Adorkablegrrl
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Did you know that... This individual is a self-proclaimed "rising star" on the Internet? |
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Did you know that... This individual was at one point Lucymeez on Meez (and was the head admin), but got her ass fired for being a dumb cunt? |
Adorkablegrrl, aka Kate Kotler, is an overweight and painfully homely 36 year old journalism student, freelance writer, blogger, vlogger, and writer of "geek erotica." She supplements the zero dollars this lifestyle earns her by working as "a part-time nanny and the moderator of an online forum designed to be a safe ‘Net space for teens." She is also occupied full-time with the misconception that any criticism she receives is due to her being a strong and emancipated woman. This is ironic, considering that criticism centers around her being a whiny and butthurt crybaby.
PROTIP: Referring to something as "erotica" not only means that it is profoundly unerotic, but that the only acceptable response to it is "How totally awesome and empowering! You go, grrrl!" Actually fapping to some decent porno makes you a rapist and a sex criminal.
Her filthy fucking deviant mind conjured up the nasty sexbook “Geek Girls Need Love, Too,” which does NOT suck, is NOT embarrasingly autobiographical, and is NOT awkward and pathetic enough to inspire pity in the hardest of hearts. In other words, it was never meant to be seen or read outside of her particular circle jerk of suck-ass wannabees. To the great dismay of planet earth, the natural order of things was interrupted by one of God's lowliest creatures: the spambot.
—TL;DR on initial source of lulz | ||
Desperate cries for help
What word best describes her reaction to something so petty and meaningless? If you picked butthurt, you win 10 fucking internets, genius. After days of whining, fake depression and attention-whoring, she fucked up and tried to make herself into the latest cause celebre for dipshit female bloggers. Adorkablegrrl is internet buddies with Violet Blue, who is equally stupid and untalented, but who actually gets paid IRL dollars for her crappy writing; something that will never happen to adorkablegrrl, not in a million years. This fact renders her blind with rage. The phony plea for healp she sent to Violet Blue was a pretty straightforward deal to draw attention and sympathy to her crappy garbage blog and her crappy garbage writing. In return, adorkablegrrl swore internet oath to bow, scrape, and polish Violet Blue's e-penis throughout this lifetime and the next. As Violet Blue is actually making $$$ off of this, her e-penis is formidable, indeed. In fact, she didn't get to be where she is today by giving other motherfuckers a leg up in the industry. Fuck that! She made a column out of it, but she also made damn sure to subtly fuck her "friend" over as well. The column itself was boring as fuck, as usual, but cleverly managed to divert attention and commentary away from the fact that she is a shit writer and has nothing interesting to say. In order to show why anyone would possibly give a crap about some fat emo bitch, she lets adorkablegrrl explain just how monumentally butthurt she is by the whole experience. In a classic quote, she locks and loads on the biggest bullshit complaint in any woman's arsenal.
—adorkablegrrl throwing herself under the bus | ||
Keep in mind that all this baaaawwwing is over a Hindu search engine archiving the content she put out for public consumption. Sounds racist, amirite? What'll srsly shock you is the fact that a 33 year-old woman continues to feel completely justified in firing off the ALMOST RAPED web distress signal. Using violent sexual assault as a metaphor for life's tiniest difficulties identifies her as a particularly shameless attention whore. Say what you will about her dumpy and graceless body, masculine jaw, unfortunate haircut and ridiculous glasses, but let it be known that she can be pretty fucking effective with the right motivation.
—adorkablegrrl, on serious fucking business | ||
Do as I say, not as I do
Did I mention that this cyclone of drama and butthurt hysteria is over nothing at all? What about the fact that she can add rampant hypocrisy to her list of character defects? Her blog tackles Kathy Sierra's infamously massive attention whoring in the world's most thinly disguised screed of all-consuming jealousy.
—adorkablegrrl dispensing advice she has no intention of following | ||
There's a lot of irony in the way she airily dismisses the recipient of anonymous death threats, but weeps for days in a ball of depression over a spambot aggregating her crappy content. The word for it is lulz. What would adorkablegrrl's reaction have been under the same circumstances? If history is any indicator, something along the lines of, "Now I know how the Jews feel. What happened to me is ten times worse than the Holocaust." Needless to say, Kate Kotler is plump, juicy, and hypersensitively ripe for trolling. Better watch out, though; she was dumb enough to call the FBI on a goddamn search engine.
