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Asalieri
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This article is paid for by taxpayers like you. Thanks, America. |
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while alluring us with his moobs.
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Eric Gaede (also known as META Fatass) , son of Bill Gaede, is a 35-year old pseudo-intellectual YouTube nobody and professional Bluto from Popeye lookalike, whom, after viewing Encyclopedia Dramatica for the first time, decided to make a series called "Reviewing a Reviewer" which is basically a shitty version of Retsupurae (except the people that featured in all of his reviews are cringeworthy), in which he hides behind forced intellectual humor to mask his overall contempt of the world and how his life went to shit. Because when you can't accept what a miserable failure you are in real life, you go to the Internet world and vent your frustrations out on a bunch of unimportant reviewers.
He became extremely butthurt when Reviewtopia (Diet TGWTG) didn't allow him to join their site, since 'he is da best reveiwer evar' with his jokes that have to do with something unrelated, exaggerated, or something that doesn't even exist in the videos he bitches about.
This is enough to keep his fanbase content, as they will just nod & agree with whatever he says. Yes, not only does Asalieri have fanboys, but he has fanboys that make the AVGN lemmings look reasonable.
Background
Asalieri is someone who used to spend most of his time speaking his mind and giving his honest opinion towards various subjects. Now, to hide his contempt towards the world and everyone that has a better life than him, his stock-in-trade is stirring up Internet drama and uploading worthless videos attacking Internet celebrities and video game reviewers; this, despite the fact that he never actually uploaded a video game or movie review in his whole life. Just browse through his Youtube channel to try to find one. Just don't watch his videos or you'll wind up being as lobotomized as Jack Nicholson in "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".
The drama associated with 95% of his videos is how he gets his fans. But not just ordinary fans; fans that are as miserable and dispirited as he is. Even though he ridicules other Internet celebrities, the only thing he's ever produced that's remotely noteworthy is a useless review series that is a carbon copy of a far superior series.
In real life, Eric is a father, in a typical low-middle class family, currently doing various odd jobs, none of which he is qualified to perform. You know, someone that's too old for the internet should focus his priorities on trying to find a job to support his family, right? When he is about to spout nonsense, he always seems to invite his only two friends who just so happen to look half Asalieri's age.
The Early Days
Not much is known about Asalieri's background apart from his father (more on that later).
Some of his first recorded shenanigans occurred on Gaia Online, under the name of Tellah (he has been confirmed to be a real RPG fantard). In typical fashion as to what would happen on YouTube when it eventually came into being, he rustled up an posse of yes-men, his wife, and sock puppets and went on a campaign to spread his trademark unwarranted self-importance and butthurt across the boards (Don't believe it? Click here.). His attitude resulted in the mods bringing down the banhammer on his balls. Asa took the adult route of getting pissed, started up a few alts, and called Gaia a mean, poopy-headed bunch of bullies for censoring him; this would occur several times. Today, he has a number of alts: Tellah, Tellah X, TeIIah, T_llah, Asalieri, Gau of the Veldt, Relm Arrowny, and possibly OVER NINE THOUSAND more. His little wifey also has had at least three accounts over the years as well.
What future antics will Gaede have in store for Gaia? Who cares? But until then, here is a little exhibit of his escapades there:
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Even before YouTube, he was butthurt about people other than himself making money. -
Butthurt after the banhammer. -
FUN FACT! Asa DID list "teacher" as his occupation on his original YouTube account. -
Once, Asa got butthurt over falling for a bum deal. Did he own up to his mistake? Was Leningrad the capital of Nazi Germany?
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Even back then, his demand to be the center of attention was apparent. -
A fatty calling others fatties... and later gay. Such a grown-up. -
Namecalling, plus playing Mr. Know-it-All! -
Wait till he looks up the now-disbanded Rational Response Squad... though given his Dad's communism, I'm not surprised. -
Remember! Rights apply ONLY to Eric Gaede... also get ready to see a few more Stalin comparisons within Gaede's personality.
Fan Base
Asalieri's fanbase is composed of nothing but generic 15-year-old fanboys and 20-30 year old lowlifes who still live with their moms. You know, the same kind of fanboys that Asalieri criticizes AVGN's fans for being. When they are actually involved in something Asalieri does, like a contest, they step up to show just how much they have learned from Asa by producing poor quality videos often made for the sole purpose of pissing someone off and angering other fans. They waste no time in following Asalieri's orders to spam the living shit out of channels until the person they have attacked is pretty much forced to close their YouTube account. Asalieri claims he has never ordered his fans to spam a person's channel, which is a lie. However, Asalieri has trained his fans to do it without him telling them to do so. Asalieri supporters see this as a victory, yet when Asalieri is backed into a corner, the excuse for Asalieri is that it's stupid e-drama and the person has no life. Asalieri supporters cannot understand bullshit when they see it, so when his videos finally get disliked, his fans make comments like these:
Fan Base 2014 (The Musical)
A lot of his old fanboys left so you would think that the newer fanboys would be less insane...and of course you'd be fucking wrong. They love to rub Asa's fat Buddha belly and his already over inflated ego. Lately they have been telling Asa that he is a great singer which is the furthest thing from the truth. He's like what William Hung would be if he was a soulless monotone douche with no dynamic range. Of course he made videos to self-indulge his fans and his delusions of grandeur. Be sure to click mute before watching the following videos.
