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1980s
| 1980s is part of a series on Time | |||||||||||||
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The 1980s was a gloriously tacky period of time spanning the years 1980 to 1989. Your parents and 16 year old girls who weren't even there fap to the decade fondly, even though it was actually ten years of ghey music, overrated movies, awful fashion and AIDS. They also Did a lot of coke and voted for Ronald Reagan.
Miami Vice
A popular Television show and a name for an era in the 80's, usually between 1984 and 1988 and most fondly remembered as being the definitive 80's look because it had the honor of having its look designed by Versace and Armani who took cues from the New Romantics like Duran Duran and people like David Bowie that had a sense of style and who were willing to take risks and rebel against the heroin chic punk look of the day. Most gen-xers look fondly upon this period because it is the only one that had any real style as it was designed to make people look good and not like more modern styles that have 35 year old douche bags wearing wool ski hats in the summer cuz it's like so ironic. Most people when questioned actually admit to being willing to dress in this era over choices like grunge, punk, valley, street or country, and being stuck right between the valley girl look of big hair in the early 80's and the hillbilly mullet, fuck taking a bath look of the late 80's that led into grunge helps a lot to keep the 40 somethings fondly remembering this era of Ferraris, feathered hair and pastel colours.
Most fans of this Era also blame the lack of Nostalgia as to why Michael Mann's 2006 Miami Vice movie failed.
I mean, Castillo being played by a nigger and not Edward James Olmos? BLASPHEMY!
The Stroke
The Stroke is a popular song from the 1980s by Billy Squire and if it weren't for idiots like Adam Sandler✡ using it in movie after movie it might have been long forgotten and burried by now. It is a good song, so the burried part might be an exageration.
The reason The Stroke is being mentioned is because it is one of the most miss-interpreted songs from the 1980s.
First and formost it is not about wanking like every 7th grader that still counts their pubes every day to see if they grew more thinks. This song can be best described as being a lot like Pink Floyd's Have a Cigar and is about how music executives don't have enough decency to give you a reach around when they are fucking you in the ass.
Remember, don't go with the shallow Jack Black interpretation about fapping. Say it's about the Music Biz and you'll impress all your friends.
List of things that happened in the 1980s
- The rise of New Wave.
- To the Horror of Anime fans, Carl Macek bastardized 3 unrelated anime to create Robotech which in turn is responsible for opening Anime up to most Americans.
- Two Dollars
- Pioneer released the best Akira dub in the wake of Robotech making anime popular. Fuck the new one, who wants to listen to a one voice, untalented voice over artist like Johnny Young Bosch that can only sound like a Ninja Turtle.
- That Battle of the Planets G-Force piece of shit that had Casey Kasem as a voice that most anime fans choose to forget. Really, the main bad guy can turn himself into either a girl or boy at will? 30 years of Anime plots right there.
- Morrissey invented gayds.
- Ronald Reagan fucked up the black person.
- Ronald Reagan gets shot by a basement dwelling weirdo thinking he'll get a date because Jodi Foster told him she'd go out with him if he did it.
- How many of you men that grew up in the 80s can admit to NOT fapping to their mom's Jane Fonda excercise video?
- Budd Dwyer blew his fucking brains out.
- Edd Gould is born
- Crossfire YEAH! YEAH!
- Two Dollars
- Teachers b& kids from trading Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
- People started realizing that movie heroes could be fags when Rock Hudson got The HIV and died.
- Millennials start to be spawned IRL
- Mark David Chapman starts a pre-internet meme with Emos and The Catcher In The Rye when he does the world a service by killing John Lennon. He also earns the world's disdain when he lets Yoko Ono live.
- Internet stalking has yet to be invented. Hell, IRL stalking wasn't even seen as a crime. They called it something along the lines as a minor nuisance. Go ahead; hide in her bushes and follow her to work if you think it will get her back or make her love you. This lasted up until 1989 when Robert John Bardo did a magic trick for Rebecca Schaeffer and turned her chest into a sieve with a .38 special. Like all things Hollywood, because something happened to a rich white woman that was one of their own and not some unknown black women from the inner-city, Hollywood petitioned politicians for anti-stalking laws so they could have creepy fans arrested Just Because. This is the begining of the single, nationalised police force we live in today.
- Boy George had an exotic adventure with the drummer from Culture Club.
- Danny Elfman sang that Weird Science song and the even better "Dead Man's Party" that was used in "Rodney Dangerfield's Back to School". Watch and you can see Danny Elfman is a daywalking, soulless ginger. Robert Downey Jr's in it too and it's way before his 1st stay at Betty Ford. Actually, I think he's in both movies. He plays a pretty boy d bag in Weird Science and a loveable loser in Back To School.
- Jeff Bridges begins to perfect his stoner guru character in Tron.
