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:''See also: [[Free Speech]] and [[First Amendment]]''
[[at least 100|At least 100 years ago]] people did not have free speech and were only allowed to speak in 5-word sentences. Then they found out how much fun it was to yell '[[Fire]]!' in a crowded room and watch everyone stampede over each other to get out. [[Death]] and [[lulz]] ensued and Fredom of Speech was born. '''[[Bullshit|Freedom of Speech]]''' means you can say whatever you want whenever you want to whomever you want. It is invoked in flame wars to act like a retard under the guise of protecting "basic civil liberties."
Well over [[100 years ago]], the [[Americunt]] forefathers took a break from the slaughter of [[Injun]]s and beating their [[slave]]s to decide that all land-owning white men had certain inalienable rights. These rights were established as the Bill of Rights and was the beginning of the [[Americunt]] constitution. The first of which, is the much vaunted and much hallowed First Amendment. And on the [[internet]]s, it is 103% likely to be invoked completely fucking wrongly by someone that hasn't taken the time to actually read the mother fucker.  


==The First Amendment==
==The First Amendment==
Well over [[100 years ago]], the [[Americunt]] forefathers took a break from the slaughter of [[Injuns]] and beating their [[slave]] to decide that all land-owning white men had certain inalienable rights. These rights were established as the Bill of Rights and was the beginning of the [[Fanfiction|U.S. constitution]]. The first which gives us the freedom to say whatever the hell we want no matter how stupid or offensive it may be. So you can go fuck yourself you [[cunt|pussy]] [[Homosexual|faggot]]!
{{squote|Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.|The First Amendment}}
{{squote|Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.|The First Amendment}}


Anywhere that there is stupid fucking attention whores that have no idea what they are talking about, there will undoubtedly be a call to the First Amendment for protection. The bastardization of the First Amendment has given free reign for any retard to BAW when they get banned for being a twat from a forum or call some black person a black person.  
[[Image:OHSHI_copy.jpg|right|thumb|Assembly - It's your Right!]]
The First Amendment protects us all from evil by guaranteeing our right to:
#Anything on [[Pedopals|4chan]]
#[[Chanology|Freedom of Assembly]]
#Create & share amusing racial [[Racism|epithets!]]
#[[Power_word|Freedom of the Press]]
#Freedom of Religion
#Petition the [[Mods|Government]] for redress of our [[Waaaambulance|grievances]]
#Political dissent & [[Mod Sass]]
In addition, the First Amendment also prohibits a [[Christianity|particular religion]] from being forced upon us by the [[Government|State]], which is a bit different from how [[Americans]] view it.
 
===Freedom of the Press===
The "freedom of the press" (also granted by the First Amendment) originally referred to the right to ''publish'' their political views and opinions. These days, we use the internet for this, rather than printed pamphlets. No matter what damn fool ideas you have: whether you're a 9/11 conspiracy nut, member of the KKK, or Zionist, you have a basic right to get the word out there.
 
==In the United States==
<video type="youtube" id="OGAzfZR6gUg" width="200" height="180" position="right" desc="The following video will enrage military, former military, military families, and anyone with a friend that has ever wore a military uniform. How's ''them'' apples Rightards!?"/>
[[image:Flagincharredcorpse.jpg|180px|right]]
 
===Large-scale===
The [[Americunt]] government still manages to weasel its way around the First Amendment to control the flow of information from the media. Is this a [[conspiracy theory]]? Reptilian overlords? The Illumanti? No, it is something far more simple and insidious, Press passes. A press pass is a document that has shown an individual is clear to enter an area that they normally wouldn't be allowed to. It gives reporters the ability to attend meetings in the White House with the Press Secretary and other press events. So while mainstream media is on-board with the government by being major corporate interests who help fund those individuals get into office, individual reporters are kept in check with press passes. If a reporter asks the Press Secretary or a politician a tough question that puts them on the spot or is "out of bounds", they will have their pass for those events revoked. Usually this will be the start of the end of that reporters career since all major media outlets are owned by a handful of conglomerate corporations. How could a system like this possibly go wrong?
 
