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Logic

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT Kurt Gödel's incompleteness theorems prove that logic is bullshit! Contradictions have as much validity as non-contradictions; there is no truth!!!1
Indeed it is
Logic has a run-in with indoctrination

Logic is an almost mythical and incredibly rare element on the internet, and is the most pathetic and ineffective tool to use against a troll or anyone you know in general.

History of Logic

Logic was invented by the ancient Greeks in order to make themselves feel useful, because back in the day they were scrawny fucks who weren't capable of murdering people with rocks. However, everyone who isn't a complete idiot knows that said intellectuals aren't useful, because making decisions based on anger, paranoia, and lulz is the only sound course of action. Eventually, the creators of logic were all raped to death by nigras. Logic was rediscovered by the Ancient Greeks as a useful tool for destroying Troy, inventing drama and having sex with boys.

It disappeared during the Alexandrian Conquest and was replaced with swords. This explains Alexander's answer to the Problem of the Knot.

Logic resurfaced in the Middle Ages, predominantly by Catholic Monks. The Catholic Church quickly put this new tool to use, using it to distract teh ignorant peasants while they buttraped their children.

The pinnacle of Logic brought us computers and the Internets. These handy tools have allowed complete knobs to declare triumphantly that Logic does not work.

Logic used to be taught at schools until the Jews figured that the world would be easier to conquer if everybody else was stupid. This has led Americans to become ignorant first-world peasants, driven through their short, insignificant lives solely by a pair of small glands located somewhere just above the kidneys.

Lolgic

Different than ordinary Logic. Lolgic is the ED approved form of correct logic, known as "lolgic". It is easy to differentiate between ordinary logic and lolgic as it has the correct amount of lulz. Examples

Major Premise Minor Premise Conclusion
You are a Christian Evolution sux You're a fat ugly retarded piece of shit Redneck Americunt who rapes 13-year-old boys, just like W.
You are a scientist Evolution is fact You're a Satan-worshipping furry liberal Jew smart-ass who luvs to takes it up the ass rough and raw.
You use Linux Windows sux You are a fat anime-watching basement dwelling penguin-fucker who luvs to takes it up the ass and thinks they are better at computers than everyone.
You use Windows Linux sux You are an emo Nazi script kiddie with a small dick who is too retarded to use real computers or internets but does so anyway, and takes out their frustration on everyone else by hacking their WoW characters.
You use Macintosh Windows and Linux sux You are a whiny liberal hippie faggot in denial of the fact that Bill Gates completely pwns your shitty system and that Steve Jobs only cares about your money.
You're black Fried Chicken is too expensive You wish you were white.
You're Asian Tits or GTFO You have no tits and you are a pedo commie from Japan with a slanty vagina who worships Santa Claus because you think he's the illegitimate rape baby of Jesus and David Beckham.
You're Hispanic QUE PASA SEÑOR You are a fat, Spanish-speaking immigrant who came over from Mexico to steal our jobs and healthcare and infect American culture with quesadillas, delectably throbbing baby-arm chorizos, and swine flu.
You're a Jew You're still alive Go die in a hole.
You're a Muslim You're a man You are therefore a Nigra with sand in your vagina.
You are a /b/tard DESUDESUDESU Therefore you are a weeaboo pedo who spouts memes like you have Tourette's and torments others and isn't afraid of anything.
You are a furry yiff yiff scritch murr You are a fat faggot who enjoys getting buttfucked by others like you while in fursuits or drawing it when you're not raping animals or stirring up Internets drama.
You are an hero You can not has iPod You were asking for it.
You are an EDiot LULZ You are a stupid, anally gifted faggot who claims to document memes but in reality only perpetuate the cancer for newfags to find and copy, further ruining everything.

Syllogism

The likely foregoer of Cow-is-Table Logic (see below) in which two premises are combined to form a conclusion.

