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Toontown
- Not to be confused with: Toontown from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," which is much
moreless of a failure, and so doesn't deserve an article.
Toontown is the most badass MMORPG a roleplayer could ask for. You play as a furry who, alongside other furries, combats evil robots dressed in suits. If this doesn't sound awesome enough, you fight them by hurling pies and other slapstick-esque items at their faces. Need more be said? If that's not enough, Disney is responsible for this abomination of the internet, from the makers of High School Musical and Hannah Montana. Its levels of faggotry even challenge those of Neopets, which was once thought to be scientifically impossible.
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Disney finally regained their humanity and closed this internet monstrosity before it spread into the brains of young children further, filling their every thought with pies. But don't fret, private servers have taken over in the wake of the closed game, due to full-grown men wanting their childhoods back. Read more about those in their respective sections. |
Oh yeah, and you have to pay to play this shit. You might as well be given a monthly fee for cutting your balls off.
The Toontown weed first sprouted in 2003. Since then, it has overgrown catastrophically, sucking the life out of everything that once gave the internet value. Youtube is one primary example. Thanks to ShitTown, it's now cluttered with music videos of toons running around using animations. If that doesn't sound constructive enough to you, you may not be mentally insane. With more and more updates to the game, more and more children are sucked into the dark void that is Disney's Toontown Online. It can be described best as a horrific monster, similar to The Blob. The more children who succumb to this monstrosity, the more powerful it becomes, and the more money the capitalist Disney executives empty from the pockets of dying Cancer patients. We can only hope that the internet will one day be rid of this horror for eternity. Unfortunately, we all know that expectation to be approximately as realistic as Dianetics, thanks to Toontown Rewritten taking the spot of the now-closed Disney game. The Cancer has spread even further since then.
Gameplay
When the game is first begun, you will create your character just like in any other MMORPG. You choose which animal you want your character to be, his or her personal appearance, then his or her name. The most common way to do so is by using Toontown's name generator, the resulting name is never any less elaborate and ridiculously, unnecessarily long than something along the lines of "Queen Happy Dildoshitter The Thirteenth". Once the character has been created, you are walked through a short tutorial that explains how to play the game:
1. Select gag (weapon).
2. Enemy's turn.
3. Repeat.
4. You win/lose.
5. Move on to next enemy.
6. Continue from step 1.
7. ????
8. PROFIT!!!
Once the tutorial is completed, you are free to roam Toontown. What you do from then on is not much different from the tutorial itself. However, you may embark upon lengthy and irritating quests which involve killing the same kind of Cog over and over again. This is just about as much fun as it sounds like. When you run low on gags, you must play minigames to earn more. Also, if a player "goes sad" (the family friendly term for dying), said player is forced to wander around aimlessly in a safe zone until his/her laff points (the game's health system) have replenished. This takes an unnecessarily long amount of time.
Gameplay Sample
Gag Types
Toon-Up
Toon-Up gags are Toontown's version of healing potions. These gags consist of a flower with which you can molest other toons, a cane for doing Dr. House impressions, and lipstick so you can initiate yiffing. Many toons in need of a toon-up will shout "TOON PLZ" over and over until they inevitably go sad, at which point they will blame anyone in the room. Denying toon-ups is one of many forms of trolling Toontown players that is available. The maximum level toon-up is the high dive, in which your toon becomes self aware and climbs a tall ladder, jumping off at the top in an attempt to commit suicide after realizing what a horrible game he/she is in. This causes great lulz to the other toons, who, knowing you can never escape, laugh harder than at any other toon-up gag.
Trap
Despite being a game targeted towards children, trap gags are decidedly violent. They include quicksand pits in which your enemies drown and TNT which can blow a foe's face far, far away. Although they are the only thing that comes close to even a fraction of cool in Toontown, nobody uses trap. The maximum level trap gag calls in Asians to build a railroad track, which, if the enemies step on, instantly sends a fucking train through their fragile robot bodies.
Lure
Lure gags must be used after a trap has been set in order for the trap to work. Lure gags include money attached to fishing rods and magnets. One jellybean can be exchanged for a twenty dollar bill, because the gag shop is run by counterfeiters. A lured cog cannot attack, and stands still for several turns contemplating whether it would be better to an hero for falling for a stupid prank, or to get revenge and do penance for its sin of idiocy. The maximum level lure gag is a projector screen with loli displayed, drawing all foes in and distracting them while they fap.
