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Michael Moore
Michael Moore is a professional leftard and a fat Socialist puppet who directs shitty documentaries about how America is bad. He also writes vapid books that appeal mostly to first year college students, self-hating whites, and even more self-hating liberals.
Moore is the patron saint of liberals and is reviled by TV's conservatives talking heads, all of whom take him seriously and get outraged by him.
He is best known for his films about school shootings, health care and George Bush. Moore presents himself as a working-class hero, despite the fact that his "job" consists primarily of telling the camera and sound guys when to start and stop filming.
Common, everyday, average man that he is, Moore splits his time between his multi-million dollar apartment in Manhattan, his South Carolina beachfront property, and Jenny Craig. Like every other working parent, he sends his stepdaughter to a private school, in one of the whitest school districts in America. He has admitted that he did not have sexual intercourse with a woman until he was 34.
Film and Television Career
Micahel Moore has had a long and successful career turning a profit for the evil corporations, by railing against the evil corporations old media. All these movies are shitty documentaries in which Moore uses one camera, one sound guy, and forty editors.
- Roger & Me - A movie about how General Motors hates America by not continuing to throw money into the miry slough that is Detroit. This film is a shockingly graphic expose of the uncaring corporate world, distributed by corporate film studio Warner Bros.
- TV Nation - A short-lived television show about how corporations hate America, which was broadcast on corporate network NBC. Canceled because nobody cares.
- Canadian Bacon - See also: Anti-lulz
- Downsize This! - A book written about corporations and about how OJ is guilty and not guilty Also includes a footnote or two about how big book publishers hate America, published by corporate-owned Pan Books.
- The Awful Truth - Another shitty TV show based on Michel Moore's love of America, broadcast on the best, corporate-owned basic cable channel, Bravo.
- The Big One -Basically just a re-hash of all the shit he had been saying in all his published media prior to the film's release.
- Stupid White Men - Moore's second book about how white people are stupid. It can be noted that he is an expert on the subject matter.
- Bowling for Columbine - Moore's movie about Columbine. Features a lot of bowling, ranting about the fear-culture inflicted on Americans, a bank that gives you a free gun if you make a large loan and getting a single store to stop selling ammo for handguns and "assault weapons" (whatever those might be).
- Dude, Where's My Food? - A published copy of Moore's food diary from age 13, on. Despite the title of the book, Moore knows exactly where his food is, at all times.
- Fahrenheit 9/11 - Moore's movie about Iraq, and how George Bush caused the war for money and how he was responsible for WTC. Slightly modified from the name of Ray Bradbury's most famous book, the title is accompanied by the stupid tagline, "The temperature where freedom burns!".
- Sicko - Moore whining about how France, Canada, the United Kingdom and Cuba (srsly) all have great healthcare when compared to the U.S.A.
- Capitalism: A LOVE STORY - Moore's latest film about why the United States fail at capitalism and why people that like capitalism hate you. Please do not watch this film. In the film, Michael Moore repeats how evil capitalism is, even though he himself owns a mansion and has made millions off his shitty films.
Videos
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Near-Death Experience
Michael Moore, the infamous documentarian behind Fahrenheit 9/11 and Sicko, died today at 1:37 pm. He was 55 years old. Witnesses say he was on a toilet at a neighborhood Arby's at the time of his demise. Paul Rockford, one of the men who bravely tried to assist Mr. Moore, recounts the incident:
"I was sitting at a booth with my kids when I heard this awful noise. At first I thought it was a feral pig squealing outside the restaurant, but then I then I heard it shouting obscenities. I told the kids to wait and I got up and knocked on the bathroom door. I asked if he needed help, and he shouted, 'God dammit, call a fuckin' ambulance, you cock-sucker! MOAR COCK PLZ K THNX, I'm dying in here! FUCK!"
Arby's Manager Raymond Soto quickly unlocked the restroom door and both men rushed to Moore's aid. Mr. Soto describes the situation:
"A large man came in earlier and ordered enough food to feed a starving Ethiopian village: About forty-two cherry pies, a 28oz steak, an ice-cold glass of mayonnaise, jalapeno poppers, a gallon of whole chocolate milk, and a colander full of onion rings. My staff tells me he was consuming a large kielbasa sausage he had brought from home, when he shit himself and ran to the bathroom. When the shouting started, I opened the restroom door and found him [...] on top of the toilet seat vomiting pure human body fat.
Mr. Soto declined to state why Moore wasn't at McDonalds that day. Both witnesses say Moore was straining himself to exhaustion when he collapsed. Authorities found him "sunny-side down" in front of the toilet. The few remaining guests had to be evacuated due to smell of shit and assburgers and to preserve the erotic scent of the scene. Investigators found a large, half-eaten sandwich by the bowl. "He must have brought it in with him", says Detective Mathew Rowsey. Police do not suspect foul play at this time, but "investigations will continue." This report was retracted shortly after when it was learned that Moore was allegedly revived by paramedics on his way to the local equine hospital
RETRACTION (6/29/2009)
Yesterday it was erroneously reported by The Michigan Standard that filmmaker Michael Moore had died from his stomach's weight when he rolled onto his back collapsing his lungs. Moore was revived on route to Grand Traverse Veterinary Hospital (They needed hippo sized gurneys and a flatbed). Paramedics say Moore was actually "quite alive" and reminded them of it "loudly and frequently” the entire drive (primarily by asking for sammiches). Doctors say Mr. Moore had suffered a heart attack while trying desperately to simultaneously move a large shit through his asshole and deep-fry his dog. His bowels became severely impacted and required surgery to remove the obstruction. After surgery, nurses say Moore was in good spirits and requested the sandwich he had left in the restroom where he collapsed.
The Michigan Standard apologizes for any stress yesterday's report may have caused Moore's family.
In either case, the world kept turning as usual due to his fat ass' gravitational pull. If only he would have died. Then we wouldn't have this shit. Woe is me.
Friend of the Trolls
Even the briefest mention of Moore's name in any internet political debate will generate mass lulz, fighting, ranting and everything else that you might expect to see in an online political forum. Bloggers who accused the Bush administration of trying to "silence" them were blissfully unaware that he allowed Moore to call him a mass-murderer on theater screens nation-wide like 5 times.
Moore is also bed buddies with TV jew Sacha Baron Cohen.
Gallery
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Michael Moore is part of a series on Fox News [Over To You] |
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Michael Moore is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
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Michael Moore is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |