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Americunts

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Americans prepare to mate

Americunts, (also known as Americans, when singular A-merry-cunt) are the fattest breed of animals on Earth. Americans frequently visit jailbaitgallery.com and are made from 80% fat, 20% propaganda, and 100% FAIL. Their women are epicly ugly and their men have tiny penises (Ranking lower on average than most people except Indians and other gooks). Americans are those who call The United States of America (pronounced "Murka") home. A veritable melting pot of races, creeds and colours, this sub-human offshoot of humanity has been rendered practically brain-dead by being force-fed vast quantities of shitty materialistic garbage and relentlessly beaten about the head with the Stupid Stick. The whole game was rigged from the start to make americunts the dumbest most gullible fucktards in World History.

The world's opinion of Americans is that they are morbidly obese, arrogant bullies who, being liberal hillbillies with a severe case of the stupid, act like they are God's gift to the planet Earth. This is how they greet each other Meanwhile, the rest of the world hates America with unfathomable intensity, which Americans have convinced themselves is 'jealousy.'


It is often asked of Americans and non-Americans alike, "Why do you hate America?" and, although there are over nine thousand answers to this question, the main reason is that the only thing that stands between the Arab nations of the Middle East pushing Israel into the ocean (exactly like those genocidal, anti-semitic, land-theiving white people from europe pretending to be middle-eastern deserve) is the U.S. government and the American Public's undying support for the Jews. The Jews control were personally responsible for orchestrating the terrorist attacks on the world trade center, in conjunction with the FBI, DHS, Saudi Arabia and W.

Even the nigger who runs America loves the Jews and supports the state of Israel, believing that Israel's existence is key to setting the stage for The Rapture. However, all Americans can identify with a nation built on faggotry, stolen land and the subjugation of its savage Injun natives.

Most importantly, it is a well-known fact that the IQ range of the general, ordinary American is 70 or lower; most folk with respectable levels of intelligence often flee to superior lands like yurop and get a STEM education there for free, instead of being subjugated to Over 9000 trillion dollars of student loan debts from an American College.

The American People

   
“ 		 
The 100% American is 99% idiot.
  		„
  		 

—George Bernard Shaw, actual quote

   
“ 		 
hey fuck face, leave everybody alone. education don't matter worth a shit to me. i left school when i was seven and i make 5,000 bucks a month because i work hard. pussies like you don't know what hard work is. you can take yer precious education and shove it up yer ass and set fire too it. hard work and god is what makes the world go round, not education, and science, and politicians and goddamn sand niggers like you. click the X button at the corner of your screen for gods sake
  		„
  		 

—JaredChastain1, Taken from a johnny rebel video on jewtube, and a perfect example of the typical NASCAR watching retard americunt

What americans look like, according to Japan
What they look like in reality

Poll after poll has shown that the majority of Americans are illiterate morons, as well as homicidal mouth-breathers with mommy-issues. The polls have revealed such gems as (amongst other things) the fact that over 70% of Americans either don't believe in evolution at all or believe that evolution is part of God's 1337 plan. More 'Murkins believe in angels than evolution and don't know where the fuck their own country is, and will constantly ask you why you do not think, act or believe the way they do. Polls also show that most American adults can't name the three branches of their government, are unaware of how many Senators their state has (much less name him/her/them) - as well as not knowing what the FDA is or does [1].

Recent polls revealed that every one in five Americans could not locate the United States when shown a map. The other 4/5 apparently possess a map, an atlas and/or a clue, but could not spell cat if you spotted them a c and a t. The Chaser has also demonstrated that most Americans cannot name a country beginning with the letter "U," though this is not significant, as the average American cannot name any country whose name is composed of more than three letters.

Americans are a social group of obnoxious white fucks who can be described as arrogant, crude, defensive, dumb, fat, gun crazy, incredibly gullible, ignorant (no awareness so ain't inhibited to behave like a fucktard), inbred, homicide junkies, lawsuit junkies, plastic surgery junkies, therapy junkies, lazy, loud, nasal accented, blonde châtain, stupid, terrified, uncivilized, uneducated wackos..."Can't solve personal issues without gun, lawyer or therapist" such stereotypes means Americunts merits their status as the most ridiculed weirdos on Earth.

The main reason they are so fat is that they are too stupid to chew their food, tearing off whole chunks of unhealthy processed meat and swallowing it whole.

Americunts And Geneology

   
“ 		 
I don't see much future for the Americans ... it's a decayed country. And they have their racial problem, and the problem of social inequalities ... my feelings against Americanism are feelings of hatred and deep repugnance ... everything about the behaviour of American society reveals that it's half Judaised, and the other half negrified. How can one expect a State like that to hold together?
  		„
  		 

—Adolph Hitler

Probably, the biggest problem with Americunts is this Eugenics hold-over from the 1920s and believing that origin means something special.
Many of the Editors here at ED are multi-national and are aware that such obsessions with genetics and origins don't exist in Europe.
It's like one ED Editor said, "Do you know what a child who has two Russian immigrant parents calls himself in France? FRENCH! Not Russian-French but French."
For some reason Americunts find it G-D awful important to know their ethnicity down to a single percent like some natural ability for language or mathmatics comes with it and this is why DNA companies are making money hand over fist telling stupid Americunts their genetic origin for $1,000 a pop because their secret racial pride needs to be reassured that they are all white.
So long as a favored position can be earned through proof of a favored ethnicity, say Native American, in job applications, scholorships, loans and promotions Americunts will never break from this obsession and always be a hotbed for racially charged wars.