Sound
Sound is the ultimate weapon of lulz. The jews at Disney made a gag track that almost always hits, hits all enemies, and does barely any damage. No matter what sound gag you use, if it hits, it WILL draw enemies out of lure. This can be used for trolling in situations with high level enemies, as a bike horn will do about three points of damage and piss off the evil robots enough to cause massive damage to all toons involved. Alternatively, higher level sound gags like the Foghorn are useful for taking out groups of foes, but you can't win at this game, so why bother trying? The maximum level sound gag is an opera singer, whose ugliness and horrifying voice combine to make the foes slit their wrists for 90 damage.
Throw
Throw gags miss about as often as they hit. Many toons think they are 1337 because they throw birthday cakes at foes, but everyone knows all the awesome toons creampie their enemies to death. All toons start with this gag, and squirt. The maximum level throw gag is a wedding cake, which makes the bad guys so fat they develop diabetes and fail to get testing supplies in time.
Squirt
The other gag toons start with, squirt nearly always hits but does 3/4 the damage of throw gags. To use a squirt attack, a toon first touches his/herself furiously, then cums on the foe. This level of pleasure can be obtained through such means as rubbing flowers on one's genitalia, or even humping a hose, but the most backed up toons release a geyser of body fluids (the maximum level squirt gag).
Drop
Drop gags, much like playing Toontown, are useless. They do a ton of damage, but trap is more useful for hard hitting. They miss more often than any other gag type. Most of all, they are used last in a turn, so they don't even get a chance to try hitting their target half the time. However, if you can get a drop to land, it often kills the victim. Drop gags include safes, pianos, and even the maximum level "Toontanic" if you feel like adding more victims to an already horrid tragedy (and you know you do, just like you know you love that Celine Dion song, faggot).
Cogs
You battle business robots called "cogs" as they fight against you just to make a minimum wage (Making Toontown even more fail as it teaches kids to get rid of good office people). They come in four fruity flavors. They are all based of slang terms for business people.
Cog Types
Bossbots
Flunky - Dropped out of robot highschool and became a fat fuck. Nobody fears this piece of shit. He cannot even kill noobs.
Pencil Pusher - A walking pencil, literally. Often confused with being a walking dildo.
Yesman - Says yes to being fucked every time, it's ironic sometimes when he says no if you want to battle him.
Micromanager - A woman boss (lol). Known for sucking Yesman's dick for money.
Downsizer - Spends more time walking around streets then actually downsizing people.
Head Hunter - His huge body compensates for his tiny head.
Lawbots
Bottom Feeder - Fat ass piece of shit that has nothing to do with being a lawyer.
Bloodsucker - Vampire lawyers that make stupid 1950's horror story references.
Double Talker - Walks around the streets offering two oral jobs at once.
Ambulance Chaser - Possibly the only Lawbot the has a lawyer reference that roams the streets.
Backstabber - Another non lawyer name for a Lawbot.
Spin Doctor - Skinny ass blue dude that does the most damage for a street cog.
Sellbots
Cold Caller - Fat ass credit card caller, does the least amount of damage in the game.
Telemarketer - A Cold Caller that goes on a diet gets promoted to this.
Name Dropper - The only nigger cog, some how isn't a Flunky.
Glad Hander - Fat ass that offers hand jobs.
Mover and Shaker - Skinny French dude that always says lines that you can end with "That's what she said".
Two Face - A white Double Talker.
Cashbots
Short Change - Cold Caller with a green suit (Shows how much time Disney put into the game).
Penny Pincher - A walking red penis, seriously.
Tightwad - Money Bags' underachieving brother. Another worthless fat fuck.
Bean Counter - Downsizer, but with a green suit.
Number Cruncher - Another female cog, and somehow not a lower Lvl cog. Numbers all over her mouth, details how many cocks she sucked that day.
Money Bags - Fat ass jew that never shuts up about money.
Building only Cogs
Some cogs just stay in a cog building and fap all day until players go and stop them from molesting other players. All these "building only" cogs can also be found during Invasions and in Cog HQ's. Go figure....
Corporate Raider - Fat pirate that does more damage then the Big Cheese somehow.
The Big Cheese - Although he is the highest of the bossbots, he is the weakest building only cog.
Legal Eagle - A walking bird, does shit damage making him a joke.
Big Wig - George Washington robot, also does shit damage. Highest of the Lawbots.
Loan Shark - Up there with the Corporate Raider and Mingler in the OP department. He does 24 damage all the time.
Robber Baron - Highest of the Cashbots but does less damage then a Loan Shark.
Mr. Hollywood - Highest of the Sellbots, but is a joke compared to The Mingler.
