Ian David Long

Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.

Ian David Long
Born	March 27, 1990
Nationality:	Americunt
Highscore	12 killed, 11 injured (1 by gunfire)
Top 50?	No
Style	FPS, singleplayer
An Hero?	Yes
Motive	PTSD, general boredom

Corporal Ian David Long^✡ was an IRL Call of Duty veteran and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting High Score Championship. He is also living proof that even being in the US Marines is no cure for being a manlet. After returning to the US from life in Afghanistan, David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'Murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by killing Afghan farmers and raeping their goats, Long went into a deep depression.

On November 7, 2018, David Long had finally had enough of California's culture of faggotry and race-mixing. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting niggers), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realized he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US high score. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and gave himself unto the Lord. He is now in heaven, shooting sandniggers with a machine gun.

Military Career

Long was rare among shooters in that he had lengthy previous experience in pwning n00bs overseas before attempting to score high back in his own country. Long was in the US Marines, and was involved in their extensive sandnigger-hunting campaign in Afghanistan. Although Long never shot Osama bin Laden, he did kill many hundreds of random people with a machine gun, so many that he received medals for his 1337 machine gunning skills. Why this retard didn't choose the machine gun as his weapon of choice during his bid for the high score is anyone's guess, but theories suggest he was too poor to buy a machine gun, and so a cliché-as-fuck Glock was the cunt's only option.

During his time as a Marine, either prior to or during his tour of Afghanistan, David Long was called ghey by a kid on Call of Duty: World at War. His response became rather well-known:

	“	What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the US Marine Corps, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.	„

Return to America

After a multi-year spray and pray campaign in Afghanistan, David Long was discharged from the Marines. He then went to live in the best possible place for a patriotic, God-fearing, Bible-raping American veteran: Thousand Oaks, California. The degeneracy he witnessed here, combined with the fact that he couldn't get any woman because he was a cryptofag, led him to carry out the mass shooting. Like most sensible people, Long despised country music, and was forced to suffer as his favorite bar was turned into a venue for this revolting redneck garbage. In 2017, our hero witnessed the legendary Las Vegas shooting by Stephen Paddock, who solved his problem with country music by taking down a total of 58 mealy-mouthed, insipid, shit-kicking degenerates with multiple assault rifles. This inspired Long, who dreamed of becoming a legendary mass shooter himself one day.

The Shooting

On November 7, 2018, David Long bought a handgun and an extended magazine. He then went to the country music-playing bar and blew off 12 heads, including a police officer's, within about a minute. When he realized he was running out of ammo, Long became an hero. Goodnight, sweet prince.

Loadout

Class Setup
Item	Accessories/Bonus
Primary: Pistol	Just one pistol for a handgun-only match.
Perk 1: Marine Corps	Good accuracy, superior shooter to cops.
Perk 2: Regular Bar Visitor	Reduces enemy awareness/alarm/suspicion.
Perk 3: Extended Mag	Surprises enemies with extended firepower.
Spell: Tradition	Good for trolling country music fans and other degenerates, extra butthurt for liberals, third 10+ mass shooting in the US in 2018, second mass shooting in the US targeting country faggots.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	12/20 (11 injuries) Deadliest by military personnel since Nidal Hasan.
Accuracy:	8/20 According to accurate news, he fired 30 rounds and killed 12 people, not including himself. That is a 40% (8/20) accuracy rate. Pretty shit for a US Marine.
Style:	12/20 Points for using handgun-only mode and targeting a country music bar, thus turning Stephen Paddock's legacy into a tradition
Butthurt:	15/20 Points lost for not targeting a specific racial demographic or fags. Points gained for doing it in a shitlib state.
Bonus:	16/20 An hero, cop wasted.
Total Score: 63/100 (D)

Country roads... Take me home... California... See full ranking

Wanted Level:
___________________

___________________

Federal Bureau of Investigation

See Also

• Robert Gregory Bowers - The second 10+ US mass shooter of 2018.
• Nikolas Cruz - The first 10+ US mass shooter of 2018.
• Stephen Paddock - Also hated country music.
• Fort Hood
• Omar Mateen
• Cho Seung-Hui
• Mass Shooting
• Gun Control

