Natalie Portman

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Sexy savant or horrible Hebrew? You decide.

Natalie Portman is a snooty Israeli-American Jewess with tiny tits. Despite her present popularity, she becomes less suitable as a fap target by the month.

Biography

Natalie Portman was born in the land of the terrorists like over 25 years ago or something. Like the typical Jewish celebrity, Portman claims that her grandparents died in Auschwitz. Her real last name is the horrifyingly Jewish Hershlag, but she changed it to the upstanding British name Portman in an attempt to keep people from accidentally vomiting every time they tried to pronounce her last name. She was discovered in a pizza parlor at the age of 12 by a pedophile who claimed he was a model scout. For the next several years, she starred in a shitload of movies and got an education.

Natalie epitomizes the typical Jew: neither she nor her family are religious and she claims to not believe in an afterlife or God. At the same time, she's enjoying life as one of God's "chosen". She went to Jewish private schools, says she wants to live the rest of her life in Israel, wants to raise her kids Jewish, etc.

Like Hitler, Natalie has been a vegetarian since childhood. Sadly, the lack of exposure to essential nutrients from hormonally treated meat has left her with tiny, shriveled breasts that resemble raisins.

Myths and Facts about Natalie Portman

Myth – Natalie Portman knows politics

Natalie pretends to know politics, much like most of Hollywood.

Fact – Natalie Portman is a Jew

Having a funny shaped nose, being from Israel and having the last name Hershlag all suggest that she might be Jewish. However, being in – count 'em – one, two, three terrible Star Wars movies and shaving her hair, all for money? Definitive proof.

Fact – Natalie Portman prefers intelligence over movie star

In a further attempt to swerve attention from her money and power hungry Jewishness, Natalie stated "I don't care if college ruins my career. I'd rather be smart than a movie star" in an interview with Faux News.

Gallery of 100% Not Fake Pics

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  T'was a trap
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  You so dead.
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  DO IT FAGGOT
• Shopped
  Shopped
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  Stopping by the spooge shop
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  BDS_hoppedM
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  Shopping for fake breasts
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  Shopping at Hot Topic
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  Shopping for it
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  Shop Wars, Episode II
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  Delicious!