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Genshin Impact
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Genshin Impact is a Breath of the Wild ripoff made for all totally normal adults and other kis to spend their parents money on to get fictional characters. Despite Mihoyo Hoyoverse gaining millions of dollars after releasing it in 2020, the game is still void of content with nothing to do, and the fandom is filled with screeching LGBTQ supporters that defend their waifus/husbandos from getting hated online.
The gameplay mostly consists of running around aimlessly, talking to random NPCs, and going bankrupt after throwing your wallet at the screen from losing too many coinflips in a row. Tectone✡, the only content creator that addresses what a mistake this game was, is the only living being left that's keeping this game from collapsing into a nuclear fallout, serving the role as the punching bag for all the butthurt fans that disagree with everything they see.
Plot
You and your twin are travelling through worlds, until some random god defeats you both and sends you into a 500 year sleep. Upon waking, you fish out your annoying tutorial companion called Navi Paimon that's secretly a parrot because she literally repeats every story point 999 times for you as if you were a brainless ape. You then look for your twin, defeating some slimes and local enemies on your way, and learn that the land of Teyvat you're in needs your help to stop Fatui from stealing everyone's Gnosises.
After that, you cross the lands of Teyvat, mercilessly ravaging the land of all its resources, murdering helpless creatures on your path to become stronger, all while looking for your twin.
Gameplay
If you haven't already completed all story and exploration yet, all you do is participate in events - farming, photography, other useless nonsense, and maybe some fighting if you're lucky enough.
Characters
Main Characters
- Aether (Traveler) - The main protagonist. Talks about as much as that weird silent guy at your school. Can somehow use all elements despite not having a vision, but still fails at actually being useful at anything.
- Lumine (Traveler) - The twin you're trying to find/save so you can continue where you last left off. However if you're so desperate that you only choose to play as female avatars in games, you can also play as her instead.
- Paimon - A rip-off of annoying fairy from The Legend of Zelda but in human form. She gets an orgasm every time she sees food and keeps repeating the same talking points over and over to really make sure you didn't forget what was literally just said 6 seconds ago.
- Venti - The God of Freedom, also known as that weird bard that spends every penny on getting crunk at the tavern every night after spreading Justin Bieber music across the city. His special power is spreading his buttcheeks so wide that his anus creates a black hole that sucks in everything that fits inside.
- Zhongli - The God of Contracts, the daddy figure every female wants to be stepped on. His daily routine consists of doing absolutely fucking nothing whole day (or he's secretly slaying pussy of every female, including ur mom). Literally immortal. His special power is paralyzing you by slapping his trademark giant meatballs across your face.
- Raiden Shogun - The God of Eternity. A hardcore Hikikomori that can't even cook her own food. Literally lives in a world inside her own mind. Hasn't touched grass for hundreds of years. Her special power is literally pulling a sword out from between her tits before turning Super Saiyan and aimlessly swinging it around like Kirito from Sword Art Online.
Other Playable Characters
Special Five-Star Characters (aka. The Bankruptcy Gang)
- Albedo - Some socially distanced nerd that lives in the alps to sniff the snow. Paints "the scenery" as a hobby.
- Arataki Itto - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting champion. Literally gets Covid upon touching beans.
- Eula - Every Rule 34 enjoyer's fantasy
- Ganyu - Every Scottish person's dream girl for herding purposes.
- Hutao - The girl that literally can't wait for you to die
- Kaedehara Kazuha - The hipster that has given more blowjobs to leaves than any girl has given to you
- Kamisato Ayaka - Ayato's sister
- Kamisato Ayato - Ayaka's brother
- Klee - A literal loli terrorist that looks cute and innocent but will blow up everything you own and then say "sorry, I won't do it again" afterwards
- Sangoniomiya Kokomi - A mermaid that can literally walk on water and can probably bring the dead back to life as well
- Shenhe -
- Tartaglia - The Fatui member that joins your team for some reason
- Yae Miko - Fox
- Yoimiya - This girl loves committing to the life of firework creation
Other Five-Star Characters
- Aloy - The protagonist from Horizon: Zero Dawn that Hoyoverse stuck into this world for extra content.
- Diluc - The guy that takes more time to cast their burst than it takes to read the entire Bee Movie script
- Jean - For someone owning their name, they sure don't wear a lot of Jeans *ba dum tss*
- Keqing -
- Mona - The homeless fortune teller that makes about just as much money as a real life fortune teller
- Qiqi - The zombie loli with a memory worse than a goldfish. Also known as the "Epitome of whale tears", she has singlehandedly recreated The Great Depression every time she shows her face on the wish screen and increases your stage of cancer per every constellation you receive.
The (Actually Affordable!) Four-Star Characters
- Barbara - Laaa lallalaa laaa
- Beidou - A sailor with so much alcohol and ego in their blood that they would fight a whale (and probably win)
- Bennett - The unlucky bastard that somehow never dies. Also owns 700 daddies.
- Chongyun - Popsicle boy
- Diona - The alcoholic cat girl every weeaboo fawns over
- Fischl - The girl that gets literally outshined by a bird
- Gorou - A literal dog
- Kaeya - The guy that only knows how to speak in sarcasm and irony
- Kujou Sara -
- Lisa - The librarian that will actually bust through your front door if you haven't returned your books in time
- Ningguang - Someone so rich they built an entire floating island, dropped it into the ocean, and then built another one
- Noelle - The local Monstadt maid that wants to become a solider
- Razor - Wolf boy
- Rosaria - A rebellious nun that probably earns more money from public community services than from praying to God. She moves faster during the night because she likes to follow shotas around that time.
- Sayu - The traveler's personal taxi service girl
- Sucorse -
- Thoma - The guy that's able to fix more problems in a single day that you're able to fix in your entire life
- Xiangling - The chef that has a former god as their companion that can breathe fire... And she only uses it to light up the fireplace so she can cook food.
- Xiao - The emo kid in school that thinks everything in life is suffering and tragedy, never shows up in parties
- Xingqiu - Bookworm
- Xinyan - Wannabe Davie504.
- Yanfei - The law reinforcer
- Yun Jin - Drama
Fanbase
The worst example of what a massive group of people with mental disabilities looks like.
See also
- Down Syndrome: The disease that everyone in this fanbase suffers
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Genshin Impact is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
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Genshin Impact is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
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