Take for example The War in [[Iraq]]. Everyone howls for the blood of the [[Republicans|Neo-Conservatives]] and [[W]] because of entering a war under false pretenses. Bull-fucking-shit! The Republican party may be evil enough to do so, but the entire party couldn't form a single braincell if their life depended on it. The [[media]] is the true culprit. And by being hosed with simple things like press passes, it makes reporters fearful of their careers and futures thus preventing them from asking hard questions to our Overlords. Questions like, "Can we see the evidence before millions of people suffer and die that justifies going to war?" Wars do sometime need to be fought, but the flow of information pertaining to them needs to be freely available. Not controlled by the people that said information is critical of. [[lol|Yet we live in a free country.]]
 
===Individuals===
Because free speech is distributed equally in the U.S., whenever anyone is [[butthurt]] by someone else, they will not stop talking about it. Freedom of Speech is protected by the Bill of Rights, but is ignored like the rest of it. For example, the first right is:
 
{{quote|[[Anarchy|Congress shall make no law.]]|Buddha}}
 
and yet [[Faggots|they]] make laws every day.
 
==On the internet==
[[image:Article01.jpg|400px|right]]
[[OTI|On the internet]], the First Amendment is 101% likely to be invoked completely fucking wrongly by someone that hasn't taken the time to actually read the motherfucker. Anywhere that there is stupid fucking attention whores that have no idea what they are talking about, there will undoubtedly be a call to the First Amendment for protection.


==A Helpful Primer==
Like all other freedoms, free speech ceases to exist once you are on the internet. Unlike real life, every single website on the internet has an owner who wields total power over everything passing through said site. The internet could thus be considered a collection of despotic nation-states, each ruled by its own tyrant. Knowing this, it is clear that freedoms as we know them do not exist on the internet, and yet most people believe just the opposite.  
If you are getting ready to invoke the First Amendment to stand up to your brutal oppression by that [[Nazi]] moderator at [[FurAffinity]], you should ask yourself the following questions.


If you are getting ready to invoke the First Amendment to stand up to your brutal oppression by that faggot moderator at whatever website he banned you from, or from a thirteen-year-old kid who won't shut the fuck up and keeps blabbering some stupid bullshit that no one cares about, ask yourself:
#Is my oppressor the United States law-making body?
#Is my oppressor the United States law-making body?
#Is my oppressor trying to form a law?
#Is my oppressor trying to form a law?
#Is my oppressor a United States law-making body trying to form a law?
#Is my oppressor a United States law-making body trying to form a law?
#Is my understanding of the First Amendment solid?
#Is my understanding of the First Amendment solid?
#[[????]]
If the answer to any of these questions is [[no]], then you should probably shut the fuck up and follow the rules you agreed to when you joined. Nowhere in the Bill of Rights or [[United States]] Constitution are your e-feelings protected. In fact, the idea that they would be is utterly laughable when you consider the [[Americunt]] way of life (Only in America would [[pussy|someone]] sue a fast-food chain for being fat).
#PROFIT!
 
==Who hates it?==
[[Image:SpeechZone2.jpg|right|thumb|Freedom: Republican Style]]
[[Image:Speech.gif|thumb|right|A popular place for free speech is [[Mind control|inside the head of someone else]].]]
[[Image:Criticism_of_jews.jpg|right|thumb|As American as Apple Pie]]
[[image:Thatsracist.gif|180px|right]]
===Conservatives===
Generally speaking, [[Free_Republic|Conservatives]] consider themselves to be the sole arbiters of the Constitution. They consider our founding document to be divinely inspired and intended to be taken and read literally. They also unilaterally oppose any form of extrapolation from, or alternate application of, the principles set forth therein and consider these efforts to be little more than an illegal, extra-constitutional excess. Conservatives say the First Amendment does not apply when:
*You are speaking out against a [[W|Republican President]].
*Expressing displeasure with a [[Iraq|US war]] in general, or the conduct of the United States [[Military|Military]] in particular.
*Offering an opinion which favorably portrays [[Arabs|Arabs]], [[Palestinians|Palestinians]] or nearly anyone who is unfortunate enough to exist above [[Americunts|our]] oil.
In fact Conservatives were recently able to codify many of these objections into law! (See: ''[[Patriot_act]]'').
 
