FanFic Critic

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The FanFic Critic. Lock up your sons!

With artwork of this calibre, quality is assured.

Among the things that Doug Walker and his site, That Guy With The Glasses has to answer for, and there are many, it would seem that he is responsible, directly or indirectly, for the rise of the 'Internet critic' phenomenon.

Lulz historians have oft-noted that the JewTubes are clogged with a veritable stinking sewage backlog of aspiring video game reviewers and YouTube commentators – pudgy, dysfunctional aspie shut-ins who haven't spoken to a normal person in years and, forever ostracized from the adult world but nevertheless very passionate in their ill-thought out opinions about disposable pop culture bullshit that nobody else cares about, are trying (and failing) to carve a profitable little e-career for themselves in the open trench full of other unattractive neckbearded autists doing exactly the same thing and ruining the Internet in the process.

However, as Charles Darwin theorized and the later research of Jeff Goldblum proved – faggotry will find a way, and the latest evolutionary variation to drag its writhing, misshapen carcass from the primordial ooze that is YouTube is the concept of the Internet critic.

These are the bold young pioneers who, having seen all the success that Doug Walker has had with his character, the Nostalgia Critic (who is basically just a more abrasive version of Walker wearing a hat) and all the money that he's managed to make armed only with a camera, some video editing software, some VHS tapes of shitty old '90s kids films that nobody cares about and some very meagre comedic talent, shouted "Me too!" in a million nasal, whiny voices.

As well as giving these unemployable, unlikeable basement-dwellers a new hobby to fuck up the Internet with (as well as bronyism, weeabooery and the furry fandom), it has also fostered in them a delusional belief that, for some reason, merely by taking up the station of Internet critic they are henceforth immune to and above critique themselves. As a result of this, these self-proclaimed 'critics', despite being more than willing to share their vitriolic hatred of anything they deem as less than perfect in their sight, are more often than not among the most thin skinned people on the Internet.

There can be no better example of this sort of hypocrisy than one, Megan Wessels, or as she is better known on the Internet, The FanFic Critic.

Who Is The FanFic Critic?

Smug bitch is smug.

OH NOES! SHE'LL SAY MEAN THINGS ABOUT MAH CRACK PAIRING!

The FanFic Critic and Game Boob (David Savage)
Seperated at birth?

The FanFic Critic is a fugly, stringy-haired, bug-eyed spinster, the mere mention of whose name causes yaoi fangirls across the Internet to tremble and clutch their Kingdom Hearts mpreg fics to their breasts in a terrified hush.

As the toughest and, in her own words, the craziest critic in the world of cultured, highbrow literature that is fanfiction, the FanFic Critic has made quite a name for herself as a force to be reckoned with... Although quite why she felt there needed to be a serious critique given to fanfiction, of all things, is anybody's guess. At least the losers reviewing children's movies from the '80s and crappy old video games for obselete consoles nobody plays any more are typically reviewing what is supposed to be a professional product deemed ready for mass consumption. That's part of the humor and makes them even more deserving of ridicule.

Most fanfics, however, are written by neckbeards and teenage girls, often with one hand on the genitals and the other on the keyboard. Bad regular fanfics are typically written by young teens or mentally stunted autistic types making what the FanFic Critic does the equivalent of doing serious reviews of a kindergartner's art, pointing out shit like flawed perspective and bad anatomy.

Videos

It is assumed that the Fanfic Critic wanted to start a show wherein she would criticize the work of her fellow aspies so that she might look normal by way of comparison. This is something that she, of course, fails miserably at.

Because nothing says "I mean business" better than staring blankly into the middle distance.

The FanFic Critic's videos start with a long, boring, self-indulgent introduction sequence that sometimes takes up a good minute and a half, which shows the FanFic Critic wandering through the hallways of her sister's house as the theme music from Sweeney Todd (her favorite movie) plays in the background. It is thought that this segment is intended to make the FanFic Critic look creepy and deranged, but it fails in this. It does highlight what a fat ass she has, though.

The FanFic Critic reviews that most beloved of Internet classics, Sonic-Chew.

The FanFic Critic spergin' about Sonic.

Upon reading CP, FanFic Critic's first reaction is to be appalled by the spelling mistakes.

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After a brief intro, the FanFic Critic proceeds to read bad fanfiction chosen by herself and her subscribers verbatim and attempts to be witty as she offers her own criticism, pathetic attempts at sardonic humor and often very bad, inaccurate grammar advice, all the while blatantly ripping off the Nostalgia Critic (complete with an opening catchphrase of "Hello, I'm the FanFic Critic! I read it, you listen!" announced in exactly the same tone of voice as Walker's catchphrase, "Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic! I remember it so you don't have to!"). Just like her idol, Doug, she also wears a black blazer in her latest episodes.

While dramatic readings can be very entertaining if done correctly, FanFic Critic fails to put any emotion or life into her voice as she reads, droning on and on and on in a monotonous voice for what feels like forever. Episodes typically run somewhere within the forty minute mark, but have been known to last up to an hour. At no point does the FanFic Critic ever offer any actual, intelligent criticism beyond the most shallow, obvious observations. Actually reading the fanfiction she critiques is about a thousand times less excruciating and awkward than hearing her read it aloud, particularly if there is weird sex stuff involved (as there should be in all truly good fanfiction).

Better watch yourself or FanFic Critic'll slit your throat with her $9.99 aluminium prop replica.

Because serious and debilitating mental health disorders are the coolest thing ever, the FanFic Critic tries to cultivate an image of being a barely-restrained psychotic, frequently mugging the camera, gurning and making exaggerated 'ker-azy' faces. Sometimes she menacingly plays with a straight razor, presumably because Sweeney Todd had one and he's teh sexx. However, because, like most internet reviewers, she is an incredibly bad actress and because she is completely unable to emote through her eyes, her attempts to look sinister and intimidating instead have the complete opposite effect, making her look like a spastic.

