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Taking Down ED
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Have you tried to take down ED but failed? Well no, I didn't fail |
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—Sylvia Lancaster, on trying to achieve the impossible. | ||
It's 10pm. In between watching reruns of MLP, you decide to see if someone has been criticising your art. Scanning your name on Google, you start to lose interest when suddenly, you see there is a link to Encyclopedia Dramatica on page 14. Following the link, you are shocked to see that someone has not only claimed that your totally original characters are simply recolours and tracings, but they have said that what original content you have actually made is nothing more than the fingerpaintings of a 13-year-old, WHEN YOU HAVE CLEARLY SAID MANY TIMES YOU ARE 18. In a fit of rage, you spit the doritos from your mouth and sweep the empty Mountain Dew cans from your desk. Logging into your DeviantArt account, you quickly message your twelve followers, and together you make a devious plan for revenge. An hour later, after successfully blanking the article and vandalising several admin user pages, you and your friends say goodnight after a lengthy round of patting each other on the back. Satisfied and proud of your actions in defeating those vile EDiots, you go into a deep sleep. In the morning, you catch a bus to your minimum wage job, still bemusing yourself over last night's antics, only to find, to your dismay, that you have been fired after an anonymous email was sent to your boss containing the detailed rape fantasy you wrote about her. Struggling to keep back the tears, you ride the bus back home while pondering over how the EDiots found it. After all, you made sure to post it under the name "SparklefoxYifflover37, instead of your normal name "SparklefoxYifflover73. Upon getting home, you see a mysterious folded piece of paper lying on your doorstep. Scanning the area cautiously, you reach down and pick it up, slowly opening it to read the haunting words;
From here on out, there are two choices. You could say "lol Internet", or you could do something much funnier. This article covers that second choice.
Taking down ED, as you might expect, is something that is quite easy to do. By the time you're done reading this article, hopefully you'll have a better feel for the many ways to do this. It would appear that the majority of these attempts originate on YouTube. This is likely because vloggers are scum. Their fans keep telling them how great everything they do is, and as a result, they have a bad case of runaway self-esteem.
We'll start with a rundown of past success stories.
Stories
Feltcho
Perhaps the original, Feltcho lolled us all by leaving voicemails on Joseph Evers' machine. Remember: if you're not swearing, we're not listening.
If you're lucky, you'll become a musical piece of ED history.
CircaRigel
Raped as a child, CircaRigel would forever have something to prove. One day she caught ED calling her friend Irish282 a pedophile just because he was trying to help out children. Naturally, she made it her duty to /whois ED and post some completely inaccurate dox.
By the way, it would later be confirmed that Irish282 really is a pedo. gg.
Mike Sandy
—Mike Sandy, oblivious to the existence of fucking | ||
Rootbrian
More than ever, the Internet makes it easy to become a Video Star from the comfort of your Canadian public housing, and there's no better proof than Rootbrian himself. Unfortunately, Brian didn't appreciate the fame we brought to him, so he put together a vlogging crusade to bring down ED (Pronounced by Rootbrian sometimes like Ed, the Man's name, and other times with a long 'E' sound, like 'Eeeed'), which is still active to this day.
- Rootbrian got his Mom on video
- Rootbrian tried telling people not to donate to ED (Which got a lot more people donating).
VampiricSpektor
Armed with L337 hacking skills, psychic powers so powerful that they could barely be contained within a giant fucking lump on her fivehead, lactating man-dog-tits large enough to feed all of Haiti, and a sturdy pair of orthopedic shoes, VampiricSpektor poses a triple-threat to ED's continued existence on the interwebs.
—VampiricSpektor, | ||
— | ||
Those wishing to emulate VS must remember to make videos calling ED illegal while trying your very hardest to get someone to bomb their server... and you'll probably need a sturdy pair of orthopedic shoes.
(To anyone left confused about VampiricSpektor's gender by those two paragraphs, take note: its genitals are buried so deep beneath the fatty membrane surrounding its body that its gender is knowable to nobody, save a mortician.)
Steve Hodder-Watt
One day, after returning from a walkabout in the bush, Steve Hodder-Watt, a Waboriginal native of Australia, bumbled across the ED article about Aborigines. Without realizing that ED has an article on just about every race there is out there (new articles are created as new races are discovered), Steve immediately jumped to the conclusion that ED is a racist site. He then asked his lawyer to put the squeeze on Google, to have ED removed from the Internet.
Naturally, this gave him assloads of media attention.
Aeverine Nieves
Ava, a noted E-lawyer and tranny, immediately became butthurt after seeing "her" article back in 2007 and sent in a DMCA. This was promptly lol'ed at and the article remained on ED. Then, in 2008, Ava emailed the ED mailing list with this nugget of lulz.