Cog Buildings
Sometimes a street cog will take over a building and make it a secret sex torture chamber. Players go in and defeat all cogs in it just to change it back. You will get tasks to visit a shopkeeper in a building on some street. That one building you have assigned is always taken over and made into a four story cog building, cause players don't give a crap about your missions.
Cog HQ's
Cogs made permanent fap areas in each corner of the map with a boss battle for each. Players have to disguise as cogs and team up to eight players to prevent further fapping.
Sellbot HQ
The Factory - Players go into a factory in teams of four and fight basically a super Cog Building. It is so damn easy noobs can cum in there with half their health.
Sellbot Towers - The Sellbot boss battle. Eight players go into to fight the V.P. by throwing cum pies at him until he falls off the top of the tower. Super easy. Players with only 50 health practically solo this damn boss even though it's meant for eight players.
Cashbot HQ
The Mints - Noobs go in thinking they can solo it like a factory then die cause they didn't know that it's just a series of four Lvl 11 cogs waiting to kill you. Cashbot HQ started the process of making all cog HQ's besides Sellbot mad hard by making every cog in there either a Lvl 10, 11, or 12.
The C.F.O. Battle - Eight players fight the Cashbot boss battle. A giant fucking cash register. You have to hit him on the head with mini robots then hit him on the head wit safes to damage him. If you hit him on the head with a safe when he's not knocked out, he will use it as a helmet (Great trolling technique for other players). Some players say he's too easy and purposefully give him a safe helmet to make it harder.
Lawbot HQ
The District Attorneys Office - Same as the mints, but with no Lvl 10s and more cogs.
The Chief Justice battle - Eight players play makeshift lawyer in a attempt to defend a nigger for killing his hoe. Players who defeat the C.J. get to call in Cog Invasions which makes the entire game make nothing but the cog you called in for 7-10 minutes (troll players who need to kill a certain cog by calling in invasions of other cogs).
Bossbot HQ
The Golf Courses - Same as the D.A. Office only more cogs. They also made new V2.0 Cogs where when you defeat them, you also have to defeat their skeleton.
The C.E.O. Battle - You and seven other players break into a kitchen, poison the food, and squirt the bossbot boss with water until he gets demoted into a Flunky. It's the longest boss battle but it's also the lamest.
Other Cog HQ info
Goons - Walking mini robots that shoots a giant UV light unto the floor. A player caught in it dies of cancer unless they get out of it.
Skelecogs - Only found in Cog HQ's. They are basically just skeletons of cogs.
Virtual Skelecogs - Skelecogs projected off a camera. Players fight these thing even though it would just be easier to turn off the fucking camera and move on.
The Toontown Within Toontown
- Toontown is a city populated by odd, brightly colored creatures referred to as, "Toons".
- Toontown consists of several districts, each of which governed by none other than a member of the cast of The Mickey Mouse Show. These character contribute nothing to the fucking game. Disney just needs product placement.
- Toons use a system of currency much different than our own: jellybeans.
- Jellybeans, which are necessary for purchasing gags (weapons), are earned by playing minigames repeatedly. Unfortunately, these minigames are fucking garbage and boring, most players just fiercely masturbate and use one hand for playing the minigames. You can also earn jellybeans through fishing, which is less horrendous,but it just wastes your fucking time.
- Gags are the weapons for use against enemies. They are completely useless until your gag reaches level 4. You must waste a good amount of time training your gags and in Toontown Central, which is plagued by stupid noobs.
- There is a variety of gags that can be purchased, such as pies or bottles of seltzer water, and more powerful gags are unlocked at later levels. These good gags will take forever to earn. When you do earn them, your allowed to hold very small amounts. However you should be okay with small, because your Penis is too.
- The enemies in Toontown consist of robotic entities known as, "Cogs". Most cogs are just pathetic Jews and fatass fucks who need your Jellybeans. Which is strange, because Jellybeans in for cogs should be fucking worthless. Cogs also enjoy violently raping toons and masturbating with each other.
- Cogs wander around Toontown in their endless search for rape victims. A Cog makes no effort whatsoever to harm a Toon unless the Toon in question has made a direct attempt to make physical contact, therefore issuing a life-or-death challenge.
- Cogs attack by throwing objects at Toons. However, rather than pies, Cogs throw ties and other businessman-related objects. Toons are somehow hurt by these business objects, even though many Toons on streets run business and shops. Toons are considered to be mentally unstable, and must be murdered at all costs.
- When a Cog has been defeated, said Cog will explode in a blazing inferno of cogs and gears. Not before entering an epileptic seizure, of course.
- Sidewalks are completely safe from Cogs, because the cogs are too fucking stupid to just go there.