To date, the FanFic Critic has produced ten series of her show and, at the present time, has over 1,000 subscribers on YouTube further proving the old adage that you can never go broke by appealing to the lowest common denominator. It is speculated by some that a significant percentage of the FanFic Critic's fanbase consists of the following two camps:

• Fanfiction writers cosying up to the FanFic Critic so that their crappy fanfics will be ignored.
• Fanfiction writers who use the FanFic Critic as a hired e-thug with which to attack the fanfiction of other writers that they have personal feuds with.

Given that the world of fanfiction is predominantly female dominated and how bitchy broads get over dumb shit like that, this doesn't seem too unlikely.

UPDATE: Since this article was first published on Encyclopedia Dramatica, the FanFic Critic has receieved a sharp and very sudden spike in popularity and now has over 1,900 subscribers. It seems likely that these two incidents are related.

Indeed, it has been noted that a similar sharp rise in subscribers occured previously on the FanFic Critic's YouTube channel after her review of Sonichu, leading some to believe that a third camp is now emerging among viewers of the FanFic Critic's videos - trolls and EDiots who have subscribed to watch the FanFic Critic swing around the monkey cage, shrieking and throwing her own feces.

Reaction Toward Criticism

FanFic Critic's face when criticism of any kind.

FanFic Critic responds to the trolls.

She plagiarizes it, so you don't have to!

Mortal minds cannot fathom how incredibly vast an understatement it would be to say that the FanFic Critic reacts poorly to criticism.

The FanFic Critic's message to the haters

The FanFic Critic runs afoul of the trolls.

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In an incredible and beautiful irony, the FanFic Critic, despite revelling in her status as a self-proclaimed 'critic' and being only too happy to point out the flaws and faults in everybody else, will not tolerate criticism of herself in any form, however minor, and has been known to block users from her channel at even the slightest implication that her output is less than perfect. She sees no difference between constructive criticism and trolling and has, on multiple occasions, blocked entirely innocent people on the assumption that they are trolls.

Because of her thin skin, lack of self-awareness and complete and total inability to laugh at herself, however, FanFic Critic is, ironically, extremely easy to troll.

Despite (or perhaps because of) her shameless misappropriation of the conventions of the Nostalgia Critic when creating her own original webshow, the FanFic Critic is fiercely protective of Doug Walker, Lindsay Ellis and the rest of the sperglords on That Guy With The Glasses.com and cannot stand to hear people voice negative opinions of them. As such, a very easy way to make an enemy of the FanFic Critic very quickly is to vocally dismiss the Nostalgia Critic and his retarded little circle-jerk as a shrieking, talentless, obnoxious and unfunny band of manchildren who should fuck off and get real jobs.

There is debate in troll circles as to whether this is blind, devoted fangirlism on her part or perhaps just a fool's hope that, if she sucks up to them enough for long enough and praises them loud enough in enough places, she'll finally be accepted as part of their gang and allowed her own place on their site.

In typical lolcow fashion, FanFic Critic feels the irrational need to always have the final word in an argument, perhaps in the belief that such behavior will convince onlookers that she was the one who won it. Because of this, in settings where she has no option or authority to block those with dissenting opinions, it is quite easy to draw her into long and often very amusing arguments which brilliantly showcase how truly unintelligent and ignorant she is.

• A blog entry by the FanFic Critic on 'anti-fanboys', in which she lets slip the fact that she has applied for and been rejected from That Guy With The Spergers several times.
• Another blog entry by the FanFic Critic, this time attacking Something Awful for daring to mock her and others like her in The Internet Critic Discussion Thread.

Personal Life

Two thumbs up!

A MySpace blog entry where FanFic Critic complains about not being treated an adult AND being expected to do yardwork.

FanFic Critic bitching about her shitty fast food job and how it's vitally important for the financial future of multinational fast food restaurants that they Jew you over when it comes to handing out sauce.

This is FanFic Critic's ex-boyfriend. I know, right? He's in his forties.

The FanFic Critic (or Megan, as she's known IRL) lives with her fat sister in Massachusetts (where Innsmouth is, which might go some way to explaining her odd, pale, bulging eyed appearance), although this is a fairly recent development and, previously she lived with her apparently quite overbearing parents and enjoyed a very sheltered existence. Indeed, in a few of her earlier videos, if you listen very closely, you can hear Megan's mom telling her to keep it down and be quiet on several occasions – truly, saying what we were all thinking.

Megan attended Monty Tech, a vocational school, from 2006 to 2008, meaning that she spent her last two years of high school doing work training, which usually indicates that a student cannot handle real high school level classes and has given up on any aspirations of going to college. After that, she attended Mount Wachusett Community College, where she went for a CADD degree, not unlike someone else we know. Perhaps surprisingly for someone who spends their time reading through fanfiction and screwing up her face when she thinks she's found a grammatical error, Megan has no English qualifications.

Despite being in her early twenties, Megan is aging very badly and looks as though she's in her mid-thirties. She is, by her own admission, still a virgin - as if this wasn't evident by several spurious claims made by her in her reviews (among them that penises do not throb, that four fingers cannot fit into a woman's vagina, and that it is impossible for a woman, however aroused she may be, to become 'sopping wet'). She apparently dated a guy for two years and has had a couple of e-romances, but they never really went anywhere - something we can take to mean 'I am frigid as fuck' – and likely spends her evenings alone in her room, fapping to Johnny Depp posters. FanFic Critic's exes include an autistic furfag and a fat, forty-plus faggot who plays with toys on YouTube.

Megan Wessels Trying To Smile... About missing Pics

• 
  Derrr...
• 
  Hurr durr...
• 
• 
  Nearly there!

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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She does not appear to be studying, in any sort of training or higher education and, instead, works a nametag job at the fast food restaurant, Wendy's (an establishment which seems to have some sort of sperg quota to fill, given that a couple of other high profile autists have worked there at some time or other) HA HA, BITCH GOT FIRED AND NOW SPENDS HER DAYS SLOBBING AROUND AT HOME, GETTING DRUNK, EATING TOO MUCH AND REBLOGGING LAME SHIT ON TUMBLR.

