Jimbo Wales
Jimbo Wales (AKA "Sole Flounder") is an old long-time operator of pr0n sites, a notorious con artist, child molester and the ghey founder of the Wikimedia Foundation. Always humble, Wales claims that he makes the Internets "not suck." Jimbo Wales is also the god-king of the Wikimedia Foundation, which rules over such projects as Wikipedia, Wiktionary, Wikiquote, Wikibooks (including Wikijunior and Wikiversity), Wikisource, In Memoriam 9/11, Wikimedia, Wikimedia Commons, Wikispecies, Wikinews, Mediawiki, Metawiki and Nupedia—all in Esperanto! From the name Jimbo Wales, "Jimbo" has become the common term in urban language for an old, dirty, and broken condom that has been used by multiple participants in a gay three-way orgy with two dead Jews.
In December 2012 he was accused by WND.com of attempting to cover up his history of pornography trafficking, and using the profits to found some wiki.
—Jimbo Wales, being unusually generous |
—Jimbo Wales, July 28, 2004 |
—Jimbo Wales, partying with Bono. |
Osama's Friend
—Jimbo Wales |
Jimbo Wales' newest project, the Wikiverse, is a free online open-source reality simulator. People are invited to experience what life would be like with no opinions of your own.[Citation needed] Jimbo Wales is so devoted to the insane rantings of a shitty hack political novelist that Jimbo Wales says Jimbo Wales is even worse than Jimbo Wales' good old buddy Osama. When someone asked him why he thought altruism was a bad thing, a peon took the liberty of responding, only to be threatened with a ban.
—Everyking, while not busy writing an Ashlee Simpson fanfic. |
—Jimbo Wales at the link above |
—Mr Wales after launching into a racist rant about Mexicans |
TL;DR version: Jimbo Wales is a hypocrite asking for donations while being a libertarian. Then again, a hypocritical libertarian is just redundant.
After a period of bunking up with Osama, Jimbo Wales is now moving his shit to Collyfornia.
Shitty Bands
Jimbo Wales bears a creepy resemblance to Chris Martin of the shitty band Coldplay. He is also known to engage in hissy fits on some of the Wikipedia talk-pages. Jimbo Wales also has a beautiful anal piercing which he loves to show off at Wikimania.
It is common knowledge that Jimbo Wales is a self-loving faggot, who suffers from advanced megalomania. This can be clearly seen in this article about "Wikinews", which is a fucking dodgy idea if ever there was one. It is believed that this megalomania stems from the almost constant molestation that Jimbo Wales suffered as a young boy. The frequency with which Jimbo Wales suffered sodomization led Jimbo Wales to believe that Jimbo Wales was special. This belief was further reinforced when Jimbo Wales first encountered teh goatse, and realised the full stretchability of the anus of Jimbo Wales: even moar than Kirk Johnson's.
Inspiration for Wikipedia
When Jimbo Wales (or Jewbo, or "Jimmy", as his own TOW article calls Jimbo Wales in a failed attempt to make Jimbo Wales cool and hip instead of the douchey and pissy troll that is Jimbo Wales IRL) was a boy, he lived with his grandmother, who owned a lovely set uv encyclopedias. Jimbo Wales delighted in drawing cocks all over the pages, but later regretted this; when Jimbo Wales' grandmother stumbled upon the vandalism, she slapped the bejeezus out of Jimbo Wales and dragged Jimbo Wales to the local Catholic church to be sodomized. "If only we can find a way to undo your vandalism!" she muttered as she watched the priest have his way with Jimbo Wales.
The incident moved Jimbo Wales greatly, inspiring Jimbo Wales when Jimbo Wales later decided to follow Jimbo Wales' cunt leader by moving from pr0n to getting other people to make an encyclopedia for Jimbo Wales' own profit!!1!?1. Remembering Jimbo Wales' joyous days of toilet training as an infant, Jimbo Wales wanted it to be easily vandalized yet efficient to clean up. Jimbo Wales lured vandals into Jimbo Wales' encyclopedia by allowing anonymous editing, and appointed other anonymous to clean up the vandalism so it never got boring for the vandals. Finally, anonymous declared himself "High Priest of Wikipedia", and made the final step in the vandal punishment process: "Sodomy by Jimbo", ensuring that Jimbo Wales, like Jimbo Wales' inspiration, would have a plethora of boys to anally rape.
Jimbo Wales gets all of his minions together every year for a convention called Wikimania. The purposes of the convention are to endorse pedophilia and force the administrators to join NAMBLA.