An example of syllogistic reasoning:

"God is love; Love is blind; Therefore, Ray Charles is God." -Richard Jeni, an hero

Notice the subtle differences between Syllogism and Lolgic. Any moron with common sense can see that lolgic thoroughly pwns syllogism.

Syllogism is used to Intellectually Checkmate trolls, but fails.

The internet is full of idiots. Encyclopedia Dramatica is on the internet. Therefore, Encyclopedia Dramatica is full of idiots. Deductive syllogism!

Women

Women are teh opposites of logic. This has perplexed intellectuals since the early Victorian Era. At the time, it was believed that women lacked the ability to use logic because they were insatiably horny and motivated solely by their desire to have sex and die at thirty-four, giving birth to their two-dozenth child. It was thought that without constant supervision, a woman would be seduced by the first bounder who got her alone and told her as long as they kept their clothes mostly on, it didn't count as sex.

While this is still very true, this stereotype has reversed itself in the 21st Century due largely to a massive PR campaign by shitty stand-up comedians and the feminazis who claim women are superior communicators, which is why they fill colleges more than men. In actuality, this is complete bullshit that is only believed by other women and castrated liberal faggots, and college is for /b/tard failures that can't get into universities (though universities suck too, as anyone with logic can enter them).

In reality, the only form of logic known to the common woman is girl logic. If you decide are forced to argue with a woman do not be distracted by the following:

The appropriate counter-argument to women is the cunt punt.

Typical Example of Woman Logic:

Men

It is thought that Jews like Einstein invented logic. So according to correct lolgic:

Major Premise Minor Premise Conclusion
Jews are not human men are human Aristotle was a fucktard and jews are not humans

Typical Example of Man logic:

Note the use of epic lulz.

Gurlfriend's Wager

Gurlfriend's Wager

For the most part, logic and lulz are inversely related.

"The growth of lulzdom may be gauged exactly by the diminution of wise temper" (Wager's boyfriend)

Logic in LiveJournal Political Communities

Inductive Reasoning

Many retards use inductive reasoning to prove their point. In an argument, do not draw attention to this fact, as they do not know what inductive reasoning means or why it is wrong.

An example of inductive reasoning:

This particular base in this particular area are belonging to us, therefore all your base are belong to us.

Cow-is-Table Logic

Similar to Inductive Reasoning, but taken a step further. Cow-is-table logic is when you make two sensible points, and combine them in a stupid manner.

An example of cow-is-table logic:

Tables have four legs; cows have four legs; therefore tables must be cows.

Christian and Atheist Logic

Both sides of the God argument are guilty of using really crappy-ass logic. If you really want to beat a Bible Thumper or a Proud Self-Proclaimed Intellectual in a debate, then it might help to go over these logical fallacies.

Appeal to Ignorance

This is perhaps the most common fallacy to be seen in the entire debate. Just because there is no proof that something is false, then it must be true.

  • There is no proof that God does not exist
  • Therefore, God must exist

Appeal to Ignorance also works both ways. If there is no proof that something is true, then it must be false.

  • There is no absolute proof that the universe was created by a God
  • Therefore, God doesn't exist

Circular Logic

Moar info: Circular Logic.

The most common logical fallacy, it happens when the conclusion reiterates the premises that supported it. In other words, its like saying that you were right to begin with (and you weren't).

  • The Bible says that God exists
  • The Bible was written by God
  • Therefore, God exists

The most amusing thing about this fallacy is when it is used accidentally by any party, ripe for Objection

  • God is an unscientific concept
  • Any arguments that God exists are invalid because they support an unscientific claim
  • Therefore God is unscientific because no evidence exists

False Dilemma

Bill O'Reilly loves this one. It basically rules out the possibility of a neutral opinion on a topic by forcing you to pick one or the other.

  • Either you believe in God or you are Un-American
  • You do not believe in God
  • Therefore, you are Jew

As well...

The worst offenders of this fallacy will attempt to strictly enforce the dilemma.

