Lyor Cohen: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 01:48, 2 January 2012

**Lyor Cohen**, the douche responsible for every DMCA against YouTube

Lyor "Liar" CohenJew (הומו חמדן) is the Final Boss of Warner Music Group aka WMG and every douche move perpetrated by the music business on the hapless fan and music consumer.

As chief Grinch Jew in charge at WMG he is the overlord of a troll organisation dedicated to making your Internets experience less enjoyable by filing moar frivolous DMCA takedown notices on YouTube than Kimmo Alm and the Church of Scientology combined. If this malcontent shit eater has his way, surfing the net will forever more feel like licking the inside of Deeker's diaper.

Warner Music -who once brought us many great artists and music through their Atlantic, Elektra and Warner Bros. labels- now relies totally on income derived from Green Day and ringtones. And Green Day ringtones. And this is all thanks to Lyor Cohen who wouldn't know good music if other labels weren't chasing it.

In fact, WMG is so hard up that they make all the new acts they sign turn over a percentage of things that were traditionally off-limits to the labels; things like merchandise, concert revenue, sponsorship deals and require that an artist hand over control to all their OTI content, including (but not limited to) their websites and MySpaces. So much for the pirate credo of supporting their fave bands outside of the record company loop after downloading the album for free. WMG will still get paid...one way or another.

Dox

If you would like to let Lyor Cohen know how you feel about his douchebaggery, feel free to email him at [email protected] or call him at (917) 627-9185. His current address is 1 E. 94th Street, New York, NY 10012 although he is trying to sell it. The phone number for that property is listed as (212) 744-4004.

Cohen makes $5,000,000 a year (not including stock options and bonuses) to harass the Internets. Mind you, since he took the company public in 2004, the stock has plummeted from an IPO of about $25 a share down to its current low of $4.96 so whatever he hasn't already cashed out isn't worth shit. In fact, WMG is probably the only company on the stock exchange that would see their share price rise rather than fall if it was rumored that CEO was dying of cancer.

He also has an ego the size of an X Box and USI levels that are overshadowed only by the music business' biggest attention whore, Diddy. He even has a Failbook 'fan' page despite the fact that he's computer and Internets illiterate.

WMG's Finest Moment

File:WMG Goatse.jpg

Raping listeners

File:Warners martin luther king.jpg

Pwnt by Lyor Cohen.

Not satisfied with pwning music, WMG went above and beyond the call of douche duty by having YouTube disable the audio on a vidya of Martin Luther King's seminal civil rights "I have a dream" speech. This is pretty hilarious considering that Liar Cohen's personal fortune of over $500,000,000 was made off of exploiting black music when he was at DefJam with Russell Simmons. Butthurt ensued.

	“	How the fuck do you bastards sleep at night? Not a good look...	„
	—daherbalis

	“	Did Warner Music Group honestly remove MLK's Dream speech from a kinetic typography video? That's one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen.	„
	—pyrosim

	“	WMG has achieved what every white man dreams of: Silencing a self-important nigger.	„
	—Tyras612

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WMG's Other Finest Moment

After about 4 years and 8,473,342 views, Cohen -a money grubbing 50-year-old wigger (aka The King of Ringtones)- decided to ruin everybody's fun by slapping a DMCA on a totally innocuous use of some crap music they own on a 3 minute Sesame Street vidya Mahnahmahnah!, the use of which was obviously costing them millions of dollars of Jew Golds on the sales of this classic, hit single.

The 16-year-old girl tuber, funkeemunky, nonetheless decided to keep the vidya up (despite having the audio actually stripped from the video so that you can't even listen to it if you download it to your compy) for the lulz and to show the world what a bunch of incredible douchebags WMG are.

Bombarded with requests for the flv of the original content for personal use, funkeemunky made a vidya response explaining that she no longer had it and even if she did, it would be pointless since uploading it again would simply bring the WMG vultures swooping down to ræp it again.

WMG and Patriotism

Apparently, WMG shows the utmost honor and the highest appreciation and gratitude to those who serve their country and fight to protect the freedom and liberty America stands for, as demonstrated by this video, which has had its audio stripped due to copyright ownership of a well-known military song that happened to be owned by WMG. Of course, since Lyor Cohen is a pseudo Jew he wouldn't know squat about service to ones country since he dodged the mandatory military service that is required of all Israelis by living in America his whole life, preferring to let young Americans die in defense of his homeland.

WMG Creates Irony

Lyor Cohen also snatched the audio from a George Carlin standup where he explains how the evil corporations are the ones who really run America. This drove the YouTube conspiracy theorists off the wall, many of them saying that WMG is trying to prevent you from hearing something that everyone should know already, anyway. Carlin is famous for his hilarious skit "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". Those words are Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits. You can bet your bottom dollar that if Carlin was alive today he would call Cohen a "Motherfucking cocksucker cunt he would like to fuck in the erse and shit and piss all over. Also, tits (always relevant)."

