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Toontown Rewritten
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FUN FACT: TOONFEST 2015 IS BEING HOSTED IN KENTUCKY BECAUSE ZOOPHILIA IS LEGAL THERE. |
Toontown Rewritten (often known as TTR, Toonfag Retarded, Neopets's gay conjoined twin, or simply low resolution crapshoot)) is an MLG-sponsored high definition F2P (Fap to Play) private server based off the now-closed educational MMO, Disney's Toontown Online. Similar to the game's predecessor, its main purpose is to inform children on the effects of psychedelic drugs through graphics that are guaranteed to aesthetically rape you. With that said, Toontown Rewritten is recognized as one of the most cancerous exhibits on the interwebs, running alongside Roblox, Deviantart and Disney's cash cow, the fun and furry-filled Club Penguin.
Toontown Rewritten first launched development when the capitalist executives over at Disney Headquarters decided to finally restore their dignity and pull the plug on Toontown Online. According to CEO of the Walt Disney Company, Bob Iger, "We are shutting down Toontown forever as an act of community service. It is frankly no longer profitable to support a cult of Satan-worshipping bestialitists. If you play Toontown, I hope you find it in your best interest to do this world a favor and commit a mass suicide. Disney will always advocate natural selection."
Unfortunately the furfags did not take the advice of Mr. Iger, and instead formed their own internet militia. Thus, Toontown Rewritten was born.
Immediately, the furfags hired unskilled Mexican laborists for half the standard minimum wage, and started decompiling Disney's code.
Development
A little fun fact. 80% of the code required to run Toontown Reshittin' is decompilible from public downloads and bootlegged Disney code that took the sex slaves of the mouse hours of hard-earned pay to write.
Another fun fact. It took TTR a full year to reach its official open beta.
What does this mean? Well, that the developers of this private server are either lazy as fuck, bitcoin miner geniuses who feed off website viewer rentention, or both. All that can be said is that this game wasn't developed for the fellow toonfag brethren, but rather for individual power and gain. Ever hear of a politician that was not corrupt? Exactly. That's the philosophy of Toontown Rewritten.
Team and Creators
As mentioned above, their team consists of high school dropouts who have volunteered their life to restoring a game that would otherwise be in Disney's trash bin. Aside from their obesity, TTR staff members come in various shapes and sizes:
Joey Ziolkowski: A badass thug and neo-Nazi who makes millions of dollars a month off of his drug cartel, which is one of the biggest in Latin America. He is also dubbed the creator of Toontown Rewritten (even though he doesn't do shit but write faggoty back stories). He is also the community manager, even though the only community he's managed is his Mexican sweat shop to produce more cocaine.
Developers: These are the 1337 script kiddies that like to show off the little programming skills they have, and are also responsible for the code of the game, which was literally copied from Disney. Almost all TTR coders are immature teenagers and will unleash their DDoS flood on you if you talk shit. So beware, because they lurk the internets for their next prey.
Artists: As part of Unified Toontown, all artists on the team are autistically impaired. They create pretty pictures for the team to add to their game. Make sure to always tell them you like their art even if you're lying, or else they will unleash their tard fury. Stripey :zesty nazi that likes humping on furries and likes merchandise cheeseburger waffles oreos.
Players
Toontown Rewritten features a dynamic fanbase, from weeaboos, to autists, to child molesters and furfags alike. Though its active player base is just about at the 10,000 range, and that's relatively small for today's autistic communities, it's received over 250,000 registered accunts, and is growing strong in recruiting mighty animal fairies to ward off the struggling minimum wage worker robots, Cogs. It is a capitalist allegory to rid the middle class, so a poorer and wealthier class can dominate.
In order to write this article, a survey was conducted to find more about Rewritten players. 169 panelists responded.
In the survey, we found that 70% of Toontown Rewritten's players are adults, a 25% increase from Toontown Online.
We also found that 60% of the male respondents are she-catfish andhave pretended to be a female somewhere online, mostly that being TTR-related.
55% of our male respondents ages 50 and over are legally sex offenders. Not many get caught, obviously.
65% of our respondents stated that they have outwardly sexual feelings to anthropomorphic animals.
54% of our respondents have stated that they have had sexual encounters with live animals. If only it were legal in more than 11 states.
42% of our respondents under 18 stated that Toontown Rewritten encouraged them to try acid.
98% of panelists checked "yes" when asked if they were part of the furfag community and dress up with animal cosplay.
