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Revision as of 19:20, 13 February 2012

Title screen.
What lurks around Tibia.

Tibia is a cheap ripoff of Ultima IV in the form of an MMORPG created by fucktard Germans. It is one of the most vile cesspools of 16-year-old girls, 13-year-old boys, camwhores, basement-dwellers, fags, emos, pedophiles, nerds and other assorted sick fuck degenerates on the entire Internets.

Tibia overview

This is the least fun you've ever had.
  • Boasts an isometric view like Ultima, Diablo, and Diablo 2; only with shittier graphics and much less fun.
  • Allows you to pick from 133 different colors for your hair, shirt, pants, and shoes. However the only skincolor is pasty-German white making Tibia the first blatantly racist MMORPG in existence.
  • Is mostly populated by Brazillians.
  • Has 72 servers/worlds to chose from, but only 2, Dolera and Inferna, allow unrestricted PvP battling without stupid rules/punishments and one of these is completely full of Germans and other various Euro-trash.
  • Has forums for all servers/worlds, none of which allow you to post pictures.
  • One race and four, count them, four vocations to choose from. Wow!!!

The Tibia client

This level of entertainment could only come from the people who brought you Rammstein.

Tibia was created by CipSoft GmbH, which is another name for four fucktarded German pedophiles who, in unleashing the Tibia client on the world, prove they lack the competence to program a VCR. No matter what hardware you run this piece of shit on, it will consume 100% of the available CPU cycles, Over 9000mb Ram, And the best video card evar wont run over 35 fps. Period. No exceptions. Another fine example of German engineering. Despite its insatiable urge for system resources, the client boasts choppy blitted graphics, unresponsive controls AND shitloads of lag, which will get you killed.

Tibia Servers

There are 74 shitty servers in Tibia, but only two of them, Dolera and Inferna actually matter. People from those servers tend to be lamers who think they're actually cool, because of the unlimited pvp-e experience.

Due to unlimited amount of frags one can make, the following tend to be common:

  • Increased amount of botters.
  • Even more PA (power abuse) by confused 13-year-old boys.
  • Increased number of camwhoring to get unhunted.
  • Most bots actually invented in pvp-e servers.
  • More disconnected from IRL than people from other servers.

Tibia Rules

Player getting banished for an attempt to allow his sister to camwhore for help in Tibia, while his name doesn't seem as a problem.

Tibia rules are a bunch of crap thats Too damn fucking long to read and are a pain in the ass, because they're to protect the pure innocent minds of 13-year-olds who do coke, camwhore and masturbate all day.

Players who will get banned or banished only .5% of the time:

  • Botters
  • Cheaters
  • Account sharers

Players who will get banned or banished 95.5% of the time:

  • People who curse.
  • People who state their opinions.
  • People who will attempt to trade Tibia goods or actions for a webcam.
  • People who take advantage of their freedom of speech (which is not allowed in fuckin Germany).
  • People who admit to how gay this dogshit game is.

And this is all thanks to the fucktard germans and game masters [GMs] that run this game. As of now there are about 50 GMs and about 74 servers, instead of using their fucking brains and giving each game 1-2 servers to patrol and look after GMs can go to w/e server they want. This generally means throwing parties and doing buttsecks to each other then posting it on Tibia News. Go figure

People who play Tibia

The type of fags who play Tibia. No, really.
Typical Euro-trash emo you'll find in the world of Tibia.
Another azn pervert (known as Bon Para).

Forums in Tibia

Tibia forums are full of drama, people usually posts about how someone stole/killed/raped them and then start making wars and such.(There are also some retards that make wars on NO-PVP servers) There are none or few lulz, and if someone makes a good lulz, then they will overuse it, for example Man in cave[1], it was a good lulz, but now everyone is overusing it, its already a year old and people like Nolan still makes fun of it and make festivals, etc. Attention whores are common posters, always saying they quit but they return again, or returning and quitting and saying everyone hates them. Posters are commonly known, here are some examples:

  • Camwhores, just make drama about their weddings, etc.
  • 13-year-old boys with no life who reply to all the posts they can to increase their post count, which gives them a false feeling of respect and accomplishment.
  • Suck ups and ass lickers who constantly defend their high level "friends" in desperate hopes of protection (When such "friend" looses their power, he or she is replaced with someone who power abuses and bots more than their previous idol).