Hasty Generalization

If it wasn't for this logical fallacy, then stereotypes would not exist. In fact, Encyclopedia Dramatica wouldn't have our wonderful ethnic articles!

Anyone who's spent more than five minutes in a chatroom during this debate will undoubtedly notice this fallacy being used.

  • WBC consists of bigots
  • WBC are Christfags
  • Therefore, all Christfags are bigots

As true as those statements may be, they won't hold up very well in a real argument. At this point in a flame war, Godwin's Law has a high probability of appearing.

Tu Quoque

NO U

  • Christians are responsible for killing people during the Crusades and the Inquisition
  • Atheists are responsible for killing people in Eastern Europe during the Cold War
  • Atheists are just as guilty as Christians when it comes to killing people

On the surface, these look like valid arguments, but according to the evidence given, it is unknown if there really is a causal connection between Atheism and genocide (and there isn't Communism lol).

Interesting to note is that vice-versa of most tu quoque arguments hold true. Thus, NO U is expectable as a response.

  • Atheists sometimes use faulty logic
  • Christfags position their entire beliefs on questionable logic
  • Therefore, atheist logic is the most sound logic

Fallacist's Fallacy

Also known as the Fuck You Fallacy or the Intellectual Checkmate and it's commonly used by Atheists and Smugfag. Instead of debating the argument one premise at a time, you just blow it off completely just because one premise happens to be fallacious. Unfortunately, this fallacy is abused often by smugfags to the point where if their logic is pointed out as faulty, they begin to copy/paste this to death hoping to save their argument.

  • Christfags say that Heaven must exist because no proof suggests otherwise
  • That statement is an Appeal to Ignorance
  • Therefore, Heaven must not exist
  • You just got Intellectually Checkmated

Weak Analogy

Also known as Lousy-ass Analogy, Bullshit Analogy, or Anal-orgy. It happens when you actually do discover a connection between two premises but then assume that they share another connection. The entire concept of watchmaker analogy is based on this exact proposition.

  • The universe has both simple parts and complex parts
  • A common wristwatch has simple and complex parts
  • All wristwatches are products of a creator
  • Therefore, the universe must be the product of a creator

The most common atheist example of this fallacy also includes a nice dash of appeal to ridicule

  • God is unproven
  • Santa Claus is unproven
  • God is like Santa
  • Do you believe in Santa Claus since you believe whatever your parents tell you?
   
“ 		 
I got this one off a Jehovah's Witness who came to my door, back when I was a christian
  • Trinitarianism holds that god is triune
  • but if you mix red, yellow, and blue paint, you just get a mess
  • therefore, trinitarianism is bullshit

I answered him "God isn't paint, dumbass!" and he was shocked, like he had never thought of this before.
 

„
  		 

—Apparently formerly Christfag EDiot

Burden of Proof

  • Prove me wrong.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

  • but if you make the claim, you are the one who has to prove the claim, not me who has to disprove it

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Thought-terminating Cliché

A statement that basically amounts to "bitch, shut the fuck up", but sounds like a valid response to a question or argument. May or may not be a fact, but it never really resolves anything.

  • Prima: Why does God allow a billion people worldwide to starve to death, but care about you getting a raise?
  • Secunda: Because he works in mysterious ways, okay?

OR:

OR:

  • Prima: It seems like ED has a lot of unfunny atheistic editing that often appears unrelated to the article.
  • Secunda: Christfags are stupid and believe in magic sky fairies. They deserve to have their beliefs questioned and ridiculed so long as religion is a cancer to our society. LOGIC AND REASON MOFO!


The list for fallacies goes on, and on, and on. Experts suggest that an entire wiki is needed to call the bullshit of just one half of the arguments in the never-ending God-vs-No-God debate. The final solution to gaining the answer, ironically, is the final solution.

See also

Shit logic:

Other:

External links


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Featured article October 9, 2005
Preceded by
Nikola Tesla 		Logic Succeeded by
Joseph Evers
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