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Revision as of 22:54, 8 June 2016
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This person has Assburgers Syndrome, so you can't say anything bad! :-( Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck. |
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Greg "Twig Arms" Mazujian, also known as “Scareglow42” and “The Poo Eating Count of Spotslyvania” is an obese and severely autistic internet tough guy 20 year old from Spotslyvania, Virginia. He has become somewhat infamous on several 4chan boards for being incredibly easy to anger, mainly toy, co, tv, and b. Many argue that he is like a younger Christian Weston Chandler.
Greg has an obsession with children’s toys, cartoons, and monsters. His obsession with poorly made, cheap toys led to him being most prominent on /toy/, and will defend his shitty collection of plastic crap at any chance he can get. Ironically, he hates the toy company Hasbro and constantly bitches and moans about their toys being cheaply made and overall poor quality. To sweeten this rhetoric Greg goes by, he’s such a poorfag most of his toys are from Hasbro, rather than high-end weeaboo companies that toyfags worship.
Little did his parents know that Greg would basically turn into a monster himself the older he got. He is also the pinnacle of 4chan user stereotypes- a fat autistic NEET pedophile that lives with his parents.
Rise to Infamy
Greg first became known around spring 2015 on /toy/ at the age of 19. His threads were known for being highly inane /s4s/-tier garbage, usually involved him sperging about Hasbro and shilling his petition for the company, being delusional enough to believe Hasbro cares about manchildren like him. The other types of threads he would make would involve him clenching one of his McDonald’s-tier toys in his fat fingers, clad in fingerless skeleton gloves, putting some sort of meme or nonsense in the OP.
His petitions can be found here: [1] (old) [2] (new)
However, the true appeal of Greg as a lolcow came from his kneejerk reactions to criticism and generally taking insults on 4chan seriously, usually acting as an internet tough guy (with terrible spelling to boot). Examples of his posting style include:
- “fuckign HASBRO and thier cheap ass 5POA GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ILL BEAT ALL HASBRO SUPPOTERS TILL THERE BLACK AND BLUE, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- "how DARRE yuo call me a christian!!!!!!!!!!! I FUCKIGN HATE THAT PURITANICAL BITCH GOD JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for the last time I DONT EAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- "ILL SMASH U, ILL BASH U, ILL BEAT U INTO A BLOODY PULP FOR SAYING THAT, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
- “FUCK THIS SHIT, ILL BEAT YOUR BITCH ASSESS IN, TELL ME WHERE YOU FUCKIN LIVE, SO I CAN CAVE YOUR TEETH IN YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!!”
Greg stayed on /toy/ and occasionally hopped on over to /co/ and /tv/, still shitposting on and off on 4chan to this day. However, shortly after becoming known on /toy/, things became even lulzier when Greg posted his first and last name on the boards with his shit petition. Needless to say, he was quickly doxed and a few trolls found his various social media. A particularly dedicated troll who had nothing better to do during his free time at work “befriended” Greg on Facebook. Truth be told, they weren’t really friends even from day one- it was mostly exchanges of insults between the two, but Greg still talked to the troll, as the troll put it:
- “I dunno why he still talks to be. Autism and loneliness I guess.”
The main notable Greg troll’s posts about Greg can be found in the long ass wall of text posts in this /cow/ thread and on the Kiwi Farms: [3]
With his dox and social media easily available to the world, trolls (mainly from /toy/) have sent countless pizzas, bibles, and Mormons to Greg’s house. The day when a disgruntled /toy/fag sent a few pizzas to him, around winter/early spring 2016, led to utter chaos and confusion in the Mazujian household. When these Dominos pizzas were delivered, only Greg’s mom, Mary, was home. As one would expect, Mary was completely confused, and ended up googling her son’s name. The first result was the thread on Kiwi Farms, and Mary had come to the realization that her son is a retard that posts his personal information to strangers online, whom he also often threatens.
He sounds like Eric Cartman when he's angry, and kinda acts like him, too. Personal Life Greg was born to Greg (Sr.?) and Mary Mazujian on April 30th, 1996, probably in Manassas, Virginia. Not much is known about his early childhood other than that he had a love and obsession with aliens and monsters, which he still has to this day, stating that he seemed to ”identify with them more than regular people.” His earliest memory was allegedly being disappointed that 9/11 was a terrorist attack and not a bunch of monsters going on a rampage in New York. Greg mainly grew up in Catholic school, where he was often picked on by other students. He believed that God had willed him to be a “weak and sniveling pussy”, leading to his later extreme hatred of all things linked to religion, and becoming a zealous atheist. Greg went to Riverbend High School, and being the edgelord he is, unironically wore a trench coat and fedora to school, leading to more ridicule from his peers. Greg had severe anger issues and would often get into fights with other students over the slightest hint of an insult. This led to Greg being held back a few times, and being sent to the funny farm for his violent actions.  One particularly lulzy moment of Greg’s high school career was going to a party with some other high schoolers. They dared him to fuck a tree, and he did, leading to what one can assume was tons of amusement from these other teenagers. Greg was also known as being incredibly creepy towards girls that went to school with him, and not understanding the word “no” when it came to women. He still regularly stalks some of the girls who rejected him under fake Facebook accounts, such as “Ashley Munson” and “Janna Karl Johnson”. Up until late 2015, Greg also had a job at Dairy Queen. At Dairy Queen, Greg regularly stole from the restaurant, justifying it due to being poor, and constantly got into arguments with others. Greg was finally fired from Dairy Queen one day when an older customer told him to be more cheerful. This led to Greg going into a tard rage, cussing out the old woman, calling her a “jesus dick sucking bitch”, and knocking his manager to the floor. Knowing his history at Dairy Queen, coupled with the fact that Greg’s Kiwi Farms thread is the first thing that comes up when googling “Greg Mazujian”, it can be safe to say that it’s unlikely he will be hired by any marginally sane employer.  