—Aeverine, | ||
Girlvinyl
Some time Last Thursday, dreary EDiots awoke from their slumber, checking to see if Encyclopedia Dramatica had come back up from maintenance. Instead of finding the "Hang in There" page with that ugly monkey cunt, they instead found a redirect to a site called, "Oh Internet." Confused, these EDiots went to their favorite forums and asked, "WHERES MY ED???" Slowly, the truth emerged from the clouded haze of confusion. Girlvinyl in a surge of money hungry rage deleted Encyclopedia Dramatica and replaced it with a hilarious website attempting to catalogue memes. Suffice it to say, it got so few page views compared to ED, that it closed in October 2013, while Encyclopedia Dramatica keeps going strong.
Jolene JRyda
After spending years on Facebook being an annoying attention whore and being a horrible failure of a mother, Jolene managed to catch the eye of Facebook trolls who called her on her bullshit. After being informed that she had become Internet famous on Encyclopedia Dramatica, she concocted the perfect plan of faking her death on Facebook in order to guilt the trolls into removing her from ED.
The Martin Twins & MeganLeeHeart
—According to her hubby, adding minor update of their drama to their article is harassment and they're still wishing we gone down sooner. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Also known as the modern day Internet equivalent of Bonnie & Clyde: Partners in Crime. These two (or three, if their mentally unstable twin counted in) are the biggest scumbags the world and the Internet have ever known. Starting out cheating and stealing since the Summer of 2008, and compulsive lying and death threats upon earning YouTube Partnership since 2010, they have made themselves out to be the most notorious couple. Since discovering their articles, they've been obsessed with taking down ED so they can get rid of all the evidence of their crimes. They have tried everything from sending their brainwashed white knights to vandalize their pages with vanity edits to threatening lawlsuits to get their pages taken down, resulting in failure and their page gaining even more notability. Now deliberately hoping that ED will be gone by Christmas of 2013 due to lack of funding so all traces of their online crimes will be forgotten. Currently, they're moving their hiding spot from YouTube to Facebook in hopes of getting under the ED radar to spread their crime and sending out repetitive death threats in private to anyone who dares to try and expose them. This is eventually short-lived as they repeat their crimes on Facebook like they did on YouTube and then play the victim card by claiming to be false DMCAed. Brian Martin is using his new channel 
FuturisticHub to submit shitty Minecraft videos while using illegal bots to raise his views and subscribers for easy money. Later he and his new partner in crime Marko Princip lost a lawsuit of $20 FUCKING MILLION DOLLARS against Brandon Keating and David "Ty" Moss for fraud and damages over YouTube channel videogames
Asalieri
After seeing his Encyclopedia Dramatica page and blaming everyone he knew for making it, meta-fatass decided to send his white knights to vandalize the page, this resulted in having his dox and daughter's school published, after that he decided to hire an Internet lawyer and sue us, this was the message sent to ED by his lawyer:
Name: Lcdo. Jose R Cordero Phone: 7874233511 Email: [email protected] :Company: https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Asalieri, https://encyclopediadramatica.rs Comments: Hi , My Name is Jose Ramon Cordero, and I am a lawyer in Puerto Rico. You are hosting a page (i trust you have no knowledge of this), which is breaking a lot of laws, defamation, child abuse, and is also using images without consent for Ad-revenue, I please ask this page be shut down to avoid further complications. Images of myself are there as well, without my permission, he is also using false information. I have discovered his true identity by my own means. Please solve this ASAP as me and my client are getting pretty bothered with it thank you very, very much!!!
Later we realized said lawyer is a mexican youtube rapper and could no longer give a fuck.
Donny Long
It's science time folks! What do you get when you mix the autism of Chris-Chan, the sociopath of half Nate Spidgewood and half Brian Martin, the gayness, and the unwarranted self-importance? You get---whoops! Mixed with Taking Down Encyclopedia Dramatica by accident gives you the results of Donald Carlos Seoane also known as Donny Long the Self-Claimed Gay Porn God. Ever since his ED page is made he created numerous ED sockpuppets to take his page down along with taking down other pages and spam it with a tl;dr hateboner grudge speech against people like Eddie Dzial nobody gave two shits about. Unfortunately his PTSD is triggered to the max that he won't stop creating sockpuppets until his page and the entire Encyclopedia Dramatica website is taken off the web for good.
Michael Horowitz Foster
Hacked into the forum because Zaiger set the forum password to "niggers1" and released a list of EDF users email addresses under the pseudonym "P.F." He then sent this information to Daniel Brandt before being doxed himself.
Onideus Mad Hatter
—Onideus, —now wait a minute... he has friends? | ||
After becoming a Disgraced ED SysOp for threatening to call the cops on another user for trolling him, he threatens to use a RDDoS attack to bring ED to its knees. Clearly he's not upset about losing his mighty banhammer of Thor. After that his article (which he joined the site to protect) was expanded and he spent the next month making various threats on facebook (complain to host to have us shut down, sue us, call the cops etc) but never did anything. Eventually paid Zaiger to let him back on the site and spent several years doing our dirty work for us before being kicked out alongside Zaiger.
