Cock

Why halo thar

Usual reaction to a cock

Along with a brain, a cock is what men have that makes them better than women. Rather than having a gaping, lukewarm hole for genitalia, men possess a beautiful, hefty, healthy phallus with a knob on top and a hole at the tip. Cocks allow men to easily urinate standing up, put out small fires, and impregnate bitches at will. According to feminists, possessing a cock automatically makes you a rapist.

Cocks spew many things, including, but not limited to: semen, urine, blood, and ants. According to the Great and Holy Talmud, the lattermost is a bad omen from Yahweh and you should never go to a repellent Jew doctor if this happens.

The average size of an adult male cock is over 9000 inches. If yours is smaller you are a loser.

It is well known that the cock is superior to the vagina, this is clearly acknowledgedby the internets and so must be true.

Cocks were designed by Swiss surrealist H.R. Giger, who also created the xenomorph aliens. This is why cocks look similar to an alien's head.

Reasons why it's good to have a cock

Man's best friend

• Bathroom time is on average 30 seconds

• you don't have to sit down on some filthy-ass public toilet

• You can piss your name in the snow
• A big bulge in your pants will help you get laid
• Having sex is actually enjoyable

• You can do more sex positions with a cock than without one

• Rape is easier to commit
• You have a fun toy to play with when you're bored
• You can easily get away with pissing in public
• Masturbation is a lot simpler

• Masturbation is more fun when you can aim it at things

Where to Put a Cock

This important local political figure has a reasonably photoshopped penis.

File:I grew my cawk.gif

Totally legit penis.

France - USA - Korea's penises comparison

People

• In a girl
• In a guy
• In an unwilling stranger
• In a Femidom/Condom if the unwilling stranger has Aidz
• In a willing stranger
• In a corpse
• In a child
• In your neighbor
• In your mom
• In your dad
• In your grandma
• In your sister
• In your cousin
• In your pet
• In a whore
• In a slut
• In a bitch
• In a dike

Places

• In the ass
• In the mouth
• In the vagina
• In a condom (archaic)
• In an armpit
• In the ear
• In the eye (hence "cockeyed")
• In the tear ducts
• In the bellybutton
• In an electrical socket
• In shards of glass
• In your own ass, mouth or vagina
• In a skull
• In any bodily opening, including a self-inflicted wound such as a papercut
• Atop a pile of trash.
• In a ant mound

• EVERYWHERE!* With the following exceptions:

Where Not to Put Cock

Some people like to expose their cock to the internets.

And if they say they don't, they're lying.

People

• Chin-chan
• Snapesnogger
• Sonichu
• Kirk Johnson - You couldn't feel it anyway with that gaping anus of his.
• Dorian Thorn - The outcome is probably not what you're expecting.

Animals

• A horse
• ...or any animal, you sick fuck.

Places

• AIDS-filled pools
• Diabeetus-filled fools
• Blood-covered tools
• Puddles of drool
• Glory hole
  • Exception: You want STDs
• Through any hole of a fursuit
• Mouse trap (and any other)

List of Known Cock-Lovers

Sluts love the fake black shlong!

LOOK HOW SHINY THEY ARE

Many people are well known for how much they crave the cock. Here are just a few of the many people that truly love the cock.

Girls

• chix0r, who apparently loves both cut and uncut cock
• forunlawfulck - To be fair, she only admitted to liking the cock.
• hepkitten
• girlvinyl's vagina
• Klarawagner
• scarlet
• All of Japan
• Pamela, self-admitting slut.

Boys

• All furries - Despite their protestations to the contrary.
• Armin Meiwes -Loves the cock so much he actually ate someones cock.
• Dorian Thorn
• Gerard Way
• Gorilla199
• Chris Crocker
• Hal Turner
• You
• Hoveround
• Howler
• iconoclast - Likes the pole and the hole.
• jameth
• Larry Craig
• Lady Gaga (Yes the gender is correct)
• NeoLobster
• Perez Hilton
• Phil Collins
• sdf
• Sigurdur Hjartarson (see below)
• toresbe
• tfo
• Angry Homo Kid
• Goronchev
• Zerowolf64 and ZackSykora

Penis Size and Enlargement

HEY FAGGOT: ENLARGE YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING MICROPENIS TODAY!

