Lee Rigby

	“	I apologise that women had to witness this today, but in our land our women have to see the same.	„
	—Where're your lands, mate? Romford?

	“	You people will never be safe. Remove your governments, they don't care about you!	„
	—One of the attackers in this video. For some reason that's the only part of the clip ITV will air.

	“	You think David Cameron is going to get caught in the street when we start busting our guns? You think politicians are going to die? No, it's going to be the average guy, like you and your children. So get rid of them.	„
	—The rest of Michael Adeboloja's rant that ITV and the BBC both refuse to broadcast. You've got to admit, he kinda has a point.

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I go chop your head off.

On Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013 in sunny Londonistan, two fine upstanding gentlemen were driving along minding their own business when a British soldier named Lee Rigby launched a gruesome offensive on their completely innocent car by maniacally throwing himself at the front bumper. The aforementioned Muslim males were understandably went apeshit and took it upon themselves to hack, slash and decapitate the solider, rooting around his guts in broad daylight all in the glorious name of Allah.

After this relatively tame event occurred, the entire UK populace carefully stepped over to their information highway boxmotrons and politely typed into any social media they could find that all these filthy sand worshiping barbarians should stop beheading chaps in the street and bloody well bugger off.

The victim

Lee Rigby's awesome hat

Lee Rigby was a soldier for the Queen's army of baton twirlers. Rigby was on his way to the gay bathhouse, and thought the two men were driving toward him to pick him up for some afternoon buttsex. Little did he realize that they actually wanted head.

The attackers

Two exemplary Muslim men.

He's a big softie really.

Modern Woolwich.

The two men who attacked Rigby were two niggers called Michael 'Mujahid' Olumide Adebolajo and Michael Oluwatobi Adebowale. These men were welcomed into Londonistan with open arms by gulible poofsters who thought that giving a better life to nig-nogs was a dandy fine idea.

Londonistan

Woolwich is a suburb of London, so what better place to re-settle these two refugees than in a white suburb of welcoming white people! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

Homeland?

The upstanding young refugees described atrocities in their homeland as the reason for beheading young Lee Rigby. However, it is worth noting that in the now infamous clip that's doing the rounds on several news sites, where a blood-soaked Adebolajo addresses the public, he speaks with a clear Romford accent, meaning that rather than the Middle East, his homeland is actually Essex.

Videos

Immediately after carving up the Queen's private drummer, one of the niggers gave an interview to an enterprising YouTuber, still holding the weapons and drenched in Rigby's blood(Caught red-handed amiright??).

Michael Adebolajo addresses the Internet.

And now, a little mood music...

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Justice

WOOP! WOOP! DAT'S DA SOUNDA DA PO-LEEZ!!

Eventually, the po-po arrived on the scene. Unfortunately, however, they were about twenty minutes too late to actually do anything helpful, having been held up apprehending a frail and elderly woman who hadn't paid her television licence.

England is not known for having a lot of guns, but when it comes to shooting niggers, even the Brits like to have a little target practice. When the coppers arrived, Adebolajo charged straight at the police vehicles, a meat cleaver in each hand, acting like he was in God of War or some shit, and was quoted as saying, "Fite me 1v1 fagut, Ill rekk u, kunt!" before being cut down in a hail of bullets.

The other nigger attempted to shoot back at police, armed with a rusty old World War II-era service revolver, but apparently when the stupid faggot tried to fire it, the gun backfired and blew his thumb off.

Aftermath

Lots of hot bodied lads.

@EDFacepalm

The people of Britain were utterly disgusted by this display of barbarity, and promptly proceeded to write disgruntled letters to their local council members, urging them, in turn, to write disgruntled letters to their own superiors, and so on.

One group of individuals, however, was even more miffed than the general British public themselves; the Gay Cracker Association of Britain, also known as the English Defense League, was thoroughly peeved by the incident.

Gathering up all the titanium dildos that they could possibly carry in their anal cavities, they proceeded to band together at their local YMCA. Having engaged in a few hours of recreation, the EDL had made a decision: enough, was enough. They could no longer sit idly by and watch the United Kingdom fall victim to illiteracy and barbarism; it was time to stand up! They marched on Woolwich, putting the Mardi Gras to shame with their pride, and made sure their voices were heard, with a firebombing of a local mosque emphasizing their opposition to violence. Unfortunately, however, the march didn't last long before the EDL succumbed to a passionate game of "love truncheon" with the local police. A few of the hot bodied protesters gave in to their animal instincts and accompanied some police officers home that evening. Other than that, however, nothing happened.

Rank, Situation and Plot

Rank

After the Boston Marathon Bombing, two British terrorists realized that less really was moar when it came to terrorism. So, they decided to take out an infidel British soldier.

Situation

Everyone turned against the Muslims and felt sorry for the British Army, in other words an Epic Fail.

Plot

• Two black Muslims decide to run over and sacrifice a soldier to Satan aka Allah
• They run him down with a car and then proceed to butcher him and make him into a halal meal.
• However, the local police force gets there before they have time to cook the meal.

Who benefits?

• The British Army gains from a massive outpouring of public sympathy
• Nick Griffin
• The English Defense League
• the terrorists who gain more support from muslim populace alienated by the public backlash

See also

It's a fucking disgrace. They come over here, some of them don't even speak the language...

• Beheading video
• Islam
• BNP
• Apparently Woolwich is a hive of upstanding citizenry