Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Camrose Cat Killers: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
imported>Jacket
Deprecated template.
imported>Jewjetter
 
(2 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown)
Line 67: Line 67:


{{animals}}
{{animals}}
 
{{Canada}}
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]

Latest revision as of 20:44, 18 October 2023

Hey! This article is an Encyclopedia Dramatica exclusive.
This article is only for the discriminating lulz connoisseur.
If you have any exclusive drama to add, click here.
Donny, these men are cowards.
Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)
Mac and Sabian Ryan, 2013

Sam Sheppard, Sabian Jordan Ryan, Macaully (Mac) Ryan, and Jesse Gillis, known collectively as the Camrose Cat Killers are four pussies who microwaved a cat named Princess after robbing[1] their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, Canadia on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because the Internet loves cats, but also because of the strange Canadian law that prohibits publishing their names, since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.

   
 
You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!
 

 
 

—Scrawled on the wall

They got away with it

After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL troll's remorse, and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and noone went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.

   
 
Remorse. Just flat out remorse.
 

 
 

—Crown lawyer John Laluk, on the motivation for the plea change

Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the former regime was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two is still a mystery. Except not, here is  Sabian Jordon Ryan on Twitter.

Vengeance

Internets tube junctions, like Facebook and Nexopia, immediately rose up and formed the hate forums. Even Bill Cosby hated them and refused to send pudding pops. The Canadian version of The Man showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names. When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook. Because the names were nowhere to be found, internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names[2].

Guise, it's illegal to publish their names

  • Sam Sheppard
  • Sabian Jordan Ryan
  • Mac Ryan
  • Jesse Gillis

Updates

All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:

Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan

Despite efforts to help Sabian become more famous, he refuses to unblock a fan who only wished to help him achieve more fame. :<

Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of 2016.

Oh look, Facebook accounts

Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are really tough and hardcore so do not mess with them.

YouTube
   
 
Every time you say something negative, you're only making my case in court that much easier. did you know it is a federal crime to be saying what you're saying? hey, THIS is sabian by the way. i have nothing to hide! :) it's nice to speak to you mr.kittycatdeth. i don't know if you noticedm but you spelled your name wrong, deth, is spelled like so: Death. but seriously, we love all your facebook, youtube and reverbnation attention! :) because after 4 years, i'm finally going to sue all of you.
 

 
 

venusdoom001 (Sabian Jordan Ryan), expressing that remorse that got him off the hook

   
 
So basically, in accordance to what i just posted, thank you for your help in making us famous. believe it or not, I'm already Famous, the funny thing about Notoriety is, it works both ways. you know who i am, right? :)
 

 
 

venusdoom001 (Sabian Jordan Ryan), mistaking fame for infamy

Twitter
  •  SabianRyan - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter lol deleted

See also

External links

Camrose Cat Killers
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal AbuseBestialityFurryHuntingTaxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

BadgersBatsBearsBeesBirdsBunniesCalifornia Pet Laws 1/1/19CatsChickensChihuahuasCowsCrabsCrowsDinosaursDogsDucksEaglesFishFoxesFrogsGiant IsopodsOctopusesPandasParakeetsParrotsPenguinsPigsRatsSharksSheepSnakesSpidersTurtlesWalruseWolves

Camrose Cat Killers
is part of a series on
Soviet Canuckistan
[CollapseExpand]
Fuck it's cold, eh?

People
Adam BuckleyAvril LavigneAlek MinassianAlexander Graham BellAlexandre BissonnetteAmanda ToddBen SpurrBoris MalagurskiBrandon CrispBruce WaughCamrose Cat KillersCheddar-CheesiaChris BenoitChris ForcandChuggoColin MochrieDarlie BrewsterDandCVideosDanny WilliamsDakari-King MykanDimitri The Loverdeadmau5Dorian_GayDouglas SpinkDavid Hugh RockChris ForcandDavid Hugh RockEpic Meal TimeEllen PageFaeTianFrank BertrandFergie OlverGabriel WortmanGame2WinterHenry MakowJason CadenJason CrevierJayisCrazayJian GhomeshiJenny JonesJordan HuntJordan PetersonJulie TerryberryJawsusJdsonicJonathan YanivJustin BieberKeffalsKimveer GillKwalah NomanKyle ForrestLil TayLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLosttrapLuka MagnottaLuke MochrieLyndsay KirkhamMarc LépineMatthew de GroodMrwhiskerz Matthew Paul TippingMichael J FoxMichel122002Mira ConstableMyah WalkerNewfiesNorm MacDonaldNickelbackPerfection GirlPhil FishRob FordRussell WilliamsRyan HaweSafwwefeSaljSebastien LevesqueSegacampSex Ed SueSharlene SimonSidney CrosbySinnSmugglypuffSwirl FaceTamara LaskieTed CruzTegan and SaraTim McLeanTom GreenTom MacDonaldThedestructorToaster SteveTyciolVenomFangXWilliam Shatner

Places
OntarioQuebecTorontoVancouverGuelphWindsorUniversity of Western Ontario

Politics
Conservative Party of CanadaLiberal Party of CanadaNDPJustin TrudeauStephen HarperG20 Toronto LollercaustMoving to CanadaNorth American UnionThe Honkening

TV
CaillouHockey Night in CanadaMy Life MeTotal Drama IslandTrailer Park Boys

Sites
Canadian GunNutzChampionOfJustice.caDegrassi.tvHampster DanceJesus ChatlineJihadUnspun.comLoco MelonesMetal-ArchivesNexopiaRebel MediaVampire Shitty

Video Games
BioWareCupheadWarframe

Sports
BasketballHockey

Business
BDICBlackberryHypercubeMilk BagsScriptLanceTelus