Brian Zaiger
Took over the site after Ryan was V& and Garret had to move along. No one knows why Zaiger was chosen but it is likely nobody else wanted the hassle. Filled it with virus spam ads and e-begging links and used the money to support his drug addiction instead of getting a job. Was forced out and is now homeless. As a last ditch effort to get his cash cow back, tricked some guy into making him a mirror of ED (he couldn't do it himself) and tried to blank the forum in hopes people would move to his new ED, out of loyalty to him.
No one did.
Aediot
After becoming sysop, tried to take down ED by registering the trademark in his name as part of a scheme to exclusively cash in on Highly Demanded ED merch. His antics resulted in the loss of a significant amount of content including another total reset of the forums. Ran an abomination of a clone of ED for most of 2020-21 whilst trying and failing to attract the greater share of loyalty away from the TRUE and HONEST ED community. Of course, he failed to obtain either the audience or the trademark in the end and is currently fading into obscurity, his ass napkins having been fully exposed.
Canada
On June 2022, the Canadian cyberpolice started mass reporting ED's host, saying that "child abuse material" was being hosted on the Amanda Todd article. Yes, that's right, an article about a person that died 12 years ago was the target of the cuckdian government. After the reporting spree, the wiki was down for a few days while the webmaster was moving everything to another host.
United Kingdom
Just 10 days after Canada's attempt, the UK decided it was time to try to take down ED again; by reporting our French-based registrar (which owned encyclopediadramatica.online) about our Brenton Tarrant article, likely because it contains the infamous livestream that Big Tech and world governments have tried to censor off the internets. For about a day, ED was up under our backup domain, dramatica.online; before we managed to get encyclopediadramatica.online back.
Methods
Join ED
Start as a user and be useful until you get promoted to EDitor. Once that happens you'll need to give the bureaucrats lots of blowjobs until they make you an admin out of pity. When the opportunity presents itself, overthrow the current regime and take control of Encyclopedia Dramatica! Nobody would suspect a thing and you can finally delete your article.
Delete Fucking Everything
Making a sockpuppet account and just blank everything you see, not knowing the article can be revived in a matter of seconds. The only thing this method is good for is giving you even more attention.
Blog!
Write an angry blog! This is usually used in conjunction with one of the others below. Click here and here to see how people so ridiculously butthurt will pretend as if they are absolutely not bothered. Note, also, how they claim victory where there is only utter fail. This is a typical method of trying to cover up an initial BAWWWWW reaction or a failed attempt at humoring the "Don't Feed the Trolls" myth.
Threaten a lawlsuit
A favorite of many; - make bogus legal threats. If you like, you can actually bother seeing a lawyer so he can laugh you out of his office.
Beg troll groups
Try making a post on an anonymous image board about how evil ED is. But leave out the part about us having an article on you or you'll be banished to personal army hell.
Publishing dox
You might be able to find out some EDiots dox using Google. It is strongly recommended to publish these to your YouTube account. That'll show them for dropping dox!
Online petition
The founding fathers guaranteed your right to petition. While it doesn't say anything about the government listening to your petition, you are always free to make Internet petitions on sketchy websites. You might be able to get 10 signatures before some memefags come flood your shit. A common response to this is :D my petition is getting many signatures!. Make no mistake, Internet petitions have never done anything. Ever.
So go sign this one for the hell of it, courtesy of Linkaton Furaito and Explosiv22. Because, you know...that's going to stop bad things from being said on the Internet.
UPDATE 1/3/2012: For something that was posted on September 2nd, 2009, this shitty petition only has 470 471 513 signatures, most of which are fake, lulzy, or from butthurt people with an ED page on them. This goes to show that this is totally something of utmost importance
Template:Mine
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| This page has been repossessed, please return it to the king immediately |
| Encyclopedia Dramatica can re-purchase Mine for $16 via this website |
The proper way to destroy ED articles.
Computer Science III
Be just like Neo! The powers of DDOS, virus-programming, database hacking and more are right there at your fingertips! They teach this stuff in High School! Really!
Involve your parents
Chances are, if you want an article eradicated from ED, you still live with your parents! Why yes, nobody else in this world knows more about clothing, housing, feeding and protecting you like your good 'ol Maw and Paw! They'll show those mean 'ol EDiots what for!
Tell your FBI friend
Everyone has a friend who totally works for the FBI. Why not try to use him like a regular fat chick? I mean, the FBI isn't working on anything better. It's your tax dollars, your net personality is entitled to protection.
Tell Google to remove them from the Internet!
Leave messages on Joseph Evers' voicemail
Please do this. Everytime you yell, part of the HD gets erased.