Founding of Wikipedia
Jimbo Wales is also a HUGE fan of historical revisionism. Jimbo Wales is currently attempting to erase the fact that the co-founder of Wikipedia, Larry Sanger, had anything to do with its creation or that he even exists, and has already let people forget who was the actual founder of Wikipedia, Ben Kovitz. He can get away with this because Sanger and Kovitz are both Jewish, so nobody takes them seriously. He has edited his User Page on Wikipedia to change it from his being its co-founder to being its sole founder. Naturally, this kind of action is beneath someone as great (in Jimbo Wales' own mind) as King Jimbo Wales, so Jimbo Wales holds secret, dark rituals in the Wikipedia Admin IRC channel after sacrificing newborn infants to Jimbo Wales' Dark Lord. During these heinous cabalist meetings, Jimbo Wales bids the minions of Jimbo Wales to do Jimbo Wales' dirty work, often whining about how Jimbo Wales "really wishes someone could help me with this". Naturally, his asslapping toadies are all happy to bend over and open wide, assisting Jimbo Wales to wipe the fetid presence of Larry out of Wikipedia altogether. [1]
Of course, Jimbo Wales is well aware of the intense criticism he faces as the supreme leader of his cabal of vitally important editors and researchers on Wikipedia. As such, Jimbo Wales is now moving to ensure that his edits and bans are democratically vetted and that others will carry on the work when he is otherwise occupied. Although easily found most times trolling Wikipedia like an arbitrarily epic fucktard, and claiming that he's only doing it for the lulz, it is a known fact that he only does it to compensate for a horrific run-in he had as a young man with a person of indeterminate gender. Needless to say, he got pwnt.
Redefining WP:COItus
In 2006, Jimbo Wales decided to lend his personal support to notorious stalker and Fox News "babe" (see the pig) Rachel Marsden's struggle to remove facts from her Wikipedia article. This naturally led to secks. In February 2008, Jimbo Wales was outed by gossip site Valleywag as being in a steamy relationship with Ms. Marsden. After being fired by Fox, Rachel boasted that "I was on a date that night in Georgetown with someone exponentially more high-profile and infinitely more secure in his manhood than Greg Gutfeld." Who knew that it would it would be the Sole Flounder? Characteristically modest, Rachel described the encounter as "24 hours of marathon sex."
A stunned coworker remarked:
—Danny, from his trailer |
In an awesome act of investigative journalism, the Valleywag recovered the logs of Jimbo and Rachel cybering complete with a desire to have "incredible sex" and buy a corporate Wikia jet to fuck in.
Jimbo Wales blew his wad so hard that he tried to move Wikipedia to Jew York instead of Collyfornia where it's going. Jimbo Wales plans to move to NY himself so he can get moar on his Wikimedia Foundation and Wikia expense accounts. This has betrayed Bimbo's true vision of "Wikipedia" as his personal brothel.
Can Lust Last through THIS?
Jimbo Wales prolly won't be getting moar Rachel Marsden anyhoo. OMFG, the irony!
—Valleywag writer |
On March 1st, Jimbo Wales became the first person in history to dump a girlfriend via Wikipedia, although Sgt. Snowpake had previously dumped a BOYfriend Nathanr on Wikipedia. Not even loving Rachel enough to text her the bad news, he posted a message on his talk page. Now that's cold! Since this is Rachel Marsden we're talking about here, brace yourselves for several weeks of stalking and related drama. After reading this prediction, Rachel, in ever-classy psychobitch style, retaliated by putting Jimbo's smelly garments up for sale on eBay. Included in the sale is a t-shirt smeared with Jimmyjuice. WordBomb has bid for the precious genetic material containing shirt in the hope of cloning Jimbo. To further her vengeance, Rachel leaked their goodbye email as well.
—Rachel on her choice in men, |
Marsden also leaked an internet chat that revealed the truth about Jimbo's conflict of interest-laden attempt to help poor Rachel whitewash her article. This directly contradicts Jimbo's claim that he wasn't meddling with the Rachel Marsden article while fucking her.
—Jimbo Wales admits he's knee-deep in shit, |
—Jimbo Wales channels Bill Clinton |
Sue Gardner
Jimbo is reported to have been seen making out with Sue Gardner, the Executive Director of the Wikimedia Foundation before Wales hired her.
