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Quentin Tarantino
Quentin Tarantino is an "indie" film director known for giving shitty actors a second shot at a career so they can ruin it again (e.g., John Travolta). His claim to fame is unapologetically stealing movies in their entirety and replacing the credits with his own. He is in every sense the Eric Bauman of the film industry, and recently has come up with his own version of the infamous watermark: "Presented by Quentin Tarantino".
His hype and popularity are kept by him being constantly masturbated over by 13 year old boys on the internet for his ground-breaking [citation needed] use of the term: "dead nigger storage".
Tarantino is idolized by 14 year old boys because his movies are circle jerks of senseless, excessive violence and swearing with no point or plot. Just lame excuses to show senseless violence and random outbreaks of racism and Orientalist fantasies about white people being submerged in Asian cultures. His movies depict the nonsensical, unfocused rage, angst and anti-social fantasies of bored, middle class suburban teenagers and young adults who aren't satisfied with the status quo but have no idea of what to do besides commit random acts of violence against niggers, chinks and guys in suits. They say his movies are "stylistic" but that's bullshit. They're just extended scenes of shooting, stabbing, swearing and drug using with no plot and shitty editing. Apparently having no plot means that your movies are "non-linear" (read: doesn't know how to use an editing machine) or depict "ordinary people". "Ordinary people" must have a lot of free time, dark pasts, and lots of guns. Despite all of these facts, it's still better than that Saw shit.
He is known for being a japanophile, and a complete and utter luser who speaks too fast and has a foot fetish. His unique facial features are a result of him using a jagged rock as a pillow when he sleeps. When he is not being a smarmy asshole, he can be found in the editing room jerking off to footage of Lucy Liu who is every Asiaphile white boy's fantasy china doll come to life.
His life story is a true rags-to-riches story as he was able to become the director he is today by doing what other upper-middle class suburban white people do: get connections. Your high school teachers probably had warned you about how plagiarism will ruin your career but looking at this article, you now know that is a load of crap.
"Movies"
Reservoir Dogs
While sitting in the video store he worked at, he was watching some free movies when he stumbled upon Stanley Kubrick's movie "The Killing", and Ringo Lam's "Lung fu fong wan" (Moonspeak for "City On Fire"). Quentin liked them so much, he ripped off the content of both of them; made a low-budget, poorly edited (aforementioned "non-linear style") piece of shit and slapped his name on it. To this day, Quentin's fanboys still make TL;DR essays about the "Original Genius" of this blatant theft they dare call a movie.
One man was brave enough to go against the raging faggotry and made a short video on how much was taken from "City on Fire" called "Who Do You Think You're Fooling?". This caused epic amounts of butthurt among Qt's fans who could only respond with flames and say "EVERYBODY STEALS FROM EVERYBODY, SO IT'S A-OK AMIRITE? LOL!". Of course the banhammer fell on him and he was barred from the film festival.
The Vid:
Who Do You Think You're Fooling? - removed :(back up.
Its Legacy:
- Reservoir Dogs lives on as a mostly forgotten awkward first attempt at deep plotlines. Only starving film majors and talentless machinima hacks bother remembering how shitty it was, so that other moviegoers don't have to punish themselves to see it.
True Romance
Tarantino wrote the screenplay for this movie, but sold it to Tony Scott so he could make Pulp Fiction. Which easily explains why it's infinitely superior to anything else he's ever made.
Pulp Fiction
Pulp Fiction, Quentin's "big break," loved by aforementioned 13 year-olds, people who love hearing "fuck" a lot, and people who love watching black person being assraped by a guy in a gimp suit. The film is known for being the recipient of an Oscar despite being on a shit budget, probably because Quentin spent all the money supplying his critics with enough blow for good reviews. Most famous for the douche bag quote "royale with cheese". Written by Tarantino, you would have never guessed.
Jackie Brown
After snorting all his moneys worth of cocaine off Uma Thrurman's left foot after the success of Pulp Fiction, Quentin Tarantino spent his last ten dollars on buying the rights to a shitty Elmore Leonard novel. You would think that because this next film of his was to be based off of a book, that it would leave Mr. Tarantino to not be a two-bit cock bandit who resorts to stealing from other films; you were wrong. Despite the book having a white female heroine, Quentin insisted on changing it to a black lead in his new vision of shit, which he called Jackie Brown (despite the novels original title being "Rum Punch"). The reason being was so that he could try to turn the film into a blaxploitation film and give it more attitude. This basically meant that Quentin could now incorporate more shitty elements from more shitty films that belonged in the annals of film history. Samuel L. Jackson starred in this film as well, this time portraying an obnoxious, angry black man who said fuck a lot. Pam Grier also tried to act her way through the film, but failed. Instead her robust Cadillac ass did most of the acting for her, and was nominated for a Golden Globe award for her performance. Robert De Niro was awarded a gallon of Quentin's man jam for his performance in the film. basically this film is a rip off of some money robbing scheme type film that fails on all levels. an italian job without a plot.