Size

I bet you enlarged the picture. You sick fuck.

Watch out or brock will steal your penis just like he stole this man's.

The truth about penis size is plain and simple: you are the only person that cares about the the size of your cock! Sexually speaking, most women couldn't care less about the size of their man's penis; they’re moar interested in what the man does to make them feel good and money. Without one or both of these, you have no chance.

Apologists argue that if you're gay, your male partner is probably more interested in finding antique Cher paraphernalia on eBay than the size of your piece of pork. Right - maybe if you're over 80. In reality, every gay man fantasizes about having the biggest cock possible in their mouth and up their ass, so if you're gay, you're especially fucked. Literally and repeatedly - you will never be the top as long as you live.

One thing is for certain: whether straight or gay, if you have a small cock, are poor, are getting up there in years (over the age of 30 or so) and are fat, you're basically doomed to die alone. You might as well start sucking dicks for money and/or crack and getting your love at truck-stop bathroom glory holes, because you aren't getting any anytime soon.

Clinical Micropenis

WTF!?‎

A bacterial infection which devours cock muscle, leaving your member miniature and permanently excluded from all vaginae. To determine if you suffer from clinical micropenis, start by whipping out your wife-pipe. Grab the longest pubic hair you have and pull it straight. If you don't shave your pubes and it's still longer than your member, you're fucked. Or rather, you will never be fucked. An interesting side note, those with Clinical Micropenis can often be mistaken as lesbians.

• Small penis contest
• Indians have the tiniest cocks in the world.

Penis Enlargement

Many young guys feel shy talking around their pals due the small size of their cocks. Thankfully, pseudoscience has the answer. The penis Qigong is just one of the best magical techniques that can be used to ENLARGE YOUR SHRINKY-DINK TODAY FOR ONLY 5 EASY PAYMENTS OF $19.95.

If you’re seriously considering buying one of these fantastic products great ideas, then study the lessons from The Anti-Penis Propaganda Foundation for Non-Profit Penis Size Information and Thundersplace.com. OR JUST VISITHERE IF YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING PUSSY AND WANT TO ENLARGE YOUR TINY COCK TODAY!

Synonyms for Cock

Anaconda, banana, beef stick, bell-end, boner, chode, cranny ax, cunt wrecker, dick, ding-a-ling, ding-dong, dipstick, dong, doughnut holder, harbl, hard-on, hot dog, knob, dong, love stick, love muscle, Lil' Jimmy Norton, front-mounted bitch splitter, lap rocket, magic wand, man cannon, man-shaft, meat, meat missile, meat whistle, nether rod, ol’ one-eye, one-eyed [whatever], pecker, pee-pee, peen, penis, penor/pen0r, phallus, piece of pork, PINGAS, pink oboe, pork steeple, pork sword, prick, purple-headed warrior, purple mushroom, pussy plunger, rod, sausage, skin flute, schlong, shaft, spunk stick, stiffy, throbber, third leg, towel rail, trouser snake, Twanger, wang, wee-wee, weenie, wiener, willy, whoopie stick, womb raider, woody, yogurt slinger, your precious and finally, that thing you will never put anywhere except the palm of your hand (and possibly the occasional watermelon or Japanese sex doll).

Cock Envy

Porn addicts often feel jealous about the ridiculously large apparent size of the penises of the male actors in pornography. This view is, however, founded on unrealistic expectations, as pornographers use tricks such as special cock-enlarging camera angles and tiny, flat-chested, seemingly prepubescent female actresses.