- Asa baws that they don't make songs for his vocal range which is true because they don't make songs for teh talentless.
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Asalieri2
Shortly after Asalieri was suspended he decided to make a 9000 min long video showing how much he did not care about getting suspended on YouTube. The video features him going to a water park, and going down a water slide, only after forcing a worker there to pull his 500 pound ass to get him going. In short, if you want to make a video of you obviously not caring about your YouTube account getting suspended, do the following:
- 1. Pay 30+ dollars to go to a water park without your wife or kids. (I'm pretty sure this sounded good when Asa told his wife that he was going to a water park just to show people him not caring about drama on YouTube).
- 2. Pay 30+ dollars to get out again, because you are mistaken for a whale. (Easy mistake, really)
- 3. Upload a video showing how much of a good time you are having, even though you are slowly dying inside.
- 4. Obtain ego boost from gullible fans, even though they really don't care.
To add to the pathetic scene Asalieri decided to again show how much he didn't care about what is going on, on the internet by shouting "Screw you JFreedan!", thus discrediting everything said about him not caring about his account getting beleted.
The War Room
The War Room was a place where Asa and fanboys plotted revenge against jfreedan for baleeting Asa's first channel (Even though Asa claimed in the video that he didn't care about his channel being baleeted Eric was very much buttmad ). For more than three months they came up with many ideas including finding ways to get jfreedan in to legal trouble. While most of the ideas were conceived and executed by the fanboys asa was in full support of it.
Other Bitch fits
On rare occasions Asalieri tries to start drama that doesn't have much to do with gaming. When this happens he usually has to receive help from other internet nobodies in order to stand a fighting chance and to deplete all of his self-contempt.
The Stalking of TKyle212
After YouTube user and former friend of Asalieri TKyle212 made a video realizing that most of the information in the Encyclopedia Dramatica article was true, he kicked Asalieri to the curb, despite apparently helping Asalieri start monetizing his videos again due to Asalieri being IP blocked by Google(?). This, however, did not sit well with Asa. He proceeded to have a grand mal bitch fit in the comments section, full to the brim with his own drooling fanboys to back him up, in an attempt to prove he was a happy and kind person. The result was 30 minutes of him crying that he had done so much for TKyle and that he did not understand why a person would not like a stuck up, irritating, narcissistic, obsessive drama whore like himself. TKyle, having been finally released from the Matrix, realized that Asalieri was quite sick in the head. Asalieri later on PROVED this point by spamming phone calls and voice messages for almost twenty minutes. He even went and sat outside Kyle's house for an undetermined amount of time. Even after all of this, Asa's fans still felt Asa was in the right. Quite frankly, they are the most pathetic and insane fanbase ever on YouTube.
Previous Video | Next Video
In the comments section of his channel, Asalieri claimed that he took all of videos featuring Kyle down out of respect for him. In reality, the purpose of this action was covering his own ass, because what he did in the past with his ex-friend is really ironic. They made a video called: "Stalker Story - A Madman's Tall Tale" and tried to reenact a story made up by arcadeic, in which he was explaining his reasons for taking down one of Asa's videos. Not wanting to look like an idiot in other people's eyes (which he already does), he decided to quickly remove this video along with the others. The similarities between real stalking of Kyle and the "parody" one are hilarious. Even Kyle laughs at the fatass himself.
Later in the week, Asa would turn around and delete all his comments in an uncontrollable fit of butthurt denial. In Asa's mind, if he deletes something, it never happened. Unfortunately for him, reality and his thought process are two very different things, and Asa's entire assrage induced sissy fit was capped.
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Hi my name is Asalieri and I'm waiting for you outside your home. -
But that's not illegal, UNLIKE YOUR WEED. -
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I can stalk you because I'm using a public roadway. -
You hate me because of my videos, not because I'm parked outside your home. -
BTW my kid is autistic, send me some pity. -
"I'm going to force it out of you" is not a threat. -
Please just tell me why you hate me because I make videos. -
And you need to apologize for YOUR videos. -
If you knew my wife, you'd understand why I called her a bitch in front of everyone. -
I'm not a narcassist, but tell me why you hate me for my videos. -
If I delete something it never happened. -
I'm not hateful, YOU'RE hateful. BTW I'm parked outside your house. -
I can't stop commenting. Halp. -
You backstabbed me for 2000 views, you whore.
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Scathing Evidence PROVING that AVGN pocketed tons of money!
On April 15th, 2012, Asalieri uploaded a video of poorly researched content, rivaling that of the Irate Gamer. In said video Asalieri shows a comment he made saying he was going to laugh and say I told you so to all the AVGN fanboys once he found out that the AVGN pocked extra cash for his movie. So what evidence could be so epic that NOBODY could deny it's legitimacy!? A screenshot of the IMDB page for AVGN The Movie, showing the estimated Budget for the movie, 185,000 dollars. Oh you expected more? No that is it, kudos plz! Asalieri wasted no time rushing to film a video and post it on YouTube for all of his idiot fans to look at and spread all over the internets. What Asalieri didn't show was the process for adding movies to the database, and not mentioning it is almost like the Wikipedia of movies. If a movie is even rumored to be made, it can be added to IMDB. The AVGN stated that the page was fake, which Asalieri obviously ignored.
