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Austria
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It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Australia. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
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It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Germany. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
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It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Hungary. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
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It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Italy. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
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This article needs a serious clean up
Somebody should do something about it. |
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Austria is the capital of Germany and the only part of Germany where literacy is pervasive. The name "Austria" is the Latinisation of "Österreich", with "Öster" meaning "Eastern" and "Reich" meaning "Evil Nazi Empire". The Germans decided to give its Capital City the name of their country because only Austrians knew how to read. All Germans leaders in every field are always without exception Austrian.
Relying on Westerners' innate inability to get hold of a map, the sneaky Austrians confuse us saying they are 17 democratic separate countries, when in reality it is a Centralized Monarchy spanning from Hamburg to the confines of the Carpathian Mountains and beyond. The North-Western third of Austria is in Europe.
Austria has many institutions of higher learning.
In 2001, upon some stupid missunderstanding, Austria attacked America for the third time in less than 90 years. The operation consisted of taking some subjects to the Austrian crown from the Bosnian Province, training them in their Hamburg province and going all kamikaze style like thy did with the Lusitania years ago. Since the Austrian Imperial Crown has always and invariably been controlled by the Jews (who live in Vienna, the ghetto hood of the city where you score MDMA) this even further proves that the Jews are responsible for 9/11
Austria is the most evil awesome Nazi country in the world, seconded by its own provinces, and their national pastime entails training anti-Semitic Jews to take over and create a Germanic world. As planned Austria has now set their sights on the US, with their new version of deranged storm trooper Arnie, which according to Austrian technicians and watchmakers will be complete by 2012.
Synergetically, the Jews, who control Hollywood, have been seemingly very eager to turn him into a big star.
Austrian plans for Global Germanic Domination are founded on their deep rooted Paranoia:
History
Throughout much of history, the great Austrian Empire was the most powerful country in Europe (despite being almost wiped out by the Turks few times), having pwned the Bohemians, the Poles, the Croats, the Moravians, the Slovenes, the Hungarians (after being separated from Austria), the Other-garians, and many more. This status quo was destroyed in the year 1914 when a young aspiring Indie rock artist named Gavrilo Princip was kicked out of the band Franz Ferdinand. In a fit of angst, Princip assassinated his fellow band members, thus precipitating World War I and World War II. During this period, Austria also became romantically entangled with its homosexual neighbor Germany and in 1938, the two wed in an "Anschluss" (German for "civil union"). However, the Pope (a strong opponent of gay marriage) became enraged by this and immediately sent the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, and United States, to defeat and punish Germany and Austria for their sins of the heart.
Nevertheless, the Nazis would still have the last laugh when, in 2000, they seized power of the Austrian parliament in a bloody coup d'etat that killed many. Until 2002, Austria was ruled by Führer Jörg Haider, until he got pwned by the Christian Conservatives under the evil dwarf Dr. Wolfgang Schüssel.
Later, in 2005, Haider's Freedom Party (FPÖ) was struck by drama. He fell out of love with his gay lover Heinz-Christian Strache, so they divorced, resulting in two equally shitty parties; Haider formed the BZÖ, and Strache kept the FPÖ. Only three years later, Jörg Haider had his last lulz by drunk-driving his car into a pillar after he visited a rent-boy raffle (nobody won Haider). Investigators found that autofellatio while driving was the main cause for the accident, due to stick-shift driving issues (automatic gearboxes are unpopular in Austria, called "unphallic"). Since the accident, at least 100% of the Austrians treat Haider as the next Führer who, just like the original died a dramatic death. Haiders haunted soul is said to spook around in Viennese gay bars, making the darkroom experience of local homosexuals all the more erotic and enjoyable.
Culture
Despite the long association with fascists, Austria is a major center of drama. The capital of Vienna, especially, has been home to many artsy fags, such as musicians (Mozart, Haydn, Schubert) and painters (Klimt, Hundertwasser, Hitler).
Aside from the arts, Austria is also well-known for its obsession with sex. In fact, all Austrians are complete sex addicts. This is illustrated in Freud's theory of psychosexual development of children, and highlighted by the fact that 90% of Austria's food supply consists of Vienna sausages. Austrians have even gone to the point of naming a city after sexual intercourse.
Austrians like all kinds of Knödels, no matter if they are sweet, salty or sour. There are Marillenknödel(= Peach Knödels), Speckknödel(= Ham Knödels) and Käseknödel(= Cheese Knödels), not to forget Leberknödel(=Liver Knödels) and Germ-Knödels being the "gelée royale" for breeding the new and powerful Hitler 2.0.. Some argue that the testicle-like shape improves the rate of breeding a Führer.
The national anthem of Austria is a corny song called Edelweiss. Edelweiss is a plant from somewhere in the Alps that is proven to be the most powerful aphrodisiac in the world. It was used by Emperor Francis I, who had at least 16 children with Empress Maria Theresa.
Though currently subject to international condemnation, the imprisonment and rape of family members is a long-celebrated Austrian pastime, believed to have its roots in the early Middle Ages, when local lords would lock up their daughters in underground basement complexes - complete with electronically sealed doors - in order to father as many children as their shriveled members would permit.[1]
Austrian army
Austria lost two world wars and has been pouting ever since. Today Austria is a neutral country, limiting its defense forces to border patrol activities, called "manhunts", or, "nigger-safaris". Illegal immigrants apprehended at the border are subject to rape and cannibalism, usually in this order.
Since the monarchy, when Transylvania was part of the Habsburg empire, Austrians are obsessed with vampires. That's why Austrian recruits are required to rasp their fangs pointy for "psychological warfare". What's also required for recruits "serving" in the Austrian army is providing ass to superiors for buttsex, but this clause is rarely invoked -- all cadre personell is impotent from chronic alcoholism. (You can't make this shit up.)
Languages
Although Australian is widely spoken, the official language of Austria is, in fact, Austrian. The Nazis have often attempted to claim Austria's language as German, but their lies were finally exposed by President Barack Obama in April 2009, when Obama spoke at length about the Austrian language (admitting, however, that he still has to learn it.) "Kenyan Lessons in the Austrian Language"
Sports
Austria pwns at skiing, and completely fails at everything else. The fact that Austrian sport reporters still cite a single soccer game Austria won by accident) as the greatest moment in Austria's Australia's soccer history is pathetic, especially for a non-American team.
Austria is also venue of the upcoming UEFA European Football Championship (Of Fail)
Another well known Austrian passtime: ARAA (Abduction Rape Assault and Abuse), has been discovered recently. Nearly every Austrian plays this game regularly in their basement, with Elisabeth Fritzl and Natascha Kampusch being willing participants. Dont forget the Linz sisters who rated their ARAA experience as awesome!
Moar info: Josef Fritzl.
List of Austrians Australians
- Marie Antoinette (Queen, French Destroyer, Cake Master)
- Edward (cult leader)
fo0bar- Sigmund Freud (psychiatrist, pedophile, an hero)
Josef Fritzl (a creator of incest and drama)(Not to be confused with Australia)- Adolf Hitler (painter, writer, sex symbol and an hero to the German nation)
- Jörg Haider (Hitler's reincarnation, emo fag)
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (german composer, child prodigy)
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (body building cyborg, currently king of California)
- Toumal, administrator of Yiffstar and all around faggot.
- Ötzi the Iceman
