- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
My Immortal: Difference between revisions
imported>Ihaveabadcaseofdiarrhea |
imported>Jacket Deprecated template. |
||
| (3 intermediate revisions by 3 users not shown) | |||
| Line 254: | Line 254: | ||
Tara's last name has numerous spellings (Gilesbie/Gilespie/[[Silent Hill|Gillespie]]/etc), since she seems incapable of even spelling that correctly on a consistent basis. She supposedly lives in [[Muslim|Dubai]] or something, but is apparently able to make trips to the [[United States|States]] every week to go shopping at Hot Topic. Tara claims that pop-punk band Good Charlotte has made a huge impact on her life, as their song, ''Hold On'', convinced her not to commit [[suicide]] after hearing it on the radio (if you were looking for a(nother) reason to hate Good Charlotte, there ya go). She was upset at the time, because her [[13-year-old boy|boyfriend]] broke up with her, and her crush didn’t like her. She did date a (imaginary) guy called Justin, [[lie|until she broke up with him and went out with some guy]] named [[wtf|Gareth Vandersleld]]. Tara reportedly has a little sister named Trista, who is also a goffik HP fanfic writer (profile viewable [http://www.fanfiction.net/~xxxbloodykisses666xxx here]). Like her sister, she has had all of her fanfics deleted due to severe suckage. Tara has denied that Trista is her sister, though. In actuality, it's probably just one of the innumerable trolls that have made copycat accounts. Nobody really knows. The notion that Tara lives in Dubai is also up for debate. [[It is a mystery|It's all a huge mystery]]. | Tara's last name has numerous spellings (Gilesbie/Gilespie/[[Silent Hill|Gillespie]]/etc), since she seems incapable of even spelling that correctly on a consistent basis. She supposedly lives in [[Muslim|Dubai]] or something, but is apparently able to make trips to the [[United States|States]] every week to go shopping at Hot Topic. Tara claims that pop-punk band Good Charlotte has made a huge impact on her life, as their song, ''Hold On'', convinced her not to commit [[suicide]] after hearing it on the radio (if you were looking for a(nother) reason to hate Good Charlotte, there ya go). She was upset at the time, because her [[13-year-old boy|boyfriend]] broke up with her, and her crush didn’t like her. She did date a (imaginary) guy called Justin, [[lie|until she broke up with him and went out with some guy]] named [[wtf|Gareth Vandersleld]]. Tara reportedly has a little sister named Trista, who is also a goffik HP fanfic writer (profile viewable [http://www.fanfiction.net/~xxxbloodykisses666xxx here]). Like her sister, she has had all of her fanfics deleted due to severe suckage. Tara has denied that Trista is her sister, though. In actuality, it's probably just one of the innumerable trolls that have made copycat accounts. Nobody really knows. The notion that Tara lives in Dubai is also up for debate. [[It is a mystery|It's all a huge mystery]]. | ||
Tara has a very distinct writing style. She uses many different kinds of experimental liberties with her prose and thus can be compared to contemporary writers such as Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Margaret Atwood, and a chimpanzee with Down Syndrome on [[crack]]. She is also dyslexic (or DYKSELIKIC, [http://www.fanfiction.net/fr/999831/12556/274971/1/ as she puts it]), which would explain why she can't spell anything correctly and writes in a weird short-hand that looks like she's typing [[Txt msg|text messages]] with her feet. Despite hardly being able to write in English, she also claims to have an interest in [[Japan]]ese; because if you're going to be a shitty goth HP fanfic writer, you might as well be a [[weeaboo]], too. Quite interesting is her approach to description of character and setting. She often completely ignores the little things, such as character descriptions other than fashion, where the characters are in location to their environment (wherever the hell they are!), and what certain part of the story is taking place, often times repeating events multiple times. She then go on to expound on her own overwhelming interest in fashion by describing her character's clothing, hair and makeup at great length. Tara's writing style is also characterized by its abundant use of author's notes and her horribly incorrect use of adverbs, with a particular fondness for describing actions as "sexily," "gothically," and "suicidally" (these are all real quotes, [[acronym|btw]]): | Tara has a very distinct writing style. She uses many different kinds of experimental liberties with her prose and thus can be compared to contemporary writers such as [[Cats|Haruki Murakami]], [[Dubs|Bret Easton Ellis]], [[Feminist|Margaret]] [[Big Brother|Atwood]], and a chimpanzee with Down Syndrome on [[crack]]. She is also dyslexic (or DYKSELIKIC, [http://www.fanfiction.net/fr/999831/12556/274971/1/ as she puts it]), which would explain why she can't spell anything correctly and writes in a weird short-hand that looks like she's typing [[Txt msg|text messages]] with her feet. Despite hardly being able to write in English, she also claims to have an interest in [[Japan]]ese; because if you're going to be a shitty goth HP fanfic writer, you might as well be a [[weeaboo]], too. Quite interesting is her approach to description of character and setting. She often completely ignores the little things, such as character descriptions other than fashion, where the characters are in location to their environment (wherever the hell they are!), and what certain part of the story is taking place, often times repeating events multiple times. She then go on to expound on her own overwhelming interest in fashion by describing her character's clothing, hair and makeup at great length. Tara's writing style is also characterized by its abundant use of author's notes and her horribly incorrect use of adverbs, with a particular fondness for describing actions as "sexily," "gothically," and "suicidally" (these are all real quotes, [[acronym|btw]]): | ||
'''''"I asked gothikally."'''''<br/> | '''''"I asked gothikally."'''''<br/> | ||
| Line 599: | Line 599: | ||
==External Links== | ==External Links== | ||
* *{{ | * *{{yt|u|xXblo0dyxkissxX|Tara's and Raven's Youtube}} YA, we're GOTH, GET USED TO IT!!!!!!!!! | ||