Players
You can only imagine the kind of people who actually spend their money to play this. Due to Toontown's playful and innocent nature, nobody older than thirteen (this is a lie) can be found playing this (with the exception of aspies). As a result, it's a breeding ground for jailbait. However, you must be able to prove you know a player IRL to actually attempt direct communication, making sexual harassment but a distant dream. If you don't know a player IRL, you are forced to select a preset phrase from a list. One can only imagine what manner of badass phrases are allowed to be said in this horrid game. Had this not been the case, Toontown may have just become the newest Habbo Hotel.
Fandom
As you may have assumed, due to the game being entirely populated by furries, some players go so far as to make webcomics and other fan art/fiction about this godawful game. Some are poorly drawn serious comics with horrible storylines, like most webcomics (an example of which can be found here). However, some people are sick enough to make traditional furry works. The fanbase also consisists of retarded 14 year old 2013 fags who would spam the Yolo, Swag, Dubstep, and twerking trends and how "kewl" 2013 is like they're new fads and totally didn't become old mold on a cold plate. They would also blindly bash or ignore things that isn't Toontown.
People Who Don't Play Toontown
Known Players
- Cheddar-Cheesia - A player whom has strong faggotry in his heart. A whiny little bitch.
- DJYC21215 - Some faggot atheist. This nigger often makes pointless long rants but still plays the fucking game. Also, a known communist who voted for Obama.
- Sir Max/Joey - Owner of Toontown social media site, Toonbook. A stupid high school dropout.
- Lefty Lemonzilla - Gay hacker whom sounds like a fucking child.
- Quackity - A mentally retarded duck. Known to be a rapist. Thinks he is MLG pro.
- Smirky - The teenage white trash who cried on camera because Toontown was closing down and recorded it.
- Coach Zucchini - (Powerword: Max DeGroot) One of the most supreme cock suckers in Toontown. Grown man who bitches on Camera about how little girls play Toontown.
- Kong - Another faggot YouTuber. Was shrekt by a script kiddies and had all his info put online. Died from AIDS in 2018.
- Laosinaa - A rabbit furry who plays Toontown. 95% chance she is ugly as shit.
- OtakuSRL - A 17 year old NEET pinball machine collector that runs the subreddit for Toontown. Two-faced whiney bitch who writes college essays as comment replies ands abuses mod powers. In a "Long Distance Relationship" with five year old he met in-game. Runs Toontown Apex
- Master Loopy - An 18 year old manchild from New York (could be from Massachusetts, but who cares? They're the same state anywho!) from a city nobody gives a shit about. He likes to roleplay with teenage girls by pretending to have BUTTSECKS with them, making a literal death threat to people (he once caused 2 young girls to attempt suicide. smh), and ultimately fakes his goddamn depression. You know why he has depression? HE HAS DEPRESSION OVER A FUCKING KIDS GAME CLOSING. His FACE even looks cringy. Seriously. Don't even bother looking at his god-forsaken face. It's like somebody opened the Ark of the Covenant.
- Evil Sonic - A faggotry of a dog who likes to troll toons and inevitably waste their fucking time by bothering them CONSTANTLY. Did we mention she likes THOMAS THE FUCKING TANK ENGINE!?!?!?
- Caden - Loopy's little butt buddy who constantly switches sides with him. In reality, he just wants to get into Loopy's pants and try to comfort/have buttsex him.
- TTRExposer (formerly AntiRedsMods) and Crass28 73 (aka Crass eat my AAYUS) - These 2 users spend most of their times throwing a dartboard at what toon they want to rant on. When they find one, they go on their pussy-whipped game and find something bad about them. When they can't find anything, they make up a bunch of shit up.
- TheCreepyCappuccino/Medieval Pirahna - An emo girl who is basically a fat bitch living in her mothers basement supplying on Toontown, Cheez Doodles, Mountain Dew, Carl Weezer, Animal Crossing, and rejection. Oh, and she is the boyfriend of Master Loopy. Why she of all people likes to suck his weeny dick, we will never know. Oh, and her brother is an aspie. Never seen one of those before.
Toontowns Closed
In 2013, Disney finally decided it was time to mercy-kill the failure shitpile of a game that is Toontown. Thus resulting in lulzy collective crying from all the furfag sperglords who actually still play the game. This was the most cringiest and saddest things that a fandom has ever done. The fans of Toontown obviously don't know that MMOs come and go and Toontown is one of them. They are so in denial, that they actually remade the game and made bootleg ToonTown servers named Toontown Rewritten and Toontown Infinite. Both servers are run by insolent, homosexual, stupid fucking teenagers. Toontown Infinite has closed.
