? HIS WIFE HAD TO PUSH A BINDI OUT OF HER CUNT"
- "i think you are sick in youre head when you talk on this way about steve."
- "You only wish you could be half the man of Steve Irwin,"
- "I only have one question. Can it be deleted?"
- "i hope you rot!!!!"
- "I feel pitty on the person that feels that way about anyone, not just Steve. I hope that God has mercy on your soul."
- "if you have a bad home life then see a priest. dont take it out on us"
- "People like you must not have souls."
- "have you no respect for the dead! And that site is so embarrassing, I'm ashamed to be human! That site should be shut down."
- "I agree with the people complaining, he has done nothing except make zoology fun, and they take the piss? Normally I would join in if it was say... Green Day, but Steve Irwin? HELL NO!
- "There is a movement of people on the internet who hate to feel anything and feel like laughing" (this is obviously made of fail seeing as how they contradict themselves in less than 20 words)
- "I just feel so much pitty on them. People like that just need to grow up. There is just so many heart broken people right now, and some sick fool is getting enjoyment off of all of this."
- "Go and have a good hard look in the mirror and what you see looking back at you is a cruel twisted soul, You do not deserve to co exist on this planet that you have so generously been given life on. And the attention that you seek here with your evil is not going to be given, Let us share our memories and thoughts today and leave us alone."
- "I hope that you get impaled by a fucking Stingray in the chest Just so you know how it feels, you coward. May he RIP"d.
- "Lulz"
- "I have only one question. I CAN HAZ MOAR?!!?!?!"
- "Although this whole article has brought up a shitstorm and is kinda funny, I do like Steve Irwin. I think he's a pretty cool guy, he hunts the crocs and doesn't afraid of anything."
Death Video
Everyone wants the death video. Everyone! And most people believe its lurking on the internet! But since most are fucking clueless, its easy to trick them into viewing fake videos which yields tons of lulz. myg0t was the first to put out such a video available below. It has since been hosted on YouTube only to be deleted within minutes.
myg0t Video of this horrific event.BALEETED- Radio hosts gets video link in e-mail and they watch it on the air. WARNING!!! LULZ!!!
Cockodile Dundee's rehearsal video for his ultimate, ironic demise.BALEETED
His Legendary Name and POOL CLOSINGS
I R WIN
Steve Irwin is made of win since his last name declares this to be fact. Since he is made of win, he is now a meme; may he rest in his WIN.
THE POOLS ARE OFFICIALLY CLOSED DUE TO STINGRAY, LOL.
Now this is the story all 'bout how I got flipped, turned upside down Now id like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how i became prince of a town called Ray-Air
In West Australia born and raised In the Ocean is where I spend most of my days Chillin out baskin relaxin all cool and all scarin some humans up outside the pool
When a couple of biologists who were up to no good Starting makin trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and Steve Irwin got scared And said "Crikey there's a poisonous barb in my chest"
They whistled for an ambulence and when it came near They liscenseplate said NORAYS and it had barbs in the mirror If anything I could say that this ambulence was rare But I thought now forget it, yo home to Ray-Air!
I pulled up to a reef about seven or eight And said to Steve Irwin "yo fag, sting ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there To sit on my throne as the prince of Ray-Air
~anonymous
A popular belief holds that Steve's birth name was Steve Irlose, but it got changed because it made him sound like a pussy.
Conspiracy Theories
Painless Death Conspiracy - Debunked
Here is a play by play from first-hard witnesses:
- Irwin was swimming above ray
- Irwin decided he wanted to give the ray some love, and reached over to pet it
- Ray got horny and stuck his barb into him
- Irwin moaned, and watched ray swim off - camera keeps on ray, then suddenly snaps back to Irwin
- Irwin clutches barb, and is helped to the surface by another diver - camera still rolling
- Steve gasps, vomits, as he surfaces, grunting in agony. Camera cuts.
In conclusion, he suffered for a while before Death took his ass up to animal-heaven.
Almost every Zionist controlled media outlet is running a quote that claims Steve died instantly and painless.
"It's likely that he possibly died instantly when the barb hit him, and I don't think that he ... felt any pain." [2]
As if getting impaled in the chest by a razor-sharp poison barb on a filthy-assed fish could be painful.