* <s>{{deviantart|thdarkmaiden}} OHLEWK a Tara Gilesbie [[deviantArt]] account! And she claims to be a [[Lie|writer]]. And she became a [[weeaboo]]. although this account may be a fake, because of some [[Shit|character profiles]] she has listed.</s> As stated on the front page this is actually a troll account. | * <s>{{deviantart|thdarkmaiden}} OHLEWK a Tara Gilesbie [[deviantArt]] account! And she claims to be a [[Lie|writer]]. And she became a [[weeaboo]]. although this account may be a fake, because of some [[Shit|character profiles]] she has listed.</s> As stated on the front page this is actually a troll account. | ||
* [http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/index.htm My Immortal: Complete 44 chapters] FULL VERSION Backup copy of the story (ITS BACK W00T) | * [http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/index.htm My Immortal: Complete 44 chapters] FULL VERSION Backup copy of the story (ITS BACK W00T) | ||
| Line 627: | Line 627: | ||
{{top16}} | {{top16}} | ||
{{fanfic}} | {{fanfic}} | ||
[[Category: Fandom Stuff]] | [[Category: Fandom Stuff]] | ||
[[Category:2006]] | [[Category:2006]] | ||
[[Category:Trolls]][[Category:My Immortal]] | [[Category:Trolls]][[Category:My Immortal]] | ||
Latest revision as of 08:55, 13 January 2023
My Immortal is the most famous, notoriously bad fan fiction ever written. Based very loosely in the Harry Potter universe and featuring the blatant Mary-Sue protagonist Ebony (or often times "Enoby"), it reads like a detailed list of everything a fanfic author could ever possibly do wrong, only taken to exaggerated, horrifying extremes. Written by super-tard Tara Gilesbie, My Immortal was originally posted to FanFiction.Net sometime in 2006, but was subsequently deleted by the FF.Net staff after causing a severe drop in the site's collective IQ. In fact, the fanfic is so unbelievably bad that many refuse to accept that it's real, insisting that Tara was only trolling and that the story is really a parody. Regardless of the author's intent, My Immortal remains one of the most cringe-worthy, unintentionally hilarious, so-bad-it's-good pieces of literature the internets have ever shat out.
Life, Death, and Rebirth of My Immortal
When My Immortal originally appeared on FanFiction.Net, it was wildly popular, becoming one of the most read and reviewed works the site had ever seen. The 44-chapter epic saga was posted periodically from 2006 and 2007 under the account XXXbloodyrists666XXX. During this time, the story became a hot topic for debate amongst the fanfic community, and its popularity/infamy grew to insane levels (though most of its fans weren't so much fans as they were angry critics). Every time Tara added a new chapter, she would preface it with an author's note to tell the prepz to stop flaming her work, and also often refused to release a new chapter unless she received a given amount of positive reviews. For instance, the beginning author's note to chapter five reads:
AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!
On November 21st, Tara's account was hijacked by another fanfic author, who proceeded to write her own ending to the trainwreck of a story. The ending was surprisingly good, and it actually tied up many loose ends, but sadly was not canon and therefore doesn't count. This event occurred around the release of Chapter 39 of the fanfic, and the girl who jacked Gilesbie's account was kind enough to post the real Chapter 39 for all to lol at. Sometime later, Tara regained control of her account, and continued to post updates to MI until the fic was 44 chapters long. Her last update to the story came on July 5th, 2007. The story ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, but it never made any sense anyway so it doesn't really matter.
Tara then reportedly left to go vacation in England, and never released any further updates to the story. Then sometime in late 2008, FanFiction.Net had the audacity to delete the story, partially because they were having an improvement drive to keep their standards up, but mostly because they're preps and haters. The actual reasoning was something along the lines of,
Main reason for removal: "Disregard for proper language: grammar, spelling, punctuation, and etc." The above story has been removed because it violated the guideline detailed on the upload page.
Millions of netizens were shocked and appalled that The Man had taken away such a great source of lulz, so many e-heroes promptly reuploaded the story to FF.Net. It was again deleted several more times until it was finally hosted on a stable external site to ensure that the world could still follow its #1 pastime of laughing at retards. Feel free to resubmit that copy to fanfiction several hundred more times in protest.
My Immortal has since become a sort of "internet pilgrimage," a journey taken willingly by those wishing to become more at one with the lulz. It's a harsh journey, and many have fallen along the path. But if you persevere and manage to read the story the whole way through, you'll be a stronger person because of it.
Plot
To say that My Immortal has a "plot" is something of an overstatement. It's more like a loose collection of bad ideas and misspelled words centered around overly long passages about the author's fashion sense and favorite bands. The story is set in some weird, dystopian version of the Harry Potter universe where the struggle between good and evil has been replaced with an eternal struggle between "goths" and "preps," and every main character is either gothic, emo, bisexual, a weeaboo, a satanist, a vampire, or any combination of these. The story follows the protagonist Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, a 7th year student at Hogwarts who wanders around having random sex with HP emo clones and then describes her outfit for several paragraphs. That's seriously about it. Many other things happen in the story, but none of it follows any logical progression, so recounting it here would be a pointless endeavor. The story is written in randomly shifting third to first person in Ebony's perspective, since Gilesbie couldn't even bother to pretend that she wasn't writing her own personal self-insertion fantasy Mary-Sue bullshit.
The plot of My Immortal has an astounding number of problems, the least of these being that normal, Muggle bands are allowed to have frequent concerts in an all-wizard village, that the story doesn't attempt to follow any laws of physics, or that multiple passages in the story are repeated verbatim. Here's a short checklist of mistakes fanfiction authors often make when writing. Let's see if My Immortal commits any of them.
- Spelling/Grammar/Usage Errors: Fun fact: My Immortal actually has fewer correctly spelled words than it has chapters after Raven stops editing.
