Registration has been disabled and the moderation extension has been turned off.
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.

Camrose Cat Killers: Difference between revisions

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
imported>Hipcrime
updating meta, null edit
imported>Jewjetter
 
(35 intermediate revisions by 11 users not shown)
Line 2: Line 2:
{{Walter}}
{{Walter}}
[[File:SABIAN JORDAN RYAN.jpg|thumb|Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)]]
[[File:SABIAN JORDAN RYAN.jpg|thumb|Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)]]
[[File:MAC RYAN 1.jpg|thumb|Mac Ryan]]
[[File:Mac and Sabian Ryan 2013.jpeg|thumb|Mac and Sabian Ryan, 2013]]


'''Sam Sheppard''', '''Sabian Jordan Ryan''', '''Macaully (Mac) Ryan''', and '''Jesse Gillis''', known collectively as the '''Camrose Cat Killers''' are four [[pun|pussies]] who microwaved a [[cat]] named Princess after robbing<sup><span class="plainlinks">[http://www.pet-abuse.com/cases/12908/AB/CA/]</span></sup> their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, [[Canadia]] on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because [[fact|the Internet loves cats]], but also because of the strange Canadian law that [[Streisand effect|prohibits publishing their names]], since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.
'''Sam Sheppard''', '''Sabian Jordan Ryan''', '''Macaully (Mac) Ryan''', and '''Jesse Gillis''', known collectively as the '''Camrose Cat Killers''' are four [[pun|pussies]] who [[Cat in Microwave|microwaved a cat]] named Princess after robbing<sup><span class="plainlinks">[http://www.pet-abuse.com/cases/12908/AB/CA/]</span></sup> their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, [[Canadia]] on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because [[fact|the Internet loves cats]], but also because of the strange Canadian law that [[Streisand effect|prohibits publishing their names]], since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.


{{Quote|You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!|Scrawled on the wall}}
{{Quote|You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!|Scrawled on the wall}}
Line 14: Line 14:
{{quote|Remorse. Just flat out remorse.|Crown lawyer John Laluk|on the motivation for the plea change}}
{{quote|Remorse. Just flat out remorse.|Crown lawyer John Laluk|on the motivation for the plea change}}


Since the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the former regime was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the sentences of the other two is still being investigated.
Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the [[Operation Restoration|former regime]] was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two [[it is a mystery|is still a mystery]]. Except not, here is {{twitter|THESAB3|Sabian Jordon Ryan}} on Twitter.


== Vengeance ==
== Vengeance ==
Line 21: Line 21:


== Guise, it's illegal to publish their names ==
== Guise, it's illegal to publish their names ==
<!-- named for great justice and endless lulz -->
 
*'''Sam Sheppard'''
*'''Sam Sheppard'''
*'''Sabian Jordan Ryan'''
*'''Sabian Jordan Ryan'''
Line 32: Line 32:


=== Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan ===
=== Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan ===
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, the Ryan brothers live in Edmonton, Alberta, and are in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets". In addition to [[lol|being in a band]], Mac Ryan now works at [http://www.earls.ca/locations/search/full_list Earls Tin Palace] in Edmonton, and Sabian attends Victoria School Of Performing And Visual Arts.
[[File:SABIAN RYAN BUTTHURT FACEBOOK REPLY.png|thumb|Despite efforts to help Sabian become more famous, he refuses to unblock a fan who only wished to help him achieve more fame. <nowiki>:</nowiki><]]
Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of [[2016]].


;Oh look, Facebook accounts:
;Oh look, Facebook accounts:
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1066432096 Mac Ryan], now known as "Macaully Von Bathory".
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1066432096 Mac Ryan] aka "Macaully Von Bathory"
**[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1219117460 "Sav Schlosser"], Mac Ryan's girlfriend
*[http://www.facebook.com/CrucifiedToADream Sabian Jordan Ryan's Facebook Account] [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003877895710 Alternate account]
*[http://www.facebook.com/CrucifiedToADream Sabian Jordan Ryan's Facebook Account]
*[http://www.myspace.com/musicfreak96 lol Sabian's MySpace page]
*[http://www.myspace.com/musicfreak96 lol Sabian's MySpace page]
*[https://www.facebook.com/wthcnvctn Sabian's shit band] on Facebook.


Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are [[pussies|really tough and hardcore]] so [[DO IT FAGGOT|do not mess with them]].
Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are [[pussies|really tough and hardcore]] so [[DO IT FAGGOT|do not mess with them]].
*[http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=673981146 Carol Plant], their grandmother. [[no|She must be very proud]].
*[http://www.facebook.com/1244989313 Dylan James Michael Ryan], their brother


;YouTube
;YouTube
{{quote|Every time you say something negative, you're only making my case in court that much easier. did you know it is a federal crime to be saying what you're saying? hey, THIS is sabian by the way. i have nothing to hide! :) it's nice to speak to you mr.kittycatdeth. i don't know if you noticedm but you spelled your name wrong, deth, is spelled like so: Death. but seriously, we love all your facebook, youtube and reverbnation attention! :) because after 4 years, i'm finally going to sue all of you.|{{ytuser|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|expressing that remorse that got him off the hook}}
{{quote|Every time you say something negative, you're only making my case in court that much easier. did you know it is a federal crime to be saying what you're saying? hey, THIS is sabian by the way. i have nothing to hide! :) it's nice to speak to you mr.kittycatdeth. i don't know if you noticedm but you spelled your name wrong, deth, is spelled like so: Death. but seriously, we love all your facebook, youtube and reverbnation attention! :) because after 4 years, i'm finally going to sue all of you.|{{yt|u|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|expressing that remorse that got him off the hook}}


{{quote|So basically, in accordance to what i just posted, thank you for your help in making us famous. believe it or not, I'm already Famous, the funny thing about Notoriety is, it works both ways. you know who i am, right? :)|{{ytuser|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|mistaking fame for infamy}}
{{quote|So basically, in accordance to what i just posted, thank you for your help in making us famous. believe it or not, I'm already Famous, the funny thing about Notoriety is, it works both ways. you know who i am, right? :)|{{yt|u|venusdoom001}} (Sabian Jordan Ryan)|mistaking fame for infamy}}


;Twitter
;Twitter
*{{twitter|SabianRyan}} - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter
*<s>{{twitter|SabianRyan}} - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter</s> lol deleted


== See also ==
== See also ==


* [[Luka Rocco Magnotta]]
* [[Cat in Microwave]]
* [[Luka Magnotta]]
* [[Melissa Bachman]]
* [[Kenny Glenn]]
* [[Kenny Glenn]]
* [[Cheyenne Cherry]]
* [[Cheyenne Cherry]]
Line 62: Line 62:
== External links ==
== External links ==


*[http://www.canada.com/edmontonjournal/news/cityplus/story.html?id=7598d931-87cd-4a61-a572-640d8feb0867&k=2110&p=1 More story!]
*[http://archive.fo/anGZT More story!]
*http://www.wikigrain.org/?req=Camrose+cat+killing
*http://www.wikigrain.org/?req=Camrose+cat+killing
*[http://deletionpedia.dbatley.com/w/index.php?title=Camrose_cat_killing_%28deleted_28_Jul_2008_at_23:23%29 Camrose cat killing] at [[Deletionpedia]]


{{animals}}
{{animals}}
 
{{Canada}}
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Locations]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:Events]]
[[Category:People]]
[[Category:People]]

Latest revision as of 20:44, 18 October 2023

Hey! This article is an Encyclopedia Dramatica exclusive.
This article is only for the discriminating lulz connoisseur.
If you have any exclusive drama to add, click here.
Donny, these men are cowards.
Sabian Jordan Ryan (left)
Mac and Sabian Ryan, 2013

Sam Sheppard, Sabian Jordan Ryan, Macaully (Mac) Ryan, and Jesse Gillis, known collectively as the Camrose Cat Killers are four pussies who microwaved a cat named Princess after robbing[1] their neighbors' home in Camrose, Alberta, Canadia on December 29 and December 30, 2007. When the story broke, the Internet took notice, not just because the Internet loves cats, but also because of the strange Canadian law that prohibits publishing their names, since they were juveniles when they committed the crime.

   
 
You HAD a nice cat - look in the microwave!
 

 
 

—Scrawled on the wall

They got away with it

After they were caught, they initially pled not guilty, and later suffered IRL troll's remorse, and changed their pleas to "guilty" in exchange for a "sentence" of 100 hours of community service, and noone went to jail. Expert testimony revealed that the cat's nervous system boiled, and its organs exploded during the ten minutes it took to kill the animal, while the perpetrators listened to its screams.

   
 
Remorse. Just flat out remorse.
 

 
 

—Crown lawyer John Laluk, on the motivation for the plea change

Quite a lot is known about Mac and Sabian Ryan, because of their band, but because the Internet has the attention span of a flea, and since the former regime was paranoid as fuck about lolsuits, this article was not kept up to date, and the whereabouts of the other two is still a mystery. Except not, here is  Sabian Jordon Ryan on Twitter.

Vengeance

Internets tube junctions, like Facebook and Nexopia, immediately rose up and formed the hate forums. Even Bill Cosby hated them and refused to send pudding pops. The Canadian version of The Man showed up in the small town, going from house to house warning people not to name names. When he found the Facebook posts, he went to the posters' homes and threatened little children with jail time unless they used their accounts to delete the names from Facebook. Because the names were nowhere to be found, internutters went even more nutters, even offering rewards for the names[2].