	Ian David Long is part of a series on An Heroes
[iPod][Xbox] Died Alone 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Aaron Bushnell • Aaron Howard • Aaron Swartz • AcidChan • Adam Lanza • Adolf Hitler • Akbarzhon Dzhalilov • Alan Turing • Alexis Pilkington • Amanda Todd • An Halo • Andrea Pignani • Andrew Kehoe • Andrew Koenig • Anthony Warner • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • August Ames • Ben Vodden • Bob8466 • Brandon Clegg • Brandon Crisp • Brandon Hole • Brenda Williams • Brigit Gonzalez • Broadt Ledet • Bruce Pardo • Bubba Copeland • Budd Dwyer • Candyjunkie • Arcan Cetin • Charles Bishop • Charmaine Dragun • Chloe Sagal • Chris Benoit • Chris Dorner • Christine Chubbuck • Christopher Foster • Chris Harper-Mercer • Cho Seung-Hui • Clay Duke • Codey Porter • David Ritcheson • Derrick Bird • Devin Kelley • Dustin Michaels • Dylan Klebold • Elliot Rodger • Emma Jones • Eric Harris • Etika • Euler Grandolpho • George Hennard • George Sodini • Gizgiz • Gleb Korablev • Hannah Bond • Heath Ledger • Hunter S. Thompson • Israel Keyes • Jake Roberts • James Leshkevich • Jarrad Willis • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Jenny Grant • JewWario • Jiverly Voong • Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier • Joe Stack • John Houser • Jonathan Kendrick Lewis • José Betts • Jürgen Conings • Kevin Neil Whitrick • Klerck • Kurt Cobain • Leelah Alcorn • Livecorpse • Lowtax • Matthias Schoormann • Mario Ferreyra • Marvin Heemeyer • McSkillet • Megan Meier • Mercedes Herrera • Mia Janin • Mitchell Henderson • Mr. Hands • Matti Saari • Josh Ballard • Nathaniel Berhow • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikita Lytkin • Nikki Catsouras • OldDirtyBtard • Otoya Yamaguchi • Panya Khamrab • Paula Goodspeed • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Philip Markoff • Quentin Hubbard • Rachele Rudd • Rehtaeh Parsons • Ricardo Lopez • Richard Jeni • Rina Palenkova • Robert Card • Robert Hawkins • Robin Williams • Ronnie McNutt • Rudolph Zurick • Ryan Palmeter • Sadie Davila • Salman Abedi • Sam Leeson • Shane Halligan • Shaun Dykes • Shawn Woolley • Shay • Shuaiby • Sol Pais • Stephanie Michelle Brown • Stephen Kazmierczak • Stephen Huff • Stephen Paddock • Stiletto one • Tang Yongming • Tatiana the Tiger • Terry Davis • The An Heroes of Bridgend • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Tony48219 • Tyler Clementi • Tyler Dumstorf • Tyler Peterson • Verne Troyer • William Atchison Failures Adf-fuensalida • Ahuviya Harel • Alek Minassian • Amber Buttrum • Amy Bishop • Anton Bichivin • Ariana Raykotto • Audrey Hale • Aydin Paladin • Bernie Madoff • Brandon Clark • Brenda Spencer • Brian Clyde • Brian Connors • Brook Higgins • Campo Delgado • Charles Ziese • Cobanermani456 • Colonel McBadass • Crystal Shinkle • David Gray • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Roof • Gabe Parker • George Stinney • Hugo Jackson • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Imma-The-Deer • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Jameth • Jarrod Ramos • Jeffree Moon • Jessica Evert • Jonathan Ross • Joseph Camp • Justin-anon • Lindsay Souvannarath • Lolo Ferrari • Mamoru Takuma • Martin Bryant • Mary Bell • Michael Carneal • Michael Gimson • Missy • Mychal Bell • Neogrant • Nikkineko333 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • NuzzieKoma • Owen Wilson • Pikacat39 • PogoRoo • RainBoy107 • Richard Reid • Randan Fontaine • Rex Fowler • Robert Crimo • Robert Long • Salvador Ramos • Shaan Singh • Shinji Aoba • Sienna Johnson • Sirtom93 • Sneakylizard • Stephen Fry • TakeShotAction • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Toaster Steve • Tom Preston • TooDamnFilthy • Tumbles the Stairdragon • Viper Related Pages 90 Day Jane • An hero day • ask.fm • Autoerotic asphyxiation • Columbine • Golden iPod • Heaven's Gate • High Score • How to become an hero • Jeffrey Epstein • Mydeathspace • Pseudocide • Shotgun mouthwash • Suicide • Suicidal Failure • The Great Sonic-cide of 2007 • Threatening suicide • Virginia Tech massacre • Waco

