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The Comprehensive Guide To Being A Party Animal
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This article has no internets connection, but what the fuck are you going to do about it, you tubby cunt? |
Partying like a fucking beast isn't an overnight process, and in all honesty, you either got it or you ain't. Seeing as how you are here reading this fucking gem of an article, you probably ain't got it. Getting this ripped, washboard six pack that is fucking exploding out of my mid section like a volcano isn't something that happens over night. You can't just read this article and be like "Shit nigga, I know the flow" and then head out into some banging club and expect to double up and crush the tightest pussy in that joint. You have to remember it takes dedication, years of sculpting the tri's and excepting nothing but the steamiest sluts into your pussy crushin' bachelor pad. Which takes us to part one of the journey.
So take one last look at the complete scrawny, prisoner of war looking, anal rapist you are, and say "LATERS BITCH".
Lesson One: Dead Weight
First up, look at yourself in the mirror. Are you:
- A skinny ass white nerd fuck?
- A fat ass white nerd fuck?
You probably are.
Bulk Up, Faggot
You gotta dog that look shithead. Get a fucking job if you don't already (I don't have a job but I have a steady income from my parents, which gives me way more time to party and slay bitches), and get yourself a gym membership. Once you head into the gym you are probably going to be overwhelmed by a strange smell. That is the smell of real men, faggot. There's dudes in there busting their gluts, abs and bi's to make themselves tight as fuck for the honey's out there. You'll probably want to find yourself a Personal Trainer. This modern day Demi-God will smash your skinny ass into a real dude with a training regime and diet. Follow that shit you soon you'll be slamming girls like me, don't and you'll forever be a skinny ass gaylord.
Nigga Please
As you start getting some muscle onto the fucking wire frame God gave you and called a body, you'll notice that bitches are getting warmer to you. This is a good sign, and a solid indicator that you are on The Path to Becoming A Playa. Make sure you are toning all the work you are doing to get ripped by tanning regularly. You'll just look like a fucking goth wrestler if you don't. Smash that bed at least twice a week, and get out into the fucking sun too. The Sun is the original spray tan, baby, and if you are a Jew fuck, it's free as well.
Fuck Yo' Friends
Your friends are probably all shithead losers like you. This is only gonna fuck your chances of banging the trim pussy you want. You don't want to bring home a fly bitch, all ready to have her snatch pumped by your meaty pile driver for 10 hours, only to find some ghostly neck-beard loser on the couch playing with his dick whilst watching Dora The Explorer. Should this happen you need to pull out some pretty gnarly UFC style scissor kicks to the back of his head. But you should really take care of the problem before it becomes a problem. Here is a fool proof method:
- Call your friend, ask to go around to his place.
- Wait around until his Mother shows up (he'll still live with his mother, fucking loser).
- Flex.
- Smash that pussy.
- Tell your friend for everyday he doesn't either bulk up or fuck off out of your life you'll be smashing his mothers pussy like that everyday, and sending him videos.
Once that little cunt is built like a man, or outta the picture, you can continue on The Path.
Also, I shouldn't have to point it out to you faggots but I fucking will anyway. If you have a girlfriend you need to ditch that bitch (it's only a matter of time before I fuck her anyway, and she'll be useless after that. I hit 'em like a sledgehammer). Girlfriends are only for closet homosexuals anyway, so get rid of her you gaylords.
I'm 12, what is this?
It's all right, I'm 12 too. 12 motherfucking inches that is. Having such a massive cock can be a blessing and a curse. You probably have a 2 inch nugget laying flaccid in your sisters jeans, so I'll just write this for my own benefit.
Tips to living with an insanely massive cock:
- I recommend some pretty heavy duty briefs.
- Look to smash some chicks that might be able to take the length, if you're out for an easy night.
- Tighter bitches need to get drunk first.
- Slip the tip, then pump until you tear that pussy.
- Stock up on XXL Condoms, normal ones will just squeeze your dick lifeless.
Club It Up
Once you have your flex down, and your a nice golden color, you gotta get your fresh ass out into the clubs. 5 nights a week, minimum. Depending on what city you live in (if it's a shit redcock town, you need to move out. Sell your fucking Playstation and get a pussy magnetized pad in a fresh inner city 'burb) you will have a few clubs to choose from. Nights and style varies but to make the best of it and smash as many sluts as possible, follow this guide:
- Wednesday
Wednesday nights you should be looking for some good mid-week partying. Hit up the semi-decent clubs in your town on the Wednesday. There won't be an amazing amount of pussy to crunch but you'll still be the tightest motherfucker on the scene, unless you're fagging it up like a gaylord.
Bitches out on Wednesday's need some coaxing to get hammered. So insist that bitch slides up next to you on the dance floor, grind up and down her ass and finger bang her straight up. Pour about a litre of booze down her throat and then take her to the bathroom for some A+ smashing. Rinse and repeat with one of her girls.
- Thursday
Thursday is typically student night. That means a lot of drunk, young and stupid sluts for you to creep on. Find the local student club nights (search Facebook) and head along. Keep fresh, these places will be full of faggot hipster types, so the girls won't be able to resist you.
These sluts are fucking stupid, if you can't manage to take 2 home at least, then you're a fucking idiot.
- Friday
Friday nights are the best night for smashing the finest of fine. Head down to the R&B clubs and get your pump on. There's gonna be some competition there to make sure you'll looking trim, playa. Bring one of your boys for a wingman (and incase there are any grenades you need jumped on) and work the floor. Find a honey with a tight body and CRUNCH THAT PUSSY. Make the whore leave at 6am.
Friday nights you need to get on some Coke, so hook up a good dealer. Every Arab is a drug dealer, head down to your local cab rank and find one.
- Saturday
Saturday night you gotta mix that shit up again. Get out to the biggest dance/house club in your city. Your name should be on the door and you shouldn't have to wait in line with the rest of the common gutter scum if you play the game right. If the door girl has somehow fucked it up and not put your name down, make sure you slap that bitch upside the head with your dick. 12 inches of pure anger should set the record straight and you'll be let right in.
Once your in head straight to the bathroom and quadruple drop some E that you bought from your Arab friend. Make sure you do this again every 3 hours, to keep you ahead of the game. Get your ass on the floor and start pumping, bitch. At around 12am you should take your shirt off, and don't even think about putting it back on. Bitches will go crazy and be grinding you and shit. Fuck as many as you can in the bathrooms and take at least 3 home. Good game, fucker, you're a real man now.
- Sunday
Sunday is basically a repeat of Thursday, so get on Facebook, find a student party and decimate some young pussy.
How to work that D-Floor
Read these you fucking gaylord
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The Comprehensive Guide To Being A Party Animal is part of a series on Life [Go Live One] |
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The Comprehensive Guide To Being A Party Animal is part of a series on Drugs [Expand Your Mind] |
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