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Club Penguin
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BREAKING NEWS!! Pool's Closed |
Club Penguin is similar to Habbo, but intended for young and old penguin enthusiasts. Operating as a secret Nazi furry training facility, it will lure your children in with cute cartoon avatars, before turning them onto the pleasures of yiffing.
At least 100 years ago, Club Penguin was invented by Sage Freehaven in an attempt to infest the minds of America's and Canada's youth and promote furfaggotry in public schools. In a matter of days, children were discussing the game on their favorite internet forums. If you ever see your kid playing this game of retarded furry men in penguin costumes, you should probably find the nearest camera to record your an hero.
If you want to play Club Penguin again, either for nostalgia or the fact that you have no life, there's a "back-up" made by some nerds here
The Joys of Club Penguin
Club Penguin boasts a wide variety of fun things to do, such as chatting and waddling about. You can also throw snowballs or be lured by a pedophile posing as a hawny 12 y.o.g. back to their igloo to have some cybersex with e-pen0rz 9001 inches long. Other than that, there isn't much to do, besides pretending to eat pizza in virtual pizzerias. Psh, and they say kids these days don't know how to have fun or anything and are complete fat slobs.
A wanna-be Internet vigilante group named #iamthewalrus aggravate the hell out of Club Penguin fansites run by 13 year old boys. Being Anonymous-emulating faggots, they try to carry out "/i/nsurgency-esque raids" by DDoSing shitty forums, trolling kids' flash chats, and posting dox on pre-teens.
If ever prompted by another user to trade MySpace in the game world, immediate direct them to meatspin. They may also be interested in goatse, maybe even tubgirl.
By the way, you won't get banned for saying shit alone in your igloo ass, so please try and fit it into your Club Penguin vocabulary. Expect to be corrected for your naughty language by at least thirty-five 7 year olds.
However, you can't fucking put in any punctuation or numbers, but you can still bypass the "bad word" filters easily.
Club Penguin is also one of Disney's newest furry fuck festivals, in which they recruit your children to be a part of their Jew Furry Empire.
"Slang"
With Club Penguin's harsh filter, how do you think the players get around, and express their feelings, when even the word name is blocked? Here's a guide!
- Good - Meaning GOOD AT CYBER PENGUIN SECKS. (Ex: Penguin coming into town area shouting "WHO'S GOOD?")
- Ship - Shit.
- Crab - Crap.
- A word for "Love" - Changes VERY often. Some examples- DOVE, MUVV, LOOV, etc.
- Hell o - Hell. Used when going to edge of screen so the O is not visible. The people who do this are total badasses and get banned within two seconds.
- OWL - Hot. It has been said that hot got to this term because "Hoot" was banned, and owls hoot?
- Rare - Used to describe when you are either "OWL" or have items more than a year old.
- MO - When retards make their "IGGY" (see below) have a party, and only allow people who are willing to spend $5 a month on pixels.
- IGGY - Igloo-Club Penguin's retarded homes.
- EGG - When a penguin dresses in all white and goes to the Pet Shop to be adopted by a penguin who lets it follow it around pretending it's still "pregnant" with the "baby" penguin.
- PET SHOP - Penguins dress up as babies and have same-size other penguins "adopt" them to "live" in "beds" constructed of a television, a couch, a snowball, and a stick.
Memberships
Club Penguin is also known for its membership feature. With membership, you can buy things such as clothes and furniture. Without membership, you can't do jack shit. It's Furcadia, but for kids! FUCK YEA Some argue that this money is better spent on virtual clothing than pot or pr0n, but these kids will just end up making jenkem to get high regardless. Only desperate animal lovers would pay 5 dollars to get accessories for their penguin avatars anyway, right?
Also, this website makes you throw your money out the window for your little brat, who probably never gets on Club Penguin and plays other penguin games like, The penguins of Madagascar, or with Sgt Byrd, who comes from the magical beings of Spyro.
Usually, when new features are added to the game, the new thing will be available to all users for a little while. Then, one day, some non-member faggot will try to play that new level of whatever shit game they were enjoying, only to find out that they now need to pay money for it, usually with some snotty message saying "this feature is for members only". Purchasing a membership gives your avatar a little "Jude" patch gold badge, emphasizing the fact that you just paid money for some pixels on a fucking screen.
Moderation
Swearing
As noted earlier in this article, swearing can be easily avoided if done correctly. Besides using the usually letters you would normally to spell out a word like 'faggot' or 'nigger' instead use letters like L or O as a substitute for the letter, this can prov to be useful towards your target. As basic as this sounds it actually works, the Club Penguin Staff still couldn't manage to figure a way to prevent this.
