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Genshin Impact: Difference between revisions

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== Characters ==
== Characters ==
[[Image:HutaoSlapsRoofOfCoffin.png|300px|thumb|right|Casual conversation between characters]]


=== Main Characters ===
=== Main Characters ===
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* '''[[Stoner|Zhongli]]''' - The God of [[Pyramid Scheme|Contracts]], the daddy figure every female wants to be stepped on. His daily routine consists of [[Lazy|doing absolutely fucking nothing]] whole day (or he's secretly [[Chad|slaying pussy of every female, including ur mom]]). Literally immortal. His special power is paralyzing you by slapping his [[McDonalds|trademark]] giant meatballs across your face.
* '''[[Stoner|Zhongli]]''' - The God of [[Pyramid Scheme|Contracts]], the daddy figure every female wants to be stepped on. His daily routine consists of [[Lazy|doing absolutely fucking nothing]] whole day (or he's secretly [[Chad|slaying pussy of every female, including ur mom]]). Literally immortal. His special power is paralyzing you by slapping his [[McDonalds|trademark]] giant meatballs across your face.


* '''[[Loner|Raiden Shogun]]''' - The God of [[Virginity|Eternity]]. A hardcore [[Hikikomori]] that [[Useless|can't even cook her own food]]. Literally lives in a world inside her own mind. Hasn't touched grass for hundreds of years. Her special power is [[Lolwut|literally pulling a sword out from between her tits]] before turning [[Super Saiyan]] and aimlessly swinging it around like [[Fag|Kirito]] from [[Sword Art Online]].
* '''[[Loner|Raiden Shogun]]''' - The God of [[Virginity|Eternity]]. A hardcore [[Hikikomori]] that [[Useless|can't even cook her own food]]. Literally lives in a world inside her own mind. Hasn't touched grass for hundreds of years. Her special power is [[Plot|literally pulling a sword out from between her tits]] before turning [[Super Saiyan]] and aimlessly swinging it around like [[Fag|Kirito]] from [[Sword Art Online]].


=== Other Playable Characters ===
=== Other Playable Characters ===
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* '''[[Nerd|Albedo]]''' - Some socially distanced nerd that lives in the alps to sniff the [[Cocaine|snow]]. Paints [[Rule 34|"the scenery"]] as a hobby.
* '''[[Nerd|Albedo]]''' - Some socially distanced nerd that lives in the alps to sniff the [[Cocaine|snow]]. Paints [[Rule 34|"the scenery"]] as a hobby.


* '''[[Loser|Arataki Itto]]''' - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting [[Loser|champion]]. Literally gets [[Covid]] upon touching beans.
* '''Arataki Itto''' - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting [[Loser|champion]]. Literally gets [[Covid]] upon touching beans.


* '''Eula''' - Every [[Rule 34]] enjoyer's fantasy
* '''Eula''' - Huge honkin' ass.


* '''[[Furry|Ganyu]]''' - Every Scottish person's dream girl for [[Goat sex|herding purposes]].  
* '''[[Furry|Ganyu]]''' - [[Goat sex|Every Scottish person's dream]]. Comes with three bazookas: [[Boobs|two for milk]], one for sending everyone to the afterlife.


* '''[[Ghost|Hutao]]''' - The girl that literally can't wait for you to die
* '''[[Creep|Hutao]]''' - The [[Scammer]] that stalks her prey before trying to sell them her funeral services. Can't wait for you to die so she can gain more business.


* '''[[Canadian|Kaedehara Kazuha]]''' - The hipster that has given more blowjobs to leaves than any girl has given to you
* '''[[Canadian|Kaedehara Kazuha]]''' - The hipster that gives blowjobs to leaves around the world.


* '''Kamisato Ayaka''' - Ayato's sister
* '''Kamisato Ayaka''' - Ayato's sister

Revision as of 19:14, 25 March 2022

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The artwork they catfish you with
Average Genshin Impact player in their natural environment

Genshin Impact is a Breath of the Wild ripoff made for all totally normal adults and other kis to spend their parents money on to get fictional characters. Despite Mihoyo Hoyoverse gaining millions of dollars after releasing it in 2020, the game is still void of content with nothing to do, and the fandom is filled with screeching LGBTQ supporters that defend their waifus/husbandos from getting hated online.

