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Americunts
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Americunts, (also known as Amerifags, when singular A-merry-cunt) are quite possibly the dumbest breed of mammals on Earth. Americunts frequently visit jailbaitgallery.com and are made from 80% fat, 20% propaganda, and 100% FAIL while their women are epicly ugly and men have tiny penises. Americans are those who call The United States of America (pronounced "Murka") home. A veritable melting pot of races, creeds and colours, this species has been rendered practically brain dead by being force-fed vast quantities of "stuff" and relentlessly beaten about the head with the Stupid Stick.
World opinion of Americans is that they are morbidly obese, ignorant, arrogant bullies, who being liberal hillbillies for the most part, act like they are God's gift to the planet Earth.. Meanwhile, the rest of the world hates America.
It is often asked of Americans and non-Americans alike, "Why do you hate America?" and although there are over nine thousand answers to this question, the main reason is that the only thing that stands between the Arab nations of the Middle East pushing Israel into the ocean, exactly like those genocidal, anti-semitic, land-theiving white people from europe pretending to be middle-eastern deserve, is the U.S. government and the American Public's undying support for the Jews.
Even the hordes of fundie Xtians that pretty much run America love the Jews and support the state of Israel, believing that Israel's existence is key to setting the stage for The Rapture according to Biblical prophecy. However, all Americans can identify with a nation built on stolen land and the subjugation of its natives.
The American People
—George Bernard Shaw, actual | ||
—JaredChastain1, Taken from a johnny rebel video on jewtube, and a perfect example of the typical NASCAR watching retard americunt | ||
Poll after poll has shown that the majority of Americans are illiterate morons, as well as being homicidal mouth-breathers. The polls have revealed such gems as (amongst other things) the fact that over 70% of Americans either don't believe in evolution at all or believe that evolution is part of God's 1337 plan. More Murkins believe in angels than evolution and don't know where the fuck their own country is, and will constantly ask you why you do not think, act or believe the way they do. Polls also show that most American adults can't name the three branches of their government, are unaware of how many Senators their state has (much less name him/her/them) - as well as not knowing what the FDA is or does [1].
Recent polls revealed that every one in five Americans could not locate the United States when shown a map. The other 4/5 apparently own a map, an atlas and/or a clue, but could not spell cat if you spotted them a c and a t. The Chaser has also demonstrated that most Americans cannot name a country beginning with the letter "U".
Americans are a social group of obnoxious white fucks who can be described as arrogant, crude, defensive, dumb, fat, gun crazy, incredibly gullible, ignorant (no awareness so ain't inhibited to behave like a fucktard), inbred, homicide junkies, lawsuit junkies, plastic surgery junkies, therapy junkies, lazy, loud, nasal accented, blonde, stupid, terrified, uncivilized, uneducated wackos..."Can't solve personal issues without gun, lawyer or therapist" such stereotypes means Americunts merits their status as the most ridiculed weirdos on Earth.
The main reason they are so fat is that they are too stupid to chew their food, tearing off whole chunks of unhealthy processed meat and swallowing it whole.
There are many various nationalities slurring around in the gigantic melting pot that is murrika, fighting and sexing each other incessantly, each a bastardization of that particular race, twisted and deformed by the ignorant fumes that surround the states and it's people. Below we have split these filthy degenerates into three basic categories.
Afro-Americunts: Fresh off the slave boats, these knuckle-dragging excuses for humanity flopped onto the shores of murrika and were thrown into captivity by the whiteys before they could say "watermelon". Fast forward a breezy couple hundred years or so, and the weak sympathizer Abraham Lincoln sets the Afro-Cunts free into the wilderness of America, free to mingle with the whitey's who had them wiping their pink little butts for a couple of decades. The blacks then proceeded to suck up urban hip-hop gang culture with their moderately sized brown hoovers and evolved into the retarded gang-bangers you now see populating all local Fried Chicken outlets. Roughly 90% of them were wiped out through black on black violent gun crime so not a huge threa-oh shit they president now!!11
Latino-Americunts: Sombrero wearing border jumpers, these hairy brown sweatbags managed to gain access to america squirt out enough tiny brown babies that the border patrol just thought "fuck it, there's too many" and sat back down on their fat asses. The beaners then proceeded spread all across the Americas, farting tacos and taking jerbs. Many also went off to become Latino gangbangers, pimping out their rides and rolling around in checkered buttoned up shirts just generally pissing off the whole neighborhood. And some even escalated to the great heights of a filthy haxor snitch.
Caucasian-Americunts: Basically what happened when sophisticated English settlers came to the "Land of the free" and somehow gained an ear-piercing drawl of an accent, and lost half their IQ. Inbred gluttonous flabs of war-mongering flesh, the white american strives to be everything you hate, plus the added bonus of a superiority complex. There are many types of white american, all of them horrific, but the main divider would most likely be wealth. Down in the dregs of society the deformed hillbilly fucks his sister and downs another can of pabst blue ribbon, luckily these dribbling excuses for humanity are killing themselves out with various ill-advised stunts and drunken truck driving. Then there are the rich and middle class, grinning soulless fundamental Christians, that would gladly rip your intestines out and drink the gooey fluid before even beginning to consider a tax raise, or free healthcare.
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Wannabe Americans
- Canada: Part of North America. Also known as America's hat. Canadians sound like Americans but act like the English. Generally Canadians do not like Americans, however Americans not named W or Dick Cheney and hippies love Canada for its safe haven laws when dodging the draft is needed and its liberal drug laws. Americans will often pretend to be Canadian when leaving America since leaving the gated-community that is the USA can result in severe blunt force trauma, being taken hostage and even death.
- Mexico: Known most popularly for being America's beard, and technically part of North America; but considered to be South America by all Americans (business purposes excepted) Mexico once included parts of what is now California, Texas and other South Western states. It is populated by wannabe Americans who will do almost anything from cleaning Americans' houses, landscaping Americans' lawns, picking Americans' produce to babysitting Americans' children for a slice of American Pie (and to repopulate their stolen land). Instead they get no respect, less than minimum wage and are hunted down like the rabid dogs they are by Immigration and Customs Enforcement and Lou Dobbs.
- South America: Ironically there are no Americans in South America. If an American travels to South America he/she is called a hostage.
- Israel: The fatherland of true American people. Three hundred millions of dumbfucks on the other side of big pond are just a workforce to provide help to the race of masters.
Devolution and the Nanny State
Along with the rampant religious fervor currently sweeping the nation, things such as the growing -and increasingly violent- anti-abortion and anti-gay rights movements, the general mistrust of and disdain for science and continued calls to expand the scope of death penalty eligibility suggests that the American species appears to be 'devolving' -in effect evolving backwards at an alarming rate. Some argue that this is being hastened by the general public's overall willingness to accept a "nanny state", an ideal of sorts that has been gradually foisted upon them by their elected officials since President Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the hugbox as a means to control the great unwashed masses in the 1930s as part of his New Deal.
This also reveals one of the many deep-rooted psychological problems inherent in America's collective national psyche since taking it in the arse is integral for a nanny state to flourish. It can thus be deduced that the majority of Americans have a predilection for acquiescence vis-a-vis their "nanny"'s strict governance, a masochism which is starkly evident when one looks at the almost eager acceptance of the gradual erosion and pwnage of their much vaunted Constitutional, civil and human rights.
Much of this dog-like 'rolling over' can bee attributed to what scholars are fond of calling "The Dumbing-Down of America" (which should not to be confused with the extensive Idiot Proofing America went through after World War 2: Electric Boogaloo) but since that particular bottom of that particular barrel has long since been scraped, the 'nanny's attempts to 'dumb-down' the already dumb is akin to trying zero division. Rather, the current state of the American mind is more likely to be the result of idle minds with too much time and money on their hands. After the stigma attached to being a slave/slave master was removed by Martin Luther King's freeing of the 'textbook slaves' in the 1960s, the 'wage slave' or 'illegal immigrant' were born and not only became affordable to anyone with a 'decent' job but they became the "little black dress" of their day. Without mundane daily tasks such as housekeeping, shopping, driving and raising the kids to worry about, the average American could now stop sweating the small stuff and focus on living life to the max.
