Afghanistan

KNELT TO THE TALIBAN GIGACHAD

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2000 YEARS UNDEFEATED

The Occupied Islamic State Glorious Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan, also known as "Jihadistan" or "Talibanistan", has been home to drugs, conflicts, dirty terrorists, much Muslim drama, devoid morality, and a fat-ass US invasion force LOL DEFEATED! This country is inhabited by uneducated goat-fucking husbandmen, Islamic extremists, and human penguins.

Afghanistan is also known as the "graveyard of empires", America being its latest victim. Various empires throughout history have been unable to defeat these illiterate goat herders such as the Mongols, the Bongs, and the Russians.

The official currency unit is the goat, one goat being convertible into one six-year-old child bride on the open market.

History

Kabul, Afghanistan's largest city.

Despite being named Afghanistan, Afghanistan is the home of the Pashtuns, also known as barbarian nazis 卐. Afghanistan was created by the ejaculation of Bill Nye (as he whacked off to the remembrance of the time he nailed Soledad O'Brien) that landed on an unknown dry mildew growing on donkey shit. Throughout most of Afghanistan's history, it's been called "that other piece of shit between Persia and India." When Russian and British Imperialism hit Central Asia (the Great Game), the whole place became United Kingdom's bitch. However, Afghanistan was the only country that pwned the British invaders and every other empire that has attempted to rape them except the U.S./Canada but the only reason why they didn't is because they used them to kick out Osama bin Laden and friends No. After that, they plan on turning back into what they were before; a narco-terrorist shithole who's only contribution to the world is decent heroin, innovations in buttrape, and lousy taxi drivers. A country that, if it weren't for everyone carrying an AK-47, would look very much like it did in the 12th century.

Afghanistan is also home of the true and real Aryans, not the trailer trash white people you see in North America or the cavebitch skinhead wannabes in Europe. Afghanistan was also known as Aryana, a state of Persia before they separated due to religion and Arabs raping them in the ass. The true Aryans are the Pashtuns and Tajiks, but the Mongolian left overs called "Hazaras" are common chinks with a little bit of 'other' raped into their genome. Recently they have been enjoying freedom from their former Pashtun masters who enslaved them.

In recent history, Osama Bin Laden fell in love with the country and took it over with his Taliban. In August 2001 the Afghan Army was planning to attack the US with its mujaheddin, but it failed hard. One month later they blew up the World Trade Center (everyone knows Jews did WTC, not sandniggers). Butthurt, the U.S. declared war on Afghanistan. After years of looking for Bin Laden the Americans got tired but remained "devoted" to the cause by leaving the Canadian army in charge. The Canadians have since then installed peace and order and rule over the country from their dark and untakeable fortress in Kandahar Airbase, where they enjoy playing cards, torturing prisoners and playing hockey.

Since there are no telephones or internets in Afghanistan, most people rely on smoke signals for communications. Families that are rich enough have a donkey or flying carpet to visit family across the country. But since one place in this shitty country is as bad as any other, not much travel takes place.

Let's recap:

1. Nothing happens
2. Nothing happens
3. Nothing happens
4. Arab goat fuckers forcefully convert them to islam then in turn these sandniggers raeped their indian counter parts
5. Nothing happens
6. Nothing happens
7. Nothing happen
8. British come
9. ONE British leaves (Seriously!) (+16,500 killed or wounded [1])
10. British come
11. British leave (+1,630 killed or wounded [2])
12. British come
13. British leave (+1,751 killed or wounded [3])
14. Afghanistan is a monarchy
15. Afghanistan goes atheist/communist
16. Pashtuns get butthurt
17. Mujaheddin forms with US help to fight communism
18. Soviets come
19. Soviets leave (+67,000 killed or wounded [4])
20. Kabul falls to the Mujaheddin. A Pashtun and a Hazara get butt hurt and fighting ensues.(90% of the population in Kabul die).
21. Mujaheddin become Taliban to fight Western influence
22. Taliban start leading country according to Islamic law
23. Americans come in, kill current leaders and appoint a puppet president
24. But in order to make the puppet legal, they stage an election and he wins with 55%.
25. Next election noone who voted before shows up, quarter of all votes get discarded, millions of votes get added, ballot box intimidation... and the puppet wins with 90%
26. But in order to make it seem more legitimate, there is a reelection... in which the opponent is forced to back out
27. US loses massive amounts of money by first funding the terrorists and then fighting them
28. Taliban pyrrhic victory
29. ????
30. Profit! (for the jews)

Where is the fucking profit?

Demographics

Afghan jailbait

Afghanistan contains about 29.8 million people with beards and diapers on their heads, and a few confused lost wiggers. The women all have to wear oversized binbags, although whether this is due to the vaginaphobic attitude of the populace or the general fugliness of the women is debated. According to Godwin's Law, Afghanistan is the origin of the Aryan race, as proved by this one little white girl from Afghanistan. Historically, the Aryans invaded early civilization on the Indus Valley and asspwned the dark skinned yet ironically more intelligent inhabitants, giving them the Vedas and the Indo-European influenced language. If you are wondering why, if those dark skinned people were so intelligent, they got utterly pwned; shut up you racist.