Sigurdur Hjartarson Wants Your Cock

Sigurdur Hjartarson loves the cock. He has a disturbing number of cocks from at least 90 different animal species. He runs the Icelandic Phallological Museum. It wasn't a museum originally; he just had a house full of cocks. One day, however, he left the door unlocked, a bunch of lost tourists wandered in and he had to think of an explanation quickly or risk being IRL B&. As part of the glorious fiscal mismanagement that would later lead to Iceland's total financial collapse, the government felt the need to fund this with tax dollars.

Hjartarson's dream is to have a human shlong specimen. Four hopeful candidates have come forward to give this kindly elderly gent his last wish: a German, Sportacus, a Britfag, and an American who calls his cock "Elmo".

Can Anonymous do better? Do your part! [email protected] Click here and donate your penis today!

Videos

Sometimes cocks fight Penis Envy ALERT!!! Cock Slideshow This Nigra would like to know if she could Smell YO Dick!!! Rappers like dicks Intact cocks can talk Previous Video | Next Video

Cock gallery, The 2nd biggest gallery on ED

Cock Gallery About missing Pics

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  Shaving doesn't always make it look big.
• 
  A simple case of the goodballs. This happens when you fuck Mexican women.
• 
  This is what a typical penis looks like. If yours looks different than this, you should see a doctor.
• 
  Some people can knot their cocks.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

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  -- What the...?
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  Hail your new Lord!
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  DONGS IN ACTION!
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  Awesome!!!
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  Happycock is happy!
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  But Angrycock is angry.
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  Sadcock is sho ronery ;_;
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  Ambivalentcock is ambivalent.
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  Dead cock is dead.
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  Yo ho ho! A pirate's life for me!
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  =P
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  This is why Junior sucks his thumb, dear.
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  A cock attempting to strangle a woman.
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  Choking the chode.
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  Some people have two.
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  Small, ungroomed pen0r.
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  An average-sized cock in terms of length, but could make any black man jealous when it comes to circumference.
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  A cock with no body? Who wouldn't love it?
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  Fly, Eaglecock, fly!
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  Some cocks like to eat olives.
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  Pokefags like cocks.
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  Some cocks are smaller than others.
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  Two heads are always better than one, right?
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  4chan likes cocks.
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  The cock in its proper place.
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  Nature's raep tool.
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  The Comcast challenge.
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  Five cocks would make any black person jealous.
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  Can they?
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  Man clit
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  Standby and sexual assault mode.
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  HO SHI-
• 
  That's not funny.
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  Your cock.
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  You are the one on the right.
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  Sometimes they just pop up out of nowhere.
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  What this page is all about.
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  Fucking animals usually precedes unwarranted self importance.
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• 
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  This chart proves that Asians have small penises.
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  Spot the rotten egg!
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  O HALO
• 
  Some people like to brag about their cocks.
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  If your penis does not look like this, there is something seriously wrong with you.
• 
  This kid loves big cocks.
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  DELICIOUS COCK SOUP: YOU MUST EAT IT!
• 
  Some penis may be surprising.
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  OM NOM NOM NOM
• 
  Say it!
• 
  Built-in Tape Player, feature dis-continued as of 1998
• 
  Mario's cock.
• 
  Spider-man has a tiny, tiny cock.
• 
  lol photography
• 
  Quite possibly the only normal cock on ED.
• 
  Iceland. Come to where the cock is.
• 
  Women love the caulk
• 
  Some people are born with cocks on their arms.
• 
  In Thailand, cock is the primary ingredient in fish sauce.
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  AN-TI-CI-PAY-AY-SHUN
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  Koreans have goofy-looking monkey cocks.
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  Jews mutilate their children via circumcision, leaving their poor children with no foreskin on their cocks; said mutilation depicted above.
• 
  Penis Power
• 
  Beware of the Dildo Monster.
• 
  Just chillin' like a villain.
• 
  LOL HOAX!
• 
  Whoa!
• 
  Dorian luuurves his cawk.
• 
  Never look an Afghan girl in the eyes.
• 
  Why you should never go swimming in Australia, ever.
• 
  Be quiet or Brock will steal your penis.
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  When your cock goes into the wrong hands.
• 
  Mario likes cocks.
• 
  black person cock
• 
  Look at that Asian cock!
• 
  LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKING ASIAN COCK!
• 
  Dorian Thorn enjoys peanut butter on his cock.
• 
  Human cocks are eaten as food by sick fucks in Taiwan.
• 
  Truly sad.
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  As always, Japan South Korea is in last place.
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  Are you man enough to cut your own dick off with a knife?
• 
  Mr. Dink Dick
• 
  Look at that crust!
• 
  Yes, even kids have cocks!
• 
  A flaming cock.
• A tiny cock.
  A tiny cock.
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  Some cocks are spiked and are raided in EverQuest.
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  Photoshop enthusiasts love cocks; sadly, the cocks they shoop are do not want.
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  Big Black Cock
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  A t-shirt that will get you arrested.
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  A faggot's cock.
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  It came from under the table.
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  "I can't see the display; your cock is in the way."
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  Chris Forcand has a tiny dick.
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  My cock, let me show you it.
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  Cocks can serve as refreshing drink dispensers.
• 
  Notice how the black woman can use one hand on the white man's dick as opposed to the white woman who must use both hands to hold the black man's dick.
• 
  Whites have smaller cocks than blacks
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  These are all lies
• 
  Asians have bigger dicks than black people.
• 
  God made Adam's penis small
• 
  Spiderman has a tiny dick.
• 
  Sepia cock.
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  Some men have two cocks.
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  What to do with two penises.
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  What to do with two penises.
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  What to do with two penises.
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  Your penis in infrared.
• Cocks can be banned from muslim countries.
  Cocks can be banned from muslim countries.
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  Every American's dream.
• 
  LOL @ ur tiny dick.
• 
  Women crave and need the cock.
• Party, in my pants
  Party, in my pants
• 
  Actual photo of Chris Chan's ugly broken cock. This is why you shouldn't try to fuck yourself in the ass.
• 
  Luckily for Chris Chan. Some girls like broken,backwards,deformed cocks.