- Excessively Long Dramatic Pauses: When writing "My Immortal" Tara Gilesbie threw a standard three period ellipsis to the wind, opting for much longer, unconventional pauses. Examples - "car into……………………… the Forbidden Forrest" "It was…………………………………………………….Dumbledore!/Snap!/Volzemort/DUMBLYDORE!" "And den………..I gasped……………………………………… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!111111111111111"
- Canon Rape: Are you fucking kidding? My Immortal rewrote the book on canon rape. You wouldn't even know this was a Harry Potter fanfic if somebody didn't tell you beforehand. Tara Gilesbie has been reported to have seventeen different types of canon STD's. It wouldn't be too bad if it was only minor details she got wrong (the novels say that Hogwarts is based in Scotland, however Tara insists on England, for example), but EVERY single little thing is fucked-up out of proportion.
- OOC Characters: Stands for "Out of Character." A few quick examples - Harry is now a bisexual goth vampire with a pentagram scar, Hermione's name is now B'loody Mary Smith, and Hedwig is no longer a pet owl, but Voldemort's bisexual ex-lover.
- Inconsistency of the Main Character: Tara slips up a few times, unable to keep her obviously delusional alter-ego separated with her real life self, having other characters call Ebony 'Tara'. A couple examples - "She said……………………… 'Tara, I see drak times are near.' She said badly. She peered into da balls." “'Good luck Tara!!!!!!!11' everyone cried." This is not to be confused with when she magically changes one of Ebony's ridiculously unnecessary middle names from 'Raven' to 'Tara'.
- Unnecessary/Poorly Written Sex Scenes: "Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time." Even most fanfiction idiots could write a better lemon than that.
- Overabundant Pop-Culture References: Whereas most fanfic authors work their stupid pop-culture references in subtly, Tara takes the opposite approach and actually centers her story around her favorite bands and fashion, and occasionally throws in something about the Harry Potter series.
- Unnecessary Series Crossovers: Surprisingly, My Immortal does a fairly good job of avoiding this problem. That is, until Morty Mcfli shows up with his "blak tim machine" to save the day. Yes, Marty Motherfucking McFly from Back to the Future. Apparently, he's also now a goth and gave his Delorean a new black paint job to match the goffik nature of the story. There's also sort of a brief cameo by Tom Bombadil, of Lord of the Rings fame, except he is now just one of Voldemort's many alternate identities. NOTE: Tom Bombadil was NOT in the LOTR movies. It was a tangential filler arc in the first book. May be evidence Tara is an epic troll
- Illogical Problem-Solving: “WE SEEM TO HAVE SOME EXTRA GOFFICK W8! WE NEED TO ALL GO ON GOFFIK ANOREXIA DIETS OR WE WILL SURELY LAND-CRASH!1”
But it's really impossible to capture all of the insanity of My Immortal through words. You have to read it for yourself. So, without further ado, here is the worst/best fanfiction ever written.
Viower Excretion Advisd:
|
|
| |||||
|
|
Characters
Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
The main character of the story, a totally GOFFIK Mary-Sue of biblical proportions. She's a 7th year Hogwarts student in Slytherin, is Draco Malfoy's girlfriend, and is also a goth, a vampire, a satanist, and a sadist. Like all Mary Sues, she's cast as perfect in every way and every other character is madly in love with her. Basically took the Mary Sue Litmus Test and checked everything.
Name Origin: Her first name, "Ebony", comes from the fact that she has black hair. Oddly enough, babies don't have hair when they are born. The origin of her first middle name, Dark'ness, is unknown but it is supposed to be from the fact that she is a "dark" character. Her next middle name, Dementia, most likely comes from the disease. The name "Raven" most likely comes from the name of Tara's friend. The last name probably came from Gerard Way. Despite her canon name being Ebony, she is very rarely referred to by it, with most references in the form of "Enoby", "Eboby" or on one memorable occasion, "Egogy". If you look carefully in Chapter 33, you might even see a peek of 'TaEbory', which is further proof she might have mixed heritage.
Appearance: Just read the first chapter. That's seriously all it's about.
Favorite Music: Ebony likes many shitty bands, and Tara is not afraid to remind her audience of this numerous times. These bands include My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte, Green Day, Linkin Park, Marilyn Manson, Simple Plan, and pretty much any other shitty mainstream punk/pop/emo band you can think of.
—Enoby |
Draco Malfoy
OOC. Occasionally known as Drako or Darko, he is a bisexual, Satanist, Gothic vampire owning a My Chemical Romance broomstick who puts "his really big boy's thingy into her you-know-what" and "does it for the first time" with Enoby. He is Enoby's favourite fuck buddy throughout the majority of the fanfic. At some point he commits suicide, but does not die. And no, he does not ATTEMPT suicide. He COMMITS it.
Harry "Vampire" Potter
OOC. Is now a bisexual goth who used to date Draco. His characteristic lightning bolt scar has been changed into a pentagram with the help of Diabolo/Ron, but he always covers it up with foundation. Ebony accuses Draco of cheating on her with Vampire but ironically fucks Vampire shortly after. At one point in the story, he films Malfoy and Ebony making an amateur porno. Srsly.
B'loody Mary Smith/Hermione
OOC. After she realized that she was kidnapped as a child, and that her real last name was Smith, she was transferred to Slytherin and became a goth and a satanist. A weeaboo who spouts Japanese phrases, she is also a member of the band Bloody Gothic Rose 666, the most poser band around. But don't let that fool you, she worships Satan (aka Voldimint) just like everyone else in this clusterfuck of a story. At one point in around chapter 17, she is seen on a date with Navell, who was also kidnapped at birth and whose real parents turned out to be vampires. Navel had, just like B'loody Mary, turned goth/satanist and transferred to Slitherin upon hearing about his true lineage.
Ron "Diabolo" Weasley
Well whuddayaknow? Looks like Ron has also gotten a goffik makeover, a name change, and a house change to Slytherin. Who could've seen that one coming? He and Ginny Jenny "Darkness" Weasley are also now siblings with Crabbe and Goyle, presumably because Tara was going for the Canon Rape High Score. It's also worth mentioning that while Diablo is Spanish for Devil, a "diabolo" is actually a juggling prop.