The real joke here is not how these Americunts call themselves German, English or Greek but when they go to these countries and they're called stupid, Americunt fuckwits that think genetics equals a learned cultural experience because they actually believe they'll automatically fit in.

Varieties

There are many various nationalities slurring around in the gigantic melting pot that is murrika, fighting and sexing each other incessantly, each a bastardization of that particular race, twisted and deformed by the ignorant fumes that surround the states and it's people. Below we have split these filthy degenerates into three categories.

  • Latino-Americunts: Sombrero wearing border jumpers, these hairy brown sweatbags managed to gain access to America squirt out enough tiny brown babies that the border patrol just thought "fuck it, there's too many" and sat back down on their fat asses. The beaners then proceeded spread all across the Americas, farting tacos and taking jerbs. Many also went off to become Latino gangbangers, pimping out their rides and rolling around in checkered buttoned up shirts just generally pissing off the whole neighborhood. And some even escalated to the great heights of a filthy haxor snitch.
  • Caucasian-Americunts: Basically what happened when sophisticated English settlers came to the "Land of the free" and somehow gained an ear-piercing drawl of an accent, and lost half their IQ. Inbred gluttonous flabs of war-mongering flesh, the white American strives to be everything you hate, plus the added bonus of a superiority complex. There are many types of white American, all of them horrific, but the main divider would most likely be wealth. Down in the dregs of society the deformed hillbilly fucks his sister and downs another can of pabst blue ribbon, luckily these dribbling excuses for humanity are killing themselves out with various ill-advised stunts and drunken truck driving. Then there are the rich and middle class, grinning soulless fundamental Christians, that would gladly rip your intestines out and drink the gooey fluid before even beginning to consider a tax raise, or free healthcare.
  • Arabian-Americunts: Well, the dirty Middle-Easterns who have apparently betrayed their America-Hatin', Terrorist ancestors and have succumbed to our redneck lifestyle, most of these types act like Niggers and are always seen wearing fucking Adidas Tracksuits. And also most Arabs vary between Pastemonger Arabs and Nigger Arabs (common misconception being they're all brown) Lebanese, Iranians, Syrians, Algerians and Tunisians are practically White. The Lebanese looking like Dagos, act like Dagos (just ask Australia, Light Brown Arabs being; Jordanians, Egyptians, Iraqis and Moroccans and the darker browns being of Arabian Gulf Countries... Last and least the Nigger Arabs being the Sudanese.
  • Azn-Americunts: Fresh-off-the-coolie boats are these slanted-eyed motherfuckers who are always finding ways to Jew the White Man. The "Math Jews" are a manipulative, conniving, suggestive race who always appear to pass better IQ tests than the White People, surpassing with Math, Computer Studies, Violin practice, they also make better Doctors. Though most Inner-City educated slant-eyes have great tendency to act and dress and think like Niggers and be easily influenced by them, though still maintaining their physically weak posture, they use their Martial-Arts to help them with fights, most Injuns/Pakis are usually the same, just the Chinese Caucasian/Mediterranean counterpart and most of them immigrate and breed like Mexicans, not to mention Sikh parents being INCREDIBLY lazy, getting their poor kids to do all of their work, the Paki women are considered "attractive" most of which grow mustaches and fart and burp during meals.
A hayseed White Devil's opinion of how attractive a Paki woman is considered DESPITE his standards
  • Native Americunts: Uncivilized, primitive, slow-witted people who have "apparently" been here the WHOLE time, when it was shown in studies that they were immigrants from Asia.
I'm American

Teabonics - The Official Americunt Language

What the Americunts Really Want

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina

Americans are NOT stupid - (with Subtitles)

Tell it Motherfucker like it is!(a fuckin anti-americunt)

Insurance Company Bureaucrats Are Considered Sacred War Hereos

Why Americans are obese

There are so many bald Americans because this guy stole all their hair and glued it to his face

Previous Video | Next Video

Teenagers

America is renowned for their youth, who are horndogs and stuck up asswipes that will rag on anything that doesn't relate to them, ie; sports athletes, preparatory school students, and the prom queens (who will also be known as a prostitute). If sent to other countries, they will most likely fuck with average civilians, rape the local children and women, and ignite major war, causing massive lulz, due to the fact that Americans always consider nuking countries a prime and final solution.