Of course, the majority of viewers, some who weren't even AVGN fans, criticized Asalieri for making a shoddy video. Sure enough, Asalieri, like the mark that he is cause he needs attention, replied to nearly every single negative comment with retarded remarks and jokes like counting the number of times someone made fun of his weight and pubic hair under his chin. Now you would think Asalieri, who's also a father and a husband, would have better things to do in his life than reply to comments ALL DAY like a lolcow. But then again, this is the same guy who tried to have Jfreedan's partnership program revoked by sending his fans to spam his videos, so, yeah, this guy truly has no life.
Then to add insult to injury, fellow brown noser SkyblueMonty took to task to criticize these people for not accepting criticism, failing to realize that when Asalieri posted this video on the Internet, a public domain, he opened himself to everybody's opinions. What these dumbasses like Skybluemonty fail to realize is that Asalieri was heavily criticized, not because he had a negative opinion on AVGN, but because he made a shitty video to stir drama and get more views and, on top of all that, used an editable website (IMDB) to back up his ridiculous arguments. Of course, Skybluemonty, like Razorfist, will forsake common sense to defend Asalieri due to the fact that he's his friend, living proof that one should never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers.
As of June 2016, Asalieri STILL has not provided any real evidence that the AVGN is scamming people’s money, as well as tried to alter history and claim it was all just his "opinion." Just like how he never uploaded that AVGN/Irate Gamer comparison video like he promised, Asalieri (or any of his mindless friends and followers) has yet to show any real proof that James Rolfe is screwing fans out of cash. In fact, the whole "AVGN Scamming Money" B.S. has been largely forgotten now, just like most of the worthless junk made by this two-bit gravy dumpster.
The funny thing, that Asa doesn't realize, is that $185,000 is not a lot when it comes to movies. There is camera lease (Panasonic AG-AF100 is not a cheap camera, nor is the HVX-200). There is catering, transport, dolly, tripods, lenses, insurance, fuel, various equipment, lighting rental, sound recording, generator rental, P2 card rental, SDXC card rental, car rental, editing, color-grading, distribution, PR, and much more and then we haven't even factored in that anyone of these idiots working on the movie should be paid. From all this we can gather that Asa does no research, just like his daddy, when he tries to disprove maths.
UPDATE After getting disproven countless times and flooded with massive waves of hate, Ass-celery decided to do something about it. However, instead of apologizing and admitting to his mistakes, he took the coward's way out and removed the video from his channel. Of course, no apology was given to the people offended by him. As Asa stated, he deleted it "because of being tired of responding to fanboys".
Never change, Eric. Remain a complete jackass.
Asalieri is "poor" and E-begs
Eric loves to brag about how poor he is yet there is plenty of evidence which points to the contrary. For example he lives in a middle class suburban neighborhood where the home prices go for around $200,000. Yeah, poor people in teh ghetto all live in a 2.265 sq. ft house with three bathrooms. Here is a short list of things that contradicts Asa's "Humble" lifestyle.
- Always travels internationally at least once a year. He was in Germany not so long ago. He also showed in a RAR that he was in Scotland a few years before that. You know affordable destinations that all the poor people go to. He is also planing a trip to Argentina soon.
- Has money to blow at casinos.
- Has a gym membership. (The lulzy thing is he uploaded a video of him working out then a few days later when he shaved half his beard seeking even moar attention he was getting donuts in teh supermarket.)
- Always seem to have plenty of booze & marijuana on hand.
- Always has good food to eat (giggle)
- etc. blah, blah, blah.
The reason he repeats this is fairly obvious as gullible fanboys buy his Truco cards & Pearler art and in some cases gives him money. For example Asa baited his fans by driving home and a ad for a Mexican restaurant happened to be on his door. Not even 24 hours later Afr0blu3 had sent him some money and of course Asa being the attention whore that he is made a video about his experience (See Asa's Super Show). He's also received consoles & games from his fans all of which now resides in the middle of a slot machine. It's funny how this guy complains about AVGN supposedly "e-begging", when he himself e-begged for a laptop.
Here are some examples on how Asa baits his "fans":
Oh noes! His magic keyboard is broke. FUCK! If only some gullible fanboy could help.
Previous Video | Next Video
Asa, aware of the fact that he's getting exposed, decided to remove aforementioned videos. Fortunately, we reuploaded most of them to deepen his butthurt.
Update - It has just been confirmed by Kyle that Eric is a welfare queen.
Encyclopedia Dramatica Raid!
After reading his article on ED, and blaming everybody he ever knew for being the one who wrote it, Asalieri decided to make an attempt to use ED as his own personal army and draw more attention to JFreedan's page by spamming JFreedans name on every Sex page on the internet, and adding some insults and references to him on every gaming page. Needless to say it was pretty much copypasta from his META Busy Street articles which he has now hidden or deleted. It is also safe to say he is responsible for 99% of the butthurt content on the TGWTG and James Rolfe pages. The butthurt is strong with this one.
