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Latest revision as of 16:06, 25 August 2024
Phonefags (or more politely phone collectors) may seem like an irrelevant group of speds online, and that's exactly what they are. They are a subspecies of Euromonkeys that typically hang around in hugboxes online, and occasionally visit autistic websites like BonziWORLD. They have 500 constantly changing factions that hate each other over nothing, while also being the exact same thing. This likely comes from their origins, as most phonefags are from the Balkans, and the ones that aren't are from underdeveloped Eastern European countries, meaning they already have a natural hatred towards fellow phonefags. This combined with the fact that none of them can fucking into speak English is are properly, so they can't understand each other, means it's no wonder that they are constantly in some internet sissy fight. One thing that unites them all is that they have huge collections of phones that they brag about, and all of them are severely autistic, making them previously decent lolcows that have now been milked dry.
Language
If you're gonna interact with a phonefag, you need to know what they're talking about. Linguists around the world have been trying to solve this mystery, and this is the closest they have gotten to deciphering the incantations used by phonefags. Grammar is not needed, you just need to guess where the words were supposed to go.
- Taci - It is believed to mean "shut up" in Romanian, but in phonefag-ish it means "pwease swtawp bwullying mwe".
- Pula - Used at random, means "dick" in Romanian.
- Beach - Perhaps the most infamous phonefag word. Mommy said no bad words.
- ROMphonix - More on this one l8r.
- Fard - A fetish most phonefags have.
- 🤡 - Not a word, but phonefags speak in hieroglyphics. This one is a form of punctuation.
- And like a billion more
With this in mind, here's an example of a phonefag sentence: "RACIST PULA BEACH STOP SAYING N WORD 🤡🤡🤡 TACI BEACH I BET YOU USE SAMSUNG SNWRUOE284 MODEL🤡🤡🤡"
"Relevant" members
Of course, there's no such thing as a relevant phonefag, that would be a paradox, but within the 6 million different circlejerks of these faggots there are bound to be some local micro-celebrities. Many of these people are gone, most likely of natural causes since the countries they live in usually have a life expectancy of 23 seconds. Note that most of these people probably hate every other person on this list for doing the exact same shit they themselves do.
Saytaiyrsh
The Russian nigger who "coined" (stole) 99% of the phonefag words. He doesn't know Romanian so nobody knows why so many of the words are used by Romanians. It may be possible that he is a closet gypsy. He is the rotten asshole of the community and, despite inventing the phonefag language, everyone shits on him except the 3 bots that worship him. He will also treat you as a tier 5 bad user if you say the evil nigger word, making him extremely easy to troll if he doesn't block you instantly.
Felix Celepota
A Turkish border hopper cockroach who currently infests Austria. His whole gimmick is sending videos of speedtests where his Turkcell niggernet gets 0.00001 RPM, and talking about how rich he is (which he is not BTW). Aside from recording himself testing his dial up speed Wi-Fi, he also talks about how heckin' bad and le evil the EU is, while also saying Toorkey is the greatest country on Earth. He is rejected by most of the other phonefags but as you'd expect, he has some devout followers who worship him and would probably sacrifice babies to him.
David Egan
David John Egan IV, also known as SgtPepperArc360 or David Eggman, is the only confirmed non-European phonefag. As phonefags do, he is in an internet sissy fight with another phonefag called SgtDanielArc360 (a.k.a. Jabba, the master of JabbaScript hax and David's arch nemesis). His biggest contribution to the world is a video where he bitches about Jabba for 10 straight minutes and says "2023 is NOT my year". Tragically, he baleeted the original.
Randumbship (Ran)
Ran is not relevant to phonefags, but he is the true epitome of a phonefag. He's a Romanian gypsy negro and one of the biggest phonefag lolcows. His hobbies include reporting Pisscord servers where the owner's account has been banned (anarchy servers) and uhhhhh.... Ran is also an attention whore who thinks he's super relevant and contributes so many meaningful things to the internet. In fact, Ran holds up the very foundation of the universe we live in, and without his pula taci beachings we would all not exist. He also hung around with a circlejerk that trolls Diogo and sends CP similarly to Diogo. The image at the top of this article is a representation of Ran.
Other faggots
- David Khoa - Records autistic phonefag videos of him shoving the Samsung Model HCBFR Pro Plus Edition up his prolapsed rectum or something.
- Jabba Saulute - The fat Lithuanian script kiddie who cannot into the English at all. He is more well known for his activity on BonziWORLD but he is still a phonefag, shown by his huge boner for something called Samsung Fun Club. Despite his horrendous grammar and nonsensical insults he is taken very seriously by other phonefags.
- Maren - The least autistic phonefag, which isn't saying much. Previously made a phonefag article but it sucked ass and got baleeted. He is hated by Jabba, making him a bad hippo user dragon.
- Doctor Virus - Some sperg who claims to have a "joking disease" and died of rage when some troll made a shitty bot with his name and profile pic that would spew nonsense every few seconds.
ROMphonix
ROMphonix is where phonefags go after they die and get to be with the divine LG KikePhone 2923. In reality it's some shitty Jewcord server, and while writing about Pisscord servers is not lulzy, ROMphonix must be mentioned due to it being the center of phonefaggotry and effectively a phonefag synagogue. Phonefags typically threaten eachother with "I WILL GET YOU BANNED FROM ROMPHONIX YOU TIKI BEACH🤡🤡🤡". If a phonefag is actually banned from ROMphonix, they are 99% guaranteed to become an hero. ROMphonix admins are also hailed as gods across the whole community. The sewer itself is not autistic, it's just some faggots collecting old ROMs or something, but it attracts autists just like your local KFC attracts George Floyd.
Videos
As with almost every other herd of lolcows, phonefags have a presence on YouTube. So do some of their trolls. Jabba is perhaps the biggest one (both a lolcow and troll) who hasn't baleeted all of his videos yet, so you might see him being over-represented.
Previous Video | Next Video |
External Links
- ROMphonix Website - (NOTE: They haven't figured out HTTPS yet so you'll totally get haxed)
- Jabba's Website - Probably the best website in Lithuania (NOTE: It logs your IP so turn your VPNs on)
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Phonefags is part of a series on Aspies. | [Sperg out] |
| Phonefags is part of a series on Lolcows | [I'M PRESSING BUTTONS] | ||
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