===Liberals===
[[Liberals|Liberals]] don't have as much of a problem with mangling any part of our founding document, provided said mangling adds value to their [[Rational_response_squad|hollow, atheistic, inconsistent existence]]. While they do seem to have a passing fancy for the First Amendment in particular, they will quickly chuck it under the bus if:
*Said speech is "ZOMG! [[H8|Hateful!]]" or "[[Offended|Offensive]]" towards anyone except for Conservatives or Christians.
*The speech suggests [[Beaners|certain US laws be enforced]], or imply that [[Niggers|certain minority groups]] are anything less than wholesome and pure.
*The speech in question is critical of [[Menstrual_painting|valuable artistic expression]].
 
===Scientology===
The [[Church of $cientology]] already brainwashes and destroys people while sheltering itself under the First Amendment. [[LRH]] proposed early on to infiltrate sections of government under [[Operation Snow White]], and they did with quite some success.
 
===Socialists===
[[Socialists]] believe "free speech in the sense used in bourgeois capitalist 'democracies' means the right to undermine social justice and erode the social solidarity of the working class."  But they're socialists, so what the fuck do they know about free speech?
 
===Jews===
Unique to the Jew is an uncanny ability to combine the Arab xenophobia of the Conservative's, with the Liberal's sensitivity towards offending other types of minorities, easily making Jews the ultimate First Amendment hypocrites.
 
===Niggers===
For [[niggers]], the First Amendment exists solely to prevent anyone except niggers from using the word "Nigger". While this may seem hypocritical at first one must always bear in mind that Niggers are little more than a lightly evolved [[Michelle_Obama|ape-species]] and mostly illiterate. As such, their imperfect understanding of the Constitution can be attributed to the uniqueness of their biology.
 
===Arabs===
Much like the Niggers, [[Arabs]] also take a very narrow view of the freedom the First Amendment guarantees.  While generally supportive of their own right to assemble, speak freely and the freedom to choose [[Pedophilia|Islam]] as their religion, Arabs can become violent (And even spontaneously combust!) when other groups attempt to assert the same rights for themselves.
 
==FAQs==
; Virginia -  : So I can rule internets nao? Cuz mootie [[B&|banned]] me and stole my first amendment?!
[[Image:Bawwwww_bunny.jpg|right|thumb|Don't laugh.. They stole his First Amendment! :(]]
; ED Help Desk - : LOL! No, Virginia..  Here, on the interbutts, the First Amendment is a [[Lie|complex]] thing!
 
How to explain it to you... Hummm..
 
Ok, try this!
 
Every weekend, we [[Ediots|EDiots]] line our pets up on [[Basement_dweller|mom & dad's coffee table]] and [[TL;DR|lecture]] them on our [[Lemonparty|politics]].
 
Now pay attention Virginia, because this is key - That's our coffee table, in our living room!
 
(BTW, we had our pets stuffed because they were [[Aspergers|poor listeners.]])


If the answer to any of these questions is no; then you should probably shut the fuck up and follow the rules you agreed to when you joined. Allow ED to help you in your striving for free internets speech.
Likewise, [[Homo|Moot]] lectures his [[4Chan|pets]] too! But on his coffee table, just like us!


{{rainbowsmall|CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW}}
(Except he stuffs his pets with [[Bestiality|cock]] instead.)


That is the operative phrase. If the GOVERNMENT is stifling your free speech then speak up. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.
Now the Constitution says I have a right to lecture my [[Dead|pets]] on my table, and it also says he has a right to lecture his pets on his [[B|table]].  