• The video where FanFic Critic admits that she's still a virgin.
• FanFic Critic on how her mom supervises her on the Internet and reads her private e-mails.

Todd666

Todd666's avatar (or FanFic Critic as she wishes she were IRL).

Like any good fanfic protagonist, the FanFic Critic has a dark and sordid past filled with all kinds of dirty secrets that she'd prefer to keep clandestine as their reveal could undermine the reputation she has worked so hard to create for herself.

In the FanFic Critic's case, her dark secret is Todd666, a user profile on Fanfiction.net, last updated on Christmas Eve, 2008, a year before the first episode of the FanFic Critic's webshow was first uploaded in June, 2009. This profile was created by the young Megan Wessels before she embarked down the dark path of fail and faggotry that lead to her rebirth as the FanFic Critic. Attributed to the Todd666 profile is a series of fifteen stories by Ms. Wessels, all of which are, yes, you guessed it, poorly written Sweeney Todd fanfiction, most of which have titles taken from Evanescense songs.

Now, let us apply the FanFic Critic's own standards of critique and examine her literary endeavors. Let us see what happens when Encyclopedia Dramatica attempts to out-FanFic Critic the FanFic Critic.

Characterization and Accuracy to the Source Material

An artist's impression of 'Sweenett'.

Ms. Wessels appears to ship the characters of Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett and most of her stories feature the 'Sweenett' tag - fans of the musical and fans of the film will note that this pairing is actually quite out of character and not at all accurate to the characterizations of the original story; Sweeney Todd, pining for his dead wife, Lucy, was, at best indifferent to the character of Mrs Lovett, viewing her as a convenient way to dispose of the bodies of his victims and little else. Much of the musical's comedy comes from the inappropriately positive and obliviously cheerful Mrs. Lovett pursuing Todd, while he, at best, tolerates her. Indeed, later on in the story, he even openly expresses disgust towards her and, when the true extent of her deception and manipulation of him is revealed, murders her by locking her in her own oven - quite a different outcome from the lovey-dovey romance that the FanFic Critic imagines. Also, OMFG SPOILERS.

Gentle reminder to Megan that this actually happened in the story and THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Lack of accuracy to the source material and the irony of somebody who bitches about out-of-character fanfiction actually writing out-of-character fanfiction notwithstanding, if one holds these stories up to a level of literary critique it really opens up a window into the mind of the author and it becomes obvious that, like many fanfiction writers (and a few hack professional ones) Megan Wessels appears to be living vicariously through the character of Mrs Lovett, imagining a perfect, whirlwind romance with a sexy, dangerous gothic bad boy who looks like Johnny Depp, but where everything is completely safe and on her terms. Observant anons noted that the URL of FanFic Critic's MySpace is lovett368, lending heavy credence to this theory.

Unfortunately for her, however, FanFic Critic is much more like the loopy old grandma interpretation of Mrs Lovett from the original 1979 Broadway musical than she's like the glamorous, gothic version played by Helena Bonham-Carter in the Tim Burton film.

Why exactly the FanFic Critic would feel such a strong connection to Mrs Lovett, a reprehensible, selfish and frankly rather pathetic character whose unrequited love for a man she could never have directly lead to the deaths of countless innocent people, which ultimately, she profited from is up for debate.

Most interestly, there is one story, Back to the Past!, an as-yet-unfinished story in which Megan Wessels herself actually enters the world of Sweeney Todd and wacky shenanigans ensue! This story has the distinction of being possibly even more self-indulgent than any of the others, as Megan's self-insert is in full obnoxious 'deadpan snarker' mode making pisspoor observational wisecracks about the actions of the cast that the author clearly thinks are incredibly clever and witty. At one point, Sweeney Todd (understandably) tires of her faggotry and explodes into a rage, something that, despite him being a dangerous mass murderer who has coldly slaughtered hundreds of people, Ms. Wessels informs us doesn't intimidate her in the slightest.

Sweeney Todd PMS-ing.

	“	"How much longer?" I ask after a while. Sweeney ignores me completely, no surprise. Mrs. Lovett turns slightly and mutters something along the lines of "We'll get there when we get there". Wow, these two would win awards for their "outstanding" people skills. We round a corner and find ourselves at the market. Finally! I see Sweeney turn and give me a hard look. Great, what did I do to piss him off now? Seriously, he's worse than a woman PMS-ing!	„
	—Yeah, them serial killers. What a bunch of drama queens!

	“	It's been Hell lately because of Sweeney's dumb mood swings. Whenever Mrs. Lovett or I try to talk to him in one of his moods, he bites our heads off. Mrs. Lovett usually flees immediately and I only flee after he pulls out his razor. He's worse than a woman P.M.S.-ing	„
	—If a joke didn't work first time, it's bound to work now!

	“	I do hope that Anthony shows up. If he doesn't within a few days, I'll most likely be dealing with a PMS-ing barber for the rest of the week!	„
	—Third time's a charm!

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Use of Language and Historical Accuracy

Possible inspiration for Todd666's Cockney characters?

As the story of Sweeney Todd is set in Victorian London, most of the characters have Cockney accents. The FanFic Critic represents this in her stories by having her characters speak in her idea of what a Cockney accent sounds like, a sort of hideous, warped and vaguely racist pidgin English that she spells out phonetically.

	“	It wos a simple day fer me, it wos.	„
	—Gor bloimey, Meary Poppins, love a duck and strike a light.

	“	"I 'aven't done tha' in years,"	„

	“	I'm happy t' see tha' 'e's happy.	„
	—Are there any Britfags reading this article who have any idea how the fuck this is supposed to be pronounced?

	“	'Ow would yeh like a lil' muff, dear?	„
	—An entirely accurate rendition of how Cockneys instigate coitus.

	“	"Are ye tryin' t' kill us, you big oaf?"	„
	—Ee, bah gum. There's trouble at t'mill. 'Ave you put t'corpses in t'pies, Mrs. Lovett?