How to check and see if Asalieri or one of his fans have edited an Encyclopedia Dramatica page:
- See if someone has referenced YouTube nobodies like, MartialHorror, TGWTG Video Makers, JFreedan, The Irate Gamer, Alexander4488 aka Game Dude, Retrogamer3, or any other person only Asalieri would care about on any gaming page.
- See if the names listed above are spammed on every gaming page on ED
- Check if Asalieri's name is given in the history of any semi famous Game Reviewer,with the reviewer "owned, but quit/gave up/made a truce" This is how Asalieri stops people from thinking it is him. Can't go pretending you are god or that would make it too obvious.
- On said pages check to see if someone is complaining about stupid shit only those in the slums of Youtube would care about.
- Overall butthurt.
Someone Put Up A Craigslist Ad For Eric
August 31 2013 will be a day that will go down in infamy for Asalieri, for upon that day, Internet nobody and Autism poster-boy Starwind3437 decided to go 21st century on the old "ordering loads of pizzas to someone's house" prank, by posting the following Craigslist advert attached with Asa's address...
—Anonymous Craigslist advert. | ||
Of course, people flocked to the house of meta-fatass, for free games, and a chance to molest the dead child like flies to shit. Unfortunately there were no free games, and you were not allowed to molest his daughters, as Eric was busy with that himself.
Strangely, rather than not let trolls think they won in this epic prank and never mention it. Eric decided to hand the trolls the results like a giant golden trolling trophy and post the events to his YouTube channel.
You could say he did it for the JewGold in ad revenue and he hoped it would go viral (*spoiler* No, it didn't), but Asa loves to bitch how much shit trolls have on him, when he practically gorges them on useable material by posting his details and information on any public forum available to him, You never know what to think goes on in that coconut of his!
Also, he blamed ED for this event. As whenever ANYTHING goes wrong in his life, ED is to blame!
Proud Aspie responsible for this prank.
In the comments section of Eric's pity party video he claimed he narrowed the suspects to two people on Facebook who were friends with him and his wife. Eric thinks he's rid the trolls and all is back to normal on Facebook. The lulzy part of course is he's completely wrong (as usual) and as proof Here is a pic that was snagged from his page.
Crimes
As known, it seems that Eric has some criminal charges against him, what's even more ironic is how he said before that he's not a criminal. With the release of AVGN movie, the blob posted torrent link to it on his Facebook. Yes, he publicly admits to stealing movies and is proud of it.
Asa post prank
Needless to say Asa hasn't been the same since being pwned. No longer does he have his wife, kids or family in his videos. Hell he is so scared that the only place he shoots his videos in his dining room. It's not even the nice looking part of the room. He specifically loves pointing his camera at the part of his wall that has a bunch of holes in it on the right side and on the left side the area of the room where he throws all of his junk at making him look like more of a slob than he already is.
Riding the #gamergate Wave
Since a lot of his older fanboys left his ass over his various hypocrisies he has been trying de$perately to get new one$. Of course #gamergate and SJWs was a great opportunity to do this. As expected his videos about the subject add nothing new to the party. He is riding the wave hoping his monetized videos will help him along from the penny slots to the nickle ones. In wasn't long before asa stuck his foot in his mouth again. He made a video about Bill Cosby defending him even though 20 women have come forward as victims. In Asa's world all of them are lying of course he also though Michael Jackson didn't diddle the kids too.
Also most of videos on gamergate/feminism lately are pure anti-lulz even by asa standards.
Asa Youtube Crisis. OH NOES!
Since Asa has learned that feminism brings in those precious view$ so he has been making videos about the subject non-stop. It should be no surprise that to hear that one of those videos he made got false flagged. Of course this is lulzy because he used to encourage his brainless fanboys to false flag videos of various people he didn't like. Eric made a video in which he baws about it because now he can't have anymore of that precious youtube Jew Gold$.
Eric constantly flip flops his opinions out of jealously and butthurt
The one thing you will learn about Eric if you read this tl;dr crap is his motives are always very simple. He either wants the fame or fortune. The example that perfectly describes it is the Irate Gamer. His first ten billion episodes of RAR were about him which was nothing but Eric waving his tiny pecker saying how much of a retard Chris was. Then a few years ago The Irate Gaymer mentioned Eric in a video and he came by the buckets full. Suddenly he wasn't such a bad guy and Eric started to mention at this point how much better he was than the AVGN. Recently Eric back paddled again in a recent video which not surprisingly is about The Irate Gamer. This time accusing him of being unoriginal and like every other AVGN rip-off. This is lulzy as every episode that Chris did prior was the exact fucking thing. So why did asa make this video? He mentioned that he tried reaching out to him and offered to write episodes and help out in any way he could. When Eric got rejected he did the same shit he always does and that is turn his mindless fanboys against him.