==But my E-Feelings!==
[[PRO_TIP|But!]] I don't have a First Amendment right to lecture his pets on his [[All_your_base|table]].  
Nowhere in the Bill of Rights or [[United States]] Constitution are your feelings protected. In fact, the idea that they would be is utterly laughable when you consider the [[Americunt]] way of life. The country was founded on [[genocide]] and [[slavery]], all men are created equal so long as they are white land-owners, and women should be seen and not heard. This was our way of life for centuries. Yet, retards honestly believe that the forefathers wanted to protect their faggotry in situations they voluntarily put themselves in. It is clear the forefathers of the [[United States]] believed in survival of the fittest to an extent.
[[File:Scold's bridle.jpg|thumb|The EleventyFifth Amendment; Women should STFU]]
==Doing it wrong==
Though corporations are basically our overlords at this point, they still are not the congress. Those draconian Terms of Use one agreed to are perfectly legal in outlining what is acceptable and unacceptable to say in their service. Why is this? [[all caps|BECAUSE YOU CAN LEAVE AT ANY TIME]]. Oh the humanity of it all! Much fun can be had in the typical online service with this knowledge under one's belt.  


*[[World of Warcraft]] has an extremely large player base of people that don't know how to read a legal agreement. That thirteen year old kid who won't shut the fuck up and keeps blabbering on with profanity? Just report him for verbal harassment. Someone screaming at you over some stupid bullshit that no one cares about? Report them for verbal harassment.
Nor, does he have a right to talk to my coffee table.  
**PRO-TIP: Be sure to inform them that you are reporting them and do not swear back at them, as the GMs check the log of both sides and will [[banhammer]] both parties. They will scream about how if you do not like swearing to turn on the filter. Then you can taunt them with being too stupid to read the Terms of Use to know its still a bannable offense. This usually doesn't work on PVP servers but everything else is pretty much fair game.


(Like it could hear him [[Dumbass|anyway]].)


<center>[[Image:Restfirsta.jpg]]</center>
The Constitution says we aren't obligated to provide a venue for any of this [[Retard|retard]] bullshit.


==In Practice==
I hope that [[Fuck_off|helps]], dear..  
The [[Americunt]] government still manages to weasel its way around the First Amendment to control the flow of information from the media. Is this a [[conspiracy theory]]? Reptilian overlords? The Illumanti? No, it is something far more simple and insidious. Press passes.


A press pass is a document that has shown an individual is clear to enter an area that they normally would not be allowed to. It gives reporters the ability to attend meetings in the White House with the Press Secretary and other press events. So while mainstream media is onboard with the government by being major corporate interests who help fund those individuals get into office, individual reporters are kept in check with press passes. If a reporter asks the Press Secretary or a politician a tough question that puts them on the spot or is "out of bounds", they will have their pass for those events revoked. Usually this will be the start of the end of that reporters career since all major media outlets are owned by a handful of conglomerate corporations. How could a system like this possibly go wrong?


*Example: The War in [[Iraq]]. Everyone howls for the blood of the Neo-Cons and [[W]] because of entering a war under false pretenses. But who is actually responsible? The [[media]] is another check against the power of government. And by being hosed with simple things like press passes, it makes reporters fearful of their careers and futures thus preventing them from asking hard questions to our Overlords. Questions like, "Can we see the evidence before millions of people suffer and die that justifies going to war?" Wars do sometime need to be fought, but the flow of information pertaining to them needs to be freely available. Not controlled by the people that said information is critical of.
; Virginia - : That's the First Amendment? OMG! It's [[Harbl|horrible]]! I hope [[Sick_fuck|you]] die in a fire!


[[lol|Yet we live in a free country.]]


==Tolerance==
; ED Help Desk - :
The following video will enrage military, former military, military families, anyone with a friend that has died in action, and Rightards.
<center><youtube>OGAzfZR6gUg</youtube></center>


{{squote|Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.|-Harry S. Truman}}
Yes.. that's the Constitution, Virginia.


Tolerance is exactly that, tolerance. You can still hate the shit out of it but being able to respect the right of expression is a two way street. It is understandable why this would so thoroughly enrage the individuals that it does. It feels like a knife in the back after the suffering and anguish they've experienced and the horrors of war they've bore witness to. But the Americunt ideal is not a flag. The flag is just a representation of it. It seems reasonable to say that this sort of behavior isn't acceptable to a symbol of the country. Where does it end? The [[Church of $cientology]] already brainwashes and destroys people while sheltering itself under the First Amendment. [[LRH]] proposed early on to infiltrate sections of government under Operation Snow White, and they did with quite some success.
The First Amendment is what made this country great!