—adorkablegrrl, playing our reindeer games | ||
BTW, I wonder if her "attorneys" include the ex-boyfriend she pilloried as an absolute douchebag, but runs to begging for halp at the drop of a hat. lolllollollollollollollol
International loss and fail
For reasons beyond human understanding, the webmaster of a feminist site in the UK gives adorkablegrrl a regular platform in which to complain about her life and basically bullshit people. She considers herself to be a talented writer, but, then again, she also claims to be interesting, intelligent, and good-looking. The clearest sign of someone attempting to reach beyond their poverty of talent is when they start using words they don't fully understand. She blithely declaims hilarious junk like "email all permeations of the offending splog a cease and desist letter," and "there is some voracity to this." I wonder if good old Sigmund Freud would have anything to say about the way she confuses "truth" with "excessive desire to eat." A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, especially when viewed through the rose-colored emo lenses of ultimate butthurt. The latest word that this adorkable little beast is pretty sure she understands is "copyright violation." She seems pretty fucking certain that it has the same meaning as "Abracadabra," in the sense that it magically makes shit you don't like disappear.
—Adorkable Grrl, about to get rich off of ED | ||
She cited the Associated Press Stylebook on media law, so I guess that quoting publicly posted content for the purpose of satire or parody is totally illegal. It's also ironic that she freely quotes this page and portrays the users of Encyclopedia Dramatica in an insulting manner, but fires up her internet lawyer to protect her from the same actions she engages in. These mental contortions are made possible by the fact that her shitty articles were "commissioned by the Shiny Media Network, a corporation," which somehow renders fair use totally invalid. Okay, so her violations of ED's copyright were done for profit and have been licensed to a profit-generating corporation, while this entry was edited solely for the lulz. Apparently, Internet Court recognizes the "I can talk about them all I want, but they can't talk about me" defense. Btw, her ex-boyfriend is off the legal team. I guess that long after he dumped her, he didn't anticipate working for free harrassing people that she fights with online. lollollollollollollol
Because she's only been exposed to totally supportive and noncritical audiences, she thinks that she can spout off the biggest pile of crap you could possibly imagine and that no one will ever call her on it. Srsly, this is the kind of garbage she actually expects people to swallow.
—trying to show that actual harm has come from all the drama | ||
—plagiarizing the script of a bad Lifetime movie | ||
—I'm being harrassed, not just cruelly lampooned! | ||
—deep within the realm of total fantasy | ||
OKCupid lulz
Sometime on April 20, 2009, Adorkable_Grrl posted a journal entry about how she was surprised that she was quickmatched with an ex-boyfriend of hers. This started out innocently enough until some other okcupid users came by to tell her it wasn't such a surprise after all. Adorkable_Grrl took this the wrong way and fed the trolls that came along, thus resulting in much lulz for all except her.
—adorkable will not respond to your mean comments! | ||
Another OkC user summarized it best with this:
"This is what happened yesterday:
OP posts about how strange and funny it is that she found her ex on OKC as a quickmatch. Veteran OKC users try to explain to her how the site, and quickmatch work, and explain why that is neither strange, nor funny. OP claims that everyone is harassing her, thus violating OKC's TOS, likely fueled by one person's suggestion that her ex dumped her, OP posts a transcription of an IM (imaginary, by her own admission), and later phone conversation with her ex, thus proving that they are friends, and she wasn't dumped. No one gives a shit. Comment thread turns to lulz, while OP repeatedly explains how unbothered she is by the whole situation. OP deletes post.
OP makes two long posts, one about dating, and one about how we are all taking everything too seriously, and are trolling her, and love negative attention, and have no lives, meanwhile constantly reiterating that she doesn't care about supposedly being trolled, and that she has friends, and a real life, despite the fact that she somehow found time in between conversations with her ex and luncheons/dinners with her ex to make 4 journal posts that day. Comment thread turns to lulz as people try to explain to OP that no one is trolling her but herself and that she is a major drama queen.
OP's Encyclopedia Dramatica article surfaces. Thread turns to more lulz.
karachris shows up in OP's defense, thus destroying any last lingering threads of her credibility.
OP continues to insist that she doesn't care and thinks the whole thing is funny, and that she has a real life and can't be bothered to continue to insist that she doesn't care and thinks the whole thing is funny.
update: OP writes online article about how she pwned all the trolls, and deletes comment thread on last post. OP and karachris are now BFF.
update #2: Online article now deleted. OP makes journal post about how we're all jerks, comments here with a link to it, then deletes it."
The article mentioned above was taken down and this is what Adorkable_Grrl had to say about it.
—adorkable baaawing over her dead article | ||
On the 22nd, the article came back up. Adorkable's journal entries are still closed for comments.
