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Americunts

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A correct illustration of the population of faggots in Amuriga (some argue that California is deciding to secede from the Union).
A typical Americunt family unit.
DAMN! Beaten by Osama again!

Americunts, (also known as Amerifags, when singular A-merry-cunt) are quite possibly the dumbest breed of mammals on Earth. Americunts frequently visit jailbaitgallery.com and are made from 80% fat, 20% propaganda, and 100% FAIL while their women are epicly ugly and men have tiny penises. Americans are those who call The United States of America (pronounced "Murka") home. A veritable melting pot of races, creeds and colours, this species has been rendered practically brain dead by being force-fed vast quantities of "stuff" and relentlessly beaten about the head with the Stupid Stick.

World opinion of Americans is that most are morbidly obese, ignorant, arrogant bullies, who being liberal hillbillies for the most part, act like they are God's gift to the planet Earth.. Meanwhile, the rest of the world hates America.

It is often asked of Americans and non-Americans alike, "Why do you hate America?" and although there are over nine thousand answers to this question, the main reason is that the only thing that stands between the Arab nations of the Middle East pushing Israel into the ocean, exactly like those genocidal, anti-semitic, land-theiving white people from europe pretending to be middle-eastern deserve, is the U.S. government and the American Public's undying support for the Jews.

Even the hordes of fundie Xtians that pretty much run America love the Jews and support the state of Israel, believing that Israel's existence is key to setting the stage for The Rapture according to Biblical prophecy. However, all Americans can identify with a nation built on stolen land and the subjugation of its natives.


Note: Some portions of this article was most likely written by an americunt dumbass. Don't be surprised if you find Pro-American shit that looks like it was written by a cock-sucking bigot, due to the fact that Americans consider everything remotely offensive untrue. If you see an americunt edit to this page, proceed to delete it and vandalise his userpage with pictures of goatse.

   
“ 		 
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
  		„
  		 

—George Bernard Shaw, actual quote fact

The American People

   
“ 		 
hey fuck face, leave everybody alone. education don't matter worth a shit to me. i left school when i was seven and i make 5,000 bucks a month because i work hard. pussies like you don't know what hard work is. you can take yer precious education and shove it up yer ass and set fire too it. hard work and god is what makes the world go round, not education, and science, and politicians and goddamn sand niggers like you. click the X button at the corner of your screen for gods sake
  		„
  		 

—JaredChastain1, Taken from a johnny rebel video on jewtube, and a perfect example of the typical NASCAR watching retard americunt

Poll after poll has shown that the majority of Americans are illiterate morons, as well as being homicidal mouth-breathers. The polls have revealed such gems as (amongst other things) the fact that over 70% of Americans either don't believe in evolution at all or believe that evolution is part of God's 1337 plan. More Murkins believe in angels than evolution and don't know where the fuck their own country is, and will constantly ask you why you do not think, act or believe the way they do. Polls also show that most American adults can't name the three branches of their government, are unaware of how many Senators their state has (much less name him/her/them) - as well as not knowing what the FDA is or does [1].

Recent polls revealed that every one in five Americans could not locate the United States when shown a map. The other 4/5 apparently own a map, an atlas and/or a clue, but could not spell cat if you spotted them a c and a t. The Chaser has also demonstrated that most americans cannot name a country beginning with the letter "U".

Americans are a social group of obnoxious white fucks who can be described as arrogant, crude, defensive, dumb, fat, gun crazy, incredibly gullible, ignorant (no awareness so ain't inhibited to behave like a fucktard), inbred, homicide junkies, lawsuit junkies, plastic surgery junkies, therapy junkies, lazy, loud, nasal accented, blonde, stupid, terrified, uncivilized, uneducated wackos..."Can't solve personal issues without gun, lawyer or therapist" such stereotypes means Americunts merits their status as the most ridiculed weirdos on Earth.

The main reason they are so fat is that they are too stupid to chew their food, tearing off whole chunks of unhealthy processed meat and swallowing it whole.