Asa's Big Welfare Trip To Argentina
Asa who is too poor to afford a laptop, NES, etc. went to Argentina and Chile (Because according to Asa it is the greatest country on Earth even though they lost the World cup). He met his maricone friend 
huerfanoproducciones halfway in San Luis and Asa being an attention whore filmed the whole thing. The odd thing was he uploaded it to his Spanish channel AsaSudaca. In it Asa butchers a gay Erasure song while drinking Talca, then they go to an arcade where most of the machines are broken. At one point Asa plays Fruit Ninja and dry humps the monitor. afterwards asa makes an epic Pringles joke because they happen to be on a street with that name. The bad jokes continue with selfies that dragged on too long and a shop called "Yagmour" where they kept calling it "Gay Rom" and "Gay Room" because they looked at it spelled backwards. Also it couldn't be a video in Spanish without Pissed Jose being thrown in to it.
If the first video wasn't unfunny enough he does a skit. The reason this video was made was shortly after they ate they got kicked out by mall cops for filming. Being a mature man that was not bitter he made a video where he got kicked out of everywhere and eventually shot and killed.
Asa's Big Welfare Trip To Argentina (En Ingles)
Asa starts the video from his hotel room high in the sky then the next shot is him singing the Mr. Roger's theme while mocking the poor neighborhoods while on the subway. Of course it wouldn't be a trip to Argentina without a trip to see his favorite soccer team San Lorenzo where Eric chants with the crowd like normal people. Then he was at the Plaza De Mayo with a man that Eric calls a real Argentinian and he conveniently forgets to mention that it is his Dad Bill Gaede. After that Asa shows us the best place to get a pizza in Argentina as well as his finest dandruff. Then Eric shows us the best the country has to offer by showing us a fight that happens at a train station. After the fight Eric takes us shopping and shows us the countries finest Chinese knock-offs. Then he takes us to an Arcade he use to go to when he was a kid where most of the games don't work.
In Part 2 It is moar San Lorenzo for a qualifying match (FUN FACT: Everytime Asa has mentioned them in a video they lose.). While there Asa chants along with the crowd and even when they lose he screams with the crowd, "Come on, Champions". Also Asa met the president of the San Lorenzo team. Since Eric lost a ton of welfare money buying those Chinese knock-offs he tries to win it back at the races which is in effect your tax dollars at work...and yeah Eric lost every bet he made.
Asa Baits ED By Winning
Eric needs constant attention which is why he dedicated his addiction to us. The following videos is an obvious response to the fact that he usually loses his ass when he gambles. In Asa's words, "20 Bucks, 1.20 Bet per spin. What happens when I risk 20 bucks after being 40 bucks up?". Even after being more than a $100 ahead after his bonus he still bitched and moaned about it like archfiend took a dump in his sundae. What makes the video lulzy is what is not in it. Although Eric claims he won he doesn't mention what he did with his Jew Gold. Since Eric admits that he has a slot addiction one could only assume he gambled it all away making the video he posted pointless.
Teh False Flagging of Nila and Bill
The Gaede family always brings teh lulz and this example is no exception. The tl;dr masterpiece "Nila and Bill" is a biography written by asa which is about his Dad Bill Gaede. It is a propaganda piece that makes Bill sound like James Bond on steroids. Eric was whoring it everywhere on teh interwebz hoping to gain internet stardom or fame. Not surprising it sold a whopping two copies. In Asa's first youtube video he tries to get you hyped about it but drops spoilers all over the place giving you even less incentive to buy the piece of shit.
Fast forward to nao when an EDiot found the .pdf of the book and shared the link exclusively here. It got false flagged out of all people Gregory Gaede which is lulzy considering Eric owns the copyright to the book. It gets even lulzier as towards the bottom as whoever wrote it changed their mind and decided that copyright offendee is William Gaede (AKA Bill Gaede). Better yet they DOX themselves and you can call or e-mail them via the following:
Ph: 1(480) 332 4588 or 3326320
e-mail: [email protected]
The phone number is also fascinating as the area code happens to be in Arizona which is where Eric lives. Makes you wonder if he was trying to flag it through his family members to not look butthurt.
He failed though as you can download it here.
Asa'a Desperation For E-Fame
He failed with RaR, failed with Masterpaint Theatre and failed everywhere else. What opportunities do you have left if you are a never was like Asalieri? The answer is grasping on to other peoples e-fame in a pathetic attempt that they might give you "views". He has tried this before in the past with people like Irate Gamer who basically ignored him. He also used it on Hellsing920 who occasionally lets him on to livestreams which devolves in to the two of them talking about their slot machine fetishes (Emer works at a Indian Casino and Asa gives his money to the Indian casinos). Recently he tried to cum on to Lauren Southern by making videos about her and even using clips that she made on his channel hoping to boost views to much fail.
He then made a video with Mr. Agent about the worst songs of 1985. What makes the whole thing lulzy is Eric has the gaul to critic peoples singing and then do capitalistic parodies when his voice sound like what would happen if a Mack truck ran over a tuba. This joint venture was also a failure for Asa.
He then did a video about Gen Zed and tags all the popular youtube personalities on twitter in a pathetic attempt to gain views. Like his other pathetic attempts this will surely lead to teh fail.
WARNING! DO NOT WATCH THESE VIDEOS - They are only here as evidence to prove that Asa did them not to mention watching them will give you Super Double Nazi Trannie A.I.D.S. which will cause your dick to fall off. not to mention they aren't funny.