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As we can see, much of this is wrong, even if she were attempting to write a Cockney accent phonetically. One of the quirks of the Cockney accent is the dropping of Hs from the beginning of words so, for example, the word should be ‘appy, not happy, suggesting that FanFic Critic has no idea of how the Cockney accent fits together.

If we were being generous (why?) we could say that, if anything, the accents in FanFic Critic's stories are actually closer to Scouse or even that of the stereotypical pirate, and sometimes even come close to sounding like Yorkshire, but are still nothing like Cockney. It is conceivable that FanFic Critic does not even realize that there are different regional British accents.

Her Cockney characters even THINK in Cockney accents (because if your accent means you rarely pronounce a letter, you'd spell and think without that letter too, right? I mean, not pronouncing every T in a word means you literally don't know what a T is, amirite?)

In addition, FanFic Critic does not appear to do any form of research regarding the time period she is writing about, as this exchange from her self-insert fic, Back to the Past! shows...

Athol, Massachusetts, yesterday.

Historical ignorance is no laughing matter.

	“	"Wot's it like in yer time, love?" Mrs. Lovett asks suddenly, putting her book down and turning her attention on me. "Well, it's not much different from this time when it comes to the economy. The stock market is in a recession. It's not only affecting the United States, either," I say as I stretch in my seat.	„
	—The FanFic Critic, telling someone from a time where families were so poor they sold their children into sex slavery or as expendable labor in workhouses, just how difficult it is living in New England, circa 2008.

Another good example of the FanFic Critic's ignorance regarding the time period she is writing about is her insistence that Sweeney Todd wears boxers. A massive anachronism, given that boxers didn't exist as a form of underwear until the 1940s. In the Victorian era, the time that her stories are set, men would've worn longjohns or possibly briefs and may even have gone commando in the earlier years of the time, since underwear is a Victorian invention. Women didn't even wear panties until the 1800s.

Which brings us to...

Erotica

A far more accurate representation of what it is like when Cockneys have sex.

Sadly, and frankly rather surprisingly, unlike certain other individuals there isn't a lot of lulzy porn in the FanFic Critic's writing. If her favorites on the Todd666 FanFiction.net account are anything to go by, however, she certainly does read a lot of porn (and seems to have a bit of an odd thing about spanking, btw), but sadly, her own canon has but two sex scenes, written in a very vague and non-descriptive manner. While uncomfortable to read, they aren’t terribly interesting or lulzy.

What is apparent after reading FanFic Critic's sex scenes, however, is that sexually, she is what the BDSM community would patronizingly refer to as 'vanilla' and what the rest of the world would describe as 'boring as fuck'. As has been mentioned before, she lives vicariously through her fanfiction via the character of Mrs Lovett and, being as she is still a virgin, given to childish romance novel daydreams of what her 'perfect first time' would be like, both of her sex scenes feature Mrs Lovett being sweeped off her feet 'bridal style' and taken gently and understandingly by a man who truly loves and cares about her. The fact that this same man is a serial killer appears to be immaterial.

	“	The barber made his way down her body, massaging and kissing her breasts and abdomen. When he got to his destination, his hands got to work. "Oh...! Bloody hell..." Mrs. Lovett sighed; Sweeney chuckled as he found another pleasure spot between her legs. He tickled her there, causing her to moan loudly with satisfaction.	„

	“	"Enjoying yourself, my love?" He asked, never breaking his concentration. "Y-yes," She sighed, barely audible. He smiled and came back up to her level, positioning himself. "Just to warn you, it hurts at first," he cautioned. When she nodded the go-ahead, he began to move in. God, it did hurt at first. However, when Sweeney started to go faster and harder, Mrs. Lovett could care less about the pain.	„

	“	"Oh, Mr. Todd...!" She moaned as he kissed her neck. She clung to him tightly as she thrusted back, going in rhythm. "Good... you're learning very well," He managed to say between thrusts and kisses. They were going really fast now, nearing their peaks. Mrs. Lovett's hands were tangled in Sweeney's already wild hair. She was kissing his neck harshly as he did the same. After a couple of minutes, it was over. Sweeney collapsed on top of Mrs. Lovett, both of them were breathing heavily. "That... was amazin', Mr. Todd," Mrs. Lovett whisper in his ear as they cuddled. "That was the point, my love..." He whispered, kissing her nose. Not long after, the two fell asleep in each other's arms. They were both in a state of serenity.	„
	—Virginity level - OFF THE CHARTS.

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With this in mind, it is interesting to note that the very first episode of the FanFic Critic featured the FanFic Critic reading Mrs Lovett's Lesson, a BDSM fapfic about Sweeney Todd and Mrs Lovett, featuring bondage, rape and sexualized murder.

The fic is actually pretty tame by the standards of the average EDiot, but it so rustled the FanFic Critic's jimmies to see the character of Mrs Lovett whom she has so much emotional investment in and whom she uses as her self-insert treated in this way. No, it would not do. Like Annie Wilkes in Stephen King's Misery, FanFic Critic would make them pay for murdering her favorite character.

And thus, a legend was born.

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Never mind that this particular fanfic was still much, much better written and more accurate to the source material than hers ever were.

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation

Considering that the FanFic Critic is only too happy to nitpick at other people's work and tear them a new one over minor grammatical and spelling errors, you would expect her own work to be completely free of any kind of mistakes of that sort, right?

	“	Curiosity didn't KILLED the Lovett	„
	—How do I structured sentence?

	“	"Want not, waist not," She says simply.	„
	—That should be 'waste', not waist. Also, you've got it the wrong way around - 'Waste not, want not.' Also also, that should technically be a lower case letter 's' on 'She'.

	“	Just because I start a new one doesn't mean I'm putting the others on haides.	„
	—Megan demonstrates that she's never actually seen the word 'hiatus' written down.