I'm American

Teabonics - The Official Americunt Language

What the Americunts Really Want

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina

Americans are NOT stupid - (with Subtitles)

Tell it Motherfucker like it is!(a fuckin anti-americunt)

Insurance Company Bureaucrats Are Considered Sacred War Hereos

Why Americans are obese

Previous Video | Next Video

"Americans"

 
True American citizens expressing their beliefs

Devolution and the Nanny State

Along with the rampant religious fervor currently sweeping the nation, things such as the growing -and increasingly violent- anti-abortion and anti-gay rights movements, the general mistrust of and disdain for science and continued calls to expand the scope of death penalty eligibility suggests that the American species appears to be 'devolving' -in effect evolving backwards at an alarming rate. Some argue that this is being hastened by the general public's overall willingness to accept a "nanny state", an ideal of sorts that has been gradually foisted upon them by their elected officials since President Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the hugbox as a means to control the great unwashed masses in the 1930s as part of his New Deal.

This also reveals one of the many deep-rooted psychological problems inherent in America's collective national psyche since taking it in the arse is integral for a nanny state to flourish. It can thus be deduced that the majority of Americans have a predilection for acquiescence vis-a-vis their "nanny"'s strict governance, a masochism which is starkly evident when one looks at the almost eager acceptance of the gradual erosion and pwnage of their much vaunted Constitutional, civil and human rights.

Much of this dog-like 'rolling over' can bee attributed to what scholars are fond of calling "The Dumbing-Down of America" (which should not to be confused with the extensive Idiot Proofing America went through after World War 2: Electric Boogaloo) but since that particular bottom of that particular barrel has long since been scraped, the 'nanny's attempts to 'dumb-down' the already dumb is akin to trying zero division. Rather, the current state of the American mind is more likely to be the result of idle minds with too much time and money on their hands. After the stigma attached to being a slave/slave master was removed by Martin Luther King's freeing of the 'textbook slaves' in the 1960s, the 'wage slave' or 'illegal immigrant' were born and not only became affordable to anyone with a 'decent' job but they became the "little black dress" of their day. Without mundane daily tasks such as housekeeping, shopping, driving and raising the kids to worry about, the average American could now stop sweating the small stuff and focus on living life to the max.

However, without any challenges, the collective American mind began to stagnate and like a cripple's atrophied limbs, today stands useless...a slave to the very people they enslaved to do the thinking for them.

Since losing self-sufficiency and resourcefulness to the faceless masses (both domestic and foreign) who maintain the status quo the average American now goes blithely through life assuming that things such as entertainment, refrigeration, television, telephones, and the climate are (God) given or naturally occurring phenomena.

This can be easily demonstrated by hiding every day items like remote controls and car keys from Americans or overloading a poorly maintained regional power grid during a heatwave until there are blackouts. When faced with the loss of electricity, Americans will walk around like chickens with their heads cut off until someone else fixes it since finding solutions to every day problems and implementing them have long since been outsourced to other people.

Common American Assumptions Facts

 
Despite the appearance of a 'protest', this is actually an endorsement for Americunt gluttony

Americans take much of every day life for granted. Most Americans believe things such as:

Their Children and Teens

 
Your typical day at an American high school, where kids like Travis Touchdown attempt to get a decent edumacation, but the dickbrains won't let him. Therefore, he must always ensure their deaths and lulzy fashions of such just to get a fucking DIPLOMA.

America is renowned for their youth, who are rapists, horndogs, and stuck up asswipes that will rag on anything that doesn't relate to them, ie; sports athletes, preparatory school students, and the prom queens (who will also be known as a prostitute). If sent to other countries, they will most likely fuck with average civilians, rape the local children and women, and ignite major war, causing massive lulz, due to the fact that Americans always consider nuking countries a prime and final solution.

Like their parents, the youth of America are dumb, stupid, illiterate, weak minded, fickle, trendsters, and soon to be diagnosed with several mental aliments, like "Alcoholism" and "Substance Abuse". At the ripe age of 6, the typical American kid will go to school, being introduced to another kid's cool thing of toy they brought to school, like their older brother's CD of NiggerLispz or Pron, and then will abandon their childish youth, claiming it's "for losers" and will then follow into any lame category of subculture, like "Gamer", "Fucktard", "Jock", "Rich Asswipe" Emo, or practically anything that MTV will throw out to make money out of. Soon, in high school, major shit ensues, like a school shooting, fucking with the retards, and doing shit that's utterly wrong and then lying, "It's just a joke!" to get out of it. On average, over nine thousand percent of Rich and Beautiful teens usually get laid, and the rest get off STD, Baby and responsibility scott free due the Suburbia Nanny state laws. Anyone who usually doesn't is considered a loser, but that's because that's in High School.