Like their parents, the youth of America are dumb, stupid, illiterate, weak minded, fickle, trendsters, and soon to be diagnosed with several mental aliments, like "Alcoholism" and "Substance Abuse". At the ripe age of 6, the typical American kid will go to school, being introduced to another kid's cool thing of toy they brought to school, like their older brother's CD of NiggerLispz or Pron, and then will abandon their childish youth, claiming it's "for losers" and will then follow into any lame category of subculture, like "Gamer", "Fucktard", "Jock", "Rich Asswipe", "Emo", or practically anything that MTV will throw out to make money out of. Soon, in high school, major shit ensues, like a school shooting, fucking with the retards, and doing shit that's utterly wrong and then lying, "It's just a joke!" to get out of it. On average, over nine thousand percent of Rich and Beautiful teens usually get laid, and the rest get off STD, Baby and responsibility scott free due the Suburbia Nanny state laws. Anyone who usually doesn't is considered a loser, but that's because that's in High School.

Also, don't be surprised if there's usually some news story about murder being conducted by a teen. It's always been like that. Greater analysts conclude the following will happen to the various groups of fuckheads both mentioned and not mentioned.

"Americans"

True American citizens expressing their beliefs
DAMN! Beaten by Osama again!

Devolution and the Nanny State

Along with the rampant religious fervor currently sweeping the nation, things such as the growing -and increasingly violent- anti-abortion and anti-gay rights movements, the general mistrust of and disdain for science and continued calls to expand the scope of death penalty eligibility suggests that the American species appears to be 'devolving' -in effect evolving backwards at an alarming rate. Some argue that this is being hastened by the general public's overall willingness to accept a "nanny state", an ideal of sorts that has been gradually foisted upon them by their elected officials since President Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the hugbox as a means to control the great unwashed masses in the 1930s as part of his New Deal.

This also reveals one of the many deep-rooted psychological problems inherent in America's collective national psyche since taking it in the arse is integral for a nanny state to flourish. It can thus be deduced that the majority of Americans have a predilection for acquiescence vis-a-vis their "nanny"'s strict governance, a masochism which is starkly evident when one looks at the almost eager acceptance of the gradual erosion and pwnage of their much vaunted Constitutional, civil and human rights.

Much of this dog-like 'rolling over' can bee attributed to what scholars are fond of calling "The Dumbing-Down of America" (which should not to be confused with the extensive Idiot Proofing America went through after World War 2: Electric Boogaloo) but since that particular bottom of that particular barrel has long since been scraped, the 'nanny's attempts to 'dumb-down' the already dumb is akin to trying zero division. Rather, the current state of the American mind is more likely to be the result of idle minds with too much time and money on their hands. After the stigma attached to being a slave/slave master was removed by Martin Luther King's freeing of the 'textbook slaves' in the 1960s, the 'wage slave' or 'illegal immigrant' were born and not only became affordable to anyone with a 'decent' job but they became the "little black dress" of their day. Without mundane daily tasks such as housekeeping, shopping, driving and raising the kids to worry about, the average American could now stop sweating the small stuff and focus on living life to the max.

However, without any challenges, the collective American mind began to stagnate and like a cripple's atrophied limbs, today stands useless...a slave to the very people they enslaved to do the thinking for them.

Since losing self-sufficiency and resourcefulness to the faceless masses (both domestic and foreign) who maintain the status quo the average American now goes blithely through life assuming that things such as entertainment, refrigeration, television, telephones, and the climate are (God) given or naturally occurring phenomena.

This can be easily demonstrated by hiding every day items like remote controls and car keys from Americans or overloading a poorly maintained regional power grid during a heatwave until there are blackouts. When faced with the loss of electricity, Americans will walk around like chickens with their heads cut off until someone else fixes it since finding solutions to every day problems and implementing them have long since been outsourced to other people.

Americunt mind

Despite the appearance of a 'protest', this is actually an endorsement for Americunt gluttony

Americans take much of every day life for granted. Most Americans believe things such as:

  • Beer is self-cooling
  • Cash rules everything around me
  • Food isn't just nutritional, it's for fun.
  • Household appliances are God-given and powered by Jesus.
  • Ice cubes are a naturally occurring phenomenon.
  • Like water, oil is a natural resource, it's free and unlimited
  • The whole world has AC, potable water, and enough hot dogs for eating contests
  • Everyone respects me because I have a gun
  • Ann Coulter is a credible journalist

Hobbies

LOL "Are you going to finish that...?"

Americans have a variety of hobbies including:

Sports

Handegg "poster boy". Are you fat, talentless, devoid of any skill, or can't think for yourself? Fear not retard, this is the activity for you.

Apart raping the environment, running their mouths, Gaming, Shopping, Channel Surfing, and Competitive Eating, there's nothing Americans like better than pwning, be it a country (or "contry" in merkin), a language ("langage") or sports ("sportz").