Possible series of events post-sting
- Pulling out the barb, causing huge amounts of blood to gush out from the gaping hole in his chest, with a fresh burst of blood coming out every time his heart beats.
- Spit out his snorkel in agony, inhaling seawater that is turning red due to the massive amount of blood in it.
- Surfaces gasping for air and clutching his chest, while blood keeps seeping through his fingers.
- Dragged into the boat screaming in pain, as his wife and two children witness every horrible second.
- The poison begins taking effect, as his muscles stiffen, and he begins going into convulsions.
- His convulsions slowly begin to stop, and he soon loses all his motor functions, and can no longer move his body. His grip on his chest loosens, causing a fresh stream of blood to pour out. His screams of pain turn to moans, until he loses his ability to speak. The loss of motor function does nothing to ease the piercing extremity of his torture. He bleeds out and dies in 15 minutes.
- His two children adopt a life-long fascination with painkillers, hard liquor, and antidepressant medications.
God Killed Steve Theory
There was nothing natural about what Steve Irwin did to animals; it was an abomination and an affront to God's will.
REPORTERS KILLED STEVE Theory
It's like Australia's version of Diana; Steve was really just swimming to avoid paparazzi. Like with Diana, they were following him in a boat, so he had to flee across stingray-infested water. It makes perfect sense.
GEORGE BUSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT STEVE IRWIN Theory
Where was FEMA when Steve was attacked by the stingray? Kanye West and some 16 year old girl bet "if it was someone American you'd give a shit."
Martyred by Furries
The stingray was an assassin, hired to draw attention to the animal rights cause by martyring its patron saint, Steve Irwin. Now that public sympathy is on their side, they shall rise up and bring about WWIII, kind of like George W. Bush only gayer.
Jews DID STEVE Theory
Really, no one has presented a single piece of evidence that they didn't, so as far as we're concerned, Jews killed him.
ANIMAL REVENGE Theory
It was the Cirque du Soleil of life.
And I quote: "The animal world has finally taken its revenge on Irwin, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo-owners in their turn." [3]
MODS KILLED STEVE IRWIN Theory
STEVE IRWIN WAS A BLACK RITES ACTIVIST SO THE MODS KILLED HIM.
Steve Irwins Idea
(Taken out of his "Gud Ideaz Buk")
Step 1: fInd stin rhey
Step 2: go swimink :)
Step 3: ????
Step 4: DEATH
Step 5: childz gets PROFIT
External Links
- Steve Irwin's ghost is on the loose!
- Terri Irwin's REVENGE This Game made the news in Australia, LOL.
- Irrefutable proof that Steve Irwin was racist
- Proof that not only Steve Irwin likes the cock, but also that he is still alive (also see this for morons)
- In Australia, Cocks rule! [4]
- Steve Irwin is dead as an interest
- Official video release of Steve Irwin's death.
- Story on death
- The video officials released concerning steve's death
Gallery
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In his final appearance, True Believers! -
RIP Steve. -
Steve makes sure hes careful this time. -
Even when dead, Irwin is still popular with the ladies.
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Steve's lover. -
Are these likely suspects? -
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Steve's ghost has been frequently seen watching over the heroic nigras of Habbo -
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Boo fuckin' hoo -
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It's super-effective! -
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It wasn't the venom -
I'll suck your croc! -
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Wikipedia -
Now he's sticking his thumb up God's bum. -
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bein the wrong kind of ray -
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I'll sting your heart ♥ -
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I'm in your base -
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Irwin's life insurance salesman a hundred years ago. -
On Wikiquote -
Another Wikipedia -
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Too soon, man... -
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FINISH HIM! -
The Truth -
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For Rule 34... it's never too soon. -
Truly an Australian Hero. -
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You know you want one -
This page is despicable - it should feature more classy... I mean gay... I mean... wait, I got it right the first time... what I said tributes like this! -
Crikey!
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Steve Irwin is part of a series on Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article September 4, 2006 | ||
| Preceded by WolfJLupus |
Steve Irwin | Succeeded by Duke Otterland |