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The Royal Family

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This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT The most important Britfags on Earth are a bunch of German Nazis who seized power in the 18th Century and changed their surname from "Saxe-Coburg-Gotha" to "Windsor" so everyone would forget!!!1

The British Royal Family can trace its roots back to Denmark's King Cunt and to Transylvania's Count Dracula, and is one of the oldest institutions in the world. It is famous for its valuable contributions to civilisation, such as the 60,000Hz fart and the art of sniffing coke off footmen.


This article is paid for by decent, honest, hard-working, salt o' the earth British taxpayers like you.

Thanks a lot, Broken Britain.



   
“ 		 
Fuck off you! I'm having the crown!
  		„
  		 

—Prince Charles, to the rest of the crew

The family's recent leader (now dead lol) was old enough to remember when gays, divorce and abortion were illegal, when the average Briton pronounced the word “house” as “hice”, freely used words like “nigger” and “chinky”, forced their own children to sweep chimneys, shot lots of wildlife, forced their loyal subjects to toil endlessly in Dark Satanic Mills and enjoyed equestrian events. It is very rare for anyone who is in the Royal Family to do anything in that list except during important state ceremonies.

The Royal Family are also known as "The World's Richest Welfare Scroungers."

How to play

 
King Edward VIII (AKA The Artist Formerly Known As David, Prince of Wales) and his "girlfriend" meet a family friend in 1936. Shortly after this picture was taken King Edward was forced to abdicate due to a disagreement, becoming instantly demoted from King and Duke of Windsor instead, before dying in exile and now we don't talk about him, the end.
 
The man?/woman?/goblin?spy who loved him.

The oldest member of The Family is the Monarch, and therefore exercises the Royal Prerogative over the entire Kingdom until He or She dies. (Unless He or She abdicates, which hasn't happened since recorded history began and anyway we never talk about it).

At the Instant of Sedevacantissimus, the ex-Monarch's first-born becomes Monarch and every Briton who has entered into Communion with the Church of England simultaneously recites the ancient and aweing words:

   
“ 		 
The King is dead!

Long live the King!
 

„
  		 

A Holy ritual therefore confirms throughout the hushed and expectant realm the commandment of The Lord God Above Almighty Himself that the rebirth of British power must be repeated over and over again and again for all eternity.

Rinse and repeat the above ad libitum, ad infinitum.

This never-ending cycle of sacred destruction and renewal is called the Monarchy because it is very monarchy.

The Monarchy used to own nearly all of the world's second-lowest inhabitants, but Earth's very vilest vermin were reduced to being merely a minor annoyance by the dedicated efforts of a very close family acquaintance.

However, the Monarchy went bankrupt because it was forced to have a fight with Nazi Germany.

Then the USA finally got its revenge for the War of Independence by blackmailing cash-strapped Britain until the nation gave away its Empire (and then America grabbed the newly-abandoned former British territory of Palestine and filled it with Kikes instead, just because they could). That's what they mean when they talk about their "special relationship."

So now the Monarchy only runs Britain.

Disregard that. The Monarchy also owns a few other bits and pieces like the Channel Islands and the Bahamas.

 
Figure A: The iron filings represent the legislative process in Britain.
Question: Can you see the Monarchy?

Although when in the Channel Island States of Jersey the Monarch is not King or Queen but the Duke of Normandy (and gets presented with two stuffed ducks on a silver platter every time He or She visits).

Oh yeah, and I suck cocks again because the Monarchy is still in charge of Australia and Canada too. Probably some others.

And most of the UK's former colonies agreed in the 1950s to become the Commonwealth, AKA The British Empire: Episode II.

So, actually, yeah, I suppose the Monarchy still has some clout to its name.

(N.b., The present Monarch doesn't actually run the Commonwealth, but it feels that way to everyone involved and it keeps Her quiet. How this new arrangement will pan out when Her son takes over as Monarch is something that no-one talks about).

The Rules of Ruling

The Monarch has a number of powers at His or Her command (originating waaaay back in the mists of time) that are too boring to go into here, but pretty important to running the country.

Almost everyone who is important or powerful in Britain is a complete arse-licker to the Monarchy living in the constant hope of being rewarded with an obscure but significant mediaeval title in the Monarch's regular Honours Lists.

(There are two regular Honours Lists, one is published at Christmas and the other on the Monarch's birthday. However, the Monarch has two birthdays and no-one can remember which one is the important one. No-one understands why the Monarch has two birthdays.)