So what would happen if those individuals got into a position to say a type of criticism is wrong? Then everything the individuals who suffered for the ideals behind that burning flag would be ashes in the wind. Hate the person's message, hate their expression; but let them express it. Otherwise the liberty given to us by those that have made the ultimate sacrifice to protect that Amendment is at risk.
Also, [[Win|cocks!]]


Or you can just point out starting fires in public streets is illegal and that freedom of speech only protects what you *say*, not what you *do*. Remember, freedom of speech allows you to say what you want, but it also means other people have the right to call you a moron for it.
Long live our First Amendment!
 
==Gallery==
<center><gallery>
Image:Allgier.jpg|A free speech advocate. (Typical)
Image:KFCRiot1.jpg|Petitioning for Redress of Grievances (Also Typical)
Image:Kramer_niggers.jpg|Kramer, doing it [[amirite|right]]
Image:Penn_stfu.gif|Penn, doing it wrong.
Image:Siegfail.jpg|Protected Speech.
Image:I_love_furries.jpg|Speech Not Covered by the First Amendment.
Image:Cup_of_stfu.JPG|[[How About A Nice Big Cup Of Shut The Fuck Up]]
Image:Nospeech.png
</gallery></center>


==See Also==
==See Also==
[[Image:19th_hole.gif|right|thumb|right|This is what homosexuals do on their spare time]]
[[Image:Mime.jpg|thumb|right|Mimes have never had free speech because they are communists.]]
*[[1 for all]]
*[[ACLU]]
*[[AnonTalk]]
*[[STFU]]
*[[You_vs._ED]]
*[[United States]]
*[[United States]]
*[[Co$]]
*[[Co$]]
*[[Media]]
*[[Media]]
*[[Freedom]]
*[[Freedom]]
*[[First Amendment]]
Groups that abuse Freedom of Speech
*[[Feminists]]
*[[Homosexuals]]
*[[Niggers]]
*[[Theists]]
Groups with no Freedom of Speech
*[[AnonTalk]]
*[[Australians]]
*[[Babies]]
*[[Chinese]]
*[[Dead]] people
*[[Nazis]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez4zVwxCCtc A Documentary on Media Manipulation] - An hour long documentary on media manipulation without normal conspiracy theory bullshit like the [[NWO]] and [[Alex Jones]]. Very plain and easy to see in simple terms for the [[you|average idiot]].
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez4zVwxCCtc A Documentary on Media Manipulation] - An hour long documentary on media manipulation without normal conspiracy theory bullshit like the [[NWO]] and [[Alex Jones]]. Very plain and easy to see in simple terms for the [[you|average idiot]].
*[http://www.igotbanned.net/board/index.php?action=forum Welcome to the Depths of Stupidity] A forum for people that got banned from other forums.
*[http://www.igotbanned.net/board/index.php?action=forum Welcome to the Depths of Stupidity] A forum for people that got banned from other forums.
 
{{Language}}
[[Category:Internets Phenomena]][[Category:IRL Shit]][[Category:Law]]
{{Serious}}
{{Takedown}}
{{trolls}}
[[Category:Internets Phenomena]]
[[Category:IRL Shit]]
[[Category:Law]]
[[Category:Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category:Trolls]]

Revision as of 07:39, 4 September 2012

Honorary Ed Lolington
Freedom of speech
is part of a series on
Internet Law.
[With Liberty and Drama for All]

At least 100 years ago people did not have free speech and were only allowed to speak in 5-word sentences. Then they found out how much fun it was to yell 'Fire!' in a crowded room and watch everyone stampede over each other to get out. Death and lulz ensued and Fredom of Speech was born. Freedom of Speech means you can say whatever you want whenever you want to whomever you want. It is invoked in flame wars to act like a retard under the guise of protecting "basic civil liberties."