Sell Out
Jimbogate, or "OMFG, Jwales Betrays the Holy Ideals of Teh Interwebz"
Only days after the sordid details of the Marsden fiasco were unveiled for all the world to see, Jimbo was hit with yet another scandal. Jeffrey Vernon Merkey, the notorious Internet lawyer, self-diagnosed computer genius and former Novell token fake Indian, brazenly announced that he paid Jimbo and the Wikimedia Foundation $5,000 to remove libel from his Wikipedia article. This "removal" involved censoring the fact that Jeff Merkey is a vexatious, sue-happy litigant who once tried to serve papers against a Yahoo forum that made fun of him and against 200 John Doe's who laughed at his stupidity. In a typical display of unwarranted self-importance, Jeff posted a TL;DR rant to the foundation mailing list:
—Merkey, once again high out of his mind on peyote |
When reading this, keep in mind that Merkey is a confirmed abuser of hallucinogenic toads and has a peyote plot behind his trailer, just like all wikipedos he is wikiholic.
The Old media, long thought dead, immediately reached out of its grave to drag a Web 2.0 giant down. So much for the "free encyclopedia" eh?
Sex life
Courtesy of Valleywag and Jimbo's ex-girlfriend:
Quotes
—From an email sent to Lir |
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Contrast
—Wikipedia front page. |
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Writing Abilities
—Jimmy |
M@D SK1Lz
Jimbo Wales is apparently a MediaWiki newbie. Here someone teaches Jimbo Wales something that anyone could find out by simply looking in their user preferences. Some people are in disbelief at this. So Jimbo Wales reasserts his ignorance and says, "It was a totally serious comment by Cyde. Among top wikipedians it is well known that I am a clueless editor. :)" This is the dumbass who has the final say on all Wikipedia content, mind you.
Luv Letters 2 Jimbo Wales
WHEN DER JIMBO SAYS, VE IST DER MASTER RACE
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
NOT TO LOVE DER JIMBO IS A GREAT DISGRACE, SO
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
VEN HERR SANGER SAYS, "I HATE THIS STUPID PLACE",
HE LEAVES! LEAVES! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
VEN DER JIMBO SAYS " I ALONE MADE THIS PLACE
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
IST VE NOT DER ADMINS HIER?
JA, VE IST DER ADMINS HIER!
SUPER DUPER ADMINS HIER!
ISS THIS WIKI NOT SO GOOD, WOULD YOU LEAVE IT IF YOU COULD?
JA! DER WIKI HERE IS GOOD, WE WOULD LEAVE IT IF WE COULD.
VE MAKE DER INTERNET NOT SUCK! [1]
HEIL JIMBO'S NEW WIKI ORDER!
EVERY SINGLE WEB USER, WILL LOVE DER JIMBO'S FACE AS WE HELP MAKE DER INTERNET NOT SUCK!
WHEN DER JIMBO SAYS, VE IST DER MASTER RACE
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
NOT TO LOVE DER JIMBO IS A GREAT DISGRACE, SO
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
VEN HERR SANGER SAYS, "I HATE THIS STUPID PLACE",
HE LEAVES! LEAVES! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
VEN DER JIMBO SAYS " I ALONE MADE THIS PLACE
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
HAF US ADMINS ANY FRIENDS? MANY FRIENDS, ADMIN FRIENDS? JA! US ADMINS, WE HAF FRIENDS, VE HAF MANY ADMINS FRIENDS.
LARRY SANGER IS OUR FRIEND, ANGIE BEESLEY ISS OUR FRIEND, AND HUANG HE IS OUR FRIEND, BUT WE'LL GET THEM IN THE END!
WE'VE TRIED TO BLOCK EACH USER!
BUT WE CAN'T BLOCK EACH USER!
WE ARE SO STINKING MAD THAT CANNOT BLOCK THEM SAD, SO VE HELP MAKE DER INTERNET NOT SUCK!
WHEN DER JIMBO SAYS, VE IST DER MASTER RACE
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
NOT TO LOVE DER JIMBO IS A GREAT DISGRACE, SO
VE HEIL! HEIL! RIGHT IN DER JIMBO'S FACE!
—Retrieved from Wikipedia:User:Jimbo Wales/Poems: a variation of a song from Donald Duck in Nutzi Land. Amazingly, the author has not been permabanned.
UPDATE: Whoops! Posted too soon. Here's the Unblock request for the lulz:
- Request reason: "This is unfair! I was never warned! Besides, what's wrong with comparing Jimbo to Hitler?"
What, indeed?
Another poem that seems to have been thrown his way
I thought I'd write an ode to the great Jimmy Wales,
Who it seemed, not even ED, could take the wind from his sails.
Click, edit, review, then enter,
Then he slept with a Fox News presenter.
It was at this point I lost respect for Jimbo,
While he had Rachel's leg akimbo.
And so ends this sorry tale,
Of a general failure of a male.
—Anon
CITATION NOT NEEDED
Debate Skills, à la GamerGate
Jimbo Wales is a pompous, corrupt Narcissist that loves power and money. Like all pompous Narcissists online, Jimbo assumed the moral high ground and let Wikipedia create fair and balanced coverage of the controversial scandal.