This is why Britain will almost certainly never get rid of the Royal Family - the entire game is invisibly rigged from top to bottom to the Monarch's personal advantage, which is apparently something no anti-monarchist can get through their thick skull.

In fact, the Monarch is so deeply entwined within the fabric of the nation itself that Britain's original system of measurement was derived from the dimensions of the Moarchy's Most Royal Personages. Together, a number of Monarchs gave us a set of what are (for obvious reasons) called Imperial units.

For example, the British Imperial "Yard" (or "91.4 centimeters" as it's known by everyone else) is defined as the length of a Monarch's right arm.

This means that the Monarch is quite literally "a ruler."

 
By law, 13 randomly-selected Crown subjects must pretend at all times that it's still the 18th Century within the Monarch's Presence.

However, despite having all this influence and prestige, being the Monarch is actually a really, really shitty sort of a job.

You can never speak your mind about anything despite the fact that you have to attend the grand opening of new cheapo supermarkets and dogshit-strewn council playgrounds twice a week.

Disregard that: I suck cocks. Charles III is already proving to be a grumpy old man with Tourette's, just like his dad.

You also have to make a State Visit to some stinking hellhole full of dirty wogs every other month.

You get dragged out to these things because only you are universally acclaimed as representing the ultimate fulfilment of the nation's hopes and dreams of meeting the most awesome guest of honour imaginable.

At home, your every waking moment will be really fucking confusing because you are meant to leading your nation into the glorious future but everything around you indicates that time is really running in reverse.

This is because you meet new people every day and all of them will IRL troll you.

They do this by being dressed in ancient clothes and refusing to say anything to you that isn't a mixture of Olde Worlde Englishe, pre-Norman French and Latin, and bowing and curtseying whenever you look at them.

(It doesn't help that you have to have to live in a castle that is older than the discovery of the world being a globe).

You are not allowed to retire and will die while working full time and still have an infinite number of tasks ahead of you.

Then again, if you're lucky, you might go to bed one day because you're feeling a bit ill and end up recovering thanks to a generous helping of soothing herbal remedies administered through the loving care of your eldest son.

The above paragraph describes exactly what happened to the current Monarch's granddad in 1936, upon whose peaceful departure his first-born son instantly became the new King Edward VIII while simultaneously acquiring the ultimate power of total legal immunity for having taken care of his own father.

For the privilege of slowly tormenting each new figurehead of this never-ending succession of fuckwits to the point of insanity on a daily basis and eventually into their grave, British citizens pay just 69 pence each, per year, which is outstanding value for such world-class non-stop IRL entertainment.

By contrast, the BBC licence fee is £145.50 a year.

Not related to the Monarch? Then you're His or Her subject and will therefore amount to nothing of any real significance. You don't get to roll your dice again and wish for three sixes, because you're out of The Game before it even started. (God Fuck You).

Queen Elizabeth II

 



 
Her Majesty's Authorised Royal Countenance
Her subjects are legally required to carry as many copies of the portrait as possible, for tax purposes.
 
Evil uncle Edward VIII (right) and the Queen Mother (left) teach Princess Elizabeth to be a Nazi

The present Monarch until recently, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II (although that's just one of Her many, many, official titles), AKA Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth The First when visiting her other Kingdom (i.e., the former nation once referred to as "Scotland"), has reigned over Britain since there was something worth ruling over. Now she is left with the dregs.

She was temporarily deposed by Margaret Thatcher in 1989 when she was made Fuhrer after the Falkland putsch. The Queen (God Bless Her) was reinstated in 1990 when the country realised Thatcher was a regular fucking scare-the-bairns and that the Queen, conversely, (God Bless Her) reminds us all of Nan. Especially so when you consider that she has had four kids by three different dads. Seriously, see here

 

Born in 1937, Her Majesty combines the traditional British virtues of wealth, inscrutability, living in a castle and having servants who wear the same uniforms and wigs that they did 300 years ago. She does not speak, ever, except for ten minutes each Christmas Day, when She broadcasts a TL;DR speech unto the entire nation. Tuning in to hear what Her voice sounds like is a modern British tradition. She is accompanied at all times by a bell-rope, upon which She tugs in order to summon a servant, who interprets what She wants from Her facial expression, which never changes.

Not only does Her Most Royal Face appear on all the money in Britain because She owns the Royal Mint, she is also in control of the Post Office, the Passport Office, MI5, MI6 and the entire Civil Service, among many, many other national institutions.

As a rule of thumb, if you are complaining to a company and no-one you speak to seems to know the Chief Exec's internal phone extension, then you'd be wise to get some manners double-quick and apologise humbly for bothering them in the first place.

The Queen (God Bless Her) also owns every swan in Britain and shooting Royal fowl is therefore the highest form of treason still on the statute books in Britain, which is why there was such a national outcry when immigrants from Eastern Europe were caught eating her swans. The guilty thieving treacherous smelly immigrants were swiftly arrested and brought to justice.

Justice is, coincidentally, Her Majesty's part-time job as She is also the ultimate authority presiding over the administration of the British Royal Courts of Justice. This is the reason that a Court is called a "Court" in the first place (well, duh!). ,Her personal Majesty gives Her judicial representatives the title of "Magistrate" and her Crown gives Her representatives who investigate deaths the title of "Coroner" (holders of the second of the two positions are very handy to Her Majesty for many reasons). Convicted prisoners are said to be "detained at Her Majesty's pleasure" in Her Majesty's Prisons.

Face facts, pal - you can't win because Her Majesty IS the fucking law.

This Royal system of justice caused a highly-unusual situation during the trial of former royal butler Paul Burrell. It was revealed that Burrell had privately told Her Majesty that he would be taking care of valuable items from the Palace of an obscure and now-forgotten minor Royal who had just become irrelevant. But he was on trial because a couple of years after speaking to Her Majesty, he had been suddenly arrested and charged with stealing the items in question instead - which, if true, would have been an act of TREASON that of course would have resulted in him being jailed for the rest of his life. Legally, Her Majesty's conversation with Burrell meant that Her entire justice system already knew in advance that Burrell was innocent and that the Queen (God Bless Her) was therefore the star witness for the defence as well as being in charge of the whole prosecution in the first place.

The trial was therefore dropped as fast as if it were a handful of hot shit and never mentioned again.

The Queen (God Bless Her) may sit on a cushion and gaze out of the window 90 per cent of the time, but She is no couch potato. In between waving at tourists, Trooping The Colour, and launching ships in Her Majesty's Navy, She is also head of the international narcotics trade.

During Her spare time she keeps Her Most Royal Mind occupied by plotting to recapture Her former colonies in the New World. She intends to fulfil Her schemes by deploying mental puppet Prime Ministers who will encourage stupid US presidents into launching costly and disastrous wars until Her former colonial subjects beg Her to come back.

Whenever the British electorate can't make its mind up who ought to be Her puppet Prime Minister, Her Majesty just appoints one of Her many relatives instead.

Her Majesty mourned the sad but inevitable passing the late 666 year old Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother (God Bless Her) in 2002 in order to cover up her role in the accidental death in 1997 of some minor Royal whose name is now lost to history. Since Her Majesty the Queen Mother's death, several gin distilleries have gone out of business and bookie takings have slumped by at least 80 per cent. However, Her Majesty has managed to inject replacement funding into the economy by ordering 190,435 new hat-pins and handbags, as well as a millennium's supply of sealing wax.

Because She is the Queen, no-one else in the Royal Family matters. (Except Prince Charles, and chances are She's going to outlive him anyway). (2022 update:the tables have turned and Charles ended up murdering the Queen and stole her throne)

It is common knowledge that the Queen (God Bless Her) does not go to the toilet. This is because She has no arsehole. Like an owl, She regurgitates the bones and fur of Her meals in the form of pellets. These pellets are highly-sought after by other European nations, due to their magical properties of restoring deposed monarchies, of which Europe has plenty.

Royal deathwatch, Christmas 2016


2016 was truly a year to remember... with a shudder. As Christmas approached, many highly-experienced conspiracy retards experts noticed that the Queen's personal life was taking a rather sinister turn as she completed her 90th calendar year. As you can see from the following gallery, it was widely accepted as inevitable that HMQ would kark it over the festive period, to put the absolute crowning glory on what the old girl herself would call an "Annus Horribilis."

Judge for yourself...



Will all these dire omens prove accurate?

Evil twin

Princess Margaret, Her Majesty's younger sister (born 1891), added greatly to the gaiety of the nation for many decades because she had about as much money, prestige and influence as it's possible to have in Britain without actually having to be the Queen -- and absolutely no responsibilities whatsoever plus complete legal immunity!

As soon as her sister's first son was born, Margaret knew she would never have to do any work and so spent the rest of her life on her private Caribbean island, where she fucked 100 filmstars, drank gin via an intravenous drip, smoked 80 cigarettes a day, snorted half-kilos of cocaine every 30 minutes through a 24-carat gold nose-hose with her Coat of Arms engraved upon it, and drove around in open-top sports cars shooting at photographers while shouting "Naff Orff!" at anyone she didn't recognise.