Internet Reaction

Meanwhile, when the butthurt denizens of the Interwebs caught wind of this faggerydaggerydoo, they sprang into action and in a pique of rage, ~~set Anonymous off into raid mode and initiated Operation Warner Music Must Die~~ commented, blogged and vlogged about it.

	“	Liar Cohen, moneygrubbing pigfucker from Warner Music Group, had all their stuff pulled because they weren't making enough money from youtube. Shitbag cocksucker. WMG's stock is down 2 bucks, they have all kinds of other problems, so they decide to 86 themselves from one of the largest markets on the planet. Good thinking, Cohen, you stupid bastard. I have bought music because I saw/heard something on Youtube.	„
	—Schlüßelberg

	“	I have just achieved a great victory over Warner Music Group. I filed counter claims to 37 videos that they had marked as their intellectual property. I filed my counter claim by claiming fair use since I am trying to be educational and I am non-profit. The complaint got sent to their headquarters and sat there for about 14 business days, but they never responded to the complaint.	„
	—NeilFraudstrong

	“	I hate WMG!!!	„
	—animanatural

	“	FUCKING WMG FUCK OFF!! WHATS THE POINT OF REMOVING THE AUDIO IN THIS CLIP YOU STUPID RETARDED WMG-FAGGOTS? FUCKING WMG FUCK OFF! Whats the point of removing the audio in this clip you stupid retarded WMG-FAGGOTS?	„
	—niggasjit

	“	I find it funny how WMG thinks that by denying us soundtracks on youtube, people will pay for the songs again.	„
	—BlauweTomaat

	“	FUCK WMG , Stupid dumb asses this clip need sound.	„
	—swisstestpilot

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Besides this, Warners has a long standing special relationship with YouTube users who send them vidya valentines on a regular basis.

FUCK U WMG

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There are also several hundred anti-WMG groups and pages on Bookface. Take yer pick. Peeps be p. mad.

Search Engine Faggotry

File:Lyor cohen google censorship.png

Why so censory?

File:Google censorship.png

Google then deleted this question about censorship of this page

.

As of last Thursday, this page has been banished from the Internets after Liar Cohen rubbed his foreskin wallet and turned it into a briefcase of Jew Gold for Google to sanitize all search results pointing to this article on ED. Even using Google's 1337 advanced site search site:encyclopediadramatica.ch + WMG, site:encyclopediadramatica.ch + "Warner Music Group", site:encyclopediadramatica.ch + "Lyor Cohen" didn't work, shitting out a handful of random links and an EDF post about WMG faggotry but no direct hits for this page or any of the related redirects WMG, Warner Music or Warner Music Group.

This is ironic since Google just spent the past two months screaming "foul" with regards to The Great Firewall of China and the proposed Ausfalian Internets filter ACMA. However, this is hardly new, Google having raped ED before at the bidding of Abbos and Sektie. This current rape, though, is a lot moar thorough, pwning ED from Bing and Yahoo! too.

A complaint has been lodged. Funnily enough, the complaint ~~does~~ did show up in Google until some censorfag at Jewgle deleted it. Then, 3 days later...it suddenly reappeared! As did this complaint and this one

After two months of paying off Jewgle, Cohen finally stopped writing checks and this article magically re-appeared in search results.

Wiki Edit Drama

Lyor Cohen is so obsessed with his "legacy", he frequently has his lackeys at WMG monitor his TOW page for anything remotely unflattering and baleet it. Since this giant douche is a major league sleaze who associates with known criminals (as well as slightly less criminal drug dealers, gun runners and gangsta rap thugs), there's a lot of dirt out there that he doesn't want people and his girlfriend to see. The following was removed from his TOW page and after a month-long edit war finally managed to keep it out due to expired links for 'credible' citations. There was also a fairly lulzy 'debate' over the removal of the picture atop this very page.

As a public service, and in ED's time-honoured tradition of Mediacrat, we are delighted to just leave this here.

Sleaze Highlights

What follows is only a sample of general scummy behaviour by Cohen in a multi-million dollar industry where profit comes before all else...especially things like integrity, truth and general decency. This is especially true when you choose to do business with young thugs with foul mouths and even fouler extracurricular activities such as drug dealing, gun running and murder all for the sake of extracting Jew Gold from rich vein of the drama generating genre of rap.

Unlike the NFL which has a strict policy and code of conduct regarding rules and regulations for those who suit-up under the league's brand name and logo, major labels do not give a flying fuck if you're a baby killing pedo Crip with a mile long rap sheet if you will sell records to enrich their coffers and enable their execs to live like kings. The NFL will permab& you for things condoned by the major labels -things such as cruelty to animals, packing heat, drug dealing and rape. Meanwhile, the major labels will pamper and protect you if you're a scumbag and even go to the wall for you is you end up on in court.