- Lots of Tele-evangelists got caught either fucking their secretary or sucking dicks at a glory hole in a bathroom at a gay disco.
- Because of video tape, porn didn't need to have plots anymore.
- Two Dollars
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Dragon Ball showed kids how to kill each other.
- DuckTales taught children the virtues of venture capitalism.
- Frankie Goes to Hollywood got the banhammer from the BBC for having the most awesome album title ever, "All The Nice Boys Love Sea Men."
- Nintendo was invented, thereby enabling basement dwellers to spread rumors that some guy spent so long gaming that he died of malnourishment.
- Traci Lords made everyone a pedophile.
- J-pop stopped evolving permanently.
- Anime characters had Western names.
- Animation dropped in quality from entertaining stories to being just shitty toy commercials. See He-Man, Transformers, My Little Pony and the Olsen Twins, I mean Muncheche.
- M*A*S*H made whitey cry when they found out it wasn't a chicken!
- Chris-chan is born.
- Many, many hair crimes. Ozone layer nearly entirely destroyed due to excessive use of Aqua*Net hairspray.
- Everyone looked like trailer trash in stirrup pants and stilettos.
- J.R. Ewing got shot. Everybody cared.
- Black midgets everywhere!
Gary Colemanand Emmanuel Lewis are still trying to figure out WTF happened. Hell, niggers of all sizes were everywhere from Mr. T to The Jackson 5 reboot Victory Tour to Phillip Michael Thomas. Even Jesse Jackson had some respect in the 80's. - Bill and Ted had an Excellent Adventure.
- Socialist Republic Of Canuckistan hottie and 1980 Playmate Of The Year Dorothy Stratten is killed by her husband/manager Paul Snider which leads to the best Eric Roberts movie following The Pope Of Greenwich Village where Eric's character slips a cop a horse laxative and then calls the cops about a cop being shot at his location so all his friends can watch him shit himself - Star 80.
- Two Dollars
- The Montage: Thanks to a 20 minute series of related events, a person that has never boxed, used karate, ridden a BMX, played football etc can build up enough muscle and skill to be better than the Douchebag villain that has been doing said "Sport" all of his life.
- John Hughes' "blame the grownups" movies were considered high art by sixteen year old girls everywhere.
- Your sister had a crush on John Taylor from Duran Duran.
- Your brother had a crush on Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran.
- Your mother had a crush on Simon Le Bon from Duran Duran.
- Your Dad tried his hardest to be Roger Taylor from Duran Duran
- Nobody cares about Andy Taylor or remembers him.
- You still don't get that Duran Duran's The Reflex is about getting a surprise hard on while on a date.
- You still don't get that Duran Duran got it's name from a Jane Fonda movie villain.
- Boy band New Kids On The Block was put together when music promoters saw an untapped market with homosexual pedophiles. Fortunately this mistake is starting to resolve iteself since Tommy Page became an hero on 5 March 2017. 1 down 4 to go. Having no flair for irony he did it with pills cuz he didn't want to be Hangin' Tough.
- You actually believe that Nina's 99 Red Ballons is a direct translation from German to English despite Luft meaning air in German and not red, ROT.
- When you first saw Poison, you wanted to fuck the shit out of Brett Michaels.
- Your mom thought shoulder pads that made her look like a linebacker were attractive.
- Your mom also trampled other moms to get you the last Cabbage Patch doll in stock all thanks to those huge shoulder pads that made her feel like a linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers.
- Samantha fucking Fox bitches.
- Two Dollars
- Seth MacFarlane first started stealing material from this decade when he copied an Eddie Murphey joke at school.
- People were not ashamed to be seen in public with rat-tails and mullets. Aimee Mann, then in a band pretentiously named 'til tuesday, may have had the most impressive rat-tail of all.
- Cyndi Lauper made trash-picking fashionable.
- People were still too retarded to figure out that
shaving your pubic hairwaxing your bikini region was way more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing. - Madonna started screwing her way to the middle, starting with Jellybean Benitez, while living on popcorn and McDonald's french fries she dug out of dumpsters.
- Andy Warhol died after gallbladder surgery.
- Metallica was still metal.
- Punky Brewster became an early bloomer and led a lot of boys into self discovery. She was quickly forgotten about after she made a big deal about getting her Tits chopped at 15 and went from a happy, jiggling 32DD to a 32C.
- Michael Jackson was still black.
- MTV actually had music videos.[citation needed]
- Talking about MTV, stupid ass videos that had nothing to do with the song. What does Bon Jovi's Runaway have to do with nuclear fallout and X-Men? And you wonder why so many bands did concert videos in the 80's.
- Pretty-boy hair-rock bands discovered that spandex wears better than denim.
- The Cure made 16 year old girls who cry in a corner, dress in all black, and hang out in cemeteries cool.
- Did I Bring up Savage Steve Holland and his most loved running gag in Better Off Dead