Geography

The terrain of the country is highly unknown as the natives turn into werewolves at night and raep outsiders in the ass.

A rape survivor described Afghani terrain as:

• Dirt
• Caves
• Dirt
• More dirt
• Your Mom
• Rape
• Opium fields
• Blown up Humvees MRAPs
• Dead Marines
• Caves
• Dead Talibans
• Dead Talibans in caves
• Burned out Humvees
• Mass graves
• Over 9,000 at least 100 years old Soviet tanks
• Caves
• Landmines
• Caves
• Even moar dirt

More Afgan jailbait

Leaders

The only known leader of Afghanistan that was known until now was Osama Bin Laden, who is most known for being a local and American hero and humanitarian. In 2001, he was agonizingly framed for masterminding 9/11. Laden was later ruthlessly murdered in the attack of the Jews as he tried to save his fellow humans from the evils of western imperialism. When his death was confirmed, the country bowed down to the Canadian lead invader forces. Since then, the provisional dark emperor claimed the country in the name of Jewry.

Afghans? in my internets?

Sexy Ladies!

A Taliban activist found on Stickam.

It's more likely than you think. Just look at the following websites taken over by the Afghans. They all redirect to some low budget Persian Afghani music videos. It may be many different videos, or all the same one. We really can't tell. Behold the fearmsome soldiers of the taliban.

• http://www.futabachannel.com
• http://www.futabachannel.net
• http://www.futabachannel.org
• http://www.tokyohood.com
• http://www.sexymuch.com
• http://www.vandalize.us
• http://www.killthisfaggot.com
• http://www.newfag.net
• http://www.newfag.org
• http://www.iccfunds.com
• http://www.nexwiki.com
• http://www.nexwiki.org
• http://www.dollarmuch.com

Add more if you see any. We don't know whats going on but it is pretty scary.

Occupied by the Taliban

As of 2021, after the withdrawal of U.S. forces, the Taliban quickly planted flags in most major Afghan cities, as if waiting, and the capital, Kabul, was also at risk of being eaten. It is only a matter of time before Afghanistan becomes a Taliban-quasi-Islamic theocracy again, given the trend of Afghan leaders slowly leaving the country to run. Rip

Afghani Taliban copypasta

"What the fuck did you just fucking say about Allah, you little infidel? Ill have you know I finished top of my group in the Taliban training camp, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the US military, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in hostage taking and I'm the top terrorist in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another kafir. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on Allah’s Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of mujahedeen across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, infidel. The storm that wipes out the blasphemous little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be in the Centre of Mecca, during prayer time, and I can behead you in over seventy-two ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in suicide bombing, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Taliban and Al Qaeda and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of Allah’s creation, you infidel. If only you could have known what haram retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the jizyah, you Allahdamn idiot. I will shit His wrath all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, infidel."

Famous Afghan exports

Afghanistan is well known for its modern industrial and technological economy.

• The Afghan Hound
• The Afghan Coat
• The Afghan Whigs
• Afghan wigs
• Afghan Carpets
• The Afghan Afghani, the official currency of Afghanistan
• The Afghan Snowball [5]
• Afghan Goo
• Afghan Kalashnikovs
• Afghan Pipeline
• Afghan Tea-bag
• Afghani Sauna
• Afghanistan Skunk
• Afghanistan Haze
• Afghanistan Slurpee
• Afghanistanimation [6]
  
• The AK-47
• Dead American troops
• Opium
• Dead Hajjis
• Faggots in denial
• Human rights violations

How to Troll an Afghan

Really this not a hard task. Afghans (especially Pashtuns) are really fucking anal if you make fun of them.

1. If they hate Pakistan because they help the Taliban, just say how much Pakistan is far more superior than Afghanistan.
2. If they are Hazara, ask if they are from China or Japan.
3. If they are Pashtuns, say that they are really filthy Jews that were kicked out of Israel. Seriously it's true, just look at their noses.
4. Ask them if they have any connections with any opium farm growers.
5. Ask them if they're related to Omar Mateen.
6. Most Afghans are born out of incest so you should probably make fun of them for that, like "Your dad is also your grandpa, right?"
7. Bring up the fact that Afghans are terminally butt hurt when electing a winner for a presidential election.
8. If they are offended by someone making fun of Afghanistan, just show them this article.
9. If they believe the Afghan National Army is doing a good job, bring up what's happening in Northern Afghanistan. Especially the takeover of Kunduz by the Taliban.
10. If they talk shit about you behind your back when trying to be nice to them, which will happen 100% of the time, start a sexual rumor about them. Afghans do this all the time and they will be really paranoid.
11. Make fun of them for liking Bacha Bazi (basically boys dressed up in girls clothes dancing in front of men and then after they are done they get raped. NOT A FUCKING JOKE.) and call them a pedophile.

Gallery

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  moderate mudslimes
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See Also

• Asia
• China
• Iran
• Islam
• Pakistan
• Tajikistan
• Mujahideen Video
• Turkmenistan
• Uzbekistan
• Holland, their government fell because of Afghanistan debates.
• Kyrgyzstan