Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder, formerly known as "manic depression", is a "psychological disorder" that signifies somebody being an inconsistent and irritating asshole. Sufferers have mood swings between "manic" and "depressive" phases, which basically means that one minute they will be extremely happy, outgoing, social, and productive, but the next minute they will be mopey emo fucktards. These constant, sudden, and untriggered swings piss off and turn off everybody around the person. Due to this, Bipolars almost always end up lonely emos, browsing the internet in their mom's basement and miserably fapping their lives away.
Much like its relatives, including ADHD, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, and Assburgers, Bipolar Disorder is completely made-up. Many emos and Basement Dwellers love to e-diagnose themselves with this disorder after reading about it on WebMD, in order to excuse their repungant personality, or why everybody hates them and they have no friends.
Thankfully, there is hope, for us normal folks who hate having these assholes ruin our mental well-being. 20-25% of bipolars end up committing suicide, and rightfully so. If you happen to know or meet a bipolar, be sure to troll and insult them to the point of suicide, to clean up society a little bit more.
Being Fucking a bipolar is like riding a rollercoaster serial killer: scary and exciting. As manic phases can will lead to nymphomaniacal behavior, looking for a bipolar girl (or guy, if you prefer that - and be honest with yourself) is in fact the only way for any internet user to not die as a virgin. Just make sure you don't leave your phone number or name.
Signs/Symptoms
According to your average psychiatrist, if you are not happy all the time, or sad all the time, you have bipolar disorder. Hurray! These are your symptoms:
Depression
- Sitting on a recliner staring at daytime teleshopping for two whole months
- Being a lazy fuck, with no motivation to do anything at all
- Not finding joy in rape or guro anymore
- Overeating or not eating at all
- Sleeping all the time even while you are awake
- An accurate realization of being a complete waste of human existence
- Another accurate realization that nobody likes you, not even your dog (even if it is really hungry)
Mania
- Imagining that everyone
likeslove-love-loves you - Willingness to sleep with anything, whether it has a penis or a vagina (this is not to be confused with a pity fuck)
- Realizing that sleep is a complete waste of time and only inferior people do it
- Doing everything at top speed and at the same time, being an overall ideal employee
- Saying four sentences at the same time and this at top speed
- Plotting intricate plans to take over the world and remove anyone who tries to stop you with the knives you spent all night sharpening, because only you understand the problem with this world and have the solution to save us all
- Imagined power level is of over 9000, while real power level is that of a fat man that's risking a heart attack
- Trying to kill someone with a scooter whilst they enjoy a dip in the Kiddie pool (porn)
In short, you look like this :D:
Mixed Episode
- Pick any four from each of the two above lists.
So called Bipolars
Most of the people who claim to be bipolar are actually not bipolar. In fact out of all people who call themselves bipolars, only 1.4% really are afflicted. The number decreases significantly on the internet.
There are two reasons for feigning bipolarity. Some people want to fit in with the cool kids, and the bipolar disorder sounds like a really mysterious, artsy and trendy infection. However most of the time a fucktard or twat needs a quick excuse to get away with malevolent behavior or laziness while being in the center of everyone's attention and pity.
Even though you don't want to be affiliated with either group, the real and the fake bipolars, it is crucial to be able to distinguish them. While the fake bipolars are annoying twats, should be avoided or shot on sight, the real bipolars may be swell guys and gals before they stop sleeping, steal and spend all your money, then rape and kill you, your family and themselves in a fit of rage-driven mania and delusion. If hopelessly stuck with the real thing, the proper reaction is to drug (with jenkem, ideally) and restrain them. If you're a lazy cunt, you just leave them there and run after cutting their Achilles tendons. If you're an upstanding citizen, you MUST carve out their liver with a wooden spoon before immolating them OR, alternatively, strangling them with their large intestine (you still need to remove the liver - more on that later). The liver may then be used for augury or a sacrifice to a deity you actually hate. Trolling the gods with unworthy sacrifices is the second most ancient source of lulz.
Ways to distinguish fake from real bipolars
- Feigning depression. Fake: "I didn't get an iPod for Christmas, I feel so depressed and cried the whole day.". If a person is really in a depressive phase, he/she will not speak about it, let alone move or post on the internet. They will simply decay and molder.
- Feigning mania. If you tell people you are in a manic phase, you are not. You're only a simple attentionwhore.
- Announcing their suicide and waiting for people to talk them out of it. Real bipolars will simply kill themselves unless they are too stupid to do so. Then they will be dragged into a psychiatric ward, get raped in more ways you could dream of and be too ashamed to speak about it afterwards.
- Telling everybody about his or her "bipolar disorder". Fake: "Hi, my name is Katie, nice to meet you. I'm bipolar!" Real bipolars will not mention their crippling mental disease. If they have to, they feel ashamed about it. With GOOD reason.
- If you ask a fake bipolar about his medication, he/she will answer something like: "No, I'm not on medication, but I probably should be, haha", while real bipolars will simply kill themselves when they realize that they will have to swallow Depakote, Lithium, Lamictal, and a crippling antipsychotic like Zyprexa or Seroquel which will cause them to gain over 9000 pounds every day for the rest of their lives. This is actually reasonable and should be encouraged.