Soccer (pronounced: "football"), is the number one sport in the world in which skill is paramount, and is played by kicking a round ball around a pitch to score goals. Touching the ball with your hands results in a penalty. However, since Americunts are fat (need a break every five seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do in every play), unskilled (notoriously bad at using their foot hence can only manage the easier task of using hands) it wasn't tailored for them and so resorted to another British game called rugby (but without the skill, and in tights) instead. American football AKA Gridiron is a boring, bizarre, stop start, unskilled, activity that caters for fat non-athletes who can't play sport. Only American "fat fairies in tights" play due to cultural obligation having invented it, no choice. If Gridiron didn't suck, it would be played outside the nation it was invented where there is no cultural OBLIGATION...but no one does because it blows. The only Gridiron league that hasn't collapsed like all the others outside America (the low profile CFL) was culturally imposed by Americunts on those poor Canadians, no one plays in Canada and its overrun with Americunts. A static, stop start snoozefest, if you accidentally stumble upon this crap you will inevitably shout "MOVE FFS" every twenty seconds before ending the misery and wisely flicking channel. Its so damn boring that cheerleaders are required: "Wake up people...yay GO TEAM...who's playing?". Every play is scripted, the fairies in tights get told what to do next and there is no innovation - "no one thinks for themselves" - J.Cleese, as the coach tells the talentless fairies what to do every thirty seconds.."#77 move left, #45 move right, #32 wipe your ass with your left hand"...there is no thinking involved. While using the foot is more difficult and requires superior skill, NFL Gridiron as a bizarre activity devoid of any skillful moments "the only creative thing are the beer commercials", as this crap sucks donkey balls. It's a kiddies game of bump (that's all ninety percent of these grown up fairies in tights and body armor do), the passer (there's only one...LULZ) gets multiple attempts as they keep failing. A bemused Sting (like all of us) on this weirdo Gridiron crap - "I don't get it, its like wrestling in crash helmets". In a way its a pity Gridiron has zero interest outside North America, because talentless ridiculed fat people from other countries who get excluded and left out of playing actual sports, would then have Gridiron to play.

Other Sports Americans Have Pwnt and Changed the Name of Include:

The Sport Machos

  • Died in a Drunk Driving session.
  • Get caught up in a VT and literally die knowing they caused it
  • Get raped in prison by Bubba because they like to drink a lot, or liked sex too much
  • Get shot by the person they used to bully around with
  • Handegg aka Gridiron, with its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the Quarterback Snap where one of the "fairies in tights" mounts his mans "A" hole and shouts "hut hut" code for: "preparing to enter"), this boring faggotry alien activity (that only sad weirdo Americans play because of cultural obligation having invented it) is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals.
  • Join the Army, fuck some Afghans, Arabs and various Asians and then die from a Assault Rifle blowjob, either getting caught by the locals or on a raid
  • Work in a shitty job because of their ability to take more steroids than the average person and therefore being good in sports and nothing else.

Prepatory School Fags

  • Continued to breastfeed off of Mummy and Duddy, and died an hero because they couldn't afford anymore "Mall Rat Training Sessions".
  • Died an hero while at his post-college institution, because they couldn't get to party
  • Died in a drunk driving session.
  • Died in a hazing "accident"
  • Fucked a chick while in a frat, and is now being fucked with.
  • Now a person who owes money to the local Mafia, and will not be seen until Next Thursday, in a trunk, crushed car, or in the latest trend, cement shoes.
  • Now Bubba's latest girlfriend because of his lulz worthy attempt to kill his parents for insurance money and then move off to Amsterdam to open up a pot shop.

Inventions

  • Slavery Read your history books. The Arabs start that chain.
  • Genocide There were people in Asia making the first white man to kill a Native American look like an amateur because they had already been doing it for thousands of years in places like China The word Genocide is sn American invention and was coined by Raphael Lemkin ✡
  • Burger King
  • Obesity
  • Ebonics
  • Electricity Wrong. The first practical system for generating electricity, the Voltaic Pile, was invented in Italy
  • The Lightbulb Actually invented by British scientist Warren de la Rue. Since it used a Platinum filament it wasn't cost effective. Edison merely improved upon the design.
  • The AC Power Generator Actually an American invention. Created by Mad Scientist great Nikola Tesla
  • The Electric Guitar (to make their stupidity be heard halfway through the city)
  • Comic Books Actually the first graphic novel was published in England.
  • Video games What a surprise. Another thing that is responsablefor making kids fat is an American invention
  • Scientology Actually ripped off in part from ideas by English Satanist Aleister Crowley
  • Peanut Butter Another fattening food. What a surprise.
  • Friendly fire (shooting your own allies in the back out of your own stupidity)
  • Fragging (blowing up your own officers out of their own stupidity)
  • Grandma porn
  • McDonald's
  • 97% of the worlds retards (see: wigger and wapanese)
  • The global financial crisis
  • The Internet, via a series of Tubes (see: Al Gore)
  • Global Warming
  • Science Du Jour
  • ?
  • ??
  • ???
  • ????
  • ?????
  • ??????

War

You should have been a gay handegg player then.
This is a fact.

Some argue that American soldiers are as thick as two short planks, while others would say they do it for the lulz, making them even more retarded. The U.S. and A are decidedly the only nation in the world that always fight for the lulz. However Americunts are so stupid they'll fight this under the illusion of something they call 'freedom'. This idea of 'freedom' is in fact a dirty lie spread by the Jews, some argue to get Israel, more people say they do it for the lulz, therefore making Americunts fight for the lulz of jews and even more retarded than you. What everyone can agree on however, is that if you joined the US Army, Navy, Marines or Air Force after the invasion of Iraq you're either a high school drop-out with no future, a gang member, a criminal and/or a fucking moron and are quite deserving of everything you're whining about (currently, not having Internets at the front lines).

