Anthony Kennedy

Anthony Kennedy, Radical Centrist

Kennedy, before contracting chronic old.

Anthony McLeod Kennedy is an 88,000,000-year-old fossilized dinosaur and soon-to-be former member of the Jewnited States' Supreme Court who is notable for being the last member of SCROTUS nominated for the position by Ronald Reagan and for being the decisive swing vote in the many of the court's decisions for over three decades. On June 27, 2018, Kennedy announced his intentions to retire from the supreme court and liberal Twitter quickly began to lose their collective shit over the utterly terrifying prospect that President Donald J. Trump would be given the opportunity to choose his second Supreme Court Justice since taking office.

Despite the fact that Justice Kennedy was responsible for many of the Democunts' major supreme court victories over the past 30 motherfucking years—including dyke and faggot marriage and letting schools and businesses discriminate against smart Azns so Shaneequa can get ahead in life—it didn't take long for the oh-so-tolerant lefties to start wishing death upon the feeble 81-year-old man who just wanted to quietly die alone outside of public view and free from the retarded political bullshit that he had spent his entire waste of a life surrounded by.

After about two whole days of autistic screeching, the media finally realized that wishing death upon an octogenerian and mindlessly spamming the word "fuck" over and over again wasn't actually accomplishing anything and instead began shitting out retarded conspiracy theories that alleged that Anthony Kennedy's son, Justin Kennedy, was involved in laundering Russian Mafia money for Donald Trump – because, as we all know, getting so buttmad over a man's retirement that you start dragging his family members through the mud is always a good look.

Despite his name, Anthony Kennedy is not related to the infamous family of sex-fiend politicians, jizz-drooling retards and shooting range targets known as the Kennedys.

The Kennedy Salt Mines

He gave them gay marriage. They gave him lots of Tweets that included the word "fuck".

Kennedy's nose is far too old and broken to realize that Ruth Bader Ginsburg's corpse is already decomposing.

Skipping the first stage of grief, the fine citizens of Twitter began to exhibit immense levels of irrational anger over the news of Justice Kennedy's retirement. Much of this rage was released in the form of wishing a horrible death upon the retiring justice and bitching about how Kennnedy was a horrible Supreme Court Justice who never did anything for them and always sucked.

“   I wish this Kennedy had been shot instead of the other ones.   „     —Curtis Cook (archive)     “   Fuck. You. Justice. Kennedy.   „     —Ian Millhiser (archive)     “   Oh fuck you, Anthony Kennedy. Fuck. You.   „     —TheStagmania (archive)     “   FUCK YOU ANTHONY KENNEDY FOR RETIRING DURING TRUMPS TERM UGHHHBHHBHB 😭🤬🤬🤬😤   „     —Sidni Standard‏ (archive)     “   KENNEDY YOU PIECE OF SHIT SIT IN THAT CHAIR TIL YOU DIE MOTHERFUCKER   „     —Shelby Fero (archive)     “   Looking on the bright side, at least now it will be good news when Anthony Kennedy dies.   „     —Sandra Newman‏ (archive)     “   It’s really hard to come up with accurate words to describe what an utter cockwomble Anthony Kennedy is. Cunt of the first order.   „     —ejslic (archive)     “   Fuck you Anthony Kennedy you centerlord piece of shit. If #RBG can stick it out so should you. You're a fucking asshole.   „     —2Cthulhu4School (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy is one of the vainest men to ever hold power and he sealed his legacy today as a Trumpist piece of shit.   „     —mantomendham (archive)     “   #KennedyRetirement Anthony Kennedy is a low life cowardly piece of shit! Run away instead of doing your job!!   „     —Realdonaldchump16 (archive)     “   anthony kennedy eat shit and die challenge   „     —64_a5 (archive)     “   Fuck Anthony Kennedy forever. Selfish coward.   „     —Phillip Bowden (archive)     “   also, fuck you, anthony kennedy. like we all weren’t already dealing with enough   „     —James Lucas Jones (archive)     “   Fuck you Anthony Kennedy. Punk ass bitch, dont let the @scotus door hit you on your way out. Way to puss out mother fucker.   „     —lechute (archive)     “   in order to be sensitive to the plight of millennials, Anthony Kennedy should have to work until he dies just like the rest of us   „     —grlwholvd, pretending that millennials actually work (archive) Previous Quote | Next Quote