Latley there have been an increasing amount of people asking their friends to post on the forums that they've died just to see how many people actually care and google "car crash" and post a link to show it as "proof"

Social climate

Tibian crackers keepin it real.
Mexicans earning money for premmy

Tibia's social structure, like other MMORPGs is as clique-centric as a high school lunch room and far more juvenile. Some typical characteristics include:

  • All servers/worlds being dominated by a small number of account-sharer/marcoer/cavebotters who attempt to cathartically excise their IRL impotence by asserting their dominance over underage newbie foreigners who don't speak english.
  • In-crowds are defined by those who are invited to the cool-guy Ventrillo channels.
  • Incessant whining in game-chat about deaths, lost items, and other forms of fail.
  • Constant ass kissing higher levels in hopes of protection, and referring to them as "friends".
  • Abusing prescription and non-prescription drugs in order to keep awake and play Tibia longer.
  • Meeting your tibia sweetheart IRL in order to either achieve control of a guild, become unhunted, or marry them for a green card.
  • Acting all badass when teachers are around, equivalent of acting badass on Tibia where the other person can never figure out who you are.

Couples in Tibia

Those work pretty much the same way middle school relationships work and are doomed to fail miserably.

When camwhoring and cybersex fail to work the usually butt ugly retarded Psychopathcouple decides to meet IRL, which increases dangers producing an equally fucktard offspring (if not moar), resulting in more people playing this dogshit game.

Common Tibia couple behaviors:

  • Posting "YEAH HE HIT IT" on their lame profile in order to signify sexual activity, which without this game would only happen with a prostitute or a client.
  • Letting everyone know how dearly they miss each other by making multiple posts on forums and being drama whores to keep attention away from cheating and camwhoring with other people.
  • Getting married to the person that lives thousands of miles away which they have seen for a few weeks cumulatively throughout their oh-so-"long" relationship.
  • Posting their ugly pictures all over the internets to show off the gaps in their teeth, fat, or ugliness.

Common Examples of Frustrated Tibia Couples

Common sayings

Nobody likes ugly br hoes unless they cam.
  • "br?" This is the most common word that will be typed to you within Tibia, expect to see it spamming your screen on a constant basis. It is apparantly the method by which Brazillians identify one another and is believed to operate on the some principle as bat sonar. Reply with "sim", or "tem guilda brazuca nesse jogo?" to give him some hope and then stop talking for lulz.
  • "fri itans plix" Constant begging for items/money by newbies who never bothered with ESL classes is an integral part of Tibia.
  • "I'm protected by <name>" Said by noobs when you are killing them, its your cue to lol.
  • "Plx nao keel" Said by noobs with on red hp after they found out that only thing they can do is to beg for mercy.
  • "asl" Usually said by pedo internets predators in the game-chat, or by little frustrated 13-year-old boys attempting to get some pussy or cam action.
  • "Hunted" A term which a high level will stalk and assrape you because they're obviously fucking tough and shit.
  • "Haunted" Don't forget about those asshole retards that can't even threaten you correctly, and apparently have the supernatural ability to trollfuck you Via "out of body experience".
  • "Rook" A term coined from the beginning areas known as Rookgaard, where a player is constantly killed until he or she is sent back to Rookgaard.
  • "Swe?" Like "BR", Swedish ask for your language. The obvious response is "NO BR" or "FUCK YOU".
  • ""AFF" No one knows what the fuck this means. It serves the same purpose as *facepalm*, only retarded(er). Usually BRs spam this in fits of laughter, or when killed, in which case they'll call you a noob.
  • "Jaja/Jeje" Equivalent of our "Haha" in Brazilian and German. The only right way to laugh on Tibia. BR's are also known for laughing like AHUAHAUHHAHAHAHEUHAEUAHEHAUHEUAHU. Kill on sight.

How to Quit

Pedos may make you want to quit.

If last Thursday you decided that this dogshit game isn't doing you any good and wish to quit, you must keep in mind that its like crack. Once you're hooked, no matter how many times you wished to quit, after a few weeks you go back to playing moar and moar. Keep in mind that numerous attempts to quit Tibia result in excessive forum trolling.

If you wish to quit, because you got hunted try the following:

If you wish to quit, because you want a life, check this:

Before you quit, it is your moral obligation to perform this duty (As with all MMORPGs).

  • Become a hacker. Fill your computer with shitload of hacks and go apeshit.
  • Kill everyone around you if you can. Results in, "Y U KILl ME? UR HNTFED BY MA GUIDL MY FRIDDS SMAK UR COKC OFF FAGBICCH"
  • Write a leaving message on all Tibia forums, asking for rape, pity, and how you decided to become a fag IRL.
  • "ASDFS%$y4dfBVBTRHwy;l4ky4ykpf9dfsvd0kj054VXFVSDGAERGAE"
  • Tell everyone in public chat that you had sex with every high level. If a GM wants to talk to you, try to kill him or her.