Greg has expressed his tard rage in various other places of Spotslyvania, Virginia. He was banned from the “Past and Present Antique Shop” for trying to fight an old man, and from a comic drawing event because “he kept scaring people” and he chimped out on the woman who kicked him out. He also regularly cusses out random employees at stores such as Wal-Mart or Toys R Us if they don’t have the toys he wants, or won’t let him buy something due to it not hitting the street release date yet. Since graduating from High School and being fired from Dairy Queen, Greg lives a simple but comical life. He regularly (and proudly) shoplifts small toys from stores, [shitposting|shitposts] on 4chan, and demonstrates extremely poor hygiene. His parents coddle him heavily, and Greg himself lives off of disability tardbucks from the government. An average day for Greg usually involves him being taken out by his parents to eat fast food and buy children’s toys practically every day. Sometimes he will just steal toys and justify it toward his everlasting “war on Hasbro”. Greg also regularly goes to some local farm with his mother to pet the animals. Despite Greg having all the time in the world nearly daily at his house, he often cannot be bothered to shower or brush his teeth. His room is also incredibly messy. Trolls have described his teeth to resemble “an ear of corn”, and god knows how bad he smells. Greg also wears his trademark fingerless skeleton gloves and a hoodie even during the summer because he believes that “they collect moisture and keep him cool”. Another notable aspect of Greg is his comically large manboobs. These are allegedly from him eating little else besides chicken tendies (an autist’s favorite food) and french fries. A post from November 28th on /toy/ has him admit that he is 5’ 7” and weighs 215 lbs. Unless his weight has drastically lowered in the past few months, this gives Greg a BMI of 33.7, which is considered a fat fuck. Greg also harasses toy companies in his free time to bitch about toys costing too much, or not being out yet. Mental Health “im an asshole, not because of my disability(which is so high functioning, its almost nonexsistant), but because of who i am.” –greg on /cow/  Greg is known for being incredibly narcissistic, only loving himself. He believes he is a genius, handsome, strong, and generally perfect- and cannot fathom why people do not think the same of him. Likely due to isolation and mental illness, Greg is incredibly attached to his toys, allegedly giving them all unique personalities. One thread leads to the possible fact that Greg may believe that toys have souls: “I believe toys have their own souls. Because when we love and obssese over them, it fills them with some of our own spirit energy that we then grow back from the pool of universal energy. This also includes things like ventriloquist dolls and statues, possibly even cars.” [4] (dead link, but thread number’s here) One of his greatest fears is the plastic of his toys degrading, likely because they are the closest thing he has to actual irl friends. He has deluded himself into believing that plastic degradation was made up by trolls to scare him. There’s a bit of a reason, however, why Greg’s so insane. He has confirmed himself that he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and assburger’s. His bipolar disorder was likely passed down from his mother, who also has been proven on multiple occasions to be highly irrational and have severe anger issues. In fact, she ran off to Florida for a few days after she learned about Greg’s lolcowdom after googling his name after a troll sent pizzas. Through Greg’s bipolar disorder and assburgers, his poor parents are subject to various abuse and tard rage from their son, whom he often takes his anger out on by beating them. He has been sent to the funny farm on several occasions, and often gets into physical fights with his mom, Mary, often over the fact that she does not like that he is obsessed with, collects, and plays with children’s toys, even at the age of 18. He’s also had several public meltdowns, such as a time he lost a toy’s part when he was with his mom at a duck pond, and of course his final day working at Dairy Queen. Mary is also just as crazy, if not more, than her own son. She has physically abused her husband at least once, leading to Greg calling the cops on his parents. Political ViewsGreg’s political views are a bizarre clusterfuck mix between sjw and /pol/lack. On one hand, Greg has regularly defended pedophilia (and Jared Fogle), stating there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have sex with 12 year olds, absolutely hates religion and “rednecks”, and defends trannies like Bruce Jenner. Some speculate that Greg is mainly liberal because, since he’s poor, he’s all for getting free shit. He also hates conservatives, white people, and soldiers for some reason. At the same time, Greg is also incredibly racist (or at least tries to be so he seems edgy) and believes that people should have their rights revoked or be killed for stupid things.
Similarities/Relations to Christian Weston Chandler Greg Mazujian has many similarities to everyone’s favorite lolcow, Christian Weston Chandler. The two both:
Most interestingly, one of the things Greg is most proud of is allegedly meeting Chris Chan irl. When Greg’s senpai noticed him, CWC freaked out and flipped Greg off. The two were also Facebook friends for a while, strengthening Greg’s claims- as CWC only friends a select number of people on Facebook due to his notoriety and various trolls.
Things Greg Likes
Things Greg Hates
Elsewhere OnlineBesides chans such as toy, co, tv, and b, where Greg can easily be spotted due to his unique posting style (aka terrible spelling and grammer, gory death threats, and image.jpg filenames on every picture he uploads), Greg can also be found on several websites under the name “(The)IncredibleMrG” (DeviantART, Twitter) and “Scareglow42” (Disqus, Skype, Kiwi Farms). He can also be found on Facebook under his own name, “Janna Karl Johnson”, the account he stalks girls with, and on Google Plus as “Greg the Meme”. Greg has quite the snail trail online and can be easily found and trolled.   See Also
Links
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