Lyor Cohen and WMG is hardly unique in this but he specializes in gangsta rap even to the extent where he actually considers himself str8 gangsta and plays the part of a cartel boss who lives by the Wu Tang credo of C.R.E.A.M. -Cash Rules Everything Around Me. Here's a taste:

[[Collapse Me][Expand Me]]

Murder Inc. Records Raid

In 2001, Cohen was given the nickname Lansky (after the notorious Jewish gangster Meyer Lansky) by Irv Gotti in recognition for his partnership and place on the board of directors when the two went into business together forming Murder Inc. Records (named after the original Prohibition era gangsters Murder Inc.).

Cohen provided Gotti $2,000,000 in 'seed' money to start operations and the label with office space in his Manhattan headquarters. This later came under the scrutiny of federal authorities when Murder Inc. Records and Cohen's Island Def Jam was raided by a joint task force of the NYPD and the FBI as part of a federal probe of label founder's ties to drug lord Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff drug trafficking, money laundering, and gang activities. Of particular interest to authorities was a payment from Cohen of $500,000 to a company fronted by McGriff, ostensibly for a soundtrack that was never delivered for McGriff's film adaptation of Donald Goines' Crime Partners which he had optioned.

Cohen was eventually absolved of any involvement in the scandal, even after he claimed under oath that he couldn’t identify his position with Murder Inc. Records. When asked if he sat with Gotti on the executive board of Murder Inc., Cohen replied “Im not sure.” And once again, the slippery Jew escaped with his pouch of Jew Gold intact.

The Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff Murder Trial

He was later asked by Kenneth "Supreme" McGriff to be a witness at his February 2007 murder trial. Ironically, persistent rumours have it that it was McGriff who contracted the execution of Cohen's friend and former client Jam Master Jay of Run DMC for working with 50 Cent, breaking McGriff's boycott on working with a rapper he accused of revealing too much about McGriff's drug business.

The TVT Records Lawsuit

In 2002, Cohen was personally sued for fraud, tortious interference, breach of contract and copyright infringement by TVT Records as part of a larger action against Island Def Jam Music Group and Universal Music Group alleging that Cohen tried to hinder the production and release of an album by Ja Rule's group, the Cash Money Click (a.k.a. CMC). The defendants were initially ordered to pay TVT $132 million in compensatory and punitive damages, with $56 million due personally from Cohen, but on appeal that figure was reduced to $53 million, with $3 million due personally from Cohen.

The U.S. District Court Judge who reduced the damages, Victor Marrero, commented that the defendants were "morally reprehensible" and noted "inconsistencies" in Cohen's testimony. However, in 2005 the jury's decision against Cohen and Def Jam was overturned by a federal appeals court panel of the Second Circuit Court of Appeals, which ruled that the allegations by TVT "lacked 'legally sufficient' evidence". Once again, the slippery Jew escaped with his bag of Jew Gold intact.

During the course of the appeals, additional controversy arose with the sale of the Phat Farm clothing company. Cohen was partners with Russell Simmons with a 16.6% stake in Phat Farm, which he had valued at $5.5 million in a financial statement during the TVT lawsuit. When the company sold for $140 million, Cohen reportedly received more than $20 million for his share, prompting allegations by TVT lawyers that he had intentionally misrepresented his net worth to reduce his damages owed.

P. Diddy

In 2002, Sean "P Diddy" Combs accused Cohen of "attempting to steal" best-selling R&B artists 112 from his Bad Boy Records label, stating that he was "shocked" by such a move from "someone who I considered a close friend for 15 years". In 2003, Combs and Cohen announced a joint venture to handle 112 and Foxy Brown. At that time, Combs said that his personal relationship with Cohen mattered more "than a minor business dispute". In 2005, Combs and Cohen entered into a working relationship at Warner Music Group.

Jason Flom

In August, 2005, Cohen fired Jason Flom, the co-chairman and CEO of Atlantic Records, by asking him to meet him at Los Angeles International Airport where he handed Flom a press release detailing his "resignation" and telling him, "You're finished!"

T.I.'s Bail Hearing

In October, 2007, Cohen appeared as a character witness in the bail hearing for Atlantic Records' rapper T.I. who was arrested earlier that month for possession of three unregistered machine guns and two silencers, and possession of firearms by a convicted felon.

In Rap

On Mos Def's 2004 song "The Rape Over," he references Cohen stating: "some tall Jew is running this rap shit."
On the 1990 3rd Bass release "The Gas Face", Lyor was made fun of in the end of the track as 3rd Bass shouted out names of who "gets the Gas Face". He was referred to as "Elroy" Cohen.
In a 2003 interview, rapper Bumpy Knuckles claimed the biggest mistake of his career was not breaking Lyor Cohen's jaw when he had the opportunity.

External Links

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