	“	When I first saw trailers for it, I didn't care much for the movie. When my sister gave me a taste of the sound-tract, however, that piqued my interests.	„
	—FanFic Critic became a fan of the musical, Sweeney Todd, after listening to it's sound-tract. Which is a bit like an intestinal tract, one imagines.

	“	Mrs. Lovett wasn't the one who lied about Lucy's supposive death.	„
	—'Supposive' isn't even a word!

	“	Mrs. Lovett roared as she charged at Sweeney, latching onto him with the grip of death. Sweeney struggled to get her off, his tempter nearing his boiling point.	„
	—That's a very Freudian way of spelling the word 'temper'. Also 'his boiling point' should, technically be 'its boiling point'.

	“	"There's no need to apologies, pet," Sweeney interrupts, "I'm not angry at you for putting your foot down. I have been being disrespectful to you lately and I came down here to apologies to you." Silence follows for a moment. Even I am shocked that he apologized!	„
	—FanFic Critic fucks up spelling the word 'apologize' twice, before inexplicably spelling 'apologized' correctly.

	“	"Are we standing near an open drench?"	„
	—It's trench, not drench. An open trench. There's no such thing as an 'open drench'.

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The FanFic Critic's favorite band.

There's also this, which isn't technically from one of her stories, being as it is from her profile page, but considering her massive overreaction to another fanfic writer forgetting to capitalize the letter 'i' in 'I' seems a glaring and egregious error.

	“	For music, I like Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi, Evanescence, Daughtry, David Cook, The Beadles, Pink, and The Fray.	„

Inteet, some have nodiced dhad dhe FanFic Cridic seems do have a real problem tifferendiading bedween Ds and Ts in her work, somedhing dhad even a small chilt can to! Whad dha fuck, Fanfic Cridic?

• Todd666 on Fanfiction.net

Feud with the BLACKbusterCritic, Racism and Getting Kicked Off of Media Slayer

FanFic Critic is a racist.

The FanFic Critic teaching us why you should always look before you leap.

Lester K. Fucknut puts the FanFic Critic in her place.

Despite her proclamations of humility, it's clear that FanFic Bitch didn't learn a fucking thing.

BBC's face when FanFic Critic got kicked off of Media Slayer.

On April 16th, 2012, FanFic Critic posted an entry to her blog on deviantArt attacking a fellow YouTuber with the word ‘critic’ in his name, entitled Idiots of the Internet: BLACKbusterCritic'.

BLACKbusterCritic found out and all hell broke loose...

FanFic Critic eventually accepted that she was talking shit and grudgingly apologized, but as soon as the BBC told her that she accepted her apology and the harsh light of scrutiny was turned away from her, she ran immediately to YouTube and thumbs upped and left supportive comments on every anti-BBC video she could find.

Which would've been fine, albeit extremely childish, had one of those videos not featured someone calling BLACKbusterCritic a nigger and saying he and his family should die. The original video has since been taken down for violation YouTube's rules regarding hate speech, but you can watch a mirror of the video in question here.

When this was pointed out to her, FanFic Critic attempted to save face by claiming that she hadn't watched the video all the way through before commenting, however given that the fat turd in the video starts throwing around racial slurs not even half a minute into it, this seems unlikely.

As a result of this whole lulzy drama, the good people at Media Slayer Productions, the site where FanFic Critic posted all her videos, turned against her and, quite rightly, sided with BLACKbusterCritic, resulting in FanFic Critic being given the boot from Media Slayer.

	“	The Blackbuster Critic has rightfully pointed out that the Fanfic Critic is a terrible critic who is also hypocritical. We happen to agree. And we also think she's a complete dipshit.	„
	—Regina Novakova

FanFic Critic has since become something of a figure of mockery on Media Slayer, where they've given her the affectionate nicknames of Vegan Missiles, Megan Weasels and, of course, Mudbutt Muhammad Assmad.

• The guys at Media Slayer, having a good laugh at FanFic Critic's expense.

The Net Dwellers and Manic Expression

Due to her lack of success in becoming a part of her idol, Doug Walker's That Guy With The Glasses circle-jerk (which is a bit like the retarded kids at school not letting you eat lunch with them) and after the debacle with BLACKbusterCritic and Media Slayer, the FanFic Critic decided to set up her own site to showcase her reviews called The Net Dwellers.

Hoo boy, what a bunch of winners.

A much more accurate and truthful name for it, however, would be The Basement Dwellers as the site is a veritable hive of autism with even well known, documented lolcows like former Trollbuster, Anthos the Crimson Impulse and man-titted aspiring noise musician, NueGristle87, among others calling the site home.

The site's userbase and the atmosphere of the site in general is best described as being a bit like crabs in a bucket. All of these bottom-feeding losers swarming over one another in their attempts to suck up to the FanFic Critic and the rest of the site's administration whilst spraying their shit all over everywhere in a desperate attempt to make a name for themselves and maybe, perhaps, one day, earn themselves a place on a 'real' site like That Guy With The Glasses or Cinemassacre. The administrators of the Net Dwellers try cultivate a facade of community, support and togetherness, but you just know that each and every one of these desperate motherfuckers would sell out their families, friends and all their pets if it meant that they got the chance to sniff Doug Walker's balls. Such aspirations are, of course, nothing more than autistic pipe-dreams and one need only look to their leader, the FanFic Critic - a woman who has applied and been rejected from TGWTG several times - for confirmation of that.

As the owner and chief sperg-shepherd of the Net Dwellers, the FanFic Critic rules with an iron fist and in her eyes there can be no crime worse than trolling. Or, for that matter, any form of criticism whatsoever. Indeed, it would seem that rather than being a place where critics can argue and discuss the merits of a piece of work freely and without fear, The Net Dwellers is little more than an enormous hand-flapping hugbox populated by a bunch of coddled, easily offended special snowflakes, where nobody is ever wrong, everybody is always right and any kind of negative feedback or criticism, however valid or constructive is expressly disallowed and met with swift bannination (although, FanFic Critic prefers to use the term 'fired' over 'banned', because for some reason, she seems to believe that these people posting their contributions to her website for free and entirely of their own volition are in some way her employees.)

To keep those dang dirty trolls in check, the site is regularly patrolled by the FanFic Critic's right hand man, Positive Les, a 43-year-old unemployed man with dsylexia, ADHD, self-diagnosed Asperger's and a fuckton of unwarranted self-importance, who has declared himself the Net Dwellers' resident 'troll cop'. As cops go, however, he's less Dirty Harry and more Police Chief Wiggum, and because of his broad, inconsistent and frequently hypocritical definition of what constitutes as 'trolling', he has been known to frequently ban or chastise innocent users while actual (and oftentimes embarrassingly obvious) trolls are free to roam the site unchecked under his very nose.

At one point, the Net Dwellers even had their own vanity wiki that they used to desperately try and draw attention to their gay site, but fortunately, it was vandalized, taken over and eventually destroyed entirely by trolls. No attempt was made at trying to salvage it, because the denizens of the Net Dwellers are either too lazy to bother or need to lrn2Internet to know how anything more complex than a deviantArt page works.

Aspergers Assemble! About missing Pics

• 
  Positive Les, troll cop.
• 
  Because being a member of a free website populated by Internet reviewers is exactly like having a real job.
• 
  SonicGuru (power word Daniel Swallow) admin, Sonicfag and frequent collaborator with the FanFic Critic, looking sharp in his fedora.
• 
  Silverflash, or as he's better known here at ED, The Unknown Autobot.
• 
  A winner is you.
• 
  Crazy Gristle-ite, a.k.a. NeuGristle87.
• 
  That Creepy Long-Haired Guy. Well, at least his chosen sobriquet is accurate.
• 
  The Preschool Guy (power word Sam Dudley) is a grown man who reviews programming aimed at preschoolers. Ironically, he is not allowed anywhere near a preschool since the incident.
• 
  The FanFic Critic's BFF and fellow Net Dweller, Joshua Hodgeson, a.k.a. 'The Hodge'. Look familiar? He should.
• 
  This warms the cockles of ED's black and withered heart.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  FanFic Critic shows her followers how to deal with trolls. By writing a very long, whiny blog entry about them and how stupid and mean they are.
• 
  Net Dwellers member, Bamba, however, has written this poignant poem about the private lives of trolls.
• 
  Bamba's poem, continued.
• 
  FanFic Critic was really pleased when someone made a TV Tropes page about her. (She neglects to mention that the someone in question was herself).
• 
  Typical Net Dwellers member.
• 
  Whoa, stand back, we got a badass over here.
• 
  Net Dwellers' member, Otakun, pictured here with his Kickassia DVD which he later furiously masturbated over.
• 
  A totally original and up-to-date rant about the antics of Chris-chan. Note the inexplicable Dr. Steel reaction image at the bottom and the apologies to the admins if they thought it sounded too 'trollish'.
• 
• 
  Net Dwellers member, Fusionater, serving as a living reminder that neckbeards make you look unkempt and disgusting and you should FUCKING SHAVE THAT SHIT.
• 
• 
  FanFic Critic is someone who has made her name by making fun of crappy fanfiction. So, where better to post your Land Before Time/Balto crossover than on her website?!
• 
  Writrzblok (a.k.a. Jeff Gwinnup) - FanFic Critic's ex-e-boyfriend. What a stud.
• 
  Warcorpse666 (a.k.a. David Nordahl). Dat skullet.
• 
  Jockerlee is 35 years old and one of the most eloquent and articulate members of the Net Dwellers community with a masterful command of the English language that is second to none.
• 
  Rowdy Reviewer, a.k.a. Rowdy C. Moore, a.k.a. Chris Moore, a.k.a. STOP SHOUTING YOU FAT FAGGOT JESUS FUCK
• 
  The moderately annoyed Canadian.
• 
  NewPhoenixFilms (a.k.a. Jesse Cook). Fun fact: He tried to use this very picture to make himself into a meme.
• 
  NewPhoenixFilms thinks that the proper punishment for bullying should be life in prison.
• 
  NewPhoenixFilms, pictured here pissing all over the memory of Brandon Lee.
  
  Friends don't let friends dress up like The Crow, bro.
• 
  Cunt destroyers.
• 
  This Franky kid seems like a pretty cool guy, though.
• 
  Franky continues to be the best thing on the site.
• 
  DO NOT WANT.
• 
  Mickeys12 - Maximum autism.
• 
  Les will never sing a song about you or your body of work.
• 
  His doctorate is in faggotry.
• 
  I think he mad.
• 
  The Hardcore Kid.
• 
  The Gurning Chimp.
• 
• 
  Only the hardest hitting, most controversial topics are covered over at the Net Dwellers.
• 
  Timdiana - Net Dweller, Internet critic and Rangerphile.
• 
  Decker Shado, the internet personality with the best stringiest hair.
• 
  Caricature of Decker Shado.
• 
  Ross Faries, a.k.a. ParadiseandFaries, host of the wonderfully tasteful and not-at-all cringeworthy webshow, 'Fanservice Fiesta'.
• 
  >tfw you get kicked off of Blip.tv for lack of views.
• 
  Nothing suspect here.
• 
  Mraspiringactor, winner of the Net Dwellers' 'Most Shameless Screen Name' award.
• 
  Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Fat Loser Man!
• 
• 
  Fusionater cosplaying as the Joker.
• 
• 
  Timdiana, wondering where his life went wrong.
• 
  Drinking away the loneliness...
• 

Financial Troubles

Recently, the Net Dwellers' 'anything goes' policy where every retard with Asperger's and an opinion was free to wipe his ass with his webcam whilst screaming into a headset mic and upload the results to the site without any form of quality control whatsoever has lead The Net Dwellers into a series of problems.

It seems that the FanFic Critic was too much of a Jew to purchase an actual URL for her little tardhaven, instead constructing The Net Dwellers using 'free' webspace owned by Webs.com. Apparently, it never occured to her that this 'free' website might have bandwidth caps or otherwise expect any sort of money in return for hosting her shit, leading to Webs.com contacting her on the 6th of June, 2012, to inform her that they would be discontinuing their service to her unless she upgraded to a pay account. According to the Webs.com pricing page, FanFic Critic got half a gigabyte's worth of bandwidth and 40 MB. That it lasted as long as it did is actually rather impressive considering all the shit flung on there.

Despite it only costing an estimated $3.75 a month to run the site and despite having a shitload of money from working at Wendy's and not paying her sister rent or contributing to any sort of household bills, FanFic Critic still didn't want to pay it. Instead, she took to YouTube to address her public, announcing with typical detachment from reality, that the situation was simply part of a scam by Webs.com to extort money out of the famous and world recognized FanFic Critic, as opposed to simply a case of her going over her bandwidth caps and being ignorant of how 'free' websites actually work.

"Hello, I'm the FanFic Critic. TL;DR."

Amusingly, free hosting sites like Webs.com actually explicitly mention the limits of their free packages when new customers sign up for one and even display this information in a handy, easy to understand chart. Which would imply that the FanFicCritic didn't read it. How ironic given that her entire 'career' consists of her reading things.

The End Of The Net Dwellers

As we can see from this blog entry, dated April the 7th, 2012, this is not the first time that inactivity and a lack of feedback on the site has proved to be an issue.

Net Dwellers is just as good as Channel Awesome.

Manic Expression - Where autism, lack of effort and the Dunning-Kruger effect meet.

Typical post on Manic Expression.

/tv/ are very big fans of Manic Expression.

Recently, the new Manic Expression site had a bit of a problem with spambots, prompting Manic Expression member, Chris Lang, to compose this hilarious open letter to the offending automated computer programs. He is, surprisingly, still waiting on a response.

On December the 3rd, 2012, the FanFic Critic posted the following statement to The Net Dwellers, sealing her 'spergers-addled site's fate:

“	I regret to announce that The Net Dwellers will soon be coming to an end. No, it isn't because of an issue with money. This site was hosted for free and didn't have a dime put into it at all. No, it's not because of popularity. This site was never meant to become the next TGWTG. The reason is because of the lack of activity and support. Back when this website was created in August of 2011, the staff and members were eager for this site to work. As time passed, however, people became less eager and the activity began to lessen. Yes, more people wanted to become contributors and post their webshows and commentaries but they had no feedback from the members themselves. Tell me, how can someone improve their webshow, blog, or commentary if they don't get the feedback they deserve? Yes, there was the occasional comment but aside from that, there was virtually no feedback.	„

Well, whattayaknow? Turns out, if you put a muzzle on any form of criticism, you also stifle creativity - and when a site has as little creativity as The Net Dwellers to begin with, that's no good thing. Tell me, how can someone improve their AVGN-ripoff piece about Sonic Generations if the users cannot give honest feedback in an environment that's suffocating to them and where they're constantly looking over their shoulder afraid of being banned fired because some over-sensitive special snowflake took their constructive criticism personally and got their poor widdle boo-boo feelings hurt?

That and, y'know, who the fuck wants to watch some ugly NEET shut-in manbabbies sperging about inconsequential bullshit? Nobody.

A touching tribute to the demise of The Net Dwellers that'll make you cry a single tear.

However, don't despair, readers, as every cloud has a silver lining and those who want to follow the autistic antics of FanFic Critic and all her TGWTG-aping pals are advised to look to The Net Dwellers' sister site, Manic Expression, a.k.a. The Net Dwellers II: Electric Boogaloo.

“	Manic Expression is a wonderful website. If you are a member, you can post videos and even get your own channel if you ask for it. The community there is very supportive and you will get the feedback that this site could never give you. One more thing, I am an administrator on there. Frankly, I make a much better administrator than I do as a site runner. I am sorry for not being a good website runner. I thought I could do it but, seeing that the site is coming to an end, I have failed you all. I hope you all can forgive me.	„
—FanFic Critic

The few brief forays made by anons into this brave new world have revealed that Manic Expression is, amazingly, even worse than the Net Dwellers in terms of spergy and unintentionally hilarious content, with one observer describing the site as being 'This Troper tier'.

	“	This... This site is diiih-fferent from That Guy With The Glasses in the fact that there is not one star. We are ALL the stars here. We ALL get the chance to shine.	„
	—disneys12 on the galaxy of autism that is Manic Expression.

• Why not pay Manic Expression a visit? BALEETED BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO CHEAP TO PAY THE UPKEEP COSTS!!
• The new, shittier Manic Expression hugbox
• The Manic Expression special ed class produce a touching tribute to their hero, the Nostalgia Critic.
• Holy shit, these Manic Expression sperglords actually made a two and a half hour long movie about their shitty site!
• The Manic Expression Facebook fanpage. 163 likes! PAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Possible Cover Up?

Whispered rumors suggest that the above statement made by the FanFic Critic on December the 3rd, 2012, regarding inactivity and a lack of feedback as being responsible for the demise of the Net Dwellers is only partly true and that what FanFic Critic neglects to mention is that her little lolcow farm had recently caught the attention of a number of commentators on YouTube.

Claims have been made that the closing of the Net Dwellers is actually an attempt at damage control by the FanFic Critic and that she is attempting to run and hide from any trolls that might swoop down upon her, but at the present time, this is yet to be confirmed.

Tribute to JewWario - BAAAAAWWWWW!!!

Despite the efforts of FanFic Critic and a few of her most devoted fanboys, not everybody is convinced of the sincerity of her tribute.

FanFic Critic claims that the haters have just misunderstood the video.

On January 26th, 2014, shortly after TGWTG second third banana, Justin Carmical, a.k.a. JewWario shot his ass in the face like the pathetic manchild pussy that he was, Ol' Meggie Moo, seeing a potential for some cheap views and easy ad revenue for her flagging YouTube channel from grieving autists everywhere, came out and produced this touching tribute video.

In it, a dishevelled and noticeably rather rotund FanFic Critic sits in her room and waxes poetic about someone she didn't know, at one point, actually coming close to squeezing out some tears, while Fizzgig from Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal sits on her shoulder trying to console her.

Multiple times in this shameless bit of grief tourism, FanFic Critic admits that she didn't even actually watch any of KikeLuigi's videos, before urging her basement-dwelling fanbase to selfishly refrain from doing the world a favor and following in YidYoshi's footsteps.

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

• 
  FanFic Critic's totally non-derivative logo.
• 
  FanFic Critic reading this page.
• 
  "I'll suck your cock."
• 
  Because she has no friends, FanFic Critic plays all the characters in her reviews herself. Here we see her two main characters, the FanFic Critic and Susan. The main difference between the two is... Uh... Well, FanFic Critic has a razor and Susan doesn't.
• 
  Megan Wessels' third character, Lesbian Jesus, specifically designed, in her own words, to 'offend homophobic fundamentalist Christians!!1 XD'
• 
  Hey kids! Not cool, talented or charismatic enough to get on That Guy With The Glasses.com? Don't worry, we've just the place for you!
• 
  IMMAH CHARGIN MAH RAZOR
• 
  PROTIP: 'ED' can also stand for 'eating disorder'
• 
  Stonewashed denim, old ass Nokia phone, long leather jacket - it's hard to believe this photo is only two years old.
• 
  Internet logic, according to the FanFic Critic.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Over 9000 hours in Microsoft Paint
• 
• 
  Tipping her fedora.
• 
  OH LAWD, IS DAT SUM IRONY?
• 
  This cartoon depicts an alternate universe in which the Nostalgia Critic rips off the FanFic Critic.
• 
  Megan's mom does not approve of her making videos.
• 
  I don't know what's less surprising - that she's a Sonicfag or that her favorite character is the dark and edgy one.
• 
  Someone wrote a review of FanFic Critic's show for TV Tropes. Someone with the exact same username, the exact same style of writing and the exact same opinions as the FanFic Critic herself, oddly enough.
• 
  Wonder who?
• 
  Gee, what a coincidence that the person behind this mysterious review and the FanFic Critic herself both didn't realize the same spelling mistake...
• 
• 
  I think that's meant to be a book in her hand, but her crappy drawing style makes this look more like the 'You Just Activated My Trap Card' guy.
• 
  Why indeed?
• 
  Christian Grey is an abusive, violent creep. Good thing Sweeney Todd's not like that, eh, Megan?
• 
• 
• 
• 
  What a wit.
• 
• 
  Charmless and highly inaccurate fanart of Christian Weston Chandler. He's not even wearing his medallion! And it's Clyde Cash that has the spiked up hair, not him! Shit, FanFic Critic, get it together!
• 
  FanFic Critic's own version of Sonichu...
• 
  ...And it's main character that's totally not her self-insert.
• 
  In an astounding display of newfaggotry and ignor-ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!!
• 
  The FanFic Critic - nice guy apologist.
• 
  AM I KAWAII? UGUU~
• 
  FanFic Critic hates typos. Well, y'know when she's not making them.
• 
  "It's a COMMENT, not a professional written work of literature." Yeah, just like fanfiction isn't.
• 
• 
• 
  FanFic Critic's newest tactic, when called out about her ripping off the Nostalgia Critic's schtick is to declare that her accuser is an 'extreme TGWTG fanboy'. We can see through this tactic however, and so should you.
• 
• 
  Sick burn, Megan.
• 
  Challenge accepted.
• 
  Megan making some anti-Semitic comments to one of the Chosen People.
• 
  FanFic Critic putting her CADD degree to good use.
• 
  /tv/ had some fun submitting troll secrets to the TGWTG Secrets Tumblr, incorporating many popular /tv/ memes including Bane. FanFic Critic didn't get the joke and happily reblogged them to her own Tumblr.
• 
  FanFic Critic loves her fans.
• 
• 
  TGWTG DO NOT WANT Megan Wessels.

Conclusion

FanFic Critic is on the way to destruction.

She wasn't a match for such craft, you see,

And everyone thought it so droll.

They figured she had to be daft, you see,

So all of 'em stood there and laughed, you see.

Poor soul. Poor thing.

External Links

• Her awesome looking official site.
• Her deviantArt page - Complete with screencaps of her 'pwning' people in the comments section of her YouTube videos. If by 'pwning' you mean making a snarky comment, then blocking that person before they can reply and then disabling comments, anyway.
• Her MySpace - Pay particular attention to the 'Favorite Books' section of her profile, the entirety of which consists of books that either aimed at children or required reading in high school, suggesting that Ms. Wessels does not read for pleasure.
• Her FanFic Critic Fanfiction.net account
•  Her Facebook
• Her Facebook fanpage
•  Her Twitter
• Her Tumblr - Like all Tumblrs, a veritable treasure trove of lulz and ignorance. Marvel as FanFic Critic unknowingly reblogs parody stories from The Onion thinking them to be actual news!
• Her Reviewers Unknown wiki page
• FanFic Critic’s TV Tropes article (that she wrote herself).

Not To Be Confused With

• The Fanfiction Critic - Another reviewer of fanfics on YouTube, marginally more attractive as well as being much less autistic and lulzy.

Other Internet Critics

Other examples of Internet critics include:

• The Nostalgia Critic - Their spiritual liege whom all other Internet critics strive to emulate.
• All of the other faggots on That Guy With The Glasses.
• The Hardcore Kid
• Rowdy C. Moore
• Cole Smithey - Chris-chan's douchenozzle neurotypical half-brother, the self-proclaimed 'Smartest Movie Critic In The World'.
• BLACKbusterCritic - FanFic Critic's archnemesis.
• Critics United - FanFic Critic's BFFs.
• Media Slayer Productions - Where FanFic Critic posted her reviews until they got tired of her shit and gave her the boot.

See Also

• Hypocrisy
• Unwarranted self-importance
• Plagiarism
• Constructive Criticism
• Fandom

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