However, without any challenges, the collective American mind began to stagnate and like a cripple's atrophied limbs, today stands useless...a slave to the very people they enslaved to do the thinking for them.
Since losing self-sufficiency and resourcefulness to the faceless masses (both domestic and foreign) who maintain the status quo the average American now goes blithely through life assuming that things such as entertainment, refrigeration, television, telephones, and the climate are (God) given or naturally occurring phenomena.
This can be easily demonstrated by hiding every day items like remote controls and car keys from Americans or overloading a poorly maintained regional power grid during a heatwave until there are blackouts. When faced with the loss of electricity, Americans will walk around like chickens with their heads cut off until someone else fixes it since finding solutions to every day problems and implementing them have long since been outsourced to other people.
Americunt mind
Americans take much of every day life for granted. Most Americans believe things such as:
- Beer is self-cooling
- Cash rules everything around me
- Food isn't just nutritional, it's for fun.
- Household appliances are God-given and powered by Jesus.
- Ice cubes are a naturally occurring phenomenon.
- Like water, oil is a natural resource, it's free and unlimited
- The whole world has AC, potable water, and enough hot dogs for eating contests
- Everyone respects me because I have a gun
- Ann Coulter is a credible journalist
Teens
America is renowned for their youth, who are horndogs and stuck up asswipes that will rag on anything that doesn't relate to them, ie; sports athletes, preparatory school students, and the prom queens (who will also be known as a prostitute). If sent to other countries, they will most likely fuck with average civilians, rape the local children and women, and ignite major war, causing massive lulz, due to the fact that Americans always consider nuking countries a prime and final solution.
Like their parents, the youth of America are dumb, stupid, illiterate, weak minded, fickle, trendsters, and soon to be diagnosed with several mental aliments, like "Alcoholism" and "Substance Abuse". At the ripe age of 6, the typical American kid will go to school, being introduced to another kid's cool thing of toy they brought to school, like their older brother's CD of NiggerLispz or Pron, and then will abandon their childish youth, claiming it's "for losers" and will then follow into any lame category of subculture, like "Gamer", "Fucktard", "Jock", "Rich Asswipe" Emo, or practically anything that MTV will throw out to make money out of. Soon, in high school, major shit ensues, like a school shooting, fucking with the retards, and doing shit that's utterly wrong and then lying, "It's just a joke!" to get out of it. On average, over nine thousand percent of Rich and Beautiful teens usually get laid, and the rest get off STD, Baby and responsibility scott free due the Suburbia Nanny state laws. Anyone who usually doesn't is considered a loser, but that's because that's in High School.
Also, don't be surprised if there's usually some news story about murder being conducted by a teen. It's always been like that. Greater analysts conclude the following will happen to the various groups of fuckheads both mentioned and not mentioned.
Sport
Apart raping the environment, running their mouths, Gaming, Shopping, watching television, and Competitive Eating, there's nothing Americans like better than pwning, be it a country (or "contry" in merkin), a language ("langage") or sports ("sportz").