Lol disregard that. He lets Ryulong, weeaboo extraordinaire and some britbong named NorthBySouthBaronof, an asshole with a name almost as long as his ego, get away with whatever the hell they want to on the page. Literally whatever the hell they want.
GamerGate supporters were perfectly happy with people making broad, negative claims about them with citations from excellent academic sources such as Buzzfeed and Gawker. Jimbo, investigating claims that the article just wasn't too neutral enough alone decided to offer his two-cents worth on the controversy. Jimbo deleted an article on the GamerGate Wikia that did the absolute unthinkable: gather evidence of Wikipedia corruption. OH NOES!
Like all intellectuals, Jimbo made an ass of himself on Twitter shortly afterwards, showcasing his masterful usage of questionable logic.
-
Protip: If documenting corruption is an attack on your character, you have a shitty character!
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"Then change the story" he says while not letting GamerGate sympathizers voice their opinions.
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KotakuInAction mod confirmed. If you look closely, Jimbo uses feminazi logic.
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No, seriously.
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Uhm, Jimbo, they're called PUBLIC records for a reason.
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"If you claim to be about ethics in journalism, then stop collecting evidence of corruption within Wikipedia. We're not journalists, we're elitist basement dwellers. Get it right."
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Such a clear and balanced intro. Damn GamerGate, not liking this goldmine of knowledge.
-
Notice how Jimbo chooses to go after the racist aspect of this tweet (mentioned once) rather than the sexist aspect (mentioned twice). It's almost as if Jimmy knows that nobody cares about the abuse men get but still wants San Fransisco
bribesdonations. Little does Jimbo know that you can't be racist against white people! -
Jimbo tells the truth for a change
TL;DR: A whole lot of hypocracy and mental retardation.
Recreation
Living la vida loca
Jimmy Wales uses the donated money of the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation, to pay for his $650 wine, his $1,300 dinner, and his expenses at a Russian massage parlor [2]. Moreover, he travels more than the Pope, and even tried to claim to the Wikimedia Foundation the cost of a $0.54 train ticket, the prick. Some wonder if the students who gave up their lunch money to donate to Wikipedia would have approved of that expense. Others argue that may be an embezzler,
But we knew that, amirite?
Republican... and an asshole?
—Jimbo Wales proving he's not a troll |
Assets
Jimbo Cash
Hey Trolls,
My name is Jimbo, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are fat, retarded, no-lifes who spend every second of their day trying to edit my online encyclopedia in bad faith. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever tried doing something good for the child in Africa? I mean, I guess it's fun making fun of my empire of free knowledge because it was written by people smarter than you, but you all take this to a whole new level. This is even worse than the John Seigenthaler scandal.
Don't be a troll. Just contribute with your best knowledge. I'm pretty much perfect. I am the head of the Wikimedia Foundation, and co-founder of Wikia. What online organizations have you founded, other than "coordinating trolls to change the hard facts in the English Wikipedia"? I also get to spend public donations on Russian hookers, and had a banging hot ex-girlfriend (When she blew me, shit was SO gonna end up on eBay). You are all trolls who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and Rachel Marsden
Jimbo's Penis
A little known fact is that Jimbo Wales has an absolutely massive penis; it is connected to his body at the neck.
—#wikipedia-en |
The Crusades
Wikipe-tan Crusade
Despite there being a large following for the coupling of Jimbo and Wikipe-tan in various fan fiction tales, Jimbo hates the idea of he and Wikipe's love so much that he will delete any mention of it. He has also deleted images of her that people have uploaded to the Commons, saying that they are too erotic. Luckily, they are available for you on ED.
Porn Crusade
Recently, Jimbo started a crusade against watching art/porn on Wikimedia sites.
- conversation, attempting to justify his deletion of a Félicien Rops drawing on the grounds that it's pornographic.
- Fox News reports that Jimbo is flushing all images of genitals and nudity on all Wikimedia sites due to pressure from Larry Sanger, the FBI and of course, Fox News.
- Wikimedia Commons' Sexual Content
—Wikipedo Maedin, overlooking that one can easily jack off to 19th century art |
- Jim on Gossamer talks about the porn removal
- May 9: The Register's Cade Mentz also likes to spell it 'pron'
- May 10: BBC: Whales cedes rights in response to caving into Sanger's demands to remove ancient nudez
- May 14: Porn Pressure Shakeup
Child molester
Jimbo divorced his first wife, after she accused him of raping their daughter. Incest loving-porn macro was involved in procuring child pornography before, but was trying to whitewash his crimes and put memory of his early child-pornographer days under the rug. But he couldn't resist anal raping his own demented daughter, in the presence of his fat wife. Unlike Pedolanski, Jimbo does not have a licence to rape underage girls, but sodomizing his own child is deemed OK by most wikipedia admins, who are pedophiles too.