The First Amendment

Well over 100 years ago, the Americunt forefathers took a break from the slaughter of Injuns and beating their slave to decide that all land-owning white men had certain inalienable rights. These rights were established as the Bill of Rights and was the beginning of the U.S. constitution. The first which gives us the freedom to say whatever the hell we want no matter how stupid or offensive it may be. So you can go fuck yourself you pussy faggot!

 
“ 		 
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
  		„
 

—The First Amendment

Assembly - It's your Right!

The First Amendment protects us all from evil by guaranteeing our right to:

  1. Anything on 4chan
  2. Freedom of Assembly
  3. Create & share amusing racial epithets!
  4. Freedom of the Press
  5. Freedom of Religion
  6. Petition the Government for redress of our grievances
  7. Political dissent & Mod Sass

In addition, the First Amendment also prohibits a particular religion from being forced upon us by the State, which is a bit different from how Americans view it.

Freedom of the Press

The "freedom of the press" (also granted by the First Amendment) originally referred to the right to publish their political views and opinions. These days, we use the internet for this, rather than printed pamphlets. No matter what damn fool ideas you have: whether you're a 9/11 conspiracy nut, member of the KKK, or Zionist, you have a basic right to get the word out there.

In the United States

<video type="youtube" id="OGAzfZR6gUg" width="200" height="180" position="right" desc="The following video will enrage military, former military, military families, and anyone with a friend that has ever wore a military uniform. How's them apples Rightards!?"/>

Large-scale

The Americunt government still manages to weasel its way around the First Amendment to control the flow of information from the media. Is this a conspiracy theory? Reptilian overlords? The Illumanti? No, it is something far more simple and insidious, Press passes. A press pass is a document that has shown an individual is clear to enter an area that they normally wouldn't be allowed to. It gives reporters the ability to attend meetings in the White House with the Press Secretary and other press events. So while mainstream media is on-board with the government by being major corporate interests who help fund those individuals get into office, individual reporters are kept in check with press passes. If a reporter asks the Press Secretary or a politician a tough question that puts them on the spot or is "out of bounds", they will have their pass for those events revoked. Usually this will be the start of the end of that reporters career since all major media outlets are owned by a handful of conglomerate corporations. How could a system like this possibly go wrong?

Take for example The War in Iraq. Everyone howls for the blood of the Neo-Conservatives and W because of entering a war under false pretenses. Bull-fucking-shit! The Republican party may be evil enough to do so, but the entire party couldn't form a single braincell if their life depended on it. The media is the true culprit. And by being hosed with simple things like press passes, it makes reporters fearful of their careers and futures thus preventing them from asking hard questions to our Overlords. Questions like, "Can we see the evidence before millions of people suffer and die that justifies going to war?" Wars do sometime need to be fought, but the flow of information pertaining to them needs to be freely available. Not controlled by the people that said information is critical of. Yet we live in a free country.

Individuals

Because free speech is distributed equally in the U.S., whenever anyone is butthurt by someone else, they will not stop talking about it. Freedom of Speech is protected by the Bill of Rights, but is ignored like the rest of it. For example, the first right is:

   
“ 		 
Congress shall make no law.
  		„
  		 

—Buddha

and yet they make laws every day.

On the internet

On the internet, the First Amendment is 101% likely to be invoked completely fucking wrongly by someone that hasn't taken the time to actually read the motherfucker. Anywhere that there is stupid fucking attention whores that have no idea what they are talking about, there will undoubtedly be a call to the First Amendment for protection.

Like all other freedoms, free speech ceases to exist once you are on the internet. Unlike real life, every single website on the internet has an owner who wields total power over everything passing through said site. The internet could thus be considered a collection of despotic nation-states, each ruled by its own tyrant. Knowing this, it is clear that freedoms as we know them do not exist on the internet, and yet most people believe just the opposite.

If you are getting ready to invoke the First Amendment to stand up to your brutal oppression by that faggot moderator at whatever website he banned you from, or from a thirteen-year-old kid who won't shut the fuck up and keeps blabbering some stupid bullshit that no one cares about, ask yourself:

  1. Is my oppressor the United States law-making body?
  2. Is my oppressor trying to form a law?
  3. Is my oppressor a United States law-making body trying to form a law?
  4. Is my understanding of the First Amendment solid?