Trained entirely on video games like Grand Theft Auto within the sterile bubble that is America, these youngsters have a keen sense of reality, other cultures and fair-play however, Most Americans team with Jews to plot numerous attacks on their own buildings. This is untrue and they will argue that the Muslims did it

Americunts will also insist that the United States Air Force is without question the best in the world, even though incidents like those shown in the video below happen at least twice a second. This is probably because Americunts who join the USAF desperately aspire to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun. Even though Top Gun is about the Navy.

Friendly Fire Cockpit Video Iraq 2003


Americans are excited about their soldiers and like to cover their cars with gay yellow ribbon stickers proclaiming this. Americans however, do not like paying higher taxes for soldiers' weapons, pay, armour, tools, health care, and education. Five years from now our streets will be awash with IED style brain damaged vets with PTSD and maimed bodies. The first thing they will do is kill and eat all of our Vietnam vets. Then they will come for the Jews]

[-+]Americunts in England (Europe) - A tourist's guide


England and the Americunt have a long standing, gay relationship. England was bummed by a bush over 9,000 times. Many Americunts visit England, as many of our children do, to return to the Eden of developed life on Earth.

In the Adam and the Ants track 'Kings of the Frontier', Adam sings "I feel beneath the white, there is a redskin suffering, from centuries of taming". This is of coarse incorrect with regards to Americunts, who all have Brits inside their inner an-hus sanktomb holes, eating away at them like an itchy prostate cancer they can't scratch. Evidenced by how so many Americunts have some obscure fraction of someone living in the UK or Ireland within their family history, and won't shut up about it. No one in Europe is proud of being related to the Americunt and no one mentions it if they are.

Americunts unable to leave Amma-reeka, scared that they'll be raped t' fuck by everyone in Europe upon arrival, produce overblown stories regarding the poor industrial, economic or military power of Europe and the superiority of the US, so as to convince themselves they are correct to remain isolated and not visit a single other country or experience one other vista on existence within their lifespan, dripping away. This may extend to criticizing dental reg-eye-mays, how sexually appealing the girls are or how straight the boys are in England, whilst sporting their curiosly circumcised peni design to get on good with the boys in the soapy shower rooms of their homeland. And whilst simultaneously wanting to fuck the living shit out of the super hotties in Europe, untainted by Mc Donalds induced obesity and cosmetics or surgery as they are.

Americunts are INTENSELY paranoid of being in Europe, as they have all seen Hostel and believe it's a documentary. This seemingly humorous statement is FACT. The author has direct, personal experience of Americunts in England.

"Don't take that, that's how they get you!" he heard from an Americunt in reponse to someone handing out flyers for a bar. This may be why the intuitive sense of an Americunt is to bomb the fuck out of everything outside the US, regardless of the mondo red crosses painted all over it and guys running around in bright white uniforms covered in red crosses.

Americunts typically can't point to England on a map, and do not realize that Ireland, Scotland and Wales are not England. Or that some of these regions have a deep hatred of being referred to as England. Americunts do not realize that the US supplied the IRA (from Ireland) with weapons, and that the IRA are effectively the Taliban of the UK. They've set off 2000lb bombs around London and seriously fucked shit up. They are also lying little paddy fuckwits that continually change their minds regarding ceasefires. Even the Irish are getting pissed off with them.

Americunts do not realize that a gigantic number of places in the US are actually named after places in the UK. Or that Central Park is a copy of the first public park, Central Park in Birkenhead, UK (DANGER, AMERICUNT! EXTREME CHAV CONTAMINATION ZONE!).

It is a well known fact that every Americunt secretly wishes to live in England on an estate, shotgunning poor people from their balcony whilst sipping tea (putting milk in fruit teas, making it split, not realizing that is not 'tea') and eating strawberries; as per their view of everyday life in England. Modonna herself has begun living this capitalistic, monarchy derived delusion in the UK. This does not help British / Americunt relations. We don't want her nasty chicken ass polluting England. Please, take her back.

Americunts visit York and believe it to be an accurate depiction of the British; when it is in fact an 'artificial museum', similar to Florida, but based on ye olde reality. This belief can lead to problems when visiting more realistic chav infected zones within the UK, which are both numerous and include London and York, the two tourist centres of the UK. York in particular has a strong hatred of the outsider and the BNP (the UK equilivant of the KKK, but targeted towards anything with a foreign accent or tan (themz typez)), has a significant number of supporters in this area. It can be quite a remarkable change in attitude given that many Americunts will be traveling to York from London, where tolerance of the foreigner is high at the latter. Americunts will wear T-shirts or hats featuring something to do with London printed on them and then travel to the north. This is not a good idea. Only the Japanese may not only look cool but also get away with this.

'Those types' of ne'er do wells are easy to spot in the US. They are in biker gangs or fucked off their tits on meth. They are also easy to spot in the UK, yet few Americunts appear willing to spend five minutes familiarizing themselves with the chav articles and similar, such that they may learn to identify potential risk factors upon visiting. Instead choosing to wear $2000 cameras around their necks in rough estates, assuming the blistered tarmac, broken glass and number plates scattered around them are quaint.

