Environmentalism

Artist's render of the Environmentalist's Utopia. Notice the Human/Panda ratio and absence of minorities

Tree sexing is popular with environmentalists

Better known as the 21st Century's answer to Socialism, Environmentalism consists of a disease deliberately inflicted on retards by The Man for the purpose of depopulating poor places. While the former empashized on adoring the false idol of The State, Environmentalism consists of adoring the false idol of Pagan Goddess Mother Nature or GAIA. Despite all presumable out-comings, Environmentalism is affecting Heterosexuals as well.

Those who suffer from Environmentalism are called "environmentalists". The most notable symptoms of environmentalism are unwarranted Self-Importance, self-righteousness, a false sense of morality, disregard for human life, lack of reasoning ability, invisible eyebrows, and supporting idiotic politics, or at least saying they do.

Environmentalists are actually incapable of contributing anything to any cause they claim to support. That's why they instead try to prevent others from contributing to society. For example, they like to prevent cures for diseases from being invented by protesting animal testing. Considering Environmentalism is a mind-altering disease (much like Zombism), it makes sense that those infected with it will try to propagate the infection and prevent the development of a cure, much like how AIDS attacks the immune system.

Morbidity and Mortality

Epidemiological studies have concluded that this infectious disease is prone to occur next to large bodies of water, being endemic in both coasts but also in places like Ann Arbor, proving that it is not only salt water that enables it.

The only vaccine available is a large dose of Jesus' holymilk shot directly into the esophagus, which accounts for numbers of Conservatives that appear to be immune to the affliction. There is no cure for those already infected and should therefore be quarantined like they should have done with AIDS.

Symptoms include but are not limited to:

Vegetarianism
Composting
Sudden expertise in Climatology
Living in Oregon by choice
Being enrolled as a Democrat
A sudden urge to reduce the quality of life for those around you.
A Renewed appreciation towards your local community
The belief that cow farts are going to lead to the end of the world

The Environmentalist inflicts on himself and others numerous rituals and prohibitions that complicate life in iatrogenic manners. His or her attitude and impact towards every single material aspect of life can be better exemplified by 'Proper Bidet Etiquette'. Whereas a normal person would do the following:

Sit on the toilet, if a woman make sure it is a centipede-free toilet.
Shit
Check the consistency, color and general appeal of your deuce - if appropriate, smile in satisfaction
Move to the adjacent bidet
Turn on the anal fountain at a comfortable yet not too enticing temperature and sing happy b-day twice.
Take at least 24 squares of Toilet Paper and ply them until you form a giant disposable paper towel with volume big enough to isolate your hand (left if Muslim, tongue if German) from your anus
PROFIT!!! dry and clean

An environmentalist would instead use a reusable fiber towel without shedding a tear for either the deprived black person that toil in the cotton fields nor for the topsoil erosion caused by healthy tree plantations converted into monoculture cotton fields to feed the demand for reusable towels.