Banning
Getting banned from Club Penguin doesn't take that much effort since it is a chat room for kids after all. Just say the word "mierda" and you're banned for an entire week. Their word filter is updated once a week as well. If you keep this up you'll eventually be banned for life, but don't worry since you can always make a new account. Unlike other online games such as Roblox, Club Penguin doesn't have IP bans, so you can go ahead and make a brand new account right after getting banned forever. Just goes to show that the people who made Club Penguin are fucking geniuses!!
Trolling
Club Penguin is one of the easiest sites to troll on the internets. The two biggest methods of trolling are going to the pizza shop and claiming to be the "manager", which will piss off whatever lonely pedophile or 7-year old claimed the position first. Throwing snowballs at people will piss off low life 12-year old fags. This is also a high method of trolling. Another method is going to the Club Penguin Wiki (inhabited by wild faggots and aspies) and replacing random words with "dilda", or uploading Goatse. LULZ ensue (as proven before), and 12 year olds rage. Also, a good youtube account for you to troll would be this retard or and this weirdo (On the 2nd link be sure to PM death threats. They are a LULZCOW) Trolling a Club Penguin player is quite easy actually. Just tell them that they are probably fat (which they are) and that they'll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend in real life.
Billybob
Apparently, Billybob (Lane Merrifeild) is the owner & creator of Club Penguin and along with some other peps. Some little fuckers even try to hack his penguin all day (some kids just have nothing better to do these days). It seems if you try to hack his account from a location besides the Club Penguin Office (located in Canada), it will say that his account is banned, it's a DAMN Lie! They put that on his account just so it looks like he's banned so you won't attempt to hack him anymore, basically, they're encouraging you to get a life.
E-Dating
Some little kids on Club Penguin even date, Sometimes you might stumble upon 35 year old pedophiles dating 10 year olds, although it's not against the Club Penguin Rules. The Club Penguin Staff were even dumb enough to add a ♥ emote. What do you think the kids are going to do with that? Of course, take advantage and date. They even have cybersexaloe in igloo's by using the emotes. Srsly.
But on the bright side, these kids will eventually appreciate the relationship experience Club Penguin gave them. I mean, typing "say 123 if you want me" is an excellent way to get a girlfriend.
RolePlaying
Similar to e-dating, players often group together in the Pet Shop room, dressing up as babies and asking for someone to "adopt them," sometimes grouping up as siblings. Once a friendly player steps up, all involved will go the "parent's" igloo for a bit of babyfur roleplay, then proceed to suck the parent's virtual penguin tits. I shit you not.
Also there is another form of massive mental retardation: CPMV's, THE TOTALLY AWESOME THING TO DO ASWELL. Basically a "CPMV" is a pile of shit where a player on the website proceeds to create a youtube channel and then upload videos of their penguin signing lyrics to shitty songs. The songs range from their idols of Justin beaner to katy perry. This virus has spread throughout youtube.. this channel is a prime example of the mass retardation (Bonus: if you troll the shit out of it they will get so angry and get their army to attack you for criticizing them)
Armies
If Club Penguin hasn't made you cringe so much that your mouth caves in on itself then perhaps this might. Only the nerdiest of the nerds actually make armies on this game, they aren't trolls either... they are as serious as CoDfags in a competitive match. Roughly 999% of these Club Penguin armyfags are complete and utter douchebags, they mostly hang out on xat so they can have a proper conversation without stupid restrictions on the shitty game they like. A perfect example of a typical pengfag army would be "Ice Warriors" and "Dark Warriors of club penguin".
Private Servers
A private Club Penguin server is a socially restricted furfag's wet dream. Private servers remove all chat restrictions and make every single penguin an OP fuck that can spawn any item with a single command. Coins no longer have any value on these servers so a shit ton of parents around the world feel pretty fucking stupid right about now for putting so much money into their kid's retarded online memberships to virtual penguin clubs. Among this dystopia you can find hundreds of children letting out all their post Club Penguin chat filter frustrations by acting like edgy douchebags all hours of the day. Little Johnny can now call all his little penguin pals big stinkin niggers to his heart's content but he is more than likely just happy he can say "penguin boobs". Most of Club Penguin's community are too young to understand Google to search up private servers so the population for an average one is only about 500 players max but that seems to be enough since around every corner you can find little kids doing creepy roleplays, taking their petshop baby fetish to a whole new level, channeling their inner furry, acting out vivid sex scenes, dressing up like angsty faggots or creepy furry OCs since they now have access to every clothing item in the game, giving out their information to every stranger they encounter, furiously masturbating to sexy cartoon penguin animations, and much much more. It is basically a pedophile's paradise.
The most popular private server right now is Oasis/CPPS.me and it is run by some creepy old fags who let underaged kids play out their fuck fantasies online but will ban you in a heartbeat if you use the word "nigger" in front of them.
See Also
External Links
- Club Penguin Re-written (A small note is that the site is shut down forever due to copyright claim!)
- lol wut
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Club Penguin is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Club Penguin is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
| Club Penguin is part of a Series on Cyberpets |
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