Also, don't be surprised if there's usually some news story about murder being conducted by a teen. It's always been like that. Greater analysts conclude the following will happen to the various groups of fuckheads both mentioned and not mentioned.

The Sport Machos

  • Died in a Drunk Driving session.
  • Get caught up in a VT and literally die knowing they caused it
  • Get raped in prison by Bubba because they like to drink a lot, or liked sex too much
  • Get shot by the person they used to bully around with
  • Handegg aka Gridiron, with its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the Quarterback Snap where one of the "fairies in tights" mounts his mans "A" hole and shouts "hut hut" code for: "preparing to enter"), this boring faggotry alien activity (that only sad weirdo Americans play because of cultural obligation having invented it) is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals.
  • Join the Army, fuck some Afghans, Arabs and various Asians and then die from a Assault Rifle blowjob, either getting caught by the locals or on a raid
  • Work in a shitty job because of their great intelligence ability to take more steroids than the average person and therefore being good in sports and nothing else.

Prepatory School Fags

File:Afraidofdragons.jpg
Afraid of dragons?
  • Continued to breastfeed off of Mummy and Duddy, and died an hero because they couldn't afford anymore "Mall Rat Training Sessions".
  • Died an hero while at his post-college institution, because they couldn't get to party
  • Died in a drunk driving session.
  • Died in a hazing "accident"
  • Fucked a chick while in a frat, and is now being fucked with.
  • Now a person who owes money to the local Mafia, and will not be seen until Next Thursday, in a trunk, crushed car, or in the latest trend, cement shoes.
  • Now Bubba's latest girlfriend because of his lulz worthy attempt to kill his parents for insurance money and then move off to Amsterdam to open up a pot shop.

Hardcore Nerds

Behavior

 
Handegg "poster boy". Are you fat, talentless, devoid of any skill, or can't think for yourself? Fear not retard, this is the activity for you.

Apart from things like ræping the environment, running their mouths, and consuming everything in mass quantities, there's nothing Americans like better than pwning, be it a country (or "contry" in merkin), a language ("langage") or sports ("sportz").

Soccer (pronounced: "football"), is the number one sport in the world in which skill is paramount, and is played by kicking a round ball around a pitch to score goals. Touching the ball with your hands results in a penalty. However, since Americunts are fat (need a break every five seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do in every play), unskilled (notoriously bad at using their foot hence can only manage the easier task of using hands) it wasn't tailored for them and so resorted to another British game called rugby (but without the skill, and in tights) instead. American football AKA Gridiron is a boring, bizarre, stop start, unskilled, activity that caters for fat non-athletes who can't play sport. Only American "fat fairies in tights" play due to cultural obligation having invented it, no choice. If Gridiron didn't suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is no cultural OBLIGATION...but no one does because it blows. The only Gridiron league that hasn't collapsed like all the others outside America (the low profile CFL) was culturally imposed by Americunts on those poor Canadians, no one plays in Canada and its overrun with Americunts. A static, stop start snoozefest, if you accidentally stumble upon this crap you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS" every twenty seconds before ending the misery and wisely flicking channel. Its so damn boring that cheerleaders are required: "Wake up people...yay GO TEAM...who's playing?". Every play is scripted, the fairies in tights get told what to do next and there is no innovation - "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies what to do every thirty seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. While using the foot is more difficult and requires superior skill, NFL Gridiron as a bizarre activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials", as this crap sucks donkey balls. It's a kiddies game of bump (that's all ninety percent of these grown up fairies in tights and body armor do), the passer (there's only one...LULZ) gets multiple attempts as they keep failing. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on this weirdo Gridiron crap - "I don't get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". In a way its a pity Gridiron has zero interest outside North America, because talentless ridiculed fat people from other countries who get excluded and left out of playing actual sports, would then have Gridiron to play.