The gameplay mostly consists of running around aimlessly, talking to random NPCs, and going bankrupt after throwing your wallet at the screen from losing too many coinflips in a row. Tectone, the only content creator that addresses what a mistake this game was, is the only living being left that's keeping this game from collapsing into a nuclear fallout, serving the role as the punching bag for all the butthurt fans that disagree with everything they see.

Plot

The unknown god that rapes you at the start

You and your twin are travelling through worlds, until some random god defeats you both and sends you into a 500 year sleep. Upon waking, you fish out your annoying tutorial companion called Navi Paimon that's secretly a parrot because she literally repeats every story point 999 times for you as if you were a brainless ape. You then look for your twin, defeating some slimes and local enemies on your way, and learn that the land of Teyvat you're in needs your help to stop Fatui from stealing everyone's Gnosises.

After that, you cross the lands of Teyvat, mercilessly ravaging the land of all its resources, murdering helpless creatures on your path to become stronger, all while looking for your twin.

Gameplay

If you haven't already completed all story and exploration yet, all you do is participate in events - farming, photography, other useless nonsense, and maybe some fighting if you're lucky enough.

Characters

Casual conversation between characters

Main Characters

Other Playable Characters

Special Five-Star Characters (aka. The Bankruptcy Gang)

  • Arataki Itto - The self-proclaimed beetle fighting champion. Literally gets Covid upon touching beans.
  • Eula - Huge honkin' ass.
  • Hutao - The Scammer that stalks her prey before trying to sell them her funeral services. Can't wait for you to die so she can gain more business.
  • Kamisato Ayaka - Ayato's sister
  • Kamisato Ayato - Ayaka's brother
  • Klee - A literal loli terrorist that looks cute and innocent but will blow up everything you own and then say "sorry, I won't do it again" afterwards
  • Sangoniomiya Kokomi - A mermaid that can literally walk on water and can probably bring the dead back to life as well
  • Shenhe -
  • Tartaglia - The Fatui member that joins your team for some reason

Other Five-Star Characters

  • Diluc - The guy that takes more time to cast their burst than it takes to read the entire Bee Movie script
  • Jean - For someone owning their name, they sure don't wear a lot of Jeans *ba dum tss*
  • Keqing -
  • Mona - The homeless fortune teller that makes about just as much money as a real life fortune teller
  • Qiqi - The zombie loli with a memory worse than a goldfish. Also known as the "Epitome of whale tears", she has singlehandedly recreated The Great Depression every time she shows her face on the wish screen and increases your stage of cancer per every constellation you receive.

The (Actually Affordable!) Four-Star Characters

  • Beidou - A sailor with so much alcohol and ego in their blood that they would fight a whale (and probably win)
  • Bennett - The unlucky bastard that somehow never dies. Also owns 700 daddies.
  • Chongyun - Popsicle boy
  • Diona - The alcoholic cat girl every weeaboo fawns over
  • Fischl - The girl that gets literally outshined by a bird
  • Kaeya - The guy that only knows how to speak in sarcasm and irony
  • Kujou Sara -
  • Lisa - The librarian that will actually bust through your front door if you haven't returned your books in time
  • Ningguang - Someone so rich they built an entire floating island, dropped it into the ocean, and then built another one
  • Noelle - The local Monstadt maid that wants to become a solider
  • Sayu - The traveler's personal taxi service girl
  • Sucorse -
  • Thoma - The guy that's able to fix more problems in a single day that you're able to fix in your entire life
  • Xiangling - The chef that has a former god as their companion that can breathe fire... And she only uses it to light up the fireplace so she can cook food.
  • Xiao - The emo kid in school that thinks everything in life is suffering and tragedy, never shows up in parties
  • Xinyan - Wannabe Davie504.

Fanbase

The worst example of what a massive group of people with mental disabilities looks like.

See also

Genshin Impact is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Genshin Impact is part of a series on

Anime

Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage.

Genshin Impact is part of a series on Dying Alone

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Those Who Have Died Alone

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Those Dying Alone

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Their Methods

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