Soccer (pronounced: "football"), is the number one sport in the world in which skill is paramount, and is played by kicking a round ball around a pitch to score goals. Touching the ball with your hands results in a penalty. However, since Americunts are fat (need a break every five seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do in every play), unskilled (notoriously bad at using their foot hence can only manage the easier task of using hands) it wasn't tailored for them and so resorted to another British game called rugby (but without the skill, and in tights) instead. American football AKA Gridiron is a boring, bizarre, stop start, unskilled, activity that caters for fat non-athletes who can't play sport. Only American "fat fairies in tights" play due to cultural obligation having invented it, no choice. If Gridiron didn't suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is no cultural OBLIGATION...but no one does because it blows. The only Gridiron league that hasn't collapsed like all the others outside America (the low profile CFL) was culturally imposed by Americunts on those poor Canadians, no one plays in Canada and its overrun with Americunts. A static, stop start snoozefest, if you accidentally stumble upon this crap you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS" every twenty seconds before ending the misery and wisely flicking channel. Its so damn boring that cheerleaders are required: "Wake up people...yay GO TEAM...who's playing?". Every play is scripted, the fairies in tights get told what to do next and there is no innovation - "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies what to do every thirty seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. While using the foot is more difficult and requires superior skill, NFL Gridiron as a bizarre activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials", as this crap sucks donkey balls. It's a kiddies game of bump (that's all ninety percent of these grown up fairies in tights and body armor do), the passer (there's only one...LULZ) gets multiple attempts as they keep failing. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on this weirdo Gridiron crap - "I don't get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". In a way its a pity Gridiron has zero interest outside North America, because talentless ridiculed fat people from other countries who get excluded and left out of playing actual sports, would then have Gridiron to play.
Other Sports Americans Have Pwnt and Changed the Name of Include:
- Basketball -from Netball: a game played by English school girls. (Basketball was invented by Dr. James Naismith, a Canadian.) Its played by overgrown uncoordinated ghetto people with the easy as fuck task of placing a ball in an open hoop, as its 60 minutes back and forth of "you score, no you score, no you score, no you score...ahhhhhhh fuck this shit"
- Baseball -from Rounders: a game played by English school girls. The British invented baseball for small kids (like hopscotch, it ain't for adults), its played by poor fat people in pajamas
- Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) -from Agro: a game 'played' by rival English football hooligans.
Inventions
- Burger King
- Ebonics
- The Electric Guitar (to make their stupidity be heard halfway through the city)
- Friendly fire (shooting your own allies in the back out of your own stupidity)
- Grandma porn
- McDonald's
- 97% of the worlds retards (see: wigger and wapanese)
- The global financial crisis
War
Some argue that American soldiers are as thick as two short planks, while others would say they do it for the lulz, making them even more retarded. This is crap. The U.S. and A are decidedly the only nation in the world that never always fight for the lulz. However Americunts are so stupid they'll fight this under the illusion of something they call 'freedom'. This idea of 'freedom' is in fact a dirty lie spread by the Jews, some argue to get Israel, more people say they do it for the lulz, therefore making Americunts fight for the lulz of jews and even more retarded than you.
What everyone can agree on however, is that if you joined the US Army, Navy, Marines or Air Force after the invasion of Iraq you're either a high school drop-out with no future, a gang member, a criminal and/or a fucking moron and are quite deserving of everything you're whining about (currently, not having Internets at the front lines).
Trained entirely on video games like Grand Theft Auto within the sterile bubble that is America, these youngsters have a keen sense of reality, other cultures and fair-play however, Most Americans team with Jews to plot numerous attacks on their own buildings. This is untrue and they will argue that the Muslims did it
Americunts will also insist that the United States Air Force is without question the best in the world, even though incidents like those shown in the video below happen at least twice a second. This is probably because Americunts who join the USAF desperately aspire to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Even though Top Gun is about the Navy.
Americans are excited about their soldiers and like to cover their cars with gay yellow ribbon stickers proclaiming this. Americans however, do not like paying higher taxes for soldiers' weapons, pay, armour, tools, health care, and education. Five years from now our streets will be awash with IED style brain damaged vets with PTSD and maimed bodies. The first thing they will do is kill and eat all of our Vietnam vets. Then they will come for the Jews]
Myths and Truths
- All own guns and use them for shooting nigras and queers. (Wrong. They are for pwning Bambi's mom and dad.)
- Americans claim that their military is fighting for their freedom. (Wrong. Their military is for satisfying their Jew government's conquest. Their government's been taking away their freedoms as more and more soldiers are sent to be wormfood.)