Other Sports Americans Have Pwnt and Changed the Name of Include

Other Things Americans Invented

 
Americunt flag

For more click here

Americans At War

 
You should have been a gay handegg player then.
 
This is a fact.

Some argue that American soldiers are as thick as two short planks, while others would say they do it for the lulz, making them even more retarded. This is crap. The U.S. and A are decidedly the only nation in the world that never always fight for the lulz. However Americunts are so stupid they'll fight this under the illusion of something they call 'freedom'. This idea of 'freedom' is in fact a dirty lie spread by the Jews, some argue to get Israel, more people say they do it for the lulz, therefore making Americunts fight for the lulz of jews and even more retarded than you. What everyone can agree on however, is that if you joined the US Army, Navy, Marines or Air Force after the invasion of Iraq you're either a high school drop-out with no future, a gang member, a criminal and/or a fucking moron and are quite deserving of everything you're whining about (currently, not having Internets at the front lines).

Trained entirely on video games like Grand Theft Auto within the sterile bubble that is America, these youngsters have a keen sense of reality, other cultures and fair-play however, Most Americans team with Jews to plot numerous attacks on their own buildings. This is untrue and they will argue that the Muslims did it

Americunts will also insist that the United States Air Force is without question the best in the world, even though incidents like those shown in the video below happen at least twice every year. This is probably because Americunts who join the USAF desperately aspire to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Even though Top Gun is about the Navy.

Friendly Fire Cockpit Video Iraq 2003


Americans are excited about their soldiers and like to cover their cars with gay yellow ribbon stickers proclaiming this. Americans however, do not like paying higher taxes for soldiers' weapons, pay, armour, tools, health care, and education. Five years from now our streets will be awash with IED style brain damaged vets with PTSD and maimed bodies. The first thing they will do is kill and eat all of our Vietnam vets. Then they will come for the Jews]

Americunts in England (Europe) - A tourist's guide

England and the Americunt have a long standing, gay relationship. England was bummed by a bush over 9,000 times. Many Americunts visit England, as many of our children do, to return to the Eden of developed life on Earth.

In the Adam and the Ants track 'Kings of the Frontier', Adam sings "I feel beneath the white, there is a redskin suffering, from centuries of taming". This is of coarse incorrect with regards to Americunts, who all have Brits inside their inner an-hus sanktomb holes, eating away at them like an itchy prostate cancer they can't scratch. Evidenced by how so many Americunts have some obscure fraction of someone living in the UK or Ireland within their family history, and won't shut up about it. No one in Europe is proud of being related to the Americunt and no one mentions it if they are.

Americunts unable to leave Amma-reeka, scared that they'll be raped t' fuck by everyone in Europe upon arrival, produce overblown stories regarding the poor industrial, economic or military power of Europe and the superiority of the US, so as to convince themselves they are correct to remain isolated and not visit a single other country or experience one other vista on existence within their lifespan, dripping away. This may extend to criticizing dental reg-eye-mays, how sexually appealing the girls are or how straight the boys are in England, whilst sporting their curiosly circumcised peni design to get on good with the boys in the soapy shower rooms of their homeland. And whilst simultaneously wanting to fuck the living shit out of the super hotties in Europe, untainted by Mc Donalds induced obesity and cosmetics or surgery as they are.

Americunts are INTENSELY paranoid of being in Europe, as they have all seen Hostel and believe it's a documentary. This seemingly humorous statement is FACT. The author has direct, personal experience of Americunts in England.

"Don't take that, that's how they get you!" he heard from an Americunt in reponse to someone handing out flyers for a bar. This may be why the intuitive sense of an Americunt is to bomb the fuck out of everything outside the US, regardless of the mondo red crosses painted all over it and guys running around in bright white uniforms covered in red crosses.

Americunts typically can't point to England on a map, and do not realize that Ireland, Scotland and Wales are not England. Or that some of these regions have a deep hatred of being referred to as England. Americunts do not realize that the US supplied the IRA (from Ireland) with weapons, and that the IRA are effectively the Taliban of the UK. They've set off 2000lb bombs around London and seriously fucked shit up. They are also lying little paddy fuckwits that continually change their minds regarding ceasefires. Even the Irish are getting pissed off with them.