Asa's Lulzy Yelp Reviews
We all knew that Eric's immense e-peen that he can't just keep his opinions on teh youtubes. Eric's reviews on Yelp can be best described as a window in to Asa's derpy self-important soul. For starters you can see how much he hates America. He has reviews from in the US and Argentina and the lowest score he gave an Argentinian place was three stars however Eric has multiple one star reviews in the US. He did give one place in Mesa five stars but that was a Colombian restaurant (and Asa hates all countries north of Panama).
Also Eric reveals in some casino reviews that he brings at least $100 with him (contradicting statements from previous videos where he says he only brings $20-$40). It's hard to be poor when you blow that much money gambling every week.
Argentinian Yelp Reviews
The major lulz with these reviews is he gives Pizzería Güerrín (considered the best pizza in Buenos Aries) only three stars claiming "...The system isn't exactly organized. The pizza will be better, too. As for best in Buenos Aires? Not by a long shot. Just a few steps across the street from here lies Banchero, with a much better pizza." However if you see his video where he was stuffing his fat face he was moaning and cuming saying "mmm, So good!" clearly enjoying the food but for the stupid reasons Eric gave it only got three stars. lol
Ace Home Services
Back on August 22 Eric's Air Conditioner broke down. Eric being the brilliant man that he is called the first number they came across (instead of doing what most normal people doing getting multiple quotes) and got Caleb to drop on by. He said it would cost $11,000 to replace and install a new air condition. Eric not realizing that this was a scam actually bargained with the guy and got it down to $8,000 (I thought you were poor Asa, what gives?). Caleb then told them that should go to a hotel for the weekend until they were able to replace it.
The next fucking morning he finally realized, "DERP! MAYBE I SHOULD CALL TEH PEOPLES TO SEE IF I GET TEH DEALS! DERP! DERP!" and got a better quote. So he called Caleb back who got pissed that he wasn't going to fleece a retard and calls his Mother, "a fucking foreigner, all you foreigners are all the same" The lulz don't stop there as Caleb charged Eric a 15% restocking fee even though they didn't order that air conditioner.
Teh Casinos
Eric hypocrisy really shines in these reviews. Eric claims that the both of the casinos he reviewed smell like a Japanese dive bar and they are stingy even though they give him $20 free slot play (btw you have to spend at least $100 a trip to get that kind of comp money). Asa also claims they are getting rid of the "fun" slots (and by fun he thinks that means easy way to make money).
An EDitorial As someone who gambles myself I can tell you that in these reviews either Eric is being completely naive on how casinos outside Vegas works or is just a liar. For example Eric claims that the slot machines are shit at the casinos he goes to and or they are replacing them with ones that have crappy odds. The way they control the percentages is through the payouts (which I'm not going to explain here because it is tl;dr) but what Eric said is wrong. Also 90% of the casinos outside Vegas smells like a $5 whores ass. The reason they smell like that is local casinos attract the crème de la crème of low-rung society. What do you expect? Do you want it to smell like Patrouli or the perfume counter at Macy's? If you hate it so much then stop fucking going or don't set your standards so fucking high.
Emer & Asalieri Falling out!
News Flash! Everyone's favourite YouTube Walruskin, Asalieri, and his long time butt buddy Emer have a falling out, and noone gives a shit.
tl;dr Emer bought Asa Sonic All Star Racing and Eric bitched non-stop how the flying and boat controls suck (an EDitorial: They don't suck. Any retarded kindergartner can play it. Eric just sucks at it). So, not only did Asa bitch about it on steam but on Facebook as well. Emer tired of Eric being an ingrate told him what an ungrateful cunt he is. It turns out according to Emer that if Asa doesn't grasp simple controls in thirty seconds flat he'll baw about it non-stop. Throughout Asa's 15 minute youtube tirade he acts like he was the bigger man and Emer was the one that was mad when the opposite was true. If you look at the screencaps that Asa provides his responses are full of USI while Emer was telling Asa to STFU. To top the cherry on the shit sundae Eric claims he's a hypocrite because Emer said Fighting games suck because he can't play them. tl;dr lolcow drama is fun.
In other news! Asa and Emer are faggots.
Down With Emer and Up With Judekhanzo
Judekhanzo (AKA former internetz favorite punching bag) in an shocker is friends with Asa again. Short history of this other lolcow, once upon a time everyone trolled this guy from Busy Street (a former wannabe ED site), It Came From Public Domain (A former anti-lulz rip-off of MST3000 group), etc. Even Asa got in on the action because it was fun mostly for the reason that Joel use to baw non-stop about everything. As you can see in the video below Asa recorded Joel's butthurt tirade Eric explains the reason he did it was in his own self-interests because after all fuck friendships amirite? View$ > allies. As always Eric will throw you under the bus if it means he can climb the ladder of the interner nobody world.
Previous Video | Next Video
Shortly after Joel found out that Asa trolled him he ripped off Asa by making RaRs in full Windows Movie Maker glory.
Since reuniting Joel has joined Asa on his new abortion of a series "Hopefully Gaming".