Muh childhood ;_;
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Rise of the Private Servers
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This article does not need any more private servers, not at all. You can help by not adding anything, especially not private servers. |
When you are addicted to something, normally, the best solution is to get a fucking life. However, Toontown autists are so fucking presistant, they have released several private servers to revive the game. All these private servers were run by fucking 15-year-olds (literally), so naturally, they have all failed or are currently failing. However, when they are not playing shit servers, they are fiercely masturbating to Toontown Rule 34 porn, which is somehow worse than Gardevoir porn.
Toontown Rewritten
- Unfortunately still alive. It'll be killed off soon enough.
The most popular private server, the only one that's still running today, and unsurprisingly the gayest. This private server is populated by children and 60-year-old creepers just like the original TT. The server was first formed when Disney announced they were destroying the monstrosity known as Toontown to make way for their obese cash cow, Club Penguin. A bunch of Toontown "hackers" and terrible programmers got together, stole Disney's garbage source code and made TTR. TTR is probably the worst launch in gaming history, next to Xbox One of course. Even though their only jobs were to copy and paste shit and make some cheap half-ass servers, they fucked it up. For at least a year, they were in alpha testing. They then started giving out "keys" that would let you test and access the game early, naturally TT players went on murderous rampages for these keys.
—some retarded toonbook user | ||
They eventually made the game for Beta, but still refused to release their copy-and-fucking-paste. And TTR players continued their rampages. They had shitty systems such as "wait 20 hours for a spot to play TTR" or "reserve a date and time to play TTR". People fell for this shit. When they finally released the game (still in fucking Beta like in late 2014), people lost their shit and were happy. The game was laggy, gltich-ridden, and at least 25% of it was not done. A cog HQ is missing and you still can't golf or do some other basic shit. Only one can wonder how you went from shit to gigantic turd. They literally had one job and fucked it up.
Unfortunately, this game became the premise for all future TT servers, and they wonder why they fail. They're still trying to patch up their failures, but is still in beta TO THIS DAY, and will likely be in beta forever.
4/15/17: The faggots added doodles, even though it has been at least 3 years since the fucking server came out. Well, at least the furfags are happy.
9/1/17: The fucking game's finally out of beta with the shitty 2.0.0 version. They've even added 2 new furries in the game: deer and crocodile. (Okay, how the fuck is a crocodile considered a furry? (Are you gonna be a faggot and call it a scaley? Furries are a blanket term for degenerate zoophiliacs))
Toontown Infinite
- Note: As of December 2014, ToonTown Infinite has shut down permanently. Thank nicolas cage. (sauce)
Such an ironic name, considering it died in a year. Its website was also hacked twice. This game was released before Rewritten, but did more in a 6 months then Rewritten did in 2 fucking years. The people at TTR were lazy and had blind followers who just bashed this equally shitty game. TTI was TTR's main competition, and in the end failed. It was also always available to the public, even when its servers were so laggy you could barely operate basic game functions, so furries could get back to their game without having to wait for TTR to cum back. The devs are just failed programmers and script kiddies with Kali Linux. They have minimal integrity, and have encrypted RATs into the game. Not much is to be said about this game, except that it is just a TTR clone, the developers literally stole source code from TTR, who stole source code from Disney.
Toontown House
- Most likely shut down due to having a virus in its installer that fucked everyone's computer.
Probably the worst failure to date, and ironically, was the first private server to not be a complete fucking clone. However, a hacker mentioned above named Lefty Lemonzilla (the homosexual deviant who thinks he is 1337), destroyed their website and fucked their game into an oblivion. Again, nothing important.
Toontown Universe
- Shut down before release on May 26th cause of random threats, by butthurt idiots from TTR most likely. Nothing of value will be lost.
Toontown with space models. No, srsly.
Toontown Apex
- Shut down since April 25, 2015 because the fagzilla creator gave out his password that he used for everything and he got fucked by some queer named Maverick.
Low quality game by OtakuSRL, he jerks off all over the subreddit about. Made of shitty models and gay music.
All other private servers are unimportant and just as gay as the ones mentioned above.
External Links
- Toontown's official website. /b/ware.
- Unofficial (but most often frequented) garbage Forum.
- Quite possibly the gayest fanfictions you could ever read, challenging even Sonic fanfictions
DeviantART fan account.- Unofficial Reddit board. Often frequented by cringy Rewritten fanboys.
- Toontown Rewritten, the even more Autistic fan-reboot of the game.
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Toontown is part of a series on MMORPGs. | [Ding!] |