Americunts do not realize that a gigantic number of places in the US are actually named after places in the UK. Or that Central Park is a copy of the first public park, Central Park in Birkenhead, UK (DANGER, AMERICUNT! EXTREME CHAV CONTAMINATION ZONE!).

It is a well known fact that every Americunt secretly wishes to live in England on an estate, shotgunning poor people from their balcony whilst sipping tea (putting milk in fruit teas, making it split, not realizing that is not 'tea') and eating strawberries; as per their view of everyday life in England. Modonna herself has begun living this capitalistic, monarchy derived delusion in the UK. This does not help British / Americunt relations. We don't want her nasty chicken ass polluting England. Please, take her back.

Americunts visit York and believe it to be an accurate depiction of the British; when it is in fact an 'artificial museum', similar to Florida, but based on ye olde reality. This belief can lead to problems when visiting more realistic chav infected zones within the UK, which are both numerous and include London and York, the two tourist centres of the UK. York in particular has a strong hatred of the outsider and the BNP (the UK equilivant of the KKK, but targeted towards anything with a foreign accent or tan (themz typez)), has a significant number of supporters in this area. It can be quite a remarkable change in attitude given that many Americunts will be traveling to York from London, where tolerance of the foreigner is high at the latter. Americunts will wear T-shirts or hats featuring something to do with London printed on them and then travel to the north. This is not a good idea. Only the Japanese may not only look cool but also get away with this.

'Those types' of ne'er do wells are easy to spot in the US. They are in biker gangs or fucked off their tits on meth. They are also easy to spot in the UK, yet few Americunts appear willing to spend five minutes familiarizing themselves with the chav articles and similar, such that they may learn to identify potential risk factors upon visiting. Instead choosing to wear $2000 cameras around their necks in rough estates, assuming the blistered tarmac, broken glass and number plates scattered around them are quaint.

Americunts assume that because the UK has gun control, they are safe to ask for it. In reality, if the UK released it's gun control laws, it would bring about Chavageddon, the new era of darkness. (Sort of like America, only the gang-bangers don't make any real money)

The British is essentially backwards to the US. Replace north with south. Unless an Americunt is genuinely a gangster and has genuinely grown up in a shitty environment thinking throwing up drugs is the way of things, it must take care of it's mouth and possessions around the north; particularly if it has a tan or strong accent.

The British has a serious problem with alcohol. The Americunt is considered a faggot if it is sick after ten pints of 9% larger in under an hour. Teens routinely drink 3l of 9% cider. As such, it is common to see mounted police and riot vans around on Friday and Saturday nights. Americunts will engage in nay saying about the British online, but engaging in this when confronted by a chav may result in an assault or mugging. Chavs typically operate in worryingly large gangs, unable to act alone, and will carry knives. Tens of them will immediately decloak and materialize from the concrete surroundings upon identifying a victim or sensing any foreign vulnerability, or just for the fun of scaring the Americunt. They will target Americunts lecturing on dental hygiene that have also not brushed their cosmetically bleached teeth in the last month. Americunts are commonly obese and stink, rendering them detectable from a large distance by the chav. Get a wash.

Due to their inability to be honest about their feelings without tranquilizing quantities of alcohol within them and the Americunt's unfamiliarity with this level of religious intoxication, they will assume a British is being honest when not drunk. Fail.

The British almost always use sarcasm as a sense of humor. The Americunt can reverse what they're actually hearing to define the truth.

The Americunt MUST attempt to lower the volume of it's universally fucking annoying voice in public areas and remove 'bum-bags' or 'fanny packs'. Do not refer to you ass as your fanny. Do not engage in arguments about wars or gun control around areas selling alcohol or up north. Do not discuss the imperial system of measurement around drunk or sober British. We invented it. It's shit. And the Americunt is shit for thinking it's better than the, French, metric system. DO engage in imperial if talking to a London based street merchant or someone over the age of 60.