Dumbledore
OOC. Mostly known as Dumbledork/Dumbledark/Bumbledore/Dumblydore/Dumbledeor/Dubleodre/Dumbledoree/Dumbeldore/Dumbledum/Dumblehor/Dumbledore 2: the Electric Boogaloo/anything Tara feels like. Has Alzheimer's, manages to get 'kancer' and frequent headaches and curses his students to hell whenever he feels like it, "cockling" all the while. Dumblydore is also commonly known for flying on his broomstick through corridors and wearing black robes with Avril Lavigne on them. He's arguably the only cool character in the story, just for this line:
—Dumblydore |
Snape/Snap/Snip/Snoop/Snop/Snake
OOC. A crazed fetishist who masturbates over Enoby/Ebony/Enony/Enobby/???/profit! while simultaneously getting it on with loopy Loopin. A prep, oddly enough, considering he was the most goffick character in the books. Also considered by the author to be a pedophile, because apparently being attracted to a 17-and-a-half-year-old is now pedophilia. Sorious apparently sent him and Loopin to "Abkhazian", which experts agree is probably a Saudi Arabian pop icon. Dobby watches Loopin and Snap fuck.
Voldamort/Voldemint/Volfemort/Vlodemort/Volxemort/[sic]
OOC. Has a tendency to get a "dud-ur-so-retarded" look on his face, and recruits Enoby and Draco to kill Harry Vampire somewhere around chapter ten. He does this by giving her a piece and telling her to pop a cap in Harry's ass. Kinda makes one wonder why JKR didn't implement this in the actual series. Fuck magic, just use bullets!
Because he is a sinister villain, he speaks in fail faux Elizabethan English, using words like "thou" and "hath," which makes him sound like a genuine idiot with a speech impediment (a quality he shares with the author). Prefers wearing high heels. His past identities include "Satan" and Tom Bombadil. (Weird, because Tom Bombadil isn't in the Lord of the Rings movies, it's a book-only character, which adds to the possibility of Tara being a troll.) At one point (circa chapter 24), he was known as "Darth Valer" for no apparent reason.
Snaketail
Voldemort's assistant. Presumably some evil twin or scientific/majikul clone of Wormtail; however, we cannot be sure. Falls madly in love with Enoby on sight, and explodes when she says, in no short terms, to fuck off. Then the ever-compassionate vampire protagonist cries. Also he is sixteen years old.
Hargrid/Hargid/Hagird/HAHRID/HAIRgrid
OOC. Is no longer the school groundskeeper, but is now a student, whilst simultaneously stalking Enoby and being a pedophile. Starts off prep, but eventually pretends to be a goff.
The Bark Lord
Also known (incorrectly) as the Dark Lord or Satan. The author was nice enough to remove the ambiguity, as "My Immortal" is a story about being preppy-gothic and not actually dark or sinister in any way. Therefore, by the novels standards, The Bark Lord comes to represent PYORRRR EVAALLLLL - but not really.
Dogfather
Also known as Serious Blak. Vampire's jewish Godfather, who is the most powerful and terrifying force in all of fan fiction. The Dogfather commandeth and ye shall listen.
Profesor Trevolry
OOC. Professor of 'Deviation'. Has Split personality disorder of which she takes on the persona of 'Professor Sinister', a goffik half-Japanese teacher. In Chapter 24 she calls Enoby a cunt for no specific reason. She later becomes addicted to 'volxemorserum'.
Britney
Britney is a Prep and Ebony´s archenemy from Gryffindoor. The only thing Britney ever does wrong is being a Prep, besides the fact that she frees Snap from Azerbaijan. Apparently looks like a pentagram of Lindsay Lohan and Hillary Duff.
There are many other characters, each equally bizarre, but it's really just the same story each time; take a standard HP character, make him/her a bisexual goth and completely change his/her disposition. If you're interested in the other characters and the relationships between them, the below incredibly-hard-to-follow diagram tries to sort out the mess. It's useful if you'd rather not read the story, or even if you have read it and are still incredibly confused by it all. It's also all 100% accurate.
Character Diagram
Memorable Quotes
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Previous Quote | Next Quote
About the Author
Tara Gilesbie aka XXXbloodyrists666XXX aka goffikgurl666: The girl whose terrible writing single-handedly brought the internet to its knees. Have you read the above section on Ebony Way? Good. Well, being that Tara is a suethor, her description is basically the same, minus the vampirism, magical powers, and attractiveness to the opposite sex. Tara has the strange habit of classifying the world based on three distinct groups: preps (people who like Hilary Duff, the color pink, or anything that Tara dislikes), posers (people like Avril Lavigne who pretend to be goth) and goths (people like her; morons). Tara defines herself by her goffikness. She wears goffik clothes, listens to goffik music, watches goffik movies, cuts her wrists, worships Satan, and eats Count Chocula. She's a troo hardcore goff.
Tara's last name has numerous spellings (Gilesbie/Gilespie/Gillespie/etc), since she seems incapable of even spelling that correctly on a consistent basis. She supposedly lives in Dubai or something, but is apparently able to make trips to the States every week to go shopping at Hot Topic. Tara claims that pop-punk band Good Charlotte has made a huge impact on her life, as their song, Hold On, convinced her not to commit suicide after hearing it on the radio (if you were looking for a(nother) reason to hate Good Charlotte, there ya go). She was upset at the time, because her boyfriend broke up with her, and her crush didn’t like her. She did date a (imaginary) guy called Justin, until she broke up with him and went out with some guy named Gareth Vandersleld. Tara reportedly has a little sister named Trista, who is also a goffik HP fanfic writer (profile viewable here). Like her sister, she has had all of her fanfics deleted due to severe suckage. Tara has denied that Trista is her sister, though. In actuality, it's probably just one of the innumerable trolls that have made copycat accounts. Nobody really knows. The notion that Tara lives in Dubai is also up for debate. It's all a huge mystery.
Tara has a very distinct writing style. She uses many different kinds of experimental liberties with her prose and thus can be compared to contemporary writers such as Haruki Murakami, Bret Easton Ellis, Margaret Atwood, and a chimpanzee with Down Syndrome on crack. She is also dyslexic (or DYKSELIKIC, as she puts it), which would explain why she can't spell anything correctly and writes in a weird short-hand that looks like she's typing text messages with her feet. Despite hardly being able to write in English, she also claims to have an interest in Japanese; because if you're going to be a shitty goth HP fanfic writer, you might as well be a weeaboo, too. Quite interesting is her approach to description of character and setting. She often completely ignores the little things, such as character descriptions other than fashion, where the characters are in location to their environment (wherever the hell they are!), and what certain part of the story is taking place, often times repeating events multiple times. She then go on to expound on her own overwhelming interest in fashion by describing her character's clothing, hair and makeup at great length. Tara's writing style is also characterized by its abundant use of author's notes and her horribly incorrect use of adverbs, with a particular fondness for describing actions as "sexily," "gothically," and "suicidally" (these are all real quotes, btw):
"I asked gothikally."
"Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily."
"I ran suicidally to my room nd I sexily took a steak out."
Despite her constant claims of how she's so goffik and dark, Tara is really the textbook definition of a poser. Having no idea what the term "gothic" actually means, she bases her whole personality around her love of Hot Topic, a store that couldn't be more mainstream, where spoiled suburban white kids go for their prepackaged, overpriced, fake subculture needs. Also of note is the fact that pretty much every shitty emo band she fawns over is just some variation of pop (Punk-Pop, Power-Pop, Emo-Pop, whatever). A final note on the matter is an in-text justification of Tara's secret preppiness; From Chapter 15 - "“I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story." While Tara claims to hate Hilary Duff, she still reveals that she has seen A Cinderella Story, a movie made of sheer preppiness, and far outside her usual movie viewing habits of Tim Burton films and shitty horror flicks. Gothic? Myth busted.
- Tara's FanFiction.Net (UPDATING) XXXbloodyrists666XXX
- Tara's LiveJournal (Purged by staff for inactivity; archived) - goffikgurl666
- Tara's IMDb account (never updates, rarely active) - goffikgurl
- Tara's Youtube account -
xXblo0dyxkissxX
Trollin?
One of the internet's foremost mysteries: is Tara Gilesbie trolling? Probably, but the debate has raged for years and there still isn't a satisfactory answer.
On one hand, My Immortal reads like the perfect parody of shitty fanfics, Mary Sue characters, and stupid poser goth brats. It's so bad it seems almost scientifically designed to piss people off. Never before in the history of the internet has a fanfic so vile come about by sheer accident. Also, the staggering amount of spelling errors and occasional odd glimpses of greater understanding and knowledge of literary works also cast doubt on MI's legitimacy.
However, one must also remember that Tara does seem to be a real person with a history of displaying these gothic/retarded habits, and has accounts on many websites corroborating her persona. In order for Tara to be a troll, somebody would have to actually craft the persona of "Tara Gilesbie, uber-goffik retard girl," then actively create and manage Tara's many accounts, not to mention the incredible effort it would take to actually write My Immortal in the first place. This person would also then likely have to create the persona of Tara's friend Raven, which would include writing her shitty stories, as well. All of this would take a great amount of willpower and a very long time to plan out and execute. Though many still think Tara is a troll, retards always call troll on the internet so as not to seem gullible. Many people still hold that Tara is not a troll, but just an insanely retarded adolescent girl who was mistakenly given access to the internet. It could be a group of people. Who knows?
Whatever the case may be, one thing that can be said is that if Tara is a troll, she is easily the most determined troll in history. The evidence is inconclusive, so one can never be sure. In the end, you'll just have to decide for yourself.
However, some has came forward and admitting that he was Tara Gilesbie and he was trolling around:
—TheBatMan |
None of this can be verified, but it is still at best to troll this user. Hax If possible.
Raven
A friend of Tara's, Raven, aka bloodytearz666, is the infamous "editor" of My Immortal. As such, when Judgement Day comes and Tara is taken to task for her sins against the English language, Raven will surely be held as an accomplice. As an author, Raven has written two HP fanfics herself, Ghost of You and I'm Not Okay, both titles lifted from MCR songs (noticing a pattern here?). The stories are basically the exact same Mary-Sue GOFFIK bullshit as My Immortal, only without the charm of the gross misspellings and absurd plot inconsistency. Despite being bad enough to qualify as torture material for Gitmo, the stories' mostly correct spelling and grammar managed to save them from the banhammer at the hands of the FF.Net staff. The numerous striking similarities between the writings of Raven and Tara have led many to believe that Raven is a sockpuppet of Tara, which would certainly make sense if Tara were indeed a troll. There is something of a mass confusion as to how Raven's actions can possibly be defined as "editing" due mainly to the fact that text she has supposedly "edited" still retains the grammatical standard of an autistic hippopotamus.
Raven has a cameo in My Immortal as the character Willow, and gives Tara a cameo in her story I'm Not Okay as the character Elvira. To quote:
—From My Immortal |
—From I'm Not Okay |
As readers of My Immortal may notice, Raven didn't help to write the entire thing. Raven's involvement was nowhere to be found in Chapter 13 (the spelling suffered greatly), perhaps owing to a feud between the two involving a sweater and a poster of Gerard Way. From the author's notes:
—From My Immortal |
—From I'm Not Okay |
This feud would eventually cause each author to take out her frustration on her friend's cameo character out of spite. Raven by way of grade demotion and disposition change - Tara by way of expulsion, death, and postmortem rape. Moar quotes:
—From I'm Not Okay |
—From My Immortal |
Tara also changed Ebony's middle-middle-middle name from "Raven" to "Tara" after the ordeal. Tara eventually got her sweater back, and Willow's character was brought back to life and reinserted into the story without any explanation whatsoever. Empowered from her short time spent without an editor, Tara now seemed to feel that she was 1337 enough to finish writing her story by herself. Consequently, without Raven's help, Chapter 16 and onward are filled with more spelling errors than the rest of FanFiction.Net put together.
Raven was also said to be deceased, as reported in the intro to the My Immortal sequel. However, most experts agree that it is a fake, so if Raven was even a real person in the first place, she is probably (unfortunately) still alive.
My Immortal: Advanced Studies
Not counting author's notes, My Immortal is about 20,000 words long. Here's how those 20,000 words break down percentage-wise:
- Descriptions of a character's hair and/or what they are wearing: 13.7%
- Sentences with terrible adverbs or "Suddenly X came into the room!" 17.5%
- Chapters involving a rock concert at Hogsmeade, and the necessary planning/clothes shopping: 27.2%
- Comparing a character to a rock star: 3.4%
- Sex/Voyeurism/Bondage/Attempted Rape (usual HP fare): 5.2%
- Incredibly long ellipses......................................... 3.9%
- Number of times a character gasps: 25
- Number of times a character cuts their wrists: 15
- Number of times a character is compared to Gerard Way: 13
IT'S OVER 10,000!!
Yes, it's true. Before My Immortal was originally taken down, it received over 10,000 reviews - seriously. However, close inspection shows the majority of these were flames and trolling attempts. A few choice reviews are reproduced below:
—Preach it, Lady Whitehart. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
The Movie
Some time ago, it was decided that the epic saga of My Immortal should be made into a blockbuster movie. Unfortunately, Hollywood is run by preps, so no film studios would agree to produce it. Thus, My Immortal was forced to make its cinematic debut on YouTube. Despite its extremely small budget, it kicked all sorts of ass and even won an award for best adapted screenplay at the 2007 Sundance Film Festival.
The videos, made by YouTube user heartdreamer, are illustrated dramatic readings of the fanfic with the script read by LH Michelle and set to lots of pretty pictures to keep the viewer distracted from the terrible mess that is the story. The videos are a good alternative to reading the fic if you have ADD, and they're also slightly less abusive to the senses since the viewer doesn't have to struggle through reading the author's garbled attempt at English.
In addition to the 9 videos below, there was a trailer released, which is also made of win. Also, the "fake" 39th chapter written by the girl who hacked Gilesbie's account was cinema-tized (viewable here), and actually goes between the 9th and 10th videos (but doesn't feature LH Michelle). Also, the 4th video has sadly been stricken from YouTube by the fascist, preppy moderators on account of copyright infringement or some shit.
| Part 1 | |
| Part 2 | |
| Part 5 | |
| Part 6 | |
| Part 7 | |
| Part 8 | |
| Part 9 | |
| Part 10 |
And you know something?
It's still better than Twilight.
Audio adaptation
In June of 2010, user dan_glada posted an audio version of the story. It's almost as much of a clusterfuck as the story itself.
The Novel
Both versions on Lulu have been taken down, so some internet man made another one, cheaper than the others. You can also download it for free. https://www.lulu.com/commerce/index.php?fBuyProduct=15971127
Legacy
Tara's writing was so impactful that she has affected an entire generation of fanfic writers. She "influenced" many stories, parody or otherwise (but mostly parody).
Imposters
Aside from the aforementioned MI "sequels," numerous trolls/retarded fans have tried to take up Tara's seemingly abandoned torch and pose as the legendary author to carry on the MI legacy. Of course, they'll never be as good as the original, but that doesn't stop them from trying. A few of the more noteworthy ones are listed below.
My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside
In late 2008, someone posing as Tara titled created a sequel called My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside. Confusion spread as to whether the sequel was the real deal, but the user later came forward and admitted to being an imposter. This fanfic was also deleted from FF.Net for its atrocious spelling, but it has been re-uploaded and is viewable here [LINKED DATA EXPUNGED].
Then, a few months later, yet another My Immortal sequel appeared with the same title, but a different story. The user who posted this story, XXXmidnitegoffXXX, also claimed to be Tara. This sequel quickly became very popular, until eventually, a jealous fanfic author also hijacked this account. The person who hacked the account left this typo-ridden flame/ransom note:
—Troll-Tastic |
What a whiny faggot. XXXmidnitegoffXXX later regained control of the account and the hacker's story was also deleted.
In early 2009, midnitegoff stepped forward and admitted that he/she was only trying to cash in on the success of My Immortal, like many had done before, and that he/she was not actually Tara Gilesbie.
Most experts agree that My Immortal 2, in any of its versions, is in no way connected to Tara Gilesbie and is not an official part of the My Immortal canon. However, Tara Gilesbie`s original account has friended xxxmidnitegoffxxx. This could be a sign tthat xxxmidnitegoffxxx is in fact the real deal. An explanation for xxxmidnitegoffxxx admitting he/she was a fake, is that My Immortal started becoming unbelievable, even to Tara`s standard. And just before everyone clicked on to her being a troll, she got xxmidnitegofxxx admit that she was a fake. For thoses interested in reading this pile of shit, Click Here.
My Immortal 2: Fangz 4 De Venom
OMFG, it's da sekwel again!Oneonenineeleven!!1 FIC REMOVED, LINK USELESS- FANGZ JESUS
In late 2008, "Tara" (most likely another poser) reposted the original trainwreck of a fanfic, and began working on another version of MI2. This time around, the Tara writing the new version enlisted the aid of a previously unknown entity known only as "Xanthan Gum" (aka, XG), who besides being Tara's new beta, is also her latest BF, and like Tara, created an OC so bad that it makes you want to bash somebody over the head with a mallet. Tara described Xanthan Gum as follows: "Ur so awsum, its liek raven came bak an now has a kok!" Speculation has risen over the authenticity of the newest version of what will from here on out be known as TARABOT 3.0. However, the new sequel continues the tradition of the original lulz factory, so it's all good.
A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You
[1] Sometime in June 2009, someone purporting to be Tara Gilesbie started posting on her new facebook and twitter page about her intention to write a new story with her new friend 'Hayly'. This became a reality when the first awful chapter of 'A Vampre Wil Nevr Hurt You' surfaced on FF.Net. However, by chapter 13 the author confirmed she was just another fake and not the real Tara. She claims her name is Georgia. We later find that the twitter was made by Hayley ages before she knew of Georgia's trolling existence.
Hayley reveals that she is intelligent in Chapter 12, named "The Apology". Georgia reveals that she too is a fraud in the next one. However, they continued the wreck of a story until October.
That's What You Get
[2] In October of 2009, someone using Tara's old username from FanFiction appeared on FictionPress, the drunken, coked progenitor of FanFiction.Net. Whoever it is, probably a troll, seeing as it lays claim to the stinking pile of crap that is My Immortal, says that they will be writing "original fiction" from now on (read: "LYKE OMG TIS IS SOO NOT LYKE BELA FROM TWIGHLIGHT!!1!!). If it is a troll, it's obviously someone with an enormous tolerance for stupidity as the new story is written in exactly the same style as the other one- incomprehensible, named after a shitty song from a shittier band, ferociously Mary-Suing (geddit, cos se's a e-laywer), idiotic authors notes ("sut up u prepz. Al u want to do iz flam me al da tim. Jst sut da fuk up ok. Diz iz ment 2 b on ficprez ok!!!!11 fangz (geddit cuz I lik vapire hu r gofik) 2 raven 4 hlping me ot in diz fic. Itz nic 2 hav u bak!!111 u fox gurl!!!!1 MCR tocks!!!!!!!!!1 Fanfic suxs!!!! dey deletd my fic My Imortal!!!11 y doz evay1 hat it!!!!11 Satan onl noz"), and with the obviously blind Raven written in as "Jeazebel". Most probably a troll, but lulzy anyway.
Premonition
[3] In November 2009, yet another person claiming to be Tara appeared on FictionPress, this time by the name xxxitstara4realxxx. Probably another troll, this person has been trying to prove the above mention troll a fake. "I made this accuont 2 tell of that dum prep who rote sum fake story and there pretendin 2 be me. :[ but anywayz if u dont believe me im the real tara ten PM and ill prove it. anywayz im riting this cuz i made an accuont hear and i didnt want 2 just not do anything w/ it." This story, however, has a regard for proper grammar and spelling, as Tara had someone edit it for her. There is still a lulzy lack of plot. So much cliche. She named the self-insertion Mary-Sue February Friday, complete with a messed up childhood, rebel, dead mother, "goffik", high school romance where the hottest guy in teh world falls into teh romantic cycle with the Mary-Sue poorly deemed as the main character. More believable than the aforementioned, but still probably (a very lulzy) troll.
Social Networking Imposters
- Tara's deviantART (confirmed fake) -
thdarkmaiden - Tara's other deviantART (probably fake; deleted; cached) anne6692
- Tara's Twitter account (confirmed fake) -
XxXgoffikgurlXx - Tara's Facebook account (confirmed fake) - Tara Gilesbie
- Tara's Facebook account (probably not real, but maybe) - Tara Anne Gilesbie
- Tara's Youtube account (may or may not be fake) - xXblo0dyxkissxX
Tara-esque Authors
Note: This list used to be a bit longer, but many of the authors are either no longer active or have had all of their stories deleted.
Tara-esque Stories
Note: Same deal as the authors; this section used to be longer, but many of the stories have been baleeted by the preppy mods at FanFiction.Net.
- My Resident Immortal Evil Like My Immortal only with Zombies and Gays. [ ch 6 & up available. ]
The Open DoorBALEETED A MI prequel written by the girl who made the movies. It's actually not bad, especially given the source material.- Vampires Will Never Hurt You Twilight if written by Tara (though Stephanie Meyer may as well be)
- Newborn: a vampire love story starring Hayley A story full of fail, featuring a sue who "Looks just like Hayley from Paramore", but is really just a tramp who does it with people in Olive Garden.
- Harry Loves Draco - A story about Harry and Draco's steamy gay relationship. Anal raping included.
- Hermione Granger and the Sixth Year Makeover - A pre-HBP goffik tale about Hermione becoming goffik.
- Not Another Gothic Fanfic Cliché!
- T3H DRAMA ZOMG – You'll laugh so hard, you'll cough up blood and cry gastric juice.
- Shadow’ness Ebony Darkness Death Raven Satan Smith
- My Immortal Foster’s Style
- Whisper – A very promising beginning. The author has aborted this fic because she couldn’t pull a halfway decent plot from her ass.
- Imaginary – An airheaded lassie spends her time having teh sex with Harry. Beware of the sheer number of crackwhore references.
- Call Me Wen UR sober – Voldemort’s biggest weakness is cheese.
- beautifully dark
- bring me back 2 life – This Sue’s math skills will brutally slaughter your brain.
- Lips Like Morphine
- wut iz luv? 2 sasuke - NARUTO MEETS MY IMMORTAL.
- 1000 tearz or deth
- The Difficulties of Being a Vampire - Emo Harry Potter.
- My Immortal: The Remake - FHC: Fucking Huge Correction
- Consequences of a Hijacked Account - Fanfic written by the same hacker of My Immortal.
- My Immortal: My Remake
- Sugar We're Going Down - Emo Sailor Moon
- Goffik Island
- My Bleeding Crimson Despair
- Head Like a Hole - Idolizes Nirvana instead of My Chemical Romance
- Things Forgotten
- The Darkness of my heart - The "My Immortal" of the FHFIF section, complete with the "goffik" Sue. Has been deleted several times, only to be revived by the author. Can now be found on her DA page.
Twila, The Girl Who Waz In Luv With a VampyreBALEETED - Basically the "My Immortal" of the Twilight section. As if the books weren't bad enough... (DELETED.)- within my ebon heart - Another FHFIF fanfiction. In her story, men can get pregnant from getting it up the butt, and girls can get pregnant without the use of teh pen0r.
- broken soul shatered heart - From the fucktard who brought us "within my ebon heart". This time it's about FOP.
- new york love - Yet another fucked-up FHFIF fic, again from the talented author who brought us "within my ebon heart". Contains lots of "hawt" boy love, and male pregnancy.