Guise, it's illegal to publish their names

  • Sam Sheppard
  • Sabian Jordan Ryan
  • Mac Ryan
  • Jesse Gillis

Updates

All the perpetrators are now adults, and it is unclear whether it is still illegal to reveal their names. Research is ongoing, but here is what is known so far:

Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan

Despite efforts to help Sabian become more famous, he refuses to unblock a fan who only wished to help him achieve more fame. :<

Mac Ryan and Sabian Jordan Ryan are brothers who were involved in the robbery and animal torture. As of 2012, The Ryan Brothers were together in a garden variety craprock band called "Any Last Regrets", until Mac got a real job and now the band is called "WTHCNVCTN" as of 2016.

Oh look, Facebook accounts

Notice how their pages are covered in hardcore emo death metal screamo shit and how Sabian's URL is 'CrucifiedToADream'. These guy's are really tough and hardcore so do not mess with them.

YouTube
   
 
Every time you say something negative, you're only making my case in court that much easier. did you know it is a federal crime to be saying what you're saying? hey, THIS is sabian by the way. i have nothing to hide! :) it's nice to speak to you mr.kittycatdeth. i don't know if you noticedm but you spelled your name wrong, deth, is spelled like so: Death. but seriously, we love all your facebook, youtube and reverbnation attention! :) because after 4 years, i'm finally going to sue all of you.
 

 
 

venusdoom001 (Sabian Jordan Ryan), expressing that remorse that got him off the hook

   
 
So basically, in accordance to what i just posted, thank you for your help in making us famous. believe it or not, I'm already Famous, the funny thing about Notoriety is, it works both ways. you know who i am, right? :)
 

 
 

venusdoom001 (Sabian Jordan Ryan), mistaking fame for infamy

Twitter
  •  SabianRyan - Sabian Jordan Ryan on Twitter lol deleted

See also

External links

Camrose Cat Killers
is part of a series on
Bad things that happen to animals
Basic Concepts [-+]

Animal AbuseBestialityFurryHuntingTaxidermy

Meet the Menagerie:

BadgersBatsBearsBeesBirdsBunniesCalifornia Pet Laws 1/1/19CatsChickensChihuahuasCowsCrabsCrowsDinosaursDogsDucksEaglesFishFoxesFrogsGiant IsopodsOctopusesPandasParakeetsParrotsPenguinsPigsRatsSharksSheepSnakesSpidersTurtlesWalruseWolves

Camrose Cat Killers
is part of a series on
Soviet Canuckistan
[CollapseExpand]
Fuck it's cold, eh?

People
Adam BuckleyAvril LavigneAlek MinassianAlexander Graham BellAlexandre BissonnetteAmanda ToddBen SpurrBoris MalagurskiBrandon CrispBruce WaughCamrose Cat KillersCheddar-CheesiaChris BenoitChris ForcandChuggoColin MochrieDarlie BrewsterDandCVideosDanny WilliamsDakari-King MykanDimitri The Loverdeadmau5Dorian_GayDouglas SpinkDavid Hugh RockChris ForcandDavid Hugh RockEpic Meal TimeEllen PageFaeTianFrank BertrandFergie OlverGabriel WortmanGame2WinterHenry MakowJason CadenJason CrevierJayisCrazayJian GhomeshiJenny JonesJordan HuntJordan PetersonJulie TerryberryJawsusJdsonicJonathan YanivJustin BieberKeffalsKimveer GillKwalah NomanKyle ForrestLil TayLindsay Kantha SouvannarathLosttrapLuka MagnottaLuke MochrieLyndsay KirkhamMarc LépineMatthew de GroodMrwhiskerz Matthew Paul TippingMichael J FoxMichel122002Mira ConstableMyah WalkerNewfiesNorm MacDonaldNickelbackPerfection GirlPhil FishRob FordRussell WilliamsRyan HaweSafwwefeSaljSebastien LevesqueSegacampSex Ed SueSharlene SimonSidney CrosbySinnSmugglypuffSwirl FaceTamara LaskieTed CruzTegan and SaraTim McLeanTom GreenTom MacDonaldThedestructorToaster SteveTyciolVenomFangXWilliam Shatner

Places
OntarioQuebecTorontoVancouverGuelphWindsorUniversity of Western Ontario

Politics
Conservative Party of CanadaLiberal Party of CanadaNDPJustin TrudeauStephen HarperG20 Toronto LollercaustMoving to CanadaNorth American UnionThe Honkening

TV
CaillouHockey Night in CanadaMy Life MeTotal Drama IslandTrailer Park Boys

Sites
Canadian GunNutzChampionOfJustice.caDegrassi.tvHampster DanceJesus ChatlineJihadUnspun.comLoco MelonesMetal-ArchivesNexopiaRebel MediaVampire Shitty

Video Games
BioWareCupheadWarframe

Sports
BasketballHockey

Business
BDICBlackberryHypercubeMilk BagsScriptLanceTelus