- Americans look like how they are portrayed in Hollywood. (Wrong. 99.9% of Americans are fat ugly cunts who fail at life, the rest are also fat and ugly but have teh moneys for plastic surgery.)
- Always wear plaid on vacation in Europe. (So please keep them.)
- Are all fat and greedy. (Only about 110% are fat and greedy.)
- Are evil and will eventually destroy the world. (Correct. Research the predicted effects of nuclear weapons from before they tested the first one.)
- Are loud and vulgar. (Particularly the 13 year olds.)
- Are obsessed with dentistry and cosmetic surgery. (See also: The War on Cavities)
- Are so fucking lazy that they fight over who should take the trash out due to the gargantuan amount they eat.
- Are the leading cause of Global Warming. (Though we all know this is really the fault of the jews)
- Are the sad result of what happens if you mix all european races together and add some niggas to make it more colourful
- Are uneducated and easily fooled -more than once (see: W).
- Believe that South Africa is the only place left with Apartheid when they fail to look on their own backyard.
- Brought the world such wonderful mordern blessings like crack, tranny porn a.k.a Madonna and The Village People.
- Claim to hate their country as much as everyone else to gain acceptance from the rest of the world (See also: Fail)
- Everytime you think they can't get any bigger asshole for president they'll prove you wrong. (Nixon -> Reagan -> W -> Barack Obama)
- Fail at war and love using faggity, poor kids as bait. (see: Korea, Vietnam, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iraq, Canada). (See also: The war on homosexuality, the War on drugs) but the Bay of Pigs was a bunch of
MexicanCuban refugees. (see fucktard) - Assume everything Spanish is brown and Mexican.
- Assume everything Mexican is brown and speaks Spanish.
- Assume everything brown is Mexican and speaks Spanish.
- Know of the Second World War but are surpised if you tell them there also was a first one too. Honest
- Upon learning of their involvement in WWI they will immediately assume America won it.
- Love Jews. (This relationship has been strained by the Jewish generated GFC because of the Jewish conspiracy making normal Americunts believe it's all the arabs fault)
- Ran out of the letters, 'u' and 's' in the 18th century and will soon deplete the world's supply of 'z's.
- Ruin everything they touch. (Just look at the Internet, and Liverpool Football Club)
- Will soon be renamed "The Chinese". Yay!!!1one!!
- Will sue anything that moves.
- Wish they had a king or royals but will never have more than the desposed Hawaiian royal family and the crown jewels from Burger King.
- Are highly illiterate. (Much of this article demonstrates that fact.)
Trolling Amercunts
Trolling an Americunt is as easy as telling them the truth and things that actually make sense, then, watching them get mad.
- Tell them they are the fattest country in the world.
- Burn American flags.
- Fuck their ugly-ass women.
- Say that USA is made from everything than Europe shits and puke.
- Throw burgers at their faces.
- Say something negative about their ways of taxation. They obsess over and love their taxes and their Tax Day gets more attention than their other holidays combined. In fact they love taxes so much that they all shove rolled up 1040 tax forms up their asses while masturbating to tax-preperation commercials. Talking shit about taxes will make them rage and butthurt like a motherfucker and they'll yell out some tired and unrealistic comebacks (e.g. They'll tell you to go to Somalia or some other country that also has taxation).
- Just say "Fuck, America." It makes them mad which will gernerate great lulz
- Tell them that the United States is NOT the entire fucking continent.
- Say that the 9/11 is the best thing that happened to the mankind
- Tell them you're a terrorist.
- Say that god doesn't exist.
- Remind them how small are their penises.
- Tell weeaboos that Japan hates them.
Gallery
See Also
- America is Racist
- Anti-Americanism
- Asinine American
- Native Americans
- The Jewnited States of Americunts
- Why do you hate America?
External Links
- Why do they hate Americans?
- Americans circa 2007
- America is Doomed
- This article/site perfectly illustrates why America is the VERY DEFINITION of hypocrisy!
| Featured article September 4, 2007 | ||
| Preceded by Burning Man |
Americunts | Succeeded by The Anti-ED-Club |