“   Anthony Kennedy, how dare you retire from the Supreme Court now, allowing an Illegitimate monster like Trump to replace you. All you had to do was wait til November. You just killed America, you asshole.   „     —Bill Palmer (archive)     “   Quick note to Anthony Kennedy: None of the good shit you did or said will be remembered, because it’s entirely outweighed by all the horrible shit. Eat ass in Hades eternally, scum fuck. Love, Xica   „     —BerkProtocols (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy can eat every sack of shit that the planet earth has to offer, he knows he's the only thing keeping hate and oppression from gaining a SCOTUS majority and he's giving up the seat anyway   „     —Griffin Fredette (archive)     “   History Books will not remember Justice Kennedy for his 30 years of important decisions, but the single decision he made today It's a shame that he's willing to throw away his legacy in order to allow a madman to appoint a replacement America Hurts #MidtermsBeforeSCOTUS   „     —Brian Krassenstein (archive)     “   Literally in tears. Haven’t felt this hopeless in a long time. With Justice Kennedy leaving, we now have two options as Americans: get fitted for your Nazi uniform or report directly to your death camp. How do you fight the darkness without light? My spark is going out. #SCOTUS   „     —Matthew Kovach‏, being totally reasonable (archive)     “   #AnthonyKennedy is personally responsible for the fate of democracy. RGB has been out here lifting weights and ensuring she makes it through this term and Kennedy chooses this moment to give up?   „     —Amanda Coopersmith (archive)     “   Kennedy is and always has been a fascist, right-wing fuck. This whole "moderate justice" thing is a load of crap. He was never a moderate. He gave us citizens united for God sake. Yes gay marriage, yes he ruled decently on reproductive rights.   „     —GreenChiliJito‏ (archive)     “   So he's a right-wing nut-job with gay people and women in his family. Great. He's retiring to help trump and his enabling whores in congress. He' a partisan hack. If you enable Trump, you are a traitor to our republic. And fuck you. To "justice" Kennedy, I say, "Fuck you!"   „     —GreenChiliJito‏     “   Regarding Anthony Kennedy and SCOTUS: “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.” -Albus Dumbledore   „     —Rev. Rob Lee, needing to READ ANTHER GODDAMN BOOK (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy bitch ass stepping down. Ruth Badger gonna ducking die and then it’ll basically be the Handmaid’s Tale after that   „     —magneticmuses, needing to READ ANOTHER ANOTHER GODDAMN BOOK (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy can suck a dick. However with his retirement we are probably going to get a Nazi straight from Argentina or some shit. Basically Nazis are being aggressively appointed so that the dismantling of the US can proceed without interference. We are at war. #Resistance   „     —Chlöe Danvers (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy is a little bitch and I hope he finds himself in a position where he has to use a portapotty and someone tips it over while he is inside.   „     —cleocatmom (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy? He comforts the comfortable and afflicts the afflicted. He gave America Citizens United. Good riddance, may he choke on his own vomit and die.   „     —BambiVeracruz (archive)     “   All of us are going to die...once. The Coward Anthony Kennedy will die a thousand deaths with the blood of a nation on his hands.   „     —vivarioarriba (archive)     “   hot take time: fuck you justice anthony kennedy, you have the balls of steve scalise and the spine of charles krauthammer, this is entirely your fault, you worthless piece of fascist bootlicking shit fuck you and die.   „     —redneck__nazgul (archive) Previous Quote | Next Quote