	Ian David Long is part of a series on [GAME OVERInsert Coin]
	Single Player Elite Hall of Fame Adam Lanza • Anders Behring Breivik • Andrew Kehoe • Ariana Grande Massacre • Baruch Goldstein • Brenton Tarrant • Campo Elías Delgado • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dong Yangling • Gabriel Wortman • Jack Gilbert Graham • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Luby's massacre • Martin Bryant • Mutsuo Toi • Nice Truck Attack 2016 • Omar Mateen • Panya Khamrab • Patrick Crusius • Reina Nightclub Massacre • Salvador Ramos • Shinji Aoba • Stephen Paddock • Ted Bundy • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Unek • Woo Bum-kon Single Player Amateur Division Aaron Alexis • Alexandre Bissonnette • Akbarzhon Jalivov • Ali David Sonboly • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Andrea Pignani • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Audrey Hale • Brandon Scott Hole • Breda Highschool Massacre • Breitscheidplatz • Brenda Ann Spencer • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Capital Gazette Shooting • Charles Whitman's Tumor • Chris Harper-Mercer • Connor Betts • Dallas Police Shootings • Darrell Brooks • David Katz • David Kozák • David Malcolm Gray • Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain • Derrick Bird • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dimitrious Gargasoulas • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Storm Roof • Elliot Rodger • Éric Borel • Euler Fernando Grandolpho • Flemming Nielsen • Fort Hood • Gabe Parker • George Sodini • Gian Luigi Ferri • Ian David Long • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Jake Davison • James Alex Fields • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Dalton • Jason Rodriguez • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeffrey Dahmer • Jeff Weise • Jesse Osborne • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • John Russell Houser • John Wilkes Booth • Jonathan Sapirman • Josef Fritzl • Khalid Masood • Kimveer Gill • Kip Kinkel • Kongsberg Bow and Arrow Rampage • Lam Kor Wan • Mamoru Takuma • Marc Lépine • Mark Barton • Mark Essex • Martin Peyerl • Matthew de Grood • Michael Carneal • Michael Kenneth McLendon • Michael Ryan • Mikese Morse • Mr. Saari • Nathan Gale • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • Orlando Harris • Otoya Yamaguchi • Patrick Purdy • Payton Gendron • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Ramadan Van Man • Randy Robert Stair • Richard Speck • Robert Bales • Robert Bowers • Robert Card • Robert Crimo • Robert Hawkins • Robert Long • Robert Steinhäuser • Ruslan Akhtyamov • Ryan Palmeter • Santino William Legan • Satoshi Uematsu • Sayfullo Saipov • Stephen Kazmierczak • The Twinkie Man • Thomas Matthew Crooks • Thomas Watt Hamilton • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Tobias Rathjen • Trystan Andrew Terrell • Tyler Peterson • Unabomber • Wade Michael Page • Walter Seifert • Wellington Menezes de Oliveira • Zhao Zewei • Zug Massacre Multiplayer Co-Op Mode 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Academy Maniacs • Boston Marathon Bombing • Charlie Hebdo • Columbine • Crocus City Hall Massacre • Hiroshima and Nagasaki • ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 • Jews did WTC • London Bridge Attack 2017 • Medianeira School Shooting • Pearl Harbor • San Bernardino Shooting • Sri Lanka 2019 Terrorist Attacks • Suzano School Shooting • Timothy McVeigh • Zhaodong Massacre Civilization and Great Prophets Adolf Hitler • Augusto Pinochet • Aum Shinrikyo • Charles Manson • Heaven's Gate • Holocaust • Jonestown • Joseph Stalin • Kim Il-sung • Mao Zedong • Osama bin Laden • Pol Pot • Saddam Hussein • Waco • World War II Banned From Scoring Alex Hribal • Anthony Warner • Anton Bichivin • Asa Coon • Ben Moynihan • Billy Mitchell • Brandon Clegg • Brian Isaack Clyde • Charles Bishop • Clay Duke • Dillon Cossey • Faisal Shahzad • Frank James • Hayden Jagst • Hugo Jackson • Ilya Ivanistov • John Earnest • Kyle Rittenhouse • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Logan Clark • MAGABomber • Mikhail Pivnev • Nasim Aghdam • Nicky Reilly • Philip Manshaus • Richard Reid • Ryan Routh • Sam Hyde • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • Stephan Balliet • Todd Rogers • Willem Van Spronsen • William Atchison • You

[Stop shooting!Pull the trigger]

Ian David Long is part of a series on Gun Control

Featured article November 24 & 25, 2018
Preceded by JoeyPknowsalotaboutthat	Ian David Long	Succeeded by ThotAudit