All this was done to make the Queen (God Bless Her) jealous. However, Her Majesty got Her Most Royal Revenge in the 1970s when she told Margaret's boyfriend to GTFO because he was divorced, and divorce was not legal within the Church of England (and still wasn't until another 30 or so years had passed).

Margaret ended up so mental that she managed to seriously injure both of her feet by standing in a bath of boiling water and soon died quite young, considering the vast age the women of the Royal Family tend to reach.

Her Majesty's Most Loyal Husband

 
PHILIP MAH BOIIIIII!!!

Remember that bit about the Queen (God Bless Her) not having an arsehole? Well, it wasn't strictly true.

And here he is. Please be upstanding for:

His Royal Highness Prince Philip (AKA The Artist Formerly Known As His Excellency Prince Philippos of The House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg until he changed his surname to "Mountbatten" to annoy his wife because She refused to change Her surname when they married, AKA The Duke of Edinburgh).

Philip was emasculated by Her Majesty when She rode him up the aisle, fucked him up the arse with Her Orb and Sceptre and forever robbed him of the chance of being King of the greasy wops - WTF!!! Show the bitch where the kitchen is, amirite? However, Philip went along with this, because he was flat fucking broke at the time, due to Greece's monarchy getting pwnt by Hitler, and so he needed the money. And Princess Elizabeth (as She was at the time) thought he was HAWT.

In response to the shame of having the wife wear the trousers and steal his penis, Philip developed a keen sense of hatred towards the human race and resorted to the life of the troll, mostly at her expense. That'll learn the cunt, Phil!

Despite the fact that Philip has no constitutional role whatsoever and is only significant because he impregnated the Queen (God Bless Her), he has definitely got the upper hand.

This is because the Queen (God Bless Her) is the Supreme Governor of the Church of England, which was established when her ancestor Henry VIII told the Pope to STFU sometime in the middle of the last millennium. Since the Monarch replaced the Pope as head of Christianity in England, this makes the Queen (God Bless Her) officially next in line to God for Her church-going subjects, although female commoners were not allowed to become priests in England until the 21st Century.

Philip, however, literally pwns his wife because although She thinks She's all that because She is next in line to God, Philip himself actually IS God!

As befits the Deity incarnate, Philip is the greatest IRL troll in the UK, using his position to humiliate and embarrass everyone he meets with absolutely no danger of them answering him back or smacking him in the chops because they would immediately get shot dead by the Secret Service, all while constantly making the Queen (Philip Bless Her) cringe with silent shame as the unwilling straight-man in their double-act.

  • "Where did you get that hat?" - To his wife, immediately after her coronation (1953)
  • "If you stay here much longer, you'll all get slitty-eyed." - Advice to British students in China (1986)
  • "It looks like it was put in by Indians." - said after he saw a poorly-constructed fusebox (1999)
  • "And what exotic part of the world do you come from?" (said to Lord Taylor of Warwick, who replied: "I'm from Birmingham.") - (1999)
  • "You look like you're ready for bed!" - Said to the President of Nigeria, who was dressed in traditional robes
  • "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?" - to a Scottish driving instructor (Hey, Philip knows what he's on about, he's the fukken Duke of Edinburgh)
  • "They have eating dogs for the anorexic these days" - to Susan Edwards, who has a guide dog, due to being blind (2002)
  • “You look like you could lose a bit of weight.” - to a schoolboy who expressed an ambition to become an astronaut (2013)
  • "Never pass up a chance to go to the loo or to take a poo." - When asked his secret for dealing with public appearances - GENIUS!
 
Unlike his wife, Philip does have an arsehole.
(But it doesn't always work as expected).

Since Philip has the greatest trophy wife in the entire Kingdom, all the ladies are fizzing at the bunghole for their furrows to be ploughed with some of that Kingly seed.

Philip has been romantically linked to many, many beautiful and aristocratic women, but there isn't any hard evidence of what he's been up to, because MI5 agents pay them a visit and scare the shit out of them.

This does away with any PROBLEM, BRITAIN? about the possibility of an unusual birth certificate appearing or of any annoying doctors making any incriminating notes in their treatment records.

Apparently, despite being nearly 100, Philip has still "got it", which gives female members of his official staff the occasional "funny turn".

Despite all these harmless distractions, Her Majesty and His Royal Highness have allegedly produced quite a few children of their own.