Kill Bill Volume 1
This movie is basically every japanophile's wet dream become a reality. Quentin's creative jeanyuss with this movie began with him forcing all of his favorite actors from azn cinema to gag on his cock. These actors include: Sonny Chiba, Chiaki Kuriyama, Chia Hui Liu, Lucy Liu, and many other famous azn actors who are now out of a job and need to suck dick for coke. After they signed to his movie, the actors of Kill Bill proceeded to have an intense bukkake session, the climax of which consisted of approximately ten gallons of semen all over Quentin's face. The movie is done in his famous "non-linear" fashion, which is a creative name for shit-poor editing and storytelling. The movie is littered with numerous Japanese pop-culture references, pretentious "philosophical" quoting, arms flailing around which passes as Kung Fu for Tarantino, shit quality choreography and the unnecessary use of animu. However, the biggest achievement of this film is making fans pay full price for a half-assed movie that he couldn't even edit down.
Kill Bill Volume 2
Rest of the epic shitfest that didn't make it into the first movie. Under normal circumstances this would be the special features of the DVD but, since Quentin's fans are such fucktards, he can get away with it. We finally get to see the titular villain Bill, played by the washed up hack an hero that is was David Carradine, in what could possibly be the dumbest battle ever. Uma pokes him in the chest a few times, Bill says something and then he just fucking dies. That's about it.
Grindhouse
Described by fantards as an "Homage to 70's B movies" (known to the rest of us as more poorly justified theft) this is actually 2 films stuck together with some lulzy fake trailers. Trying to learn from his previous editing catastrophe with Kill Bill, Tarantino actually made a movie short enough... or so he thought. Apparently his movie "Death Proof" was just below the minimum requirement to be considered a feature-length film so instead of putting the effort in to re-shoot and make it longer, he got Robert Rodriguez to slap together a filler movie about Rodriguez's amputation fetish called "Planet Terror" which people liked better than the garbage that Tarantino shat out.
Ultimately, however, nobody wants to see a four hour movie so nobody did. When it tanked, (just like a '70s B movie), Tarantino threw a media tantrum and blamed the studio for failing him. Meanwhile, before its release, when the studio suggested that it might be prudent to drop the movie as two separate films in order to make it easier on the public, Tarantino threw a hissy-fit and accused the studio of not understanding his vision. QT fanboys were reported to be venting their angst all over the blogosphere.
Hero
Actually, he didn't make this one. But people assumed he did because, as the gullible sheep they are, he has his name on it, so he must have some involvement amirite?
From Dusk till Dawn
A "half-decent" movie that involves vampires, but is still shit. The movie is well known for being including George Clooney, Mexicans, boobs, a loli and some christfag. Tarantino manages to make it through half of the movie before getting pwn.
Inglourious Basterds
Horrible Jew propaganda that rewrites history to make jews look like something more than cowardly money lenders and future lamp shades. Probably the most overrated piece of shit ever made. Brad Pitt and a bunch of jew niggers team up kill Nazis and shout "Bear Jew" every 4 seconds. Tarintino apparently still hasn't learned that violence and random talk about bullshit does not make for a good movie. Basically, Nazis kill a Jewish girl's family (highlight of the film) and then over 9000 years later Brad Pitt and Eli Roth play cards in a basement for like 5 hours. Then a cinema burns down and a nigger flees the scene of the crime. To top off a great movie, Brad Pitt shits on a man's Chest. The End.
Django Unchained
It's set in the South during slavery days and you will watch a bunch of uppity Niggaz chained together with two rednecks guarding them on each side. Suddenly a fat German rides up on a horse with a buggy and speaks to one of the niggers, named Django about the whereabouts of his plantation or something (and the nigga speaks perfect English which is, in fact, not accurate since niggers during that era were neva educated). The man on the horse goes Columbine and kills the slave owners, setting the niggas free and taking Jamie Foxx along with him on a journey while teaching him how to pwn white folks for the lulz. Opened up December 25th, 2012.
Upcoming projects
Tarantino revealed at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts that he will be making a third and final "Rewriting history" themed movie. After that he will go back to sucking on toes while jacking off.
Personal Life
His personal mission is to dupe the gullible masses by superficially pretending to challenge the status quo of current Hollywood studios (not "for serious" independent filmmaking, since it lacks balls and creative integrity), by working within it and being just as racist, unoriginal, misogynistic, base minded, and shamelessly cash greedy, but adding trendy and pretentiously obscure references and eye patches (stolen from Swedish film, ‘Thriller: A Cruel Picture'). To anybody with a mental age above 13 who actually knows film (decidedly this is not the Tarantino audience), these references fail to be obscure, and reasonably come off as simply uncreative and hackneyed.
Trolling
Tarantino is also a very lulzy IRL troll in his spare time.
Sauce Deleted
Gallery
External Links
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Quentin Tarantino is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
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Quentin Tarantino is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