- MrBastardGamer - Judekhanzo's Youtube Channel
Emer & Asalieri Falling out! Part Deux
—Conveniently forgetting about the time he e-begged for a laptop and other shit from his dopey fans. | ||
Even though it has been months since there falling out they are both still bawing about it. Recently Asa did a stream with LeisureSuitGaming because lolcows love hanging together for whatever bizarre reason and did a "anti-hellsing920 stream" where all they did was bash him. According to them Emer lost his job at the Indian casino because he smelled like ten day old dog shit. Emer's Dad was able to get him his job back but due to the stank they put him in the back where no human can smell him. He can also eat at least Two Arby's Meat Mountains because he wants to retain that sexy whale figure. Also Emer e-begged an Wii-U and a trip to NY from one of his fanboys. Emer ditched said fanboy when he was talking to Asa on Facebook. Also like what Asa did with a NES a fan sent him Emer sold his Wii-U shortly afterwards. Notice a trend here? All the shit Asa was accusing him of is the same shit he has done himself. Projection is a hell of a thing, ain't it asa?
The lulz don't end there though as Emer false-flagged Asa's stream thus leaving it in Jeopardy of his channel being terminated again. Time to pack up the tent sized swim trunks and head back toward that water park.
From RaR to...
Let's Plays. Yep, Asa has fallen on fat times. You would think that since Eric has done 9000 RaRs that he would be not just be an epic reviewer but Let's Player as well but as we all know Eric is an Hypocrite. In his new series "Hopefully Gaming" asa plays games in the most boring ways possible. For those that don't know Eric has a degree in theatre which explains why in some videos he sounds like Louis Anderson on Quaaludes with plenty of dead air to boot. Also you got to love his new logo which makes Asa look like a slim twink version of Billy Mays.
Asa No Longer In The Drama Game
—This comment was made a few days after calling Emer a cry baby. | ||
Asa recently uploaded a video bawing about the fact that no one watches his Let's Plays/Reviews. Pointing to the fact that the only thing that people watch on his channel are his lolcow happenings. However in a point of complete derp asa claims that his RaR videos tainted his image. He then lambastes not just his fanbase & ED but the whole interwebz claiming that they thrive on drama and Asa is the sole person who is holy. Eric still can't admit the fact that the reason his image is tainted is he is an egocentric attention whore douche bag and there are plenty of IRL examples including his stalking Kyle and plenty of other shit. Before RaR he bawed about getting banned from Gaia online, etc.
The sole reason for his recent bawfest is simple, when things don't go well he points the blame at everyone but himself.
LOL, "Making Youtube Great Again" Is For Suckers
Asa dips his cock in the drama lava yet again as he and "Gaming Gootch" have lambasted the hashtag craze of "#WTFU" and how it's absolute bullshit. Despite somehow getting amnesia for what happened with his "fair use" criticisms of jfreedan that got his own old channel executed(which Asa brought upon himself knowing the flaggot was on a rampage back then, and because he couldn't take a fucking hint and made 3 anti-Freedan videos in a row, he couldn't get any help in time and shot his old channel in the head himself), he claims this is all a waste of time. While true, we all know why this trend is being blasted by Asa and his drones, and not just because hashtag trends are AIDS: It's only because good ol' Doug "Moneybags" Walker led the charge and nothing else, and Asa even admitted that he didn't do much research into it and didn't WANT to because of "precious time", even going as far as to @ the wrong fucking person on his Twitter. That and he once again pulls the "what about ME" card. Fuck everyone else big and small unless he gets HIS fair use, right?
Making mistakes as usual, such as the hopeful "Channel Awesome 'got taken down'" rather than simply "lost their paycheck"(because what's this "research" shit?), all but one part of his video has him missing the entire point due to his still-strong and scathing grudge against Mike and TGWTG itself(Which he STILL won't shut the hell up about because fuck his "promise" about not talking about them anymore), and that's to actually flee Jewtube for another site in a massive exodus. And adding in "But you won't do that" will either be reverse psychology or his own mindless fanbase is just that lazy too, in a desperate try to get back his relevance by hopping into the discussion that just happened to get popular for the moment.
Asa Made a New RaR for $500
It's come full circle. Asa five years ago railed against people e-begging and taking money from people online when now he does the same thing. In this whored out episode of RaR he talks about Darknessthecurse. Let's see how many of these complaints he had towards him Eric does himself.
1) Says that the Angry reviewing is antiquated when bitching about said reviewers (e.g. RAR) has been around as long.
2) Says that Darkness uses WMM to edit videos when Power Director (Eric's editor of choice) is the modern derpy equivalent.
3) Says that his fanboys are retards when Eric's are even dumber.
4) Says that the guy rambles on and on plus his videos are tl;dr when eric does the same thing.
5) Says the guy goes on weird tangents when at the end of the video Eric does a video game review as Darkness' Dog (and no I am not making that shit up).
and the examples go on and on. The fact that he had to got paid to do it says a lot since Eric hasn't made a video in months and implied in the beginning that he was pretty much retired from making these craptastic masterpieces.
In Conclusion
Asalieri Image Gallery (NEW vids)
Asalieri Exposure Videos Previous Video | Next Video |
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Asalieri's fanbase is composed of confirmed snitches. -
Asalieri: the face of online totalitarianism. -
Part One of the truthful blog about Asalieri, on Jfreedan's blog site before he deleted it. -
Part Two of the truthful blog about Asalieri, on Jfreedan's blog site before he deleted it. -
The resemblances are uncanny! -
An exchange between Asa and MartialHorror regarding the Reviewtopia ordeal. Notice that MartialHorror tries to act rational while Asa resorts to name-calling? -
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I agree! These ARE childish tantrums caused by butthurt!