The Liberal Plan to Keep Kennedy

Conspiracy Theories

After experiencing the first two stages of grief all at once, the retards on Twitter and the Fake News Mainstream Media decided to skip the bargaining stage and replace it with malicious conspiracy theories and outright libel as they learned that Anthony Kennedy's son, Justin Kennedy, had loaned Donald Trump a billion dollars. While this may sound somewhat suspicious if you're a complete dumbfuck sheep who still actually believes the shit that the media tried to shove down your throat, the conspiracy claims all fall apart when you realize that Justin Kennedy is a fucking banker and giving out loans to rich New York businessmen is part of his fucking job.

“   So my young daughter - in the future - may be confronted with a situation where she does not have the choice to terminate an unwanted pregnancy because Anthony Kennedy's son had financial interest in the fortunes of Donald Trump? This is SO dirty. I am so disgusted.   „     —Nick Knudsen (archive)     “   Money laundering through Deutsche Bank. Justice Kennedy's son is Trump’s Banker Russians front money through Deutsche Bank Any surprise the rabid attacks are escalating on Rod Rosenstein? The Rats are cornered, the truth is coming out and it's dark   „     —stonecold2050 (archive)     “   Anthony Kennedy announces retirement. Days later, news comes out about his son working for Deutsche Bank (ties to Trump's real estate deals.) Hmmm...Does Trump have dirt on his son? Is Trump blackmailing Justice Kennedy, forcing his retirement? Something isn't right here...   „     —deteacher2 (archive) Previous Quote | Next Quote

See Also

• Brett Kavanaugh - The worthy successor that President Trump has nominated for Kennedy's seat.
• Bernie Goetz - Kennedy's long-lost son.
• Supreme Court
• Diversity Russian Roulette
• Gay Marriage
• Abortion
• Affirmative Action

External Links

Perfectly Reasonable Reactions

• Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck - Hard-hitting journalism.
• GO FUCK YOURSELF, ANTHONY KENNEDY - More hard-hitting journalism.
  • Liveblogging Ourselves Getting Drunk For The Next Eight Hours Because OH MY FUCKING GOD HOLY SHIT
• Fuck Anthony Kennedy - Even more hard-hitting journalism.
• Anthony Kennedy Was Useless
• Justice Kennedy deserves this nasty, unflinching sendoff - The Butthurt of Ian Millhiser
• Justice Kennedy Chose To Let Trump Pick His Replacement. That's His Legacy.
• Anthony Kennedy's Retirement Means the Democrats Are Even More Fucked
• We’re Fucked
• Fuck Civility

Begging Celebritards

• Please Stay, Justice Kennedy. America Needs You.
• New York Times editorial board begs Justice Kennedy not to retire
• Colbert Begs Justice Anthony Kennedy Not to Retire: “You’re Only 81!”
• Seth Meyers Implores Justice Anthony Kennedy to Stick Around Until There's a New President
• Seth Meyers Tries to Persuade Kennedy to Stay on Supreme Court

Conspiracy Theories

• The suspicious business relationship between Trump and Justice Kennedy’s son
• Trump's business career is more connected to retired Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy than we ever knew
• Inside the White House’s Quiet Campaign to Create a Supreme Court Opening
• Donald Trump Made Justice Kennedy an Offer He Couldn’t Refuse
• Justice Kennedy Was Bought Off and Must Be Investigated
• Loans of over $1 Billion to Trump by SCOTUS justice Kennedy's son, but nothing to see here...
• Trump’s relationship with Justice Kennedy sounds shady in this new report.
• “Say Hello to Your Boy. A Special Guy.”
• This Is Fine, Right?
• The Donald Trump – Anthony Kennedy Connection: Justice’s Son Justin And $1 Billion In Loans For Bankrupt Trump
• Anthony Kennedy's son was Trump's moneylender at Deutsche Bank

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Featured article July 29 & 30, 2018
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