Sysop war
Start a war between the sysops, they'll start taking down pages left and right. Then when they realize that you're the faggot who started all the shit, they'll make up and go after you. Risky method, best tried if you have body guards that are ninja or fucking badass.
Hex them!
Some people are simply stupid. Some are ignorant of the law. However, if your preferred path is crazy, you can try DivineAngel's method of hexing us. After she hexed us, 2008 was slightly less lulzy. So, for lack of evidence, hexing is the most successful method yet. CWC's "Curse-ye-ha-me-ha" was not as successful. Unless you count the hundreds of people who hurt themselves laughing.
If you don't believe in all that dirty voodoo magic you could try cursing us, which is of course totally kosher in God's eyes. The viability of this method is still under investigation, pending CT scans of all sysops and a scan of the servers for any thurmatological buildups. If you come on ED and the page suddenly starts flashing runic symbols, please inform Joseph Evers immediately.
Write a book
David Gonterman found what might be the most ingenious method of taking down ED. The plan was to write a book and expose us. Sadly some people took pity on Davy and convinced him to scrap that shit. Many lulz were lost. Too bad, that book would have TOTALLY ended us.
Participate in Pride-I Mean Spirit Day
Of course, there are some people that aren't in it for the lulz. These people are either over concerned parents that were too late to see what the hell their kid was doing beforehand and decided "the Internet isn't a safe place for children", or the other type is usually different. Apparently some flaming faggots got all emotional and depressed, so they committed suicide. Guess most parents weren't too happy about the whole ordeal and decided to pass a "Spirit Day" which is supposed to "wipe out cyber-bullying", even though they know that cyber-bullying is just an Internet form of bullying, albeit more lulzy. So if you aren't in it for the lulz, be sure to fag it up with your stupid teachers to remember all of the Fags that gave their lives for the lulz.
Get arrested
Normally getting arrested and shipped off to the pokey is a very lulzy affair, for us at least, as we get to point and laugh whilst Bubba breaks in his new chew toy. Not so much when you're holding the fucking keys to the site. Yes Ryan was instrumental in resurrecting the site after The Blob's attempt to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING, but he also happened to catch the attention of the Gub'ment for being the hacker known as Anonymous. It's not that we couldn't live without Ryan, but rather, that it left E and Zaiger in full control in order to "clean up after him". We all know the tragic end to that story. So, if even only for all the wrong reasons, getting arrested has proven to be an effective means of taking down The Beast under specific circumstances, if only at least for a little while. Therefore, please make a point of fulfilling all your obligations to Encyclopedia Dramatica, as well as doing a proper handover, before doing anything lulzy like getting arrested, going for the High Score, becoming An Hero, etc -- it's not always about You, you selfish fucker.
Gallery
See also
- Anti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.com
- Failcyclopedia
- Free speech
- Serious business
- Shit that will never happen
- ShutdownED.org
- The Anti-ED-Club
- You vs. ED
People who have successfully taken down ED
- Asalieri
- Argent009
- Camille Marino
- Chris-chan
- CircaRigel
- Crusadercat
- Darksidered992
- DivineAngel
- Domain Hoster
- Drp1zza
- Grace Saunders
- Hozupindahows00s
- Jolene JRyda
- Keegan Salisbury - Once had a page when he was 9.
- Linkaton Furaito
- Madeleine McCann
- Mike Sandy
- Myah Walker
- Paul Fetch
- Mumsnet
- PixelBeeProductions
- Prince Jeremy
- Purelily
- Riley34470
- Rootbrian
- Sherrod DeGrippo - PACK IT UP. WORKS DONE HERE. WE'RE FUCKED.
- Skuee
- SpleeNfat
- Steve Hodder-Watt
- Straitfox
- Tablecow
- Taekesi
- TGcomix
- VampiricSpektor - Only because EDiots trolling him did it as a ploy.
- Wolfeedarkfang
External links of butthutt petitionfags trying to take down ED
- So far these people have had spectacular success in trying to Petition to take down ED! Not!
- Another seriously butthurt individual trying to take down ED.
- made by a particular blue cat
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Taking Down ED is part of a series on Taking Down ED [Do It Faggot] |
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| ||||||||||
| Featured article August 14, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Operation SyPhyllis |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by Tool |
| Featured article April 27, 2011 | ||
| Preceded by Snapesnogger |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by Internet Tough Guy |
| Featured article April 19 & 20, 2012 | ||
| Preceded by OldDirtyBtard |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by Daniel Brandt |
| Featured article May 29 & 30, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by DGTrixie |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by ZilianOP |
| Featured article August 27 & 26, 2018 | ||
| Preceded by Garbage Pail Kids |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by Nixxiom |
| Article of the Now June 24 & 25, 2022 | ||
| Preceded by Sonic the Hedgehog |
Taking Down ED | Succeeded by Abortion |