If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you should probably shut the fuck up and follow the rules you agreed to when you joined. Nowhere in the Bill of Rights or United States Constitution are your e-feelings protected. In fact, the idea that they would be is utterly laughable when you consider the Americunt way of life (Only in America would someone sue a fast-food chain for being fat).

Who hates it?

Freedom: Republican Style
A popular place for free speech is inside the head of someone else.
As American as Apple Pie

Conservatives

Generally speaking, Conservatives consider themselves to be the sole arbiters of the Constitution. They consider our founding document to be divinely inspired and intended to be taken and read literally. They also unilaterally oppose any form of extrapolation from, or alternate application of, the principles set forth therein and consider these efforts to be little more than an illegal, extra-constitutional excess. Conservatives say the First Amendment does not apply when:

  • You are speaking out against a Republican President.
  • Expressing displeasure with a US war in general, or the conduct of the United States Military in particular.
  • Offering an opinion which favorably portrays Arabs, Palestinians or nearly anyone who is unfortunate enough to exist above our oil.

In fact Conservatives were recently able to codify many of these objections into law! (See: Patriot_act).

Liberals

Liberals don't have as much of a problem with mangling any part of our founding document, provided said mangling adds value to their hollow, atheistic, inconsistent existence. While they do seem to have a passing fancy for the First Amendment in particular, they will quickly chuck it under the bus if:

Scientology

The Church of $cientology already brainwashes and destroys people while sheltering itself under the First Amendment. LRH proposed early on to infiltrate sections of government under Operation Snow White, and they did with quite some success.

Socialists

Socialists believe "free speech in the sense used in bourgeois capitalist 'democracies' means the right to undermine social justice and erode the social solidarity of the working class." But they're socialists, so what the fuck do they know about free speech?

Jews

Unique to the Jew is an uncanny ability to combine the Arab xenophobia of the Conservative's, with the Liberal's sensitivity towards offending other types of minorities, easily making Jews the ultimate First Amendment hypocrites.

Niggers

For niggers, the First Amendment exists solely to prevent anyone except niggers from using the word "Nigger". While this may seem hypocritical at first one must always bear in mind that Niggers are little more than a lightly evolved ape-species and mostly illiterate. As such, their imperfect understanding of the Constitution can be attributed to the uniqueness of their biology.

Arabs

Much like the Niggers, Arabs also take a very narrow view of the freedom the First Amendment guarantees. While generally supportive of their own right to assemble, speak freely and the freedom to choose Islam as their religion, Arabs can become violent (And even spontaneously combust!) when other groups attempt to assert the same rights for themselves.

FAQs

Virginia -
So I can rule internets nao? Cuz mootie banned me and stole my first amendment?!
Don't laugh.. They stole his First Amendment! :(
ED Help Desk -
LOL! No, Virginia.. Here, on the interbutts, the First Amendment is a complex thing!

How to explain it to you... Hummm..

Ok, try this!

Every weekend, we EDiots line our pets up on mom & dad's coffee table and lecture them on our politics.

Now pay attention Virginia, because this is key - That's our coffee table, in our living room!

(BTW, we had our pets stuffed because they were poor listeners.)

Likewise, Moot lectures his pets too! But on his coffee table, just like us!

(Except he stuffs his pets with cock instead.)

Now the Constitution says I have a right to lecture my pets on my table, and it also says he has a right to lecture his pets on his table.

But! I don't have a First Amendment right to lecture his pets on his table.

Nor, does he have a right to talk to my coffee table.

(Like it could hear him anyway.)

The Constitution says we aren't obligated to provide a venue for any of this retard bullshit.

I hope that helps, dear..


Virginia -
That's the First Amendment? OMG! It's horrible! I hope you die in a fire!


ED Help Desk -

Yes.. that's the Constitution, Virginia.

The First Amendment is what made this country great!

Also, cocks!

Long live our First Amendment!

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See Also

This is what homosexuals do on their spare time
Mimes have never had free speech because they are communists.

Groups that abuse Freedom of Speech

Groups with no Freedom of Speech

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