Similar rules apply when visiting the rest of Europe; e.g. in hotter countries around Europe (like Italy), replace chavs with gypsies. They will have a cup and ask you for change. Put your hands on your money and walk away. There's a good chance the Americunt is about the be pick pocketed. The Americunt is uber wise to try and broaden it's horizons, but must not assume Europe is Disney Land. It is perfectly safe, but please dont ask for it from our scummers.

Common Assumptions About Americans and the Truth About Them

 
An average American on his way to the office
  • All own guns and use them for shooting nigras and queers. (Wrong. They are for pwning Bambi's mom and dad.)
  • Americans look like how they are portrayed in Hollywood. (Wrong. 99.9% of Americans are fat ugly cunts who fail at life, the rest are also fat and ugly but have teh moneys for plastic surgery.)
  • Always wear plaid on vacation in Europe. (So please keep them.)
  • Are all fat and greedy. (Only about 110% are fat and greedy.)
  • Are evil and will eventually destroy the world. (Correct. Research the predicted effects of nuclear weapons from before they tested the first one.)
  • Are loud and vulgar. (Particularly the 13 year olds.)
  • Are obsessed with dentistry and cosmetic surgery. (See also: The War on Cavities)
  • Are so fucking lazy that they fight over who should take the trash out due to the gargantuan amount they eat.
  • Are the leading cause of Global Warming. (Though we all know this is really the fault of the jews)
  • Are the sad result of what happens if you mix all european races together and add some niggas to make it more colourful
  • Are uneducated and easily fooled -more than once (see: W).
  • Believe that South Africa is the only place left with Apartheid when they fail to look on their own backyard.
  • Brought the world such wonderful mordern blessings like crack, tranny porn a.k.a Madonna and The Village People.
  • Claim to hate their country as much as everyone else to gain acceptance from the rest of the world (See also: Fail)
  • Everytime you think they can't get any bigger asshole for president they'll prove you wrong. (Nixon -> Reagan -> W -> Barack Obama)
  • Fail at war and love using faggity, poor kids as bait. (see: Korea, Vietnam, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iraq, Canada). (See also: The war on homosexuality, the War on drugs) but the Bay of Pigs was a bunch of Mexican Cuban refugees. (see fucktard)
  • Assume everything Spanish is brown and Mexican.
  • Assume everything Mexican is brown and speaks Spanish.
  • Assume everything brown is Mexican and speaks Spanish.
  • Know of the Second World War but are surpised if you tell them there also was a first one too. Honest
  • Upon learning of their involvement in WWI they will immediately assume America won it.
  • Love Jews. (This relationship has been strained by the Jewish generated GFC because of the Jewish conspiracy making normal Americunts believe it's all the arabs fault)
  • Ran out of the letters, 'u' and 's' in the 18th century and will soon deplete the world's supply of 'z's.
  • Ruin everything they touch. (Just look at the Internet, and Liverpool Football Club)
  • Will soon be renamed "The Chinese". Yay!!!1one!!
  • Will sue anything that moves.
  • Wish they had a king or royals but will never have more than the desposed Hawaiian royal family and the crown jewels from Burger King.
  • Are highly illiterate. (Much of this article demonstrates that fact.)

Americans At Play

 
LOL "Are you going to finish that...?"

Americans have a variety of hobbies including:

Trolling Amercunts

Rules: Trolling an Americunt is as easy as telling them the truth and things that actually make sense, then, watching them get mad.

Some things to troll a typical Americunt:

File:Trolling americans.jpg
   
“ 		 
A master at work!! Now you try...!!
  		„
  		 

Or you could go the easy way and do some copypasta:

amerifags are the most retarded pieces of shit on the planet. I would rather die than marry an amerifag. what have they ever done for us anyway? honestly, name 3 things you retards have done for the rest of the world.

Post that for some butthurt lulz.

Gallery

  •  
  •  
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    amirite?
  •  
    'Smart' technology
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    Typical smarmy American
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    A typical American, talking shit
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    Eurofags win again
  •  
    And again
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    Guns vs Butthurt
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    Newborn Americunt.
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    Typical Americunt listening to his Ipod
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    You can't get much worse than an American sonicfag
  • Are you one of the lucky bastards?
    Are you one of the lucky bastards?

See Also

External Links

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