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Emery Bowman
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
Emery Bowman is a chubby pig-nosed teenage boy who is known for being two-faced and trying too hard to fit in with the edgetards of The Ranting Community. He lives in a boring ghost town known as Maple City, Kansas, where he spends most of his time online fishing for attention. Due to his loneliness, Emery has a very clingy personality, and will naturally latch on to people he meets like a dog humping his owner's leg. Emery desperately craves the approval of others, and is known to shift his views on life to match those of the people he's closest to, even if it means betraying some people along the way.
YouTube
Emery's YouTube channel has more or less stayed the exact same way as it was in 2014. However, that's not to say that Emery hasn't changed up repertoire. But it's usually a downgrade (if you could believe it). These days, Emery's videos consist of him regurgitating points made by his "friends" as a vain attempt to impress them. Emery's content so far has consisted of;
Tard Guard
Tard Guard is best summed up as "Content Cop; Lite". Since Idubbbz and Emery are both people who rely on saying nigger as their source of comedy, Emery figured "Why not follow in his footsteps?". This renders Emery as nothing more than a lazy knock-off. Even the name "Tard Guard" was stolen from the countless unfunny memes him and his friends circlejerk. Different to Content Cop, Emery decides to eliminate any structure to his videos on users and strictly makes response videos. Although Emery has wiped most his videos from YouTube, you're not missing much.
All of the videos were just carbon copies of targets his so called friends had already responded to.
Previous Video | Next Video
"Veganism"
Somewhere down the line, Emery's Tard Guard series quickly became 100% about Veganism. Again, you're not missing much. If you've seen one of his Vegan videos you've seen them all. They all repeat the general point that pwecious animals are being turned into bacon, and that makes Emery butthurt. Even though the people watching his channel agreed that nobody fucking cared, Emery continued anyway.
Interesting thing to note about Emery's Veganism, is that he's low-key Vegetarian. He'll secretly drink milk, and eat eggs, and ice-cream. Meanwhile he'll shame Vegetarians for being "too pussy" to be a Vegan. Not seeing the hypocrisy, Emery will continue to support the same industry he claims to have boycotted. It wouldn't be much of a surprise to find out that he's not even a Vegetarian either, those tasty Bacon burgers are too much for chunky Emery to give up.
Edginess
Emery is the type of person who thinks swearing and suicide jokes make him the funniest human being alive. He'll pretend to cut himself, harass girls on Facebook, and even take pictures of himself naked. (This will come into play later.) Generally, people who are his "friends" will be made fun of. He's even gone so far as to invade their privacy. Emery also used to have dozens of YouTuber parodies on his channel, where he'd fail at improv and replace part of the YouTuber's name with "shit." Emery eventually realised how cancerous these videos were and removed them all.
Emery also thinks blurting out random catchphrases makes him look clever, and not autistic in the slightest.
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Not So Slim Shady
Like any other middle-class white boy, Emery is a big fan of Eminem. He owns an Eminem poster, attempted to start a rap career, and even went so far as to bleach his hair. Well, at least he's not a juggalo.
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Ass Kissing
Emery Bowman's sycophantic behavior has made him lose many people's respect (if he had their respect in the first place). He's like that obsessive girlfriend that calls you every 5 minutes; the only difference is you're not going to let him give you head. Emery is known to spam people's inboxes trying to flatter them, and then beg them to join his Skype calls. He'll also attack people just to gain someone else's approval. Even after betraying somebody, Emery will play it off like he's innocent and plead for their forgiveness.
Previous Video | Next Video
Emery's Trolling Backfires
Last Thursday, Emery was in a Skype call with his "friends" Levon and BurnCoalition. Emery thought it would be lulzy to send RanterInShade's parents a link to Shade's YouTube channel, since they would make him delete his account if they found out about his videos. Emery, being the suck-up he is, later tried to pass it of as nothing personal and that he was just "kidding". However, Levon used a nude picture of Emery as blackmail if Emery told anyone that Levon had a part in it. Then Emery sent a screenshot of the messages he sent RanterInShade's parents to Shades himself.
Just to be on the safe side, Levon sent the nude picture to Razorath and told him to use it as blackmail. Razorath, not knowing what "blackmail" means, decided to make Emery the butt of the joke, so he sent the picture to TheRandomGangsta and RanterInShades. Then as an act of revenge, RanterInShades and OfficialGATG shared the picture on Facebook. Emery later tried to apologize to Shades, but Shades told him to fuck off.
Emery's Life Goals
Life Goals Accomplished
Here Comes Dad To Save The Day
Recently, Emery's dad had found this article and attempted to white knight his son by blanking the entire thing. Noble, but seeing as how this is a wiki and blankings can be undone in 2 seconds, It was all in vain, earning him a swift, hot stack of bancakes, his vandalism reverted, even more drama to contribute, and proof that the username he chose described him perfectly. Thanks!
Misc.
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Emery's dump of a bedroom. -
Middle of nowhere. -
Pink hair. -
Fat -
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Emery goes crying to Undertakerfreak1127. -
Emery "trolls" Someguy827. -
Emery "trolls" TakeShotAction. -
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Emery and his brother.
See Also
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