Shitty Quests

A noob attempting to get the Sword of Faggotry but doing it wrong and experiencing Fail; this usually ends in facepalm

The Sword of Faggotry

The German gods of Tibia decided it would be fucking hilarious to tease the shit out of the Rookgard noobs by placing the Sword of Fury on a small island right next to the main piece of land that has no bridge and no fucking way to get over to it. Ordinarily, you'd think some jackass threw a random object over there that only a retard would go after, but the reason so many players drool over this weapon is it because it has batshit insane stats (24 attack power or some shit.)

Many losers have tried to get over to the island to get the Sword through various methods, all resulting in Fail and pulling a massive facepalm. Here's what's been tried so far:

  • Stripping bare naked, running up to the spot near the island with the Sword on it and screaming "I AM HUMBLE!!1!ONE1!1"
  • Having a bigger, stronger player guide a level 1 through the secret tunnels on one part of the island to bring him to the Sword and then having them scream the whole, "I'M HUMBLE!!!" thing again
  • Same as method 2, but this time, the level one becomes an hero and has the other basement dweller toss his body on the island with the Sword. No one even knows how the hell that shit's supposed to work

All attempts to get the Sword result in epic fail, but the Rookgard noobs never learn and will keep trying until one basement dweller finally gets his furfag hands on it, hacks the game, and kills fucking everyone on the whole island.

The Annihilator Quest

Four highly skilled players taking on the Annihilator Quest

This involves four hackers going where no man has ever gone before and facing Satan to steal his yiffable plushie. Usually, one dies during the assault while the rest bombard the demons with over 9000 spells until they're all dead.

High level douchebags enjoy taking videos of their epic pwnage to tease the lower levels about how it's something they'll never have the balls to do. In return, they are trolled on YouTube as some sort of gay revenge.

Wars in Tibia

Tibia wars are retarded.

Tibian wars are the epitome of Fail. Wars in Tibia are also about as fun as shooting yourself in the face with a nail gun. Wars consist of sitting in a ventrilo server with other unemployed fucktards such as yourself for 20 hours a day while waiting for the enemy to log on. Once actual "battles" commence the whole idea is to pound your F1-F12 keys with something(preferably your head) in hopes of shooting your enemy with little black balls.(Tibians love little black balls) Of course the Leet Tibian players such as Nyalith have created programs that automatically shoot these black balls at enemies without the need to smash your head on the keyboard. Thus Tibians that use these programs during war have sufferd from 25% less brain damage than other Tibians.

Common reasons wars have started in Tibia are:


  • camwhores
  • The low sperm count of 98% of its male players.
  • Players of Tibia having the ego's of 13-year-old boys
  • Problems with your RL friends IRL
  • The fact that roughly 75% of people that play tibia suffer from mental retardation or some sort of DSM
  • Caming with another players camwhore
  • Need to make up for their small penis and loss of penis due to prolong Tibia play.
  • Killing another players camwhore
  • Gaining over 9000 experience in a day, which is seen as a threat to the current fucktards in power.
  • Frustration that Daddy touches them every night.
  • Walking near another players camwhore
  • Killing other players, BUT, having his or her buttbuddies come back to rape you, in which proceed to rape them and it never stops. This is the birth of the goatse.

Gallery

External links


 Tibia is part of a series on MMORPGs. [Gratz!Ding!]
Forerunners:

Angband• Diablo• Dungeons & Dragons• FATAL• Ragnarok• Rogue• Warhammer 40,000

MMORPGs:

Age of Conan • Anarchy Online • City of Heroes • Conquer Online • Dark Age of Camelot • Darkfall • Earth Eternal • EVE Online • EverQuest • EverQuest II • Final Fantasy XI • Final Fantasy XIV • Free Realms • Hero Online • Life • MapleStory • Minecraft • Pangya • Ragnarok Online • RuneScape • Ruby Dragon Entertainment • Silkroad Online • Star Wars: The Old Republic • Tabula Rasa • Toontown • Ultima Online • Wikipedia • World of Warcraft • WWII Online

Semi-MMORPGs:

Diablo II • Diablo III • Endless Online • Furcadia • Gaia Online • Graal • Guild Wars • Kingdom of Loathing • Progress Quest • Second Life • Space Station 13 • Tibia • War Thunder

Developers:

Blizzard Entertainment • Jagex • Sony Online Entertainment

Related Drama:

Athene • Baby Grace • Battle.net Forums • Bloodraptor • Cloudsong • Darknest • Durthas • EQ2Flames • Goon Squad • Helm • Jammno • Jennichelle • JRanger • Leeroy Jenkins • Maarten • Murloc • Owlsamantha • Poopsock • Rick Astley Forum • Shawn Woolley • Silver Circle • Zezima

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