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Porygon
Porygon (ポリゴン in moonspeak) is a Pokémon introduced in the Red and Blue games; its name comes from the Japanese's inability to write and pronounce "Polygon" correctly. It appeared in its very own episode of the shitty Pokeman animu, where it saved Ash and the gang from Team Rocket's rape traps once again.
What makes this particular Pokeman unique is the fact that it instantly pwnd and obliterated over 9000 Japanese boys by triggering mass epilepsy. The United States was most butthurt over this, because half a century earlier they attempted the same thing but destroyed a lot of useful infrastructure in the process. In other words, Porygon is a hugeass motherfucking H-bomb without the collateral damage. Of course nobody gave a shit about them since they were Japanese and instead got pissed off that they didn't think of it first.
The Video
The Aftermath
Immediately the Japanese government got real and decided to take a stance over the incident, sending in armies of Nazis and schoolgirls to investigate. It was not long before the population of 13 year-old boys in Japan was cut by at least 100 people.
Scientists believe that the flashing lights triggered photosensitive seizures in which visual stimuli such as flashing lights can cause altered consciousness. Although scientists know that approximately 1 in 4,000 people (0.5–0.8% of children between 5–13 years old) are susceptible to these types of seizures, the number of people affected by this Pokémon episode was unprecedented. Oh, but those silly Azns simply didn't have the proper medical knowledge shared throughout the western world, and decided to go ahead and air the episode without checking a medical journal.
Porygon's moment of glory was banned worldwide after, as other countries did not wish to expose their populations to it.
Facts
- Saddam Hussein was thought to have possessed this Pokémon, and as a result the War on Iraq began for control of the weapon of mass destruction.
- Porygon's seizures cause over 9000 Japanese boys to becomes an fag every day.
- Porygon and its various evolutions are known for spreading viruses, inciting many to get Norton.
- Just as Pedobear is the mascot of pedophiles, Porygon is the mascot of both H4x0rs and the Geek Squad.
- Porygon's name is the way that all azns pronounce "Polygon", a translating stunt that continues to provide lulz to the American assholes that beat those damn Japs at their own game.
- Porygon lives on the Internets. In fact, he's probably lurking this article right now.
Catching Porygon
If you are a faggot that happens to play the Pokemon games today then you are in luck. A winner you can be if you follow these steps to capture a Porygon:
- 1. Catch all
151251386493649721802 Pokémon. You don't have to catch Missingno. or M. or any Digimon. although you do have to catch Sonichu. - 2. Don't go to any Pokémon Center EXCEPT the one in Pallet Town.
- 3. Release ALL of your Pokémon EXCEPT for
MewtwoMagikarp. - 4. Beat the Elite 4 with Magikarp as your only party member 10 times while only using the move "SPLASH".
- 5. ????
- 6. Profit!
Gallery
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Porygon is part of a series on Visit the Anime Portal for complete coverage. |
 Porygon is part of a series on Pokémon [Who’s that Pokémon?] | |||||||
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