Americunts assume that because the UK has gun control, they are safe to ask for it. In reality, if the UK released it's gun control laws, it would bring about Chavageddon, the new era of darkness. (Sort of like America, only the gang-bangers don't make any real money)

The British is essentially backwards to the US. Replace north with south. Unless an Americunt is genuinely a gangster and has genuinely grown up in a shitty environment thinking throwing up drugs is the way of things, it must take care of it's mouth and possessions around the north; particularly if it has a tan or strong accent.

The British has a serious problem with alcohol. The Americunt is considered a faggot if it is sick after ten pints of 9% larger in under an hour. Teens routinely drink 3l of 9% cider. As such, it is common to see mounted police and riot vans around on Friday and Saturday nights. Americunts will engage in nay saying about the British online, but engaging in this when confronted by a chav may result in an assault or mugging. Chavs typically operate in worryingly large gangs, unable to act alone, and will carry knives. Tens of them will immediately decloak and materialize from the concrete surroundings upon identifying a victim or sensing any foreign vulnerability, or just for the fun of scaring the Americunt. They will target Americunts lecturing on dental hygiene that have also not brushed their cosmetically bleached teeth in the last month. Americunts are commonly obese and stink, rendering them detectable from a large distance by the chav. Get a wash.

Due to their inability to be honest about their feelings without tranquilizing quantities of alcohol within them and the Americunt's unfamiliarity with this level of religious intoxication, they will assume a British is being honest when not drunk. Fail.

The British almost always use sarcasm as a sense of humor. The Americunt can reverse what they're actually hearing to define the truth.

The Americunt MUST attempt to lower the volume of it's universally fucking annoying voice in public areas and remove 'bum-bags' or 'fanny packs'. Do not refer to you ass as your fanny. Do not engage in arguments about wars or gun control around areas selling alcohol or up north. Do not discuss the imperial system of measurement around drunk or sober British. We invented it. It's shit. And the Americunt is shit for thinking it's better than the, French, metric system. DO engage in imperial if talking to a London based street merchant or someone over the age of 60.

Similar rules apply when visiting the rest of Europe; e.g. in hotter countries around Europe (like Italy), replace chavs with gypsies. They will have a cup and ask you for change. Put your hands on your money and walk away. There's a good chance the Americunt is about the be pick pocketed. The Americunt is uber wise to try and broaden it's horizons, but must not assume Europe is Disney Land. It is perfectly safe, but please dont ask for it from our scummers.

Things Americans Hate

  1. World peace and tranquility.
  2. Taking their guns away.
  3. Maps.
  4. European football.
  5. The Native Americans.
  6. Taking their burgers away.
  7. Health and fitness.
  8. Books and reading.
  9. Niggers.
  10. Traveling.
  11. Getting an education.
  12. Passports.
  13. Michael Moore.
  14. Socialism.
  15. Communism.
  16. Muslims.
  17. Reminding them they didn't "win" the Second World War single-handedly and that the Allies would have defeated Germany without their help.
  18. Homosexuals.
  19. The British.
  20. Quality beer.
  21. Gyms.
  22. The Middle East (with the exception of Israel, obviously).
  23. Gas prices.
  24. The Canadians.
  25. Eating healthy foods.
  26. Exercising.
  27. Edward Snowden.
  28. Libraries.
  29. The Russians.
  30. Cutting the financial funds for their military.
  31. The Japanese.
  32. Not sticking their noses in other countries' affairs.
  33. Diets.
  34. Schooling.
  35. The Germans.
  36. Cuba.
  37. Respecting other cultures and countries' beliefs.
  38. Pedobear.
  39. Watching sex in movies.
  40. You.