—adorkable_grrl admitting she fed the trolls | ||
Hubba Hubba Lulz
Booted out of the Hubba Hubba Review for being too drunk...Calls the Waaaambulance on Yelp
Alack...the review in question is in danger of disappearing, so we shall archive her sage advice here for all eternity
Warning...the following wall of text might be is TL;DR
-I went to see the Hubba, Hubba! Review show HELL. I was set to review the show for one of the website publications I write for & a friend was performing in it. -Got to DNA around 10, had a drink, then my companion & I decided we want to go outside for a smoke before the show started. -Came back in, I had drink #2 & tried to teach my (hippy) companion how to swing dance. -We went outside to smoke another cigarette. -The bouncer at the back door gave us a funny look. -We went back in & I went to the bar, my companion went to the bathroom. At the bar, I ordered a soda water for myself & my companion. -At that time, I got a phone call so I went to step outside (again) & take the call. -Companion & I stepped away from the door - he lit a cigarette, I finished my conversation. -When done we walked back to the door & started to go inside. I was actually in the door when the bouncer grabbed me by the shoulder & said "Hey sweetie, I need you to come outside & sober up."
I didn't want to argue with a bouncer, it's the surest way to get 86'd from someplace. So I stepped out & the bouncer us each a bottle of water and said "Drink these then you can go back in."
I am 35 years old, my companion is 41. We both have at least 16 years age wise on the bouncer. Everyone knows that I like my vodka cranberries. I know I have often appeared in public WAY FUCKING DRUNKER than I should have. I was also bartender for seven years. I know drunk. Know it well. I was not - I repeat - NOT drunk enough to be asked to leave.
Not wanting to cause trouble we stood outside for quite a while - at least 25 minutes. I then said "we have to go back in to watch performing friend."
Finished waterbottles in hand, we approached the door & were again denied entry. At this point I got pissed. I said , "What is the problem? We drank the water, we stood out here for 25 minutes - I need to get back in, I'm reviewing this show & my friend is performing."
He said, "Reviewing like on Yelp?"
I said, "Reviewing like in reviewing it for a publication - here is my business card - please let me in."
No go. I tried to call both of my friends inside to get them to come out & talk some sense into this guy. I couldn't get through.
The dude denying me entry traded spots with another bouncer & left to take a break.
I looked at bouncer #2 & asked, "Do I seem too drunk to you?"
"No, " said bouncer #2, "But he made the decision, I can't override it."
"Sure you can," I said.
The bouncer then got up & asked his breaking bouncer friend what the problem was. When bouncer #2 came back he said, "Apparently your friend is too drunk."
I looked down the street at my companion who was standing, smoking a cigarette & playing with his iPhone quietly. "Him?" I said, "He said that that guy over there was too drunk & that's why you're not letting me in?"
"Yes." he said.
"That's funny b/c the bouncer told ME I was too drunk to go back in. Regardless, does he look drunk to you?"
"No."
"So explain to me why we can't go back in?"
"I'm really sorry, you can ask my boss to over rule him," bouncer #2 said.
At this point I was just done. "No, that's okay," I said, "We're just going to leave, I'll just tell my editor what happened so she knows why I couldn't review the show. I would like to go in to get my jacket & the camera I left with my friend so he could take pictures of the show."
"I can't let you do that," bouncer #2 said.
"What, even if you watch me?" I was perplexed, "I'm just going to go up to him say goodbye, get my stuff then come right back out. He's not that far from the door."
"No, but I can go in to find him."
I just stood there & stared at him like he was speaking French or something. He could leave the door, go find my friend and get my stuff; but, he couldn't let me do it myself? WTF?!?
I said okay then told him what his name was, what he looked like & where he was standing. I then stood back & waited while I told my companion what the deal was. My friend's boyfriend came out & I told him we were leaving, could he apologize to performing friend. He said "Sure, are you okay?"
Pissed, yes; but, okay.
He gave me my camera back & said that he'd set my sweater down inside but someone took it (damn it I was COLD.) Companion & I grabbed a cab to head back to his place. I texted my performing friend (who both I & her boyfriend missed performing b/c of this shit) to say "Can't get back in, sorry."
About an hour later she texted me "Why?"
"Don't know." I texted back from my companion's back porch. She texted me back at 2am, "Apparently you were too drunk, boo boo."