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Pictured: Common sense. -
His talented wife and his abused daughter. -
TL;DR: AkewsticRockR demands to know what qualifies one to give criticism, Asa evades with argument by outrage. -
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Read the bottom comment! -
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A sample comment from his video about the AVGN's budget. Notice how the more rational user has more thumbs up than Asa? -
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A typical fanboy. Didn't even know that the video he watched was an April Fools prank. -
The aforementioned EPIC-AS-SHIT MSPaint skills. -
Yes, he's about as Mexican as Archduke Franz Ferdinand! -
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FUN FACT: Asalieri, if the need arises, will hide behind charities when confronted. -
Asalieri's ongoing crusade of self-righteousness extends beyond Youtube, trying to prove that the internets revolves around him. -
Mr. Gaede friended himself not once on Facebook... but twice! -
Somewhere, Terry Gilliam is crying... -
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It seems some of the users on DHI aren't happy with his conduct... -
...and are aware of his childishness. -
Question: "Which of these users is behaving more like an adult?" -
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Some fanboys tend to get butthurt to the point where they actually wish death on the people who may say ANYTHING negative about their idol. -
Calmly responding to people criticizing his parenting skills. -
Asalieri admits to being jealous of everyone else. -
Crossfire! On the left, KIKI Hideout...! -
Remember how much Asalieri talked about his support for Freedom of Speech? Well... -
How long before he starts appealing to sympathy in order to cover his ass? -
I WANT THE TRUTHS! -
Pot. Kettle. Black. -
A peek at his Pissed Jose channel. Oh, watch as the fans fawn over their god. -
Asa Fanboi HRVDNT showcasing a complete lack of understanding of how financing a film works. -
Asalieri: Master of the Excuse! -
In spite of his stance against making money online... he's going through with the card deck he wants to sell. -
A snippet of a showdown between user triipge and fantard MooneySquared. A third party comes in to tell the truth. -
A dissenter that could see through the smokescreen. -
Hmm, twelve thumbs up... marked as spam... a negative opinion on Asa's output... definitely fanbois. -
Just... *snicker* Just read! -
Given Asa's track record, you'd be better off telling Sisyphus to get the rock all the way uphill! -
Wow, even on Twitter he holds fast to Razorfist. -
Because another "hypocritical know-it-all 'gamer'" told you to? -
A very plausible theory. -
A white knight is trampled. -
A delicious case of Double Standards! -
More people see through his bullcrap. -
Not giving a straight answer eh? -
The irony in here is too strong. -
Dodging the questions again? -
Are insults the only way you can respond to others? -
Asa's fan gets butthurt after losing the argument! -
Obligatory "fanboy" insult in response to the criticism. -
"Hur hur, mature isn't he?" -
Read the third comment. What Asa says to his fans when they insult other people; speaks for itself. -
RIP Chris Benoit + "Wrestling is ruined!" -
Is Asalieri a living fossil? -
Asa lying again and trying to switch guilt. -
Says he didn't threaten anyone, despite the fact his own voice mail proves otherwise! -
Asa's old fans have had enough of his crap. -
Asa's e-penis is shrinking while reading what his former fans have to say about him. -
USI is in the effect! -
How the blob drives his friends away. -
BAWWWWW THE ENTIRE WORLD IS AGAINST ME! -
Asa loses fans, part 543! -
The fans unsubscribe after Asa's April Fools video containing animal violence... -
...and Eric exposes his hypocrisy while trying to defend it. -
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TL;DR Eric hates Germany 'cause da cops played 50 questions with him, even though HE was the one being obnoxious. -
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See Also
- Argentina
- Communist - His father at least, but he follows in his footsteps quite well.
- Copypasta
- Drama whore
- Jfreedan
- Video game reviewers
- Obesity
- Professor Kuhtoons - His successor.
Even left a comment on one of his reviewing critic vids - Silent Rob
- Talentless
- Troll
- YouTube Commentaries
- Youtube nobody
Links
- Asalieri2 - His Youtube Channel
eric.gaede - His Facebook. Read his Buttmad Note about Germany. UPDATE: Hidden... but you can still see him get pissed about Germany winning FIFA 2014. Damn you, Jugendamt!- eric.gaede.3 - His other Facebook.
- pissedjose - His Pissed Jose Channel
TellahAsa - His Twitter account. You can see some of his attempts to "befriend" his nemesis
tellah - His DeviantArt account (notice that some of his lackeys are watching him)
asalieri - Livejournal
- junkhouse - Secondary livejournal account
asalieri - His pathetic Gaia Online character.- http://asalieri.com/ - His attempted website. Suspended
Bill_Gaede - Wiki on Daddy's spying- bgaede - His father's Youtube Channel
Asalieri Subpage Navigation
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Asalieri is part of a series on Taking Down ED [Do It Faggot] |
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| Featured article June 20 & 21, 2013 | ||
| Preceded by Marjan Siklic |
Asalieri | Succeeded by Kobe Bryant |