Jared Fogle

	“	Middle school girls are hot!	„
	—Jared Fogle

Jared has been getting into smaller and smaller pants.

For Jared Fogle^✡, life was good. He gained the love of a nation in 2000, when Subway began an ad campaign telling his compelling story of losing nearly 250 pounds by consuming their footlongs. After appearing in over 300 television commercials, Fogle had amassed around $15,000,000 in net worth, and was beloved by the public. Everything was perfect.

That was, until the FBI paid him a little visit in July of 2015 and found his child pornography stash.

Subway career

A storybook and a six-incher. We can see where this is going.

Jared Fogle once wore a size 62-inch pair of pants, before losing weight by eating low-fat Subway sandwiches and walking a lot. After a 1999 article in the Indiana Daily Student detailed his massive weight loss, a franchisee pitched the idea to a Subway advertising agency of centering commercials around Fogle's story, and thus a star^✡ was born. The gig with Subway has made it such that Fogle has never held a real job in his life.

The now 190-pound, but still creepy-looking Fogle was a boon hawking sandwiches for Subway, who attribute half their growth in sales to Fogle.

Fogle finished in 36,968th place out of 44,829 in the New York City Marathon in November 2010. He nearly dropped dead from a heart attack shortly after.

Jared Foundation

Partners in crime.

Founded in 2004, the Jared Foundation "raises awareness about childhood obesity". Unfortunately, it seems to have instead raised awareness about preying on children after its director, Russell Taylor, was arrested for child exploitation and possession of child pornography.

Taylor, after being charged for his collection of secretive videos of several Jared Foundation kids, Eastern European child porn, and photos of naked children as young as 9, attempted to kill himself in Marion County Jail to escape justice and his inevitable ass reaming by other prisoners, but failed miserably.

FBI pays Jared a visit

Why don't you have a seat, Jared?

Jared loves little girls more than Oingo Boingo.

On July 7, 2015, the FBI and Indiana State Police searched Fogle's home, just checking for innocent things. Subway subsequently suspended its relation with Fogle, while publicly confirming the search had been related to the former Jared Foundation director's CP charges.

A now former female friend (of legal age) had alerted authorities after Jared continuously told her about his burning obsession with fucking middle school girls. It's like the jackass wanted to be caught or something by making his little girl lust loud and proud. Being a well-known name and face, Jared is expected to follow in the suicidal footsteps of his former partner in crime, Taylor, after being handed his looming sentence.

Considering Subway's entire sales pitch for fifteen years has been this sick man's weight loss, it remains to be seen what Subway's commercials will be like going forward if the suspension is prolonged. This isn't like AFLAC firing Gilbert Godfrey over some funny Japanese tsunami jokes, where they just found someone less funny to voice their mascot. Subway will either have to find another fatass who allegedly lost weight eating nothing but their CP-plagued subs, or go the route of superior sub chains like Firehouse Subs, Panera Bread, and Quizno's, and make edgy, offensive commercials in a vain attempt to wash over their tarnished image.

2008 text messages

According to an affidavit obtained by old media, the investigation on Jared Fogle began in 2008 stemming from text messages he had with a Subway franchisee. In the text messages, Jared repeatedly tries to coax the Subway manager into letting him have sex with her underage cousin. He also goes into detail about how he paid for sex with a 16-year-old he met on Craigslist, and showed great pride in that he only had to pay $100 for it. When the woman declined to let Jared pork her underage cousin, Jared asked the woman if she wanted to whore herself on Craigslist and offered $500 to be able to watch her fuck other men.

	“	When can we find a time for me to talk to your cousin?	„
	—Jared

	“	Any more news with your cousin? Tell me what u think about when u think of the three of us all together???	„
	—Jared, the following day

	“	How young would you like?... Would you want to have an adventure like that?	„
	—Jared, looking for adventure

	“	Is this the same website you found that 16 year old girl you that you fucked? ...I still can't believe you only paid $100 for her.	„
	—Subway franchisee, inquiring about Jared's craigslist adventures

	“	It was amazing!!!!	„
	—Jared responds

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Subway doesn't care

The woman hired a lawyer and brought these messages were brought to Subway's attention, but they dismissed the accusations on the grounds that Jared was not technically an employee of Subway, only a paid spokesperson, and that she should stop being such a prude. In an act of kindness, Subway did allow the woman to remove all likeness of Jared from her store in a bid to get her to shut the fuck up. Meanwhile, Subway continued to use Jared as their official spokesperson, which afforded him close contact with numerous children through his campaigning, and only after an FBI raid and media shitstorm seven years later did Subway own up to their pedophile-enabling.

Jared Fogle pleads guilty to child pornography charges

On August 18, 2015, it was reported and confirmed that Fogle will plead guilty to possession of child pornography charges.

Quotes

Immediately following news of the raid, Jared's Facebook and Twitter accounts were flooded with undying support from his fans and fellow Subway enthusiasts.

	“	Jared of Subway has gone from putting 12-inchers in his mouth to putting 6-inchers in kids.	„
	—Atomic Joe

	“	Maybe McDonalds will take him. His name is Fogle. Just call him "McLovin."	„
	—Brian Jackson

	“	No women at Jared house it means something wrong.	„
	—James Bell

	“	You may have lost weight but you've still got a chubby for kids.	„
	—Shane Hills

	“	Just realized you probably can't tweet me back because the Feds have your laptop and smart phone huh?	„
	—@_Dubauchery

	“	Eat fresh in jail!!	„
	—@JackLutzRocket

	“	Jared Fogel's career began and ended by getting into smaller pants.	„
	—@Jmann996

	“	I don't think Jared from Subway is a pedophile.	„
	—NeoGAF

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Videos

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Gallery

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See also

• CP
• Fat
• Subway

External links

• Police raid Zionsville home of Subway's Jared
•  Jared Fogle
•  thejaredfogle
• Jared is not just a pedo, he also a cuck (archive)
• Ex-Subway pitchman to plead guilty to child porn charges: report

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Featured article July 16 and 17, 2015
Preceded by Video Game Reviewers	Jared Fogle	Succeeded by The Great Gawker Implosion of 2015