Um. No I wasn't. But, OKAY, now I'm known to one of my BFFs as the friend go got thrown out of DNA for being a lush. I've never been axed from a bar before, there's a first time for everything... But, I'm not heading back to DNA soon as they fucked my story, took my $15 for the show & caused my sista from anotha motha's boyfriend to miss her show b/c of it. L-A-M-
The DNA security staff wins 100 Internets!
Esmerelda, Queen of the Gypsy Sockpuppets
Pssst! Want to hear a secret? Would you believe that Kate has a hidden identity? A SEXY hidden identity? Where she writes about sexy sex and sexual sexing? Where her ridiculous pseudonym is "Esmerelda Smith?" I suppose her nomme de plume is intended to evoke sultry images of a dark-eyed and mysterious gypsy wench, but if it only brings to mind an ugly woman shaped like a bag of wet laundry then you're actually much closer to the truth.
In any case, good old Esmerelda was created to write a sex and relationships column over at Bitchbuzz.com. The awful truth is that she's actually quite knowledgeable about sex, in spite of or maybe because of her extreme physical unloveliness. Yes, she does troll for random sexual partners on Craigslist, where she has her pick of the adult babies and weirdos who email dong pictures to over 9000 women daily. She even puts herself on webcam plumbing the scurvy depths for the depraved enjoyment of complete strangers. For an intimate vision of this beast sweating and grunting in porcine abandon, get on over to Adult Friend Finder and lie about being STD negative.
Kate Kotler is to Esmerelda Smith as Clark Kent is to Superman, in the sense that each of their disguises couldn't reasonably be expected to fool anyone. They both write shitty columns (for free) for the same shitty feminist journal, and the same unmistakably shitty writing style is used in each. It took all of ten seconds for the connection to be made and the mockery to begin. She denied everything vigorously, swearing up and down that Pinocchio's kind fairy had turned her sockpuppet into a real person. She eventually admitted the ugly truth, drumming up zero support with an extremely dramatic essay entitled "On being outed: I am not ashamed." Whether she should be ashamed or not is best left for you, the reader, to decide. Enjoy the following salacious tidbits.
- Kate "really really really REALLY like[s] being dominated in the bedroom," and greatly enjoys being "hit on the ass or cheek with an open palm, but do[es] not like being hit with objects." How about with a filing cabinet loaded with rocks and dog shit?
- Abuse of prescription Xanax has rendered her incapable of orgasm, unless some poor bastard subjects himself to "about an hour of foreplay and another hour of intercourse." Holy fuck! I can't imagine a more unpleasant way to spend two hours.
- Notable amidst her "extensive vibrator collection" are the Jimmy Jane Form 6 ($185), Lelo Lilly ($129), and Rabbit Pearl ($78). While I trust that these truly represent the pinnacle of pussy-pounding dildonic technology, let me just say what the fuck. She crams her snatch full of way more high-tech electronics than you'd expect in someone who's always bitching about how broke she is.
- "I, in fact, am a very sexy girl. Clearly. I am not ever lacking for male (and sometimes female) attention." Look at these pictures of her. Just look. Who is she really trying to fool here? Herself, I assume.
Esmerelda Smith goes on to have lots of made-up adventures with pirate captains, venture capitalists, big game hunters, and a mish-mash of other tropes of the romance novel. All this is pretty much par for the course, but where Kate really goes off track is with her outrageous cockpuppetry. You're supposed to use your socks to attack your enemies and back up your own arguments, but she just uses hers to have public conversations with herself. Whenever one of them posts an article on Bitchbuzz, the other shows up to compliment the writer on a job well done. The writer thanks the commenter for her kind words, and they go back and forth in a bizarre display of sockpuppetry at its most pathetic. Since her imaginary friend lives in Chicago, she has to pretend to travel to San Francisco to review shit like the Folsom Street Fair. In the meantime, Kate blogs about how her good buddy Esmerelda is coming to town, and how much they've been looking forward to spending quality time together. Fucking pathological. Considering that her editors are well aware the two are one and the same, we can only speculate on whether that knowlege influenced their decision to fire Esmerelda's fat, fictional ass. The final word on sucking is when a struggling, second-rate website no longer allows you to work for free. Ouch.
See Also
- Violet Blue's page on ED
External Links
- adorkablegrrl's blog
- lulzy photos of a creature pretty fucking far from "adorable"
- her Friendster profile
- her phony opinion column
- her nasty foray into pornography
- her OkCupid profile and journal
- Kate's facebook page
- Did you know? Kate cares about tomato rights
- Kate is also on imdb because she was in this movie
- She's apparently starving too?
- the online article she wrote after she got 'butthurt' from some trolls.
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