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Full House
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Full House (aka Fail House) is a painfully unfunny sitcom that's known to be one of the most G-rated banal kitsch shows of all time; favorite TV show by pedophiles, closet homosexuals, 8 year old girls and you. The show takes place in San Francisco, with three unmarried men, who occasionally enjoy the circle jerk, living in a house with three little girls. The show launched the "acting" career of Bob Faget and the Olsen Twins. It also managed to turn many people into home bitches.
Characters
Danny Tanner - Pedophile A father of three little girls and depressed widower who masturbates to peewee football. (character based on IRL Bob Saget).
Joey - Danny's previous gay partner and a shit comedian who's jokes give cancer survivors AIDS. Also a pedophile that lures in small children with his Puppets. He is also a master of ventriloquism.
Jesse - A self proclaimed ladies man and a pretentious Elvis wannabe son of a bitch who wants to be a "rock and roll" star although he has no actual talent and is a failure as a parent. He desperately needs a hair cut on several cases of it being mistaken for a bush monster. For moar information see: Guido.
Rebecca - Jesse's wife, coming from a white town in Nebraska. Teaches her housemates square dancing, therefore making her the object of white trash in the house. She is a hardcore supporter of the KKK and believes that white revolution is the only solution.
D.J. Tanner - Teenage Mary Sue, a over- emotional fat cow who is constantly getting in trouble for offering blowjobs to desperate nerds.
Stephanie Tanner - Middle daughter played by Jodie Sweetin, before she discovered the wonders of meth, she now stars on the popular Nickelodeon show iCarly as the goofy sidekick.
Michelle Tanner - Youngest of the daughters; known for getting raped nearly every other episode. Portrayed by the Olsen twins.
Nicky and Alex - Jesse's Aspie children who are constantly abused and molested by their parents to the amusement of the audience.
Steve Hale - D.J.'s forced boyfriend and frequent cannabis user. He always want to get some but DJ is too busy eating to even notice.
Kimmy Gibbler - Giant enemy crab and all out closet case. Unbeknownst to the Tanner family, she ends up becoming famed porn star and staring in the video "2girls1cup"
Oh Memories...
The milk man, the paper boy, evening T.V
You miss your old familar friends, but
waiting just around the bend.
Everywhere you look (everywhere)
There's a heart (there's a heart)
A hand to hold on to.
Everywhere you look (everywhere)
There's a face of somebody who needs you.
When you're lost out there and your all alone
A light is waiting to carry you home
Everywhere you look.
Aftermath
As you can tell, not all of the stars of Full House turned out to be successful. Just look at Bob Saget. After the show ended, his career began it's path down the road to becoming the normal life of a washed-up 90's television star. He now does shitty stand-up comedy and has been roasted by other faggots like him. He spends his days at his home fapping off to Spongebob. Kimmy's career also ended up in the toilet. She was last seen on the streets of Detroit with handfuls of used syringes.
Gallery
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Did you know that they are actually the Chippendales dancers? -
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Why don't you take a seat over there? -
What a happy family! -
Somebody's grown up
See Also
External Links
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Full House is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |
