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National Security Agency
From Encyclopedia Dramatica
This is an old revision of this page, as edited by imported>AlGore at 19:09, 21 September 2016. It may differ significantly from the current revision.
The National Faggot Agency is like a giant tapeworm up the ass of your privacy. Since 1952 this seekkret agency, so seekkret its giant headquarters at Fort Meade wasn't even listed on road maps (until Bamford's book The Puzzle Palace came out in 1982, maps called it the "Bureau Of Public Roads", totally not kidding), has been gnawing on your manjunks and raeping your hot biatches while tapping your phones and watching your internet gay porn habits. Becuz SECURITY. Becuz YOU ARE SECURE NOW CUNTFACE. FEEL SECURE, CITIZEN.
The best part is that after 50+ years of assfucking privacy and shitting on the Constitution, it took only one guy to ruin their cock playtime and golden showers. The butthurt still makes the feels all over Washington.
No one gives a shit about the NSA's history, except paranoiacs and muffdivers. It's at least as insane as the CIA's history, and a lot gayer.
They suck the giant black cocks in Fort Meade!You can't send mail directly to them but they have a spesshul mail address for gay fisting videos. Send them something so they don't feel lonely.
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The NSA headquarters was built at a cost of $30,000,000 and was opened in 1957. It contains a complete hospital, with operating rooms and dental offices. It also houses eight snack bars, a cafeteria, an auditorium and a bank. All of the building's windows are sealed and none can be opened.
Comparable precautions have been taken with NSA employees. They are subject to lie-detector tests on application and intensive security indoctrination on acceptance. Periodically, the indoctrination briefing is repeated and employees are required to sign statements that they have reread pertinent secrecy regulations. Even so, the NSA has had more than its share of trouble with security violations. In 1960 two young mathematicians, William H. Martin and Bernon F. Mitchell, defected to Russia. They held a news conference in Moscow, describing in detail the inner workings of the NSA. They were soon discovered to be homosexuals, a fact which led indirectly to the resignation of the NSA's personnel director, and the firing of twenty-six other employees for sexual deviation.
They have all kinds of "supporters", every one of them bitches and hoes.
What they do
They sell rubber pussies to pussies like you. They run more faggy supercomputers than all the universities on earth, to crack encrypted messages (which usually fails because modern encryption is extremely difficult to break). They suck down $60 billion a year of YOUR TAX MONEY and make it simply disappear. FEEL SECURE, CITIZEN. You ungrateful dickslime.
Every time the IT industry tries to devise a new encryption standard, the NSA shitweasels its way in and inserts backdoors so they can read everything. Then the IT pussymunchers say "no, we aren't going to use that shit" and the NSA goes all waah-fag.
They laugh at your "privacy". Mockery occurs. And when caught, they lie and lie some more. Even the Congresscritters who are supposed to "oversee" this turd party aren't doing their jobs.
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The documents, provided earlier this summer to The Washington Post by former NSA contractor Edward Snowden, include a level of detail and analysis that is not routinely shared with Congress or the special court that oversees surveillance. In one of the documents, agency personnel are instructed to remove details and substitute more generic language in reports to the Justice Department and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence.
In one instance, the NSA decided that it need not report the unintended surveillance of Americans. A notable example in 2008 was the interception of a “large number” of calls placed from Washington when a programming error confused the U.S. area code 202 for 20, the international dialing code for Egypt, according to a “quality assurance” review that was not distributed to the NSA’s oversight staff.
Ex-NSA employees have also told the Wall Street Journal that they believe the code published by the Shadow Brokers to be “authentic.” These scraps of information raise the question of why the NSA had for years been sitting on vulnerabilities that affect widely used networking gear. They also suggest that the agency may have gone against White House policy on when it is reasonable to keep flaws secret.
The Cisco bugs were zero-day vulnerabilities, so called because they give the author of a piece of software zero days to identify and distribute a solution. Zero-days are valuable to criminals and spies because they can be used to break into systems undetected.
Organizations in the business of hacking, like the NSA, can secretly stockpile vulnerabilities to keep their operations stealthy. Critics of the NSA have accused it of weakening Internet security by hoarding zero-days and preventing companies from fixing their products.
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Snowden is teh ghey
NSA directors are required to dress like this
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They really hate Snowden. The NSA is clearly, madly, deeply furious at the man whose actions triggered the biggest crisis in its history. Even while contending they welcome the debate that now engages the nation, they say that they hate the way it was triggered. The NSA has an admittedly insular culture — the officials described it as almost like a family.... NSA officials are infuriated that all this havoc was caused by some random contractor. They suggest that had Snowden been familiar with the culture and the ethos of the agency, understood the level of training undergone by its employees, seen the level of regulations and oversight, he would have been less likely to abscond with all those documents. (Snowden’s interviews indicate otherwise.) Still, they are stunned that someone “inside the fence” would do what Snowden did. Even if Snowden is eventually pardoned, he’d do well to steer clear of Fort Meade.
“In a world where I would not be restricted from killing an American, I personally would go and kill him myself.”
“I would love to put a bullet in his head.”
“Most everyone I talk to says he needs to be tried and hung, forget the trial and just hang him.”
When it comes to Snowden, it seems that—much like domestic surveillance—NSA workers don't like to do things halfway. One Army intelligence officer provided this gem:
“I think if we had the chance, we would end it very quickly,” he said. “Just casually walking on the streets of Moscow, coming back from buying his groceries. Going back to his flat and he is casually poked by a passerby. He thinks nothing of it at the time starts to feel a little woozy and thinks it’s a parasite from the local water. He goes home very innocently and next thing you know he dies in the shower.”