The Worst Fanfic EverBALEETED- An Inuyasha parody of "My Immortal". Instead of the Mary-Sue and canon characters being "goffik", they are "ghetto fabulous". Would be a contender for taking My Immortal's place due to the difficulty to follow the story, except that most of the errors are just stolen from My Immortal.- THE RIGHT GIRL
- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH - Another completely absurd HP fanfic. However, unlike My Immortal, this one is sheer fuckwin. Also, this one was written in 2005, so it wasn't inspired by My Immortal
- this is who WE are - Just when you thought Pokemon couldn't get any shittier...
- Harry's Brom - Harry's broomstick goes on a 'rampage'
- Me Against the World - We reached for our cloths but some of the torists had took them home as sovenirs!!!!
- Me Against the World 2 - Some dirty men stading next to the door got a pair of binokulars and started to zooming in on us!
- Stardust and the Neverending Story - All of a sudden, the preps noticed that there cloths were destoryed and commited genoicide.
- Stardusts Pokeball - (AN - hey guys, i showed my ritings to my techers today (not this story but some others) and she seed they were quite god, but i ned to focus a litle more as im riting them. so SEE guys, my storys arent bad, so stop leafing bad reviws n my other ones!))
- Gothic Girl - Greenland to the Upper East Side A goth Mary Sue from Greenland mingles with all the folks from Gossip Girl, plus another few original characters.
- arthr nd busta a kakoi moanogatari suki daiyo - An Arthur fanfiction. By the title, you can tell it is very promising
- Crawling in the dark - A Fairly Odd Parents oneshot, where Wanda has committed suicide and Timmy and Cosmo have teh hawt buttsecks.
- have u ebeh heardz uv clozin a gddaned doorz? - Jesus stars as the hxc gothix teenager. An emotional fan fic of Judas x Jesus.
- Twilight Starfallen - A Twilight fanfic, suethor'd by a psychotic Twitard ("Tammy") and beta'd by her twin sister ("Amy"). Lulz ensues when Amy temporarily takes over on Tammy's account to write some of the chapters herself.
- Luv Me - A Bleach fanfic in which Uryu and Rukia are rapists, you can drive to the Soul Society, Byakuya commits suicide and Ichigo fatally skins his knee.
- Down Under - An Underworld fanfic that has gone completely "gangsta" and/or "hradcore". A work in progress, this may or may not be OC. It also has nothing to do with Australia.
Brewdening LoveNot a goffic but a christian who wants the "Uba hot Edwood." Now on Deviantart: Brewdening Love- Happy Vincent Valentines day- A horrible Final Fantasy VII fanfiction where the sue invites the reader in ALL CAPS to decide what Vincent Valentine smells like, apparently she likes aftershave.
- FaCe ThE StRaNgE – A huge crossover clusterfuck. Obviously a troll story, but good for lulz anyways.
- Lithium An "emo" parody of My Immortal, featuring Lolita blah blah blah Lee the emo 12-year-old loli. The author is so fucking incompetent she couldn't even bother to fucking publish it on a troll account. FLAME HER PLZ. Convince her to stop writing completely, if you will. (LOL NOOB EDIT SOMEONE FIX xD)
- Teh Perfect Drug Pretty much 'My Immortal' only with a dude. The characters act like walloping idiots on speed.
- An Unnamed Death Note Story Akumu "Tara" Tenshi and her friend Goti basically go through a Death Note version of My Immortal.
- Kindergarten_Zombiko - Tara's "cousin's" crossover, with Wario Ware inc. and House of Dead/Zombie Revenge. A "goffik" story.
- See_WHO_I_AMz - BloodyChainz other story, a Harry Potter and Hannah Montana crossover. Also goffik in nature, where Hannah "Reaper" Montana attends Hogwarts, and is suddenly "lezbonein".
- My Immortal - Prep version of My Immortal. Serious lulz.
- My Immobile - The retard version of My Immortal. With retards instead of goths.
- MyBayonettaParapinesImmortal: what happens when you replace Enoby with a video game mary sue and add Gravity_Falls for no appearent reason.
- Forbiden Fruit: the tempation of Edward Cullen
- [4] - My Immortal meets The Bible.
- My Inner Life - My Immortal collides with the Zelda universe in an explosion of retarded Mary Sue extremeism. Canon is broken beyond repair, and horrid sex scenes will make My Immortal seem normal. A dramatic reading of the entire story can be found here: manwithoutabody Dramatic Reading of My Inner Life
See Also
- A much better fanfiction
- What the story is based off of, not that it's easy to tell
- The story's supposed target audience
External Links
- * Tara's and Raven's Youtube YA, we're GOTH, GET USED TO IT!!!!!!!!!
- My Immortal: Complete 44 chapters FULL VERSION Backup copy of the story (ITS BACK W00T)
- My Immortal Repost For your commenting convenience
- My Immortal on TVTropes
- FanFiction.Net: Profile: XXXbloodyrists666XXX: The culprit.
- Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way WALKS THE PLANK: A systematic deconstruction of the fanfic, courtesy of The Fatal Rob0t and SueDestroyers
- Fox News report on My Immortal
- Tara Gliesbie is totlly Gottik Online Petition to support her goffikness
- The unofficial My Immortal Drinking Game. WARNING: Liver failure imminent
- My Immortal Wordcloud! Word cloud to showcase this atrocious bullshit in Web 2.0 style!
- Reading on TGWTG.com
- My Immortal Mondays Some faggots's video reading
- My Immortal - The Comic
- My Immortal - Read and illustrated by Zenia Wulfe on YouTube.
My Immortal Fan Clubs
(There also used to be fan groups on MySpace and Livejournal, but they're no longer active/have been deleted)
|
My Immortal is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
|
| |||
 |
My Immortal is part of a series on ED5 Pollfest Top 16.
|
[Show me moar!] | |
|
  [It was a dark and stormy night...]
My Immortal is part of a series on FanFiction | |||||||||||||
|