Myths and Truths

An average American on his way to the office, minus the fat
  • All own guns and use them for shooting nigras and queers. (Wrong. They are for pwning Bambi's mom and dad.)
  • Americans are so stupid that if you bring up The Battle Of Devolution in a history class that they'll think you're refrencing 1970's New Wave, electronic music.
  • Are so stupid that they'll declare war on smoking tobacco but somehow can find ways to rationalize smoking weed, vaping or even chewing tobacco.
  • America is the center of the world. When your for shit European or third world country can influence the world by how strong its currency is doing then you can call this simple American Nationalism and arrogance.
  • Are alleged to smell like cheese burgers and arrogance.
  • Americans claim that their military is Akin to G.I. Joe and fighting for their freedom. (Wrong. Their military is for satisfying their Jew government's conquest. Their government's been taking away their freedoms as more and more soldiers are sent to be wormfood.)
  • Americans look like how they are portrayed in Hollywood. (Wrong. 99.9% of Americans are fat ugly cunts who fail at life, the rest are also fat and ugly but have teh moneys for plastic surgery.)
  • Always wear plaid on vacation in Europe. (So please keep them.)
  • Visit Europe and go to a High Class restaurant in Paris wearing sweats. Muslims, the next time you riot we'll look the other way if you take a couple of these out.
  • Are all fat and greedy. (Only about 110% are fat and greedy.)
  • Most can't do one pull-up.
  • Are so obsessed with their race because of their mud origins of fucking niggers, Indians, Mexicans and the Chinese that they'll spend $500 for a gene test to discover their origins.
  • Invented Father's Day just to troll the niggers.
  • Are evil and will eventually destroy the world. (Correct. Research the predicted effects of nuclear weapons from before they tested the first one.)
  • Are loud and vulgar. (Particularly the 13 year olds.)
  • Are obsessed with dentistry and cosmetic surgery. (See also: The War on Cavities)
  • Are so fucking lazy that they fight over who should take the trash out due to the gargantuan amount they eat.
  • Are the leading cause of Global Warming. (Though we all know this is really the fault of the jews)
  • Are the sad result of what happens if you mix all european races together and add some niggas to make it more colourful
  • Are uneducated and easily fooled -more than once (see: W).
  • Believe that South Africa is the only place left with Apartheid when they fail to look on their own backyard.
  • Brought the world such wonderful mordern blessings like crack, tranny porn a.k.a Madonna and The Village People.
  • Claim to hate their country as much as everyone else to gain acceptance from the rest of the world (See also: Fail)
  • Everytime you think they can't get any bigger asshole for president they'll prove you wrong. (Nixon -> Reagan -> W -> Barack Obama)
  • Fail at war and love using faggity, poor kids as bait. (see: Korea, Vietnam, Cuba, Afghanistan, Iraq, Canada). (See also: The war on homosexuality, the War on drugs) but the Bay of Pigs was a bunch of Cuban refugees. (see fucktard)
  • Assume everything Spanish is brown and Mexican.
  • Assume everything Mexican is brown and speaks Spanish.
  • Assume everything brown is Mexican and speaks Spanish.
  • Know of the Second World War but are surpised if you tell them there also was a first one too. Honest
  • Upon learning of their involvement in WWI they will immediately assume America won it.
  • Love Jews. (This relationship has been strained by the Jewish generated GFC because of the Jewish conspiracy making normal Americunts believe it's all the arabs fault)
  • Ran out of the letters, 'u' and 's' in the 18th century and will soon deplete the world's supply of 'z's.
  • Ruin everything they touch. (Just look at the Internet, and Liverpool Football Club)
  • Will soon be renamed "The Chinese". Yay!!!1one!!
  • Will sue anything that moves.
  • Have the highest population of Manchildren in the world because parents are afraid to kick their kid's ass.
  • Genuinely hate freedom, despite living in the self-proclaimed "Freest Country in the World".
  • Wish they had a king or royals but will never have more than the desposed Hawaiian royal family and the crown jewels from Burger King.
  • Are highly illiterate. (Much of this article demonstrates that fact.)
  • America is one vast, urban slum. (Wrong: America is one vast, rural slum.)

Trolling Americunts

Trolling an Americunt is as easy as telling them the truth and things that actually make sense, then, watching them get mad.

  • Ask them why they can't use proper English.
  • Remind them how far behind their education system is compared to other nations.
  • Tell them they are the fattest country in the world.
  • Make fun of their shitty healthcare system.
  • Explain to them that they aren't the best country in the world.
  • Tell them how much their beer and chocolate sucks compared to Europe's.
  • Remind them they didn't invent apple pie.
  • Say something negative about the United States military.
  • And while you're at it, talk about their invasions in Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq and how many innocent civilians their soldiers have killed.
  • Call them a "yank" to their face and start laughing.
  • Harass and piss them off on X-Box Live.
  • Laugh and make jokes about 9/11.
  • Ask them if they own a passport and if they travel.
  • Point out to them that they wouldn't have won the American Revolution without the help from France and other countries.
  • Burn or piss on American flags.
  • Tell them that Michael Moore is an honorable, dedicated American citizen.
  • Fuck their ugly-ass women.
  • Say something nice about Canadians and how much more civil they are.
  • Say that USA is made from everything than Europe shits and puke.
  • Tell them that the Russian military is more badass and can nuke them easily.
  • Bring up their long and shameful history of slavery and genocide.
  • Throw burgers at their faces.
  • Talk about how Australia is so much better than the USA.
  • Tell them that taxation is evil (It's like saying Muhammad's a pig-fucker in Iran)
  • Tell them how much their football sucks.
  • Just say "Fuck America!" or "America sucks!" It makes them mad which will generate great lulz.
  • Tell them that the United States is NOT the entire fucking continent.
  • Say that the 9/11 is the best thing that happened to mankind!
  • Tell them you're a terrorist.
  • Remind them when they got their asses kicked by the British in 1812.
  • Say that God doesn't exist.
  • Remind them how small their penises are.
  • Tell them that America is not a free country. It'll be even better if you provide the proof, and there is plenty of it.
  • Remind them how little they contributed to World War 1 and 2.
  • Remind them of The Bay of Pigs and The Alamo.
  • Ironically the American populace have total love and admiration for the British Welfare Princess Kate Middleton, more so than Jesus. Start calling her the "Welfare Princess".
  • Disable the NSA spying device in your charter jet's bathroom so they can't see if your president is making out with Edward Snowden on the trip home to Bolivia.