If you are a fake bipolar, please take a header into a waste chute and die on impact. If you are a real bipolar, you will probably kill yourself upon finish reading this article. We understand, and encourage you to do so.
Trolling Bipolars
Trolling bipolars is surprisingly easy, due to the fact that they take their terminal illness far too serious and demand pity, or at least some decency. They are also easily irritated in a maniac phase and easily destroyed when they are depressive. If you are lucky, you might watch them switch from hating you to hating themselves to hating you to hating themselves and then murder or suicide.
Troll Techniques
- Tell them that they are healthy and just too lazy to work
- Tell them what a failure they are when they are depressive and engulfed in self-hate
- Tell them what a failure they are when they are manic and engulfed in narcissism
- Tell them that having a bipolar disorder is just another way of saying "I'm an attention whore"
- Tell them that having a bipolar disorder is a terrible, painful way to die
- Propose to play medication bingo with that elderly woman from next door
- Ask them if they would choose the red or the blue pill and then give them none or both, or none and both
- Rape them when they are depressive and insist that you want to wait until marriage when they are maniacally horny (however, you may get raped)
- Tell them that they are not special, just genetical rejects
- When in doubt! Tell them that they are being bipolar at the first sign of irritation, especially if their irritation is justified. With good timing, it will always produce a total fucking meltdown.
NOTE: Trolling a real bipolar person can will result in personal injury killing you in a blind rage (if they are manic).
A Day in the Life of a Manic-Depressive
My ice cream does not taste good. It must be because the old pervert next my house has been raping my dog. I'm so happy, my dog has been alone for so long! Now it finally has a slightly depressed, nice old man to be with! Fuck, I'm having my period! I must blog and insert quotes from my favorite songs and movies on my Facebook page because other people's opinions help express my individuality! On second thought, I think I will look up anime on YouTube. Oh cock-ass-shitty-dick! It appears that I have forgotten my password. Luckily, I am old enough to bitch and complain to my friends on Neopets until I remember my password. When in the end, I could have gone through the simple process of the password retrieval system. Anyways...Whoa, what the fuck?! Someone has rated my yaoi video one star! COCKASSFUCKBALLSDICKINMYNON-EXISTENTPUSSYSHITCOCKMASTERFAGGISHBITCH!!!!! Oh well, I'm going to watch this video someone sent me a link to, OMFG these people are taking over the world!! I'm going to call up everyone I know who has guns and we're going to go and kill them before they stop us from breeding. Wait a minute, what is this? A video about a horse feed lot, OMFG those horses are being kept in a Nazi death camp, I'm going to go free them! But first I am going to get something to eat. MMMMM I love painkillers, who needs food when I have painkillers. Oh, look, Intervention is on, I'm going to watch intervention because those people are really PHUCKED up. Wow, an Intervention marathon, I'm going to get on Facebook and post about it in my status. Man, I'm starving, I could sure go for a few lines right now. Oh no, my sister is here, she's gonna tell my mom I'm doing drugs, I better kill her and bury her body in my neighbor's yard before I report her missing. Thank god I spent all night sharpening my knife collection.
Bipolar "Art"
Many bipolars claim that their severe brain infection leads to unusual creative thinking. This is a transparent attempt to give their failure called existence at least one grain of meaning. Subconsciously knowing the sad truth, bipolars are very touchy about their "art", can't take critique well and are dead serious about defending their work. Again, trolling is surprisingly easy. Just point out that their pictures/ poems/ self inflicted wounds are average and meaningless copies of copied copies. They will then write/ scream a tl;dr rage answer about how special and important their deep feelings of suffering are, which poured into their "art"... and later hurt themselves or you or any unlucky bystander.
Usual motives of bipolar "art" are people or figures split in the middle, one side sob sad and the other coke happy. You may also see black and white or blue and red colored halves. The fact that about 94% of bipolar works look like this underlines how creative bipolars are. A variation of this theme are two hideous masks. They are meant to give you nightmares for persecuting mental patients.
Furthermore, some fucktards believe that drawing bipolar bears is a smart pun. And because of this cleverness they will dedicate whole websites to bipolar bears images. If you are lucky, you may also stumble upon a bipolar webcomic. These are in fact very well drawn and comprehensible.
-
This expresses my innermost feelings -
A fine example of bipolar art, and also a great help for self-diagnosis -
Marine animals can be manic depressive as well -
Some bipolars even master the high art of photo manipulation -
Everybody loves creepy clowns! -
-
Note that bipolars are fat -
...and that's why they like angle shots -
So you're a retard -
Be careful when someone proposes to you -
But who the fuck is Marissa...? -
Remember: If you survive, you are just an attention starving emo -
....? -
Just bash his head in already -
If you cry while cutting onions, you are depressive -
If you.... what the hell?! -
If you are bipolar, you may turn into a weeaboo -
...or into a President
External Links
- Online test for self-diagnosis.
- Bipolar "art" gallery.
- Bipolar disorder on WebMD.
- Attention whores and bipolar disorder.
See also
- Self-diagnosed
- Hypochondriac
- RAGE
- FFFFFFFFF
- Candyjunkie
- Kate Spade
- Greg Mazujian
- Onigojirakaiju has a seething hatred of bipolar people.