See Also

• Brett Favre
• HappyCock
• DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
• Circumcision
• Foreskin
• Vasectomy
• Castration
• Bonertron
• Goose Cock
• Chode
• Dildo
• Dick Cheney
• Iron penis
• Monsquaz
• PENIS PENIS PENIS
• Edward Penishands
• Cockboat
• Dongcopter
• Dick Masterson
• I TOUCHED HIS PENIS!! OMG
• Cockmongler
• Quasidan's penis
• The Dongs template (more cock pictures)
• Why is there a huge cock on the top left corner?
• My Tiny Dick

External Links

• Penis radio ad (1) - According to the New Zealand AIDS foundation, there is a National Penis Day...
• Penis radio ad (2)...but it kind of seems like it might be every Thursday according to this radio ad.
• Documentary of Penis Pictures — A massive archive of free penis pictures and surveys that tries to be serious, but ended up being a big collection of funny looking cocks.
• MONSTERSOFCOCK — Another fine place to see cock, featuring a FAQ so fine it deserves reproduction:
• Even though it quite literally has, no practical function, he still considers it The "Perfect" Penis.
• Small penis contest
• How to Practice Iron Penis (Iron Balls) Qigong
• User-submitted cock pictures. Show yours off - you know you want to.
• Here's another one.
• KNUCKLES FROM SONIC THE HEDGEHOG HAS A 4-HEADED PENIS. Seriously..
• Two balls, no cock? One ball, one cock? YOU DECIDE!.
• Social networking site for dicks
• IbrokeMyPenis.com
• THE FAILPIPE: Camwhore made himself impotent, ruins his life

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