Why Americans Suck

  • They're fat.
  • They're a bunch of gun-slinging, bloodthirsty warmongers.
  • In the 1940s they did a great sword hunt in Japan destroying these weapons so that a cult wouldn't build up around the ideas of Bushido that a Samurai is some kind of bullet dodging demon that can cut tanks in half with a single slice of their sword that would stall the rebuilding and modernisation of Japan with revolutions and uprisings. Then come 40 years later their grandchildren worship the Japanese for these same cult ideas of a Samurai being some kind of immortal god that can catch bullets in their hands because of Animu.
  • They're stupid as shit.
  • Most of them can't find England on a fuckin' map or even their own fucking state.
  • They can't even find Italy even when you first point to the Mediterranean Sea and say it's bordered by it and looks like a boot.
  • They're rude and loud as fuck.
  • Their nation was founded on slavery, racism and genocide.
  • They continue to butcher, rape and bastardize the English language (and speaking of which that's bastardise, you dumb cunt!).
  • Most can't even name all 5 great lakes (HOMES) or know that Lake Michigan is the only Great Lake that doesn't border Canada
  • Most can't even name the river that divides the U.S. into East and West
  • Will actually argue with you that all rivers flow south because of Gravity
  • They think they're the best people on the fucking planet.
  • Their healthcare system sucks.
  • They bow down to the J00z.
  • They're obsessed with guns.
  • Their cops are trigger-happy, racist motherfuckers.
  • Most of them are ugly, obese hogs.
  • They invaded Iraq and Afghanistan and killed many innocent civilians for the oil and the lulz. The lulz we can respect.
  • They can only speak one language as they're too unintelligent and lazy to learn to speak it right or be bothered to learn others.
  • They created McDonald's.
  • They send their soldiers to go out killing people in the Middle East, and then worship and hail them as honorable heroes.
  • They have no unique or extraordinary culture; the majority of so-called "American culture" is ripped off from other cultures in other countries and the original culture and cultural inovations they do have are Southern, Black creations like Jazz and the Blues and are often ignored until someone like Elvis or Eric Clapton comes along and cleans it up enough for mainstream, white audiences.
  • They created W and voted for him twice.
  • They created Obama and voted for him, also twice.
  • They eat too much.
  • They made Twilight.
  • They invented rap music.
  • They let the Chinese produce their shit.
  • Their country is too fucking big to travel through as it takes hundreds of miles just to drive from state-to-state. Make sure you don't pass out from exhaustion and boredom at the wheel while you're driving endlessly on the highways!
  • They're the birthplace of WalMart.
  • Their food is greasy, fattening and gross.
  • And because of all these reasons, not enough of them got pwnt on 9/11.
  • Their government is corrupt and run by fucked up politicians.
  • They steal your oil.
  • They celebrate Thanksgiving even though they massacred the Natives, people who've inhabited the country for Over 9000 years.
  • Most of their music is crap.
  • They produced Kim Kardashian.
  • Two words, Bruce Jenner
  • They will proudly claim that no foreign power has ever invaded the U.S. conviently forgetting about how England Pwned the White House in 1812
  • Most of them don't know they got their asses kicked by the British in 1812.
  • They're always sucking Israel's giant small cock.
  • They're always licking England's royal family's ass like they have any influence in America.
  • They actually think BBC news is completely objective and has no bias.
  • They make shitty, overdone movies full of propaganda. Need proof, how come a holocaust movie almost always wins an oscar.
  • They joined World War II too late.
  • They joined World War I way too late.
  • Talking about World War I, they bought weapons from the French. The fucking FRENCH
  • Since we brought up the Chauchat, that mistake called the M16 in the 60s trying to replace the much superior M14
  • They are so lazy about supporting their arts that the majority of who they consider their greatest writers like Ernest Hemmingway and Gertrude Stein got their starts in Europe.
  • They speak in the most boring, bland and uninteresting accents ever known to man.
  • They have a long, shameful history of treating brown people like shit.
  • They drug their kids up with Ritalin but they're still fat as hell because parents are selling their prescriptions to their trailorpark neighbours.
  • They'd rather worry about the poor in foreign country shit holes than help people in the Appalachians
  • They start meaningless, bullshit wars in the Middle East for profit, oil and lulz.
  • They share the border with Canada (and God knows that's bad enough!').
  • They also share the border with Mexico (AND OMFGZ THAT'S EVEN WORSE!!!).
  • Their beer is shit even though they claim they were created by German immigrants.
  • The majority of them are religious freaks.
  • And speaking of religious freaks, they produced the Westboro Baptist Church.
  • They like the French even though the French, in return, hate their guts and don't give a shit about them.
  • They allow filthy, smelly illegal beaners from Mexico invade their country.
  • Most of them are descendants from Germans (aka NAZIS).

Gallery

  • Typical smarmy American
    Typical smarmy American
  • A typical American, talking shit
    A typical American, talking shit
  • Eurofags win again
    Eurofags win again
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also

External Links

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Featured article September 4, 2007
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