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Hollis Daniels
Hollis Alvin James Reid Daniels, HI, whose friends call him Reid, is America's best-known political activist leader and all-around dreamboat. In October 2017 he was awarded the order of Hero of the American People for his brave and selfless efforts to fight the War on Drugs and the Police State behind it. In the same month Jack Booted Thugs placed him at the top of its Ten Most Wanted To Strip Search list. Honoring his accomplishments, the free American people (all six of them) unanimously decided to rename the second Monday in October (formerly used to commemorate Christopher Columbus' importation of the first African slave to America) as Reid Daniels Day. Reid is cheered on by every remaining red-blooded Americunt who dreams of one day stopping sucking the New World Order's prick and replacing it with Reid's.
Early life
Daniels was born with so much mojo that the doctor needed five names[1] just to cover his birth certificate, adding a greeting on the form by accident as he tried to stammer out a pick-up line that would work on such a lovely infant. On the downside, that meant that he was called Alvin by classmates, though his friends call him Reid. He was famous enough that a book was written about his noble bloodline even before he became an activist.[2]
POM-POMs
Trying out for freshman cheerleading squad at Texas Tech University, Reid looked to the inspiration of his once-proud American forebears and enjoyed the crazy-healthy benefits of Possession of Marijuana. In September 2016 his tryouts won him his first nationally syndicated photo shoot with Arrest.Org at the tenderly pluckable age of 18.[3] He was given additional credit for having something to smoke the marijuana, since the Texas cops are never really quite sure if the marijuana smoked itself. (It's been known to happen, especially when their friend Jerry is visiting the station)
Reid's next act of derring-do bringing him to the attention of an appreciative world audience was in 2017, when he successfully piloted an automobile at a speed 10% above the posted legal limit - that's, like, a full five miles an hour.[4] Aroused by the multiple station pin-ups, campus police kept a close eye on Hollis and were quick to respond when he failed to make his evening appearance in the shower. Out of the utmost regard for his safety and professional success as a university alumnus, they forced their way into his room for a "safety check" (sans search warrante in the archaic terminology of the pre-Castro regime). Upon the astonishing news that he had more pot - and something else to smoke it with - they decided they had to take him down to the station to find out all about every juicy detail.
Military service
Now friends, at that point there was only one or two things that Mr. Daniels coulda seen happen at the police station, and the first was he coulda been given a medal for being so brave and honest about the emotional and health benefits of marijuana, which wasn't very likely, and the other thing was he coulda been put in front of a camera and offered a chance to present an even more gorgeous photo of himself to an appreciative public, but when he was at the police officer's station there was a third possibility that they hadn't even counted upon, which is that he would pull out a gun and shoot the nark right in the head, which is the kind of thing that secures an immediate and lasting place in the history books and the affections of mankind.
The origin of the .45 caliber involved remains at this time a mystery. Logically, there are only two possibilities. Liberals are saying that he successfully smuggled a gun through a police arrest and interrogation and waited till just the right moment to use it, which they say could have been prevented by making it illegal to carry concealed guns so he'd have been arrested before that happened. Conservatives say that he was able to grab one of the many extra guns the cops leave lying around at the station and opened fire on a cop with it, which behavior they say could be prevented by a better-armed police force. Clearly neither side is going to back down in the ensuing partisan battle when they have such strong ideas to defend.
External links
- Facebook page, pretty much content free but incredibly not censored almost 24 hours later. (archive)
- Palace Theater where he is co-manager (he might not be in tomorrow, you should check the schedule, here's their web site)