Andouillette

From the world leader in gastronomy, the proud nation of France, Andouillette (pr: "On-dwee-yet") is the taste sensation that is the best-kept secret in Europe, because the French keep it all to themselves.

So beloved is this morsel that an exclusive guild exists called 'The Friendly Club of Lovers of Authentic Andouillette', known in France as L'Association Amicale des Amateurs d'Andouillette Authentique and abbreviated to AAAAA.

A treat that transcends description, this meaty sausage is bursting with flavour. No-one ever forgets their first encounter with Andouillette. Order it as a surprise dish for a loved one, next time you dine out. She will never forget you.

Gallery of deliciousness

Mmmm... ... glistening and meaty... A closer look Closer still...

Recipe

They're made of assholes and taste of shit. Literally.

Like most other French culinary delights (frog legs, snails, horses, giblets, the feathered corpses of drowned songbirds, etc), they date from a time when the average Frenchfag lived in a ditch and ate whatever came near him, so if you had a whole pig you made sure you didn't waste even a scrap.

That chunky-looking filling is the cored-out bowel of a pig, having simply been washed with cold water then sliced before cooking.

As you might expect from something that has spent its entire working life pumping pigshit through a small hole, it stinks of shit. It really, really, stinks of shit.

And lo and behold, it tastes just as good as it smells.

You might have driven past a pigfarm on a warm day and found the aroma filling your car so effectively that you had to do up the windows and turn AC on.

Now imagine that smell has a shape, the texture of a bicycle inner-tube, and is on a fork heading for your mouth.

Customer reviews

	“	“Surely that odor will disappear once the meat is heated up,” I thought. When I put the slices of sausage in the pan, the odor of shit got so strong, I had to open a window and let in the glacial night air. “Surely the odor will cook out after a few minutes,” I thought. The odor got stronger and stronger and took on an acrid overtone. It didn’t just smell of pigshit anymore, it smelled of pigshit and overcooked liver and blood sausage and dirt.	„
	—"Never again"

	“	Long story short: A plate of "Andouilllette AAAAA" plopped in front of me and I cut into the sausage casing. What happened next should never happen to anyone, ever: the sausage innards literally flopped out! And they were not normal sausage innards, either: they looked more like a rubbery seafood substance, not finely chopped meat normally found in sausage.	„
	—"Not a party pleaser"

	“	I still remember the taste to this day [...] I am usually very open to trying new things, but this goes beyond gross.	„
	—"How bad could it be?"

	“	[My dining companion] was far manlier than me, managing more than half the fare. Perhaps he really did think it might grow on him. Poor chap, I think he regretted it when he later burped and the taste repeated on him. I tried to be helpful by offering gum, but I think it took two brushes of both his teeth and tongue to be rid of the taste.	„
	—"Hard to stomach"

In popular culture

They are not referred to in civilised society, therefore there are no references to the shit-sausage in popular culture. There is only one notable quote, from a French politician, who said (in French) “Politics is like an andouillette – it should smell a little like shit, but not too much.” There, in one quote, you have absolutely everything you need to know about the French.

See also

• Merde
• La France
• NE VEUT PAS
• La fille avec l'entonnoir
• Deux filles, une tasse
• Ours Gommeux d'Haribo®, Sans Sucre - the same effect, but in reverse

Order online

It is delicious poo; you must eat it.

• "Product is only handmade in small batches the artisan and traditional way using the finest ingredients."
• "All of these natural sausages are free of preservatives, artificial ingredients and nitrites."
• "All Natural"

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