Racism Crusade
Recognizing the increasing value in censoring free speech while labeling people he disagrees with as prejudiced and lacking NPOV, Jimbo wants us to know that he'll PROTECT THE CHILDREN.
This has caused some concern among his fellow Wikipedians, who were already alarmed by his Wikimedia Commons crusade against all erotic or nude images.
Don't Cry for Me, Wikipedia®...
It would seem that almost overnight, the God-King and his project have jumped the shark and he does not even know it. It is as if you could just take a copy of the libretto to the 1996 film Evita and simply do a global substitute to "J. D. Wales" for "Evita" or some such and you would have an entirely applicable filksong of remarkable aptness. The possibilities are endless. The possibilities open up in a vista of stunning breadth. You can read the whole script here and do the filksong in your head. Let us just review the highlights.
- The sad reality is that Wales will not even be as notable or important as Eva Perón.
- High Flying, Adored (a shame he did it all at thirty-six) Let us not waste the space, Let us not waste the space here: read the lyrics and do the filksong in your head
- Wales' greatest failure was failing to gesticulated with just a kow-tow or two to the leadership of mainland China, which, nuclear-armed and space-faring nation that is it, reversed engineered the "technology" of his project in a few weeks and called it 百度百科. May the spirit of Richard Nixon spit in Wales' living face for being so egotistical and short-sighted, just like Peron (pick either one). And now, just like that other Lost Cause, Carly Fiorina, they want to make him a Senator. No joke: http://www.facebook.com/jimmywales2012 , http://draftjimmywales.wordpress.com/ . Mostly, no joke. Sort of. Kinda.
ED And now he wants to be a Senator FLORIDA VOTERS That was the over-the-top, unacceptable suggestion We didn't approve but we couldn't prevent The games of the God-King who's rather spent But to fill his intentions, encouragement He's out of his depth and out of the question.
Only one YouTube video? What a shame...Which one to pick...let us see...for Kira's write-pulling, back-stabbing Dad, let us try "High Flying, Adored".
Gallery
See Also
- Angela, Jimbo Wales' jizz receptacle and co-founder of Wikia.
- Ayn Rand
- Gary Weiss - bribed Jimbo Wales into letting him own several articles (we're not making this up)
- Jimbo Wales' Japan Tour, 2007
- Badass
- Wales
External Links
Articles
- Jimbo's Birthday an article by Wikitruth
- Jimbo Wales, cheater and prolific nigra on Dontdatehimgirl!
- Jimbo Wales shot dead
- CBC reports on the Marsden Breakup
- How Jimbo spends Wikipedia’s donation money
Wikipedia
- Edit Wars on Jimbo Wales' User Page
- Jimbo Wales thinks Jimbo Wales is Jesus lol!
- Only if Jesus was an asshole though.
- Jimbo Wales hates Jimbo Wales' own article, just like Angela.
- Unsurprisingly, he has been banned many times
- "Our annual expenses are less than six million dollars..."
Wikisource/news
- Jimbo Wales is gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
- Renamed 1 (Jimbo Wales) uploads an educational ejaculation animation
- Jimbo betrayed by WikiNews
Contacts
PROTIP: To get past his email filters, put Wikipedia and interview related things on the name, like "WIKIPEDIA WIKI INTERVIEW JOURNALIST PS YOU ARE GAY WIKISOURCE WIKINEWS WIKI WIKI I HATE YOU YOU FAGGOT WIKIPEDIA WIKI WIKI WIKISOURCE ADMIN WIKI YOU LIKE THE COCK WIKI WIKI WIKIPEDIA NEWSPAPER".
The Valleywag papers
- Jimbo Wales voted for NY not SF.
- Secks is in NY so Jimbo's moving there anyway.
- Censor article, PROFIT!!!1!
- OMG vandalbait, HURRY, protect the fucking article!
- The chat logs
- While wikipedian burns jimmy wales and women in bikinis save world on fire.
Beard of the Year
- Don't miss the opportunity to vote for Jimbo Wales as "Beard of the Year". Contender #10
Jimbo Wales is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
Jimbo Wales is part of a series on Visit the Wikipedia Portal for complete coverage. |
Jimbo Wales is part of a series on Web 2.0 |
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Article of the Nao May 9, 2011 | ||
Preceded by Your Mom |
Jimbo Wales | Succeeded by Playstation 3 |