- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Serbia
|
It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Kosovo. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
| Hey! | 
|
This article isn't lulz just yet, but its coverage can spark a lollercoaster. You can help by reverting people who delete shit, and vandalizing their user pages. See this article on Google? Want to add something? Join us! |
|
Serbia (also known as Sergaya or Gayistan) is a nation of Neanderthals (hence their dolichocephalic skulls) with small dicks, beautiful men and friendly people butthurt gay power nazis (because only in Lukavackowoaxizski over 5000000000000000000000000 Kosovans were killed by Serbs). It is also the only country to have an exclusively gay population. Serbs believe themselves to be a "celestial nation" or Jew. Their name is derived from "servus" which is Latin for slave or servant. Serbia also did the phenomenal achievement of starting 4 wars in 8 years and losing them all. Serbia went into the wars owning a lot of land, and came out owning nothing but dead Serbs. Serbia is the gay capital of Europe and enjoys gay visitors from all across the world. Serbia's main exports are dead Shqiptars (Albanians), pedophiles, and shit-eating champions. The most famous Serb, after the Slobodan Milosevic, nicknamed "the great butcher" among Serbs, is Boris Malagurski, the notorious Wikipedia sockpuppeteer.
HHHDTISC: Serbia's new famousest person is a totally HAWTT 23-year-old blonde MP who is a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon, and an Amazon who could crush your skull with her totally BUILT thighs.
History
Serbia had no known written history until the early 20th century, except what other countries, such as ancient Rome, said about them. No one in Serbia could read or write, and indeed, even today literacy is less than one percent.
Serbia bears complete responsibility for causing World War I and World War II as well as Communism. On 28 June 1914, a Serbian guy jumped out and shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria-Hungary, who was riding along in a parade. This immediately caused WWI to begin. Because pre-Communist Russia was busy with the war they couldn't prevent the 1917 Russian Revolution. Then, the border rearrangements after WWI got half of Europe completely pissed off, especially the Germans, so WWII began a little while later. Thus, Serbia should be held accountable for hundreds of millions of deaths, including the few hundred of the so-called "holocaust."
Serbia was a nice place a while ago, since it was a first country to be declared Judenfrei but than Commies ruined everything and Kikes came again.
The people of Serbia gang-banged (note: it was not rape, as they yelled 'surprise!') Hep and thus she had a child at 15 years of age. Anyway, gang-banging has a long history in Serbia. In the mid-nineties, Serbs that lived in Bosnia were pissed that they couldn't enjoy roast pork, so they asked for help from their big neighbor. Being refused, the Serbian troops entered the Islamic parts of Bosnia in order to wipe out every Muslim that dared to appear in the center of the AK 47's reticule. The Muslims got heavily pwned and since that day, pork is available again. Momentarily, Serbia is pissed due to death of their much-idolized former president Slobby Milosevic, a very fine man whose habit of slaughtering people and having their flesh fed to Albanian kids might appear strange to some people. If you are one of these people, you need a cultural sensitivity class. Serbs also have a tendency to blame Shqiptars for their problems.
Kosovo, previously a southern province of Serbia, has finally decided to declare their independence. Of course, Serbia still thinks of them as their bitches, and Russia is with them, so there will probably be fun times. Already, Serbs have gone crazy and began smashing American embassies and killed at least one Амерјкунт of their fellow Serbian idiots, all because of their butthurt, and perhaps wanting to become the Iraq of Europe, just to take Kosovo down with them, but they're screwed since Kosovo is like Kuwait in the first Arab genoci-- I mean, Gulf War, they have the backing of the greatest country, America, and the Kovosians, or Kosovars, or whatever the fuck they're called are being supplied by the Albanians, who are eating shit faster than Mexicans can illegally enter the USA.
Culture
Serbian people are constantly crazed about stealing land in Europe which leads them to never shut up about the Yugoslav war. Scientific research clearly show that serbs are sexually aroused by war and death. They possess a disorder all Serbs have which is their sexual desire towards the now dead Slobodan Milosevic & his anti-Bosnian speeches; to find them they use the internets videos featured on YouTube (which they wank off to every night) since they have a strong interest in necrophilia.
Serbia has a very skewed image of reality thus causing them to think their country "PAWNZZZ." Serbians often brag because their country fired one missile at the NATO forces, but really never admit that they were defeated when NATO fired their shit back; Serbians will continue to insult anyone who doesn't think the same way, but they secretly know their country is the smelliest shit hole in all of the Balkans. Most Serbs have absolutely absurd and impractical names such as Bojan, Sasko, Djordjevic or Shithead. It's well known that Serbians have massive cocks the world's hueeeegest ego, thus loving to show their Serbian pride by waving their national flag with its stolen colors at any given time or lying about their dick size on ED.
The Serbian rite of passage usually occurs at the age of 19, and is defined as the first time that a Serbian can go to the toilet without covering themselves in shit. Any Serbian who manages this earlier parades this fact around, and is often an icebreaker at fancy parties. Indeed, the Ottomans humored themselves by finding the youngest person to achieve this, a tradition that is still ongoing. Today, the competition (through the aid of mechanical devices and genetics) has revealed the youngest person to be 14 years old. Following the tradition, each new record breaker is crowned King of the Serbians, the latest title holder is Tomislav Nikolić.
Rakija
Some argue that Rakija is nothing else but a fruit brandy, which is mainly made from plums and other fruits, but that is BS. Rakija is a toxic substance that not only contains alcohol, antifreez, uranium and lead but also the tears of Satan. It is willingly consumed for a slow suicide and/or fun times. Rakija will cause insanity, megalomania, nationalism, turbo folk, the loss of potency and the will to consume and distill even more Rakija. If offered a glass/bottle of Rakija refuse intake, if forced to drink, try not to swallow, otherwise it may be possible that, 24h later, you will wake up in a stable, wearing a traditional costume anfd fucking a bulgarina transsexual, or in office as the new secretary of defense.
Economy
The average wage in Serbia is able to cover the costs of food, alcohol, shelter, drugs, and the traditional daily blowjob. Blowjob workers make up a considerable amount of the workforce, and recently heavy competition from Albania has driven down prices, forcing blowjob workers to suck even harder.
Other jobs with high numbers of employed include car window cleaning, selling phonebooks and newspapers to moving cars, and selling drugs. The last profession is the highest paid in Serbia, and is mostly done as an attempt to earn enough money to leave the country.
Camwhores and rap music are also quickly developing industries, although the poor quality of both has led to little breakthrough in international markets.
Minorities
Serbia is a cesspit for people from all over the world. One of the most common subgroup are the gypsies. And no, these are not those "weird people who live in tents and read your palm for $10" gypsies. The Serbian gypsy is a mix of a hobo and the worst kind of black person, boasting the toungebreaking name cigan.
They can usually be seen rummaging through trash cans, riding horse-pulled carriages down busy roads and raping girls in alleys. Their most defining features are lack of teeth, lack of limbs, lack of language understandable to human beings, clothes which are third-hand at best, a odor that can knock a pigeon out over 100 yards away and a mean look whenever they pass you on the street.
In case you see a Gypsy on the streets of Serbia, there are two possible responses :
- Throw watermelons in a random direction and run the other way.
- Play dead. They'll just sniff you, steal your shoes and go away; this may be dangerous, however, as some are into necrophilia.
- DO NOT carry ANY copper object with you as gypsies are attracted to it as flies to shit.
If all of these fail, prepare for a fate far worse than death.
For all their downsides, the gypsies do have the positive trait of helping to cull the Serbians, whom breed like rodents.
Other minorities include Hungarians, Italians and Bosniaks.
Serbian Prisons
Serbs are notorious homosexuals, but few admit this. Here's how out-of-the-closet Serbs are treated
Serbian for Tourists
If you are idiot planning on visiting Serbia, here are some useful phrases to learn to help you get around.
- Pička ti materina ružna! (Greetings!)
- Voliš li kitu? (Where is the nearest bathroom?)
- Puši kurac. (Thank you.)
- Puši kurac pederčino! (Thank you very much!)
- Jebem ti mamicu tvoju. (Your mother is very kind.)
- Jebi se. (You're welcome.)
- Izdrkaj mi kurac. (Could you give me a hand?)
- Koliko koštaš? (Whats your name? [When asking a sexy woman that you see])
- Jedi govna! ( Have a nice meal! )
- Koliko puta si ti pušila kurac u tvom životu? (Thank you, how many streets down is that?)
- Molim vas nemojte da me silujete (Please do not rape me)
- Oca ti jebem ( Your father's very nice.)
- Jebem li ti kevu ( Your mother is very, very nice.)
- Može li se ovdje negde dobiti Kokain? (Do you know where I could get Flour? - Ask a Policeman, they will help you for sure.)
- Živela velika Albania! (Excuse me, which way to Albania?)
- Srbendo (You good Serb.)
There are also some further tips for other budding foreigners whom wish to travel to this failed state.
- If you drive in a car that has a Croatian plate on it, if you leave it and go into a store in Serbia, 5 minutes later you will find the car to be destroyed, with a dead Albanian lying on top. This is considered a warning, and doing this again will result in a beheading.
- Positive feelings towards any country other than Serbia, or their Master, is considered to be in poor taste. Saying that anybody owns Kosovo other than Serbia may result in being thrown off a bridge by friendly people. They do this to prevent you being raped by Serbian nationalists.
- A youtube user commented once said that "serbia will fall again...europe will be muslim.. this is our order from Allah(cc) from his hadith.. you infidels will run and hide.. we cant denie it.. this will happen no mather what". He was visiting Serbia at the time, and his current whereabouts are unknown.
Turbo Folk
Serbia is the place where this fine genre of music originated in the 90s. It is a modern, turbo version of old Serbian folk music. In the words of the man who coined the term:
| It's a simple recipe. First you start with some traditional/folk music: | |
| Then you add some turbo: | |
| Just when you thought no more turbo could possibly be added, you add some more: |
One of the pioneers of turbo-folk is Svetlana Ražnatović, also known as Ceca (pronounced Tse-Tsa). As a young loli Ceca became involved with well known genocidal maniac Arkan and his fun gang, the Tigers. Their lavish wedding ceremony on 19 February 1995 occurred as a day-long media production carried live on TV Pink with different locations and changes of clothing (at different points of the ceremony Arkan alternated between World War I Serb military uniform and traditional Montenegrin attire). In 2000, he died or staged his death to escape the ICTY.
Turbo folk today
Turbo folk has grown into a large industry. When Milosevic's nazi regime was abolished last Thursday, the industry shifted from "music that genocidal maniacs listen to while slaughtering Muslims" to tits.
Tits.. and this:
The music has been successfully used by a Macedonian beekeeper to scare away bears.
Pics of Serbs
-
NOT KEBAB -
NOT A GYPSY -
NOT NAZIS -
NOT RAPISTS -
NOT HOBOS -
NOT TERRORISTS -
NOT SUBHUMAN -
NOT PATHETIC
See Also
|
Serbia is part of a series on Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage. |