Their brats (and their brats (and their brats))

If the Monarchy is to continue, the family have to keep breeding.

And like any family of immigrants who come to Britain to experience the nation's unlimited free money, they breed like fucking rabbits, so the place is overrun with them.

Here are a few of the least unimportant.

HRH Charles, Prince of Wales


 


 
Charles pictured with his long time lover and mistress, Camilla the horse (before after she had plastic surgery)

Prince Charles is the son of Prince Philip of Edinburgh and Queen Elizabeth II, and believes that he has been "sent by God to change the world".

He was married to someone whose name we forget And is currently married to Princess Camila, The horse. Except she's not a Princess, you dumbass, she's a Duchess, and she's only that because Charles is also a Duke, it was a morganatic marriage (look it up) and she only got the title through wedlock. The Palace wouldn't have dared to make Camilla the Princess of Wales (even though as Charles's significant other, she is entitled to be styled thus), for fear of outraging the public!

Although he may not have inherited good looks from his mother, the Queen, during his unsuccessful and now little-mentioned first marriage he estimated that he had sex with at least 7 dozen horses, and said that the reason he stuck with camilla is because her anus was just barely big enough for him, being able to get his entire arm into it. He is also the father of Prince Harry off Wales and Prince William of Wales. The fact that his father and child are nazis is also proof that nazism skips a generation.

HRH Prince William and HRH Prince Henry of Wales (Jnr)
 
How we prefer to remember Prince Willy...

Respectively, the "Heir" and the "Spare".

No one cares about Prince William ("the Hair") since he changed overnight from being kinda cute to completely fugly, and when all's said and done he's turned out to be a really dull kinda guy anyway. He doesn't even talk to vegetables like his dad or take part in sedan chair races like his granddad.

But Prince Henry ("The Spare", AKA "Harry") is much more fun.

Since he almost certainly won't become King*, Harry has kicked back to become the motorbikin', gun-totin', dope-smokin', strip-pool shootin', acceptable face torso Ginger of Nazism.

With his brother now no longer eligible, Harry has become a major fap dream for young American girls who have daydreams about his big throbbing Royal cock.

He is a complete legend who promises to take over the duties of "Renegade Royal" where his great-aunt HRH Princess Margaret left off, providing much-needed lulz to a grateful nation for many years to come.

 
Harry in the family's traditional dress uniform.

TL;DR:

Harry: Would fuck you senseless behind the bushes in the Palace gardens and then he'd break your heart but you'd still forgive him because he's such a dashing bounder.

William: Would cum on your leg before you'd even touched him, and then cry.

(* = Aſſiduouſ and prayerful ſcholarſ will be wise to the fact that if Harry were to become King, he would have the ſame title aſ The Even Younger Pretender, Henry IX of England and I of ſo-called "ſcotland". Aſ yet, however, there is but ſcanty evidence that the Prince haſ entered into Communion with the Romiſh Pope, but we are monitoring the ſituation with concern)

TREASON!! In 2008 an American-based website told Al-Qaeda where Prince Harry was fighting in Afghanistan so that he would be easier to blow up with a roadside bomb.

Other helpful information for potential assassins -

  • Code name: Widow 67
  • Call Sign: Budgie

This information was all leaked by the CIA as part of a sinister master plan to destroy the Monarchy that was devised and put into practice by the Monarchy's rebellious former colonies.

Be warned: Britain stands ready at all times to defend the honour and glory of the Monarchy.

HRH Princess Katherine, Duchess of Cambridge
 
This photo was taken in France while the Duchess spread eagled herself for all to see.
 
Little Prince George
Apparently not a vampire

Kate Wales née Middleton was an absolute nobody until she met Prince William at university and pretended that she had got pregnant with his lovechild in order to force the panicking princeling into marrying her before his Grandmother found out and did something about him. But then - Surprise! - it turned out she really was pregnant after all and she gave birth to Prince George the Umpteenth.

Since William had turned out looking quite like his Grandfather, the media have now refocused their infatuation with everything related to his now-forgotten mother who we never mention onto his wife instead.

Nowadays, the average Britfag can't walk out of their house without seeing photos of her everywhere and aeroplanes flying overhead, skywriting the lyrics to the National Anthem in red. white and blue smoke, with the word "Kate" instead of the word "Queen". Even Amerifags aren't safe from her bullshit, as their celebrity obsessed media will publish hundreds of stories about whatever she did today above all other more important shit, making her the Kim Kardashian of Britain.

Famous for doing nothing but looking pretty, getting her boobies posted all over the internet, then trying to get them taken down again. As you can see, the picture itself is rather shitty (as are her tits for that matter).

But it has to be mentioned that everyone was amazed when William announced he wasn't going to marry a German. What with his father's first attempt at marriage to a non-German, that we never mention, the possibility now exists that in just a few centuries Britain could finally achieve its dream of having a Monarch who is more than three per cent British.

HRH Prince Andrew, Duke of York

Nonce.

 

"Princess Britney of Monaco"

 
You would, wouldn't you?

Generic term for the confusing crowd of identikit Z-list younger royals who get their tits out, have sex with anyone and hang around with deposed European royalty.

This honorary title is awarded in loyal memory of HRH Princess Margaret, whose antics while sequestered on her own private Caribbean island are described above, and which serve as model behaviour for each new generation of pointless parasites.

They don't actually do anything in return for their unlimited disposable income except remain on permanent standby to inherit some more money and appear in aristo-sleb gossip magazines such as Hello! and OK! Notable specimens include Their Royal Highnesses:
Lady Sara Philips
Hermione Granger
The Duchess of York, and her twin daughters, AKA...
... Beatrice and Eugenie*, the Princesses of York (Pictured left)
* = In her granddad's native language, Princess Eugenie's name means "well-bred"




Diverſe and ſundrie uſurperſ, pretenderſ and traitorſ who hath been vanquiſhed


  PRITHEE, TAKE A SOLEMN VOW OF SILENCE YOUR MAJESTY!
The realm deſireth NOT Thy entire chronicle of thrice-damn'd idolatorſ.
Nor wouldſt Thy ſubjectſ give a ſingle leper for Thy blood feud with ſome far-diſtant dynaſty.

Why doſt Thou not inſtead dedicate Thy ſoul unto reading the Bible and contemplating Thy family tree?

(And whilſt Thou art about it, how about doing penance by renouncing Thy luxurieſ and diſtributing Thy treaſureſ among the people?)



 


 
"Who's the Daddy?" - Let's do those all-important DNA results...
(Long and uncomfortable silence)
Well, well, well...
 
Our new flag must thwart vampyres
So it's definitely going to be a big plus.



 
Get well soon, England.

(10) IF PLAGUE > 0 GOTO 20
(20) IF USURY > 0 GOTO 30
(30) LET USURY = 0
(40) WAIT: GOTO 10



... HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

 



 
Not only waſ George III'ſ official wife Princeſſ Charlotte of Germany very ugly, ſhe waſ alſo a BLACKAMOORE.
Thiſ meanſ Elizabeth the Second iſ therefore an Octoroon.
(ſtill, at leaſt ſhe'ſ not a fucking Jew, eh?)
 
Figure B: Windsor Castle is the home of the Monarchy and equally ancient
Question: Can you explain why the Germans who arrived in 1701 changed their surname to Windsor in 1917?
 
Porphyria
AKA Dracula


 


(N.b., Her Majesty's fanbois will object that everyone who claimed to be a royal bastard born from the legal union of Hannah Lightfoot and George III was a pretender to the Throne).
(Their objections are completely correct and totally fucking irrelevant.)

Evidence

 
HRH Princess Beatrice sponsors The Porphyria Society. Please give Generously.
 
"'Sunrise', you say..?"


 
Beatrice (who draws blood from popstars with a ceremonial sword) and her good friend the blood-drinking Count Nikolai von Bismarck
 
Her great-grandfather George V whose grandson is the Queen's cousin Prince Michael of Kent...
 
... whose son Lord Frederick Windsor is one descendant of Frederick, Prince of Wales and whose mother Princess Michael of Kent is descended from...
 
... the father of Eleonore von Schwarzenberg
AKA "The Vampire Princess"
 
The Shwarzenberg dynasty's private 'church'...
 
... AKA "The Sedlec Ossuary"
 
... complete with their coat of arms...
 
The entire Royal Family's ancestor Vlad Dracula, seen here enjoying himself among an estimated 20,000 victims in "The Forest of Impalements", whose grandniece was...
 
... Countess Elizabeth Bathory of Hungary, who murdered and drank the blood of around 700 known victims.
 
Frederick, Prince of Wales's eldest son George III, who retreated to a castle and never saw daylight again.









See also

External Links

 
 
"We would've got away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"


 



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Article of the Nao May 1, 2011
Preceded by
Adolf Hitler 		The Royal Family Succeeded by
The Comprehensive Guide To Life
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JEWS DID WTC 